Everything Changes

by Samantha Hale

  Chloe made a face. “Well, when you put it that way…”

  “Well, why do you think I put it that way?”

  Chloe scowled and Raven laughed. The easy exchange, a variation of the conversation they had whenever they went out to eat, relaxed Raven further, and she found herself getting caught up in the conversation, falling into the easy banter without thinking, without weighing her words.

  By the time their waitress came to take their orders, she was comfortable enough to stretch out a little, barely even flinching when her foot brushed Chloe’s under the table. Chloe barely registered the contact. Her gaze flicked up to acknowledge Raven’s soft apology but she didn’t even pause in what she was saying. The ringing in Raven’s ears subsided, the blush faded before it had even fully formed, and she slipped seamlessly back into the conversation. It wasn’t until they paid their bill that Raven realized she hadn’t felt awkward or cautious the entire meal.

  *

  The park was packed. The parking lot was so crowded that Chloe had to pull up onto the grass because there were no empty spaces. They climbed out of the car and headed toward the outdoor rink. After renting skates, they found a space on one of the benches lining the ice to sit and pull them on. Despite her difficulty with skating, Raven was pretty good at lacing and tightening her skates and she was done before Chloe. She stood, teetering precariously, then crossed her arms and feigned impatience while Chloe fumbled with her laces.

  “You suck,” Chloe said as she gave her laces a final tug and then pushed herself to her feet. Raven merely smirked. “Ready?” she asked, stepping over the bench, toward the ice.

  “No.” Raven’s smirk faded.

  “Do you want me to rent you one of those cones, like the little kids use?” It was Chloe’s turn to smirk.

  Raven glanced up, catching site of a little boy going slowly forward and clutching a neon orange pylon for balance. She glared at Chloe.

  “All right, fine.” Chloe raised her hands in a mock defensive gesture, then stepped out onto the ice.

  Raven followed slowly, gripping the boards for balance as she transferred her weight forward onto the skate planted on the ice. When it didn’t immediately go skidding out from under her, she brought her other foot down onto the ice and shuffled out of the entryway.

  “See, you’re doing fine.”

  Raven narrowed her eyes, swearing Chloe was making her do this just for her own amusement.

  Chloe’s jaw worked as she fought against laughter. “Here.” She reached out and took Raven’s hands in her own. “Use me for balance until you get the hang of it.”

  Raven tensed immediately. For her part, Chloe didn’t appear to notice her reaction, she just continued skating slowly backward, tugging Raven along with her. Raven tried to shake it off, tried to focus instead on forcing her legs into a fluid, gliding motion instead of noticing how soft Chloe’s skin was or focusing on the point of contact of each of her fingers.

  Slowly, she began to get more comfortable with the skating, and she noticed that, while the feeling of Chloe’s hand over her own felt nice, warm and comfortable and familiar, it didn’t bring out the butterflies the way Morgan’s touch did. She didn’t feel any different now, with Chloe touching her than she had a week ago. Or a month ago.

  The realization, or more, the remembrance, came as a relief. Even though she was gay, her feelings toward her friends hadn’t changed. She hadn’t suddenly developed an attraction to Chloe just because she now realized she was attracted to girls.

  Chapter Fifteen

  By the time Chloe dropped her off at her house, they were cold, tired, and sore, but Raven felt better than she had in a while. For the first time in days, she was feeling like herself again, comfortable in her own body and within her own mind. She didn’t know if she was just getting used to the idea of being gay or if she’d had such a nice day with Chloe, but she felt more at peace than she had in weeks.

  Her parents were just getting home as well. She bumped into them coming in through the garage as she headed into the kitchen.

  “Hey, honey. Just getting home?” her dad asked as he handed her one of the grocery bags he was carrying.

  “Yeah. Chloe dropped me off.”

  “What did you guys end up doing today?” her mom asked as she set her groceries on the counter and began unloading.

  “Lunch at Andretti’s and then skating.” She was unable to keep the grimace off her face.

  “Oh, you poor girl.” Her mom patted her shoulder, but her smirk belied her sympathy.

  “Why didn’t you invite her over for dinner?” her dad asked.

  “She’s going to the movies with her cousins tonight.”

  “So, you’re stuck with the old folks on a Saturday night?”

  Raven nodded.

  “More like, we’re stuck with her on a Saturday night,” her mom teased her.

  *

  While her parents began dinner preparations, Raven headed upstairs to her room. She’d been up there for barely a minute when her cell phone rang. “Hello?” She settled on her bed.

  “Hey.”

  Morgan’s voice was soft in her ear and it brought a smile to her face.

