Everything Changes

by Samantha Hale

  “No wonder you offered to tutor me. You wanted an excuse to escape this room.”

  “Busted.” Although Morgan was grinning, Raven had a feeling she wasn’t entirely kidding.

  “Let me take your coat.”

  Raven shed her coat and handed it over.

  “Grab a seat,” Morgan said as she shrugged off her own coat.

  A seat? Where? Raven eyed the room, taking in the desk chair piled high with notebooks and the beanbag chair, which looked well-worn and comfortable but was also piled with books, before glancing over toward the bed.

  “Want something to drink?” Morgan asked as Raven gingerly took a seat on the edge of the bed.

  “No. I’m fine, thanks.”

  “Let me know if you change your mind.” Morgan stood in the center of the room for a moment, looking like she was at a loss for what to do next, and Raven couldn’t help but take some comfort in her nervousness.

  “How about a movie?” Morgan asked a moment later as she picked her laptop up from the desk

  Raven nodded. “Sure.”

  “What are you in the mood for?” Morgan asked as she nudged Raven’s shoulder gently so she’d slide over.

  “You pick,” Raven said, making room, settling herself a little more comfortably on the bed against the headboard with her legs stretched out in front of her. Morgan slid in next to her, mimicking her position as she settled the computer across her lap.

  “How about…this one?” Morgan murmured to herself as she scrolled through her selections and then clicked on one.

  Raven tried to lose herself in the movie, but try as she might she just couldn’t seem to focus on it, her attention drawn to Morgan beside her.

  Their bodies touched from shoulder to hip, and Raven thrilled at the contact. It was distracting. But she wasn’t about to shift or move away. When Morgan turned her ankle, lightly bumping Raven’s foot with her own, she remembered she didn’t have to hold herself so carefully. She was allowed to relax. She was allowed to touch Morgan. She reached out and clasped Morgan’s hand, interlacing their fingers. When Morgan squeezed her fingers gently, Raven finally relaxed into the moment.

  *

  “Another movie?” Morgan asked as the credits rolled up on the screen.

  Raven glanced at the computer, which now rested at the foot of the bed, and then over at Morgan. “I don’t know. Would it require moving in any way, shape, or form?”

  Morgan made a show of taking in their entangled position. Legs draped over each other, hands clasped, Raven’s head on Morgan’s shoulder. “I’m going to have to go with yes, you would have to move.”

  “Then, no. I don’t want to watch another movie.”

  Raven was used to snuggling with her friends on the couch or their beds, watching movies and hanging out, Chloe’s head in her lap, or Summer leaning against her shoulder, but this felt decidedly different. While just as warm and just as comfortable, this snuggle held an element of something else, something she felt only with Morgan. A deeper warmth, a longing that didn’t exist when she was with her friends. She enjoyed the feeling of their heads on her shoulder or their arms around her, but she didn’t miss their touch when they weren’t around. She didn’t want to burrow into the embrace and never let go. This, what she had with Morgan, felt intoxicating and exciting on top of all the rest.

  “So I take it you’re not hungry then, either.”

  Raven’s stomach rumbled softly at Morgan’s question, but she ignored it and shook her head. “Nope. Not hungry.”

  Beside her, Morgan’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. “Liar.”

  She merely shrugged; there really was no refuting the accusation. She was, in fact, hungry. She let out a groan as her stomach rumbled again, this time not quite so softly. “Your fault. I wasn’t hungry until you suggested it.”

  “Your stomach’s been growling for the last twenty minutes. I’m surprised you could hear the movie over it.”

  Raven let out an indignant gasp even as she felt her cheeks heat, but Morgan just smiled sweetly, so she found herself unable to do anything but laugh.

  “So, dinnertime. What are you in the mood for?”

  “We could go for Chinese?”

  Raven thought about it for a moment. It was tempting; the food was good and pretty cheap, but then she shook her head. “Can’t we just grab something from the cafeteria downstairs and come back up here? We could watch that second movie or just hang out.”

  “Is that really what you want to do?” Morgan asked, her forehead furrowing as she frowned lightly. “You passed your exams, and it’s our first real date. It should be special. It’s bad enough that I couldn’t take you out to a movie or something. The least I can do is take you out to dinner.”

  “If you really want to go out we can,” Raven said “But I’d much rather grab a bite to eat and come back up here.”

  “You’re not just saying that?”

  “No. I like being like this with you.” She nodded at their intertwined bodies. “And we can’t very well do it in a restaurant.”

  Morgan nodded slightly. “All right. So, cafeteria it is.” But she made no move to untangle herself from Raven.

  If they were going to get up, Raven was going to have to be the one to get them moving. She waited. Nothing. “Come on, up you get.” She pushed at Morgan’s shoulder until Morgan half slid, half tumbled off the bed.

  “Smooth,” she said as Raven stood and bent to offer her hand.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Admittedly, Raven didn’t have much experience to compare with, but tonight was the best date she’d ever had. They’d spent the last couple of hours just sitting on the floor talking. She couldn’t remember when she’d last had such a good time, and she didn’t want the night to ever end, but she knew that it would have to soon. She had a curfew, and an hour drive still loomed ahead of her.

  “I had a great time tonight,” she said when she couldn’t avoid it any longer.

  Morgan glanced up at the clock on the bedside table and let out a sigh. “Me too,” she said softly as she shifted across the floor to sit beside Raven. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

  Raven nodded even as she realized that she already had plans. “Wait—I can’t. It’s my friend Noah’s birthday. Summer and I are going shopping for his present and then getting ready at my house.”

  “Oh. That’s too bad. The RAs are doing movie night in the lounge.”

  “Well, you know, Noah and I aren’t all that close. He’s really more AJ’s friend than mine…”

  Morgan laughed softly. “Go to your party, Raven. You know you want to.”

  “Yeah.” It promised to be a lot of fun. It would be the first time since New Year’s that her entire group of friends got together, outside of school and Noah had a pretty awesome rec room down in his basement, with a pool table and foosball and an elaborate sound system.

  “What about Sunday?”

  “I’m going to be in the studio all day.”

  Raven nodded and tried to remember her schedule for the next week and when the next free evening was. “Wednesday?”

  Her parents wouldn’t like her being out late on a school night, but Morgan had helped her with her exam, so if she told them she was studying they probably wouldn’t object.

  “I have a late class. I won’t be free until about eight. But if you wanted to come after…” Morgan turned hopeful eyes on Raven.

  It wouldn’t be much of a visit, a couple of hours at most, but Raven didn’t want to go another whole week without seeing Morgan. Texting and phone conversations just weren’t the same as being there in person.

  “Wednesday it is then.”

  “I can’t wait,” Morgan said softly, her gaze catching and holding Raven’s. “I don’t want to push you further than you’re comfortable with,” she said. “But I’d really, really like to kiss you right now.”

  A wave of warmth, of affection, rolled over Raven. Morgan asking permission was sweet—not that she neede
d to. Raven had been thinking about kissing Morgan all night, a combination of memory and anticipation, and she was more than ready for it now.

  She couldn’t help but smile as she nodded. “I’d like that.”

  Morgan’s grin lit up her whole face as she shifted even closer.

  Even though it wasn’t their first kiss, it felt like it was to Raven. Her heart fluttered and her breath quickened in anticipation as Morgan leaned forward, half hovering over her as their lips gently grazed. Morgan’s hand came up to rest on her hip as her own hands found their way to the back of Morgan’s neck. The kiss deepened.

  One of the knobs of the desk drawer dug painfully into her back, and her neck ached from the slightly awkward angle, but Raven barely registered any of this. They were vague, distant sensations compared to the warmth of Morgan’s hand against her skin and the heat of Morgan’s breath against her lips.

  When Morgan pulled away and didn’t immediately return, Raven’s eyes fluttered open. Her vision cleared, and she saw Morgan still hovering over her, smiling lazily down at her.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  “What’s up?”

  “You’re really good at that.”

  Raven blinked at the compliment. “You’re not so bad yourself,” she said after a moment. She offered a teasing grin. “Did you have to kiss a lot of girls to get that good?”

  Morgan arched an eyebrow. “Define a lot.”

  Raven gaped at her before she realized that Morgan was kidding. Or at least she hoped she was.

  “Double digits?”

  Raven couldn’t help but laugh as Morgan made a show of counting off her fingers.

  “I can count on one hand the number of girls I’ve kissed,” she said a moment later, all traces of humor now gone from her expression. “And I’ve only had one serious girlfriend.”

  Raven honestly didn’t know whether she had expected the number to be higher or lower. “Was she…how you knew you were gay?”

  Morgan let out a soft sigh and shifted backward until she was leaning against the desk beside Raven. “No. Heather came later. I started to figure myself out when I was about fifteen.”

  Raven couldn’t imagine being fifteen and dealing with this. She was barely dealing with it now.

  “I was doing sets for the community theater that summer, and we had an openly gay woman in the cast. There was just something about her I was drawn to.”

  “Did you and she…”

  “No. She was older and happily married. But it got me thinking.”

  Raven nodded. She knew very well what that was like.

  “About three months later, there was a girl in one of my art classes, Emily. We went out a few times. Mostly just curiosity on both our parts. Neither of us had ever been with another girl before and neither of us knew anyone else who was gay. We didn’t really click, and it was over before it even started. I met Heather a few months later. We dated for two years. Broke up just before I came here for school.”

  Raven nodded. That must have been the relationship breakup Morgan had mentioned at the dinner where they’d met.

  “Then there was another girl, Sara, who I met back in September, but I just wasn’t ready then. Heather was still too fresh in my mind.”

  She opened her mouth to ask what had happened with Heather but cut herself off as Morgan pushed herself to her feet. “You said you had to be going. I don’t want you to be late and get in trouble.”

  The sudden shift in conversation threw her, and for a moment she just sat there, staring dumbly at Morgan’s outstretched hand before reaching out and allowing Morgan to haul her to her feet. Whatever had happened was obviously still a touchy subject.