  “Hey,” she said, her own voice gentling. “What are you up to?”

  “Well, I’m talking on the phone with you.”

  “Besides that, smart ass.”

  “Not much,” Morgan said, laughing lightly. “I spent most of my day in the studio. Just got back to my dorm. What about you? How was your day with Chloe?”

  “It was good,” Raven said. “A few awkward moments,” she added, chuckling as she remembered Chloe’s request for Raven to look at her boobs. “But all in all, it went well.”

  “That’s great. I’m glad.” A slight pause and then, “Have you thought about telling her? Or your family?”

  “Thought about it?” Raven let out a laugh, though there was very little humor in it. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about.”

  “Easy, Rae. I’m not pushing, just asking.”

  Raven let out a sigh. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, it’s all right. I’ve been there. So, what did you end up doing today?”

  She recounted her day, making sure to play up her utter lack of coordination on the ice. “…I’m one big bruise,” she ended with.

  “Well, I’m sorry I’m not there. I could kiss you all better.”

  Raven’s throat went dry at the thought of Morgan’s lips where some of those bruises were.

  “Are you still there?” Morgan asked as the silence lengthened. Suddenly, she seemed to realize the unintended innuendo. “I…Oh my God, Rae. I didn’t mean to…I wasn’t—”

  “No, it’s okay. You caught me off guard but…I have to admit, it’s an appealing thought.”

  A long moment of silence followed. “Really?”

  Raven couldn’t help but laugh at the incredulous tone. “Yes, really.”

  “I wasn’t…implying anything.”

  “I know. I’m not even remotely ready for…that. But I like the thought of you flirting with me. I might not be very good at flirting back, at least not yet, but how am I ever going to get any better without practice?”

  “Okay. But give me a smack if I start to make you uncomfortable.”

  “Agreed. So, what are your plans for tonight?”

  “Julia and a few of us are going to the movies. Not sure what we’re seeing yet, whatever’s playing when we get there, I guess. What about you?”

  “Not much.”

  “No plans tonight?”

  “Not unless you count curling up in bed with some tea and a book.”

  “Sounds like a good night in. What are you reading?”

  Raven glanced over at the books piled haphazardly on her desk, two new purchases and one on loan from Chloe. “Not sure yet.”

  “You’re welcome to join us,” Morgan said. “The theater’s out in your direction. The new one, just past the water park.”

  Raven
considered the idea. She really would like to see Morgan, but she just wasn’t sure she could handle being with her in front of other people. She didn’t know if she’d be able to be close to her like that and pretend she was just a friend, unable to touch her and hold her hand. But at the same time, she definitely wasn’t ready to be a couple around anyone else. Especially not Summer’s sister.

  “Nah. I’m kind of settled in. I’m going to put on some sweats and curl up under the covers.”

  “What a tempting image,” Morgan said, making Raven blush. “Can’t say I blame you, but it would have been nice to see you.” Although her words were light, easy, Raven could sense a bit of edge to them. She knew Morgan had picked up on her hesitation, and though she felt guilty about it, she was glad Morgan didn’t press her on it.

  “I know. I feel the same way.”

  “So I guess I’ll let you go and get comfortable.”

  “Have fun tonight.”

  “You too. Enjoy your book.”

  “Call me tomorrow?”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “Me too. Night.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  To say she felt prepared to face school on Monday would have been overstating it a bit. Despite the success of her weekend with Chloe, skating on Saturday and then watching movies at her house on Sunday, she was still feeling apprehensive about being amongst the general population.

  However, their exam grades were being handed out in homeroom today, and Raven was looking forward to seeing how she’d done, especially on her art exam, and she was eager for an excuse to talk to Morgan. Not that she needed one now that they were together. Morgan had called her twice over the weekend just to say hello, and they’d texted off and on over the past two days, so it wasn’t like she couldn’t just pick up the phone and dial, but she was still glad to have a reason.

  Her breath caught in her throat as the teacher approached, and when he set the white slip of paper on her desk with a smile, she sat there for a long moment simply staring at it before reaching out and turning it over. Her eyes scanned the grades, seeing but not really processing until she found the one she was specifically looking for. Her art grade was the second to last one on the page: 69 percent. She resisted the urge to let out a loud whoop. It was well below the class average and a good fifteen points lower than the rest of her grades, but it was a pass and that’s all she cared about.

  “How’d you do?” Summer asked.

  Raven handed Summer her grades and took the proffered page in return, scanning over the numbers.

  “You beat me in English,” Summer said, a pout in her tone.

  “Yeah, but you kicked my butt in Geography.”