  Morgan insisted on walking her to her car, so they both bundled up and headed out into the night. The short walk to her car was silent and tense, the abrupt end to their conversation hanging awkwardly between them, creating a distance even as they walked close, hands clasped and shoulders brushing with each step. She didn’t know what exactly had happened, but Morgan seemed closed off now, and Raven didn’t know how to reach her.

  When they approached her car, Raven felt guilty at the small wave of relief that rolled through her. She pulled her keys from her pocket and then turned to Morgan.

  “Thanks for a really great night.”

  Morgan nodded slightly.

  “So, I’ll see you Wednesday?” She hated how tentative the question sounded, but she felt uncertain. What if talking about her ex-girlfriend had made Morgan realize that she wasn’t ready for a new one?

  “I can’t wait,” Morgan said softly, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Raven nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “Night, Raven.” Morgan closed the distance between them to press her lips against Raven’s in a light, gentle kiss. It was quick and over nearly before it had begun, but it was enough to erase the undercurrent of tension—almost. When they pulled back, Morgan was smiling. “Drive safe. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  *

  Raven drove home in a daze, her lips still tingling from Morgan’s kisses, her body still thrumming with the memory of her touch. The miles stretched out before her, but she barely noticed as her mind played the evening over and over on an endless loop. From Morgan’s hug of greeting in the parking lot, to cuddling on her bed, to when their lips finally came together in a kiss. Just thinking about it set her pulse racing.

  She’d never felt like this before, had never been so affected by another person, where every glance, every smile, every touch shot right down to her core. Nor had she ever been so overwhelmed by physical sensations. It was unnerving but also thrilling. For the first time in her life, she finally understood what her friends had been focused on for years, why they’d spend so much time going on about their dates holding their hands or obsessing over their first date kisses.

  Her first kiss had been Corey Black at the Valentine’s Day dance in the seventh grade. He’d asked her out in the middle of science class, and she’d been too stunned to do anything but agree. They’d had a good time, but when he’d kissed her after the last dance, it had been awkward and a bit of a letdown after having heard Chloe gush about how great it had been when Brian Kale had kissed her the week before. For Raven, there had been no fireworks. No butterflies. It was so un-noteworthy that she hadn’t even told her friends about it.

  And now that she finally had someone kiss her in a noteworthy way, she couldn’t tell anyone. She tried not to let that ruin her mood…but it was too late. The fluttery feeling in her stomach turned hard and heavy. The memory of how Morgan’s touch made her feel grew distant, a vague concept as opposed to a moment ago when it loomed so vivid and fresh. Try as she might to recapture the sensations of the evening, she couldn’t.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The sky outside was dark with heavy, gray clouds, and it made her want to stay cuddled up in bed all day with a book. But she had plans to go shopping with Summer, and as much as she wanted to bail, she knew going would likely make her feel better. The artificial brightness and cheer of the mall—with its too loud upbeat music piping through the concourse and colorful banners, fake skylight, and plastic palm trees—would surely boost her mood. Not to mention, spending time with Summer would keep her out of her own head for a little while.

  Despite her decision to go, she still dragged her feet getting ready and was fifteen minutes late by the time she left the house. She jogged the few blocks to Summer’s, arriving at the end of her driveway breathless, sweating, and—a quick glance at her watch revealed—twenty minutes late.

  Summer stepped out onto the porch before Raven made it even halfway to the house, so she leaned against the side of Summer’s car and caught her breath, letting Summer come to her.

  “What happened? You get lost?”

  Raven just rolled her eyes and circled around the back of the car to slide into the passenger seat.

  “Hey, you
okay?”

  Raven glanced over to find Summer staring at her, brow furrowed in concern. “Yeah, fine. Just tired.” She struggled to hold Summer’s gaze and to not flinch at the scrutiny she saw in her eyes. The silence in the car had grown to almost uncomfortable levels when Summer turned her attention to starting the car. The radio came on when the engine sprang to life. Raven leaned forward to fiddle with the dials as Summer backed out of the driveway.

  “Are you sure you’re just tired? Because you’re acting weird.”

  Raven’s hand froze on the dial. “Weird how?” she managed, as her mind raced over their interactions for the past few weeks. She fought to pinpoint what Summer might have picked up on and how she would explain herself.

  “I don’t know. Just weird.”

  She didn’t know whether to be relieved that Summer couldn’t identify what was bothering her about Raven’s behavior or concerned that she’d keep trying to figure it out.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said flatly, hoping it would put an end to the conversation. “But, for the last time, I’m fine.”

  Summer gave her another searching look, then gave a shrug. “All right, then can you please just pick a station and stick to it? All your flipping is driving me nuts.”

  Raven let out a laugh and sped through a couple more channels before settling on one.

  “So, you’ll never guess what happened,” Summer said.

  “What?”

  “Jake Martin asked me out tonight. He wants to take me to dinner and then to Noah’s party.”

  “Jake?” He was on the baseball team with AJ and Noah. The pitcher, she believed. He was a grade below them but taking some of their classes. Apparently, he was super smart and would be graduating early. “I didn’t know you liked him.”

  “I didn’t. Don’t. Not particularly. But he asked me. And, well…he is kind of cute.”

  “If you say so,” Raven said slowly. “When did this happen?”