  “Huh. Yeah. I did, didn’t I?”

  “We tied in history,” Raven pointed out, but her focus had already shifted away from the conversation as she fished into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. Keeping it in her lap, out of sight, she flipped it open and keyed in Morgan’s number.

  “Probably because we used the same study notes.”

  Raven nodded but didn’t reply as she typed out a quick message, letting Morgan know that the exam results were back and she’d call her as soon as she could.

  The phone in her hand vibrated a moment later, and she glanced down to see Morgan’s response, Don’t leave me hanging. Tell me now.

  Holding back a smile, she keyed in her grade.

  The reply came back almost instantly: Congratulations.

  “Hey, who are you texting?”

  Raven glanced up, startled at the intrusion of Summer’s voice. She’d forgotten that Summer was even there. For a moment, she debated her answer, and then decided she might as well tell the truth. Or at least as much of the truth as she could.

  “Morgan. She wanted me to let her knew what I got on my exams.”

  Summer nodded. “So, you guys hit it off?”

  Raven nodded. “Yeah. We get along really well.” The truth was on the tip of her tongue. It would be so easy, just a few words, and there would be another person who knew. But the words wouldn’t slip past her lips, and just the thought of telling Summer made a cold sweat break out across her brow.

  “That’s good,” Summer said, seemingly unaware of Raven’s internal struggle. “She’s had a rough go of it lately. She needs good friends, you know?”

  Raven nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

  “We should invite her out with us sometime,” Summer continued.

  Raven’s heart skipped a beat, and she struggled to keep her voice steady as she stuttered out an agreement. “Yeah. That would be cool.”

  Except the last thing she wanted was Morgan spending time with her friends. It was hard enough keeping her secret. She didn’t need the added complication of hiding her relationship with Morgan when her friends were around.

  The phone in her lap vibrated, indicating a message, and she tilted her head to read it, feeling suddenly self-conscious. She struggled to keep her expression neutral as she typed out a reply. Even though Summer couldn’t see the screen, Raven felt awkward flirting with Morgan while her best friend sat three feet away. She was grateful when the bell rang, giving her an excuse to end the conversation with Morgan and get away from Summer. Once she was alone, Raven ducked into the rarely used bathroom beside the computer labs and pulled out her cell phone. Texting wasn’t enough; she wanted to hear Morgan’s voice. The phone rang once before being picked up.

  “Congratulations.” Morgan’s voice was soft in her ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “I wish I were there so I could give you a hug and a kiss.”

  Morgan’s words made her heart flutter and she smiled. “I wish you were here, too.”

  “Friday’s never seemed so far away.”

  Raven had to agree. The warning bell rang and she let out a sigh. “I have to go. Class is about to start.”

  “Call me later?”

  “Of course.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  As Raven pulled into the parking lot, she spotted Morgan sitting on one of the bus stop benches on the far edge of the lot, waiting for her. The sight of which made her both smile and shake her head.

  The lot was almost empty; only three other cars were parked within, so Raven had her pick of spaces. She coasted across the lot and pulled in beside the bench.

  Morgan rose. “Hey.”

  “What are you doing waiting out here? You’re going to freeze to death.” The smile on her face only got bigger as she climbed out of her car and strode toward Morgan.

  “It’s not that cold out,” Morgan countered as she closed the distance between them.

  “It most certainly is that cold out.”

  Morgan’s laugh came as a warm gust of air against the side of Raven’s neck as her arms slid around her waist. “Then I guess I’ll just have to let you warm me up.”

  A shiver raced down her spine at the brush of lips against her skin. Then she jumped back with a yelp as she felt an icy touch against the back of her neck.

  “I thought you were going to warm me up?” Morgan reached for Raven again, trying to bury her hands under Raven’s jacket. She caught the outstretched hands in her own and rubbed them briskly.

  “So, what would you like to do tonight?”

  “I was thinking maybe we could just hang out at my dorm,” Morgan said. “Would that be all right? I was all set to take you out tonight, but then I had to buy a bunch of art supplies and now I’m all tapped out.”

  “Sounds good to me.” The thought of getting to spend a few hours with Morgan in private, to be able to talk and flirt and sit close and hold hands without intruding eyes, was immensely appealing. They hadn’t had any true alone time yet; they’d always been in public, at the library or in restaurants. It would be nice to have Morgan all to herself.

  Not to mention that she completely understood being on a budget. She made good money over the summer lifeguarding at the community pool,
but she had to watch her spending over the rest of the year to make it stretch.

  “It does?” Morgan bit her lip, looking uncertain.

  “It does.”

  “I was kind of hoping to do something a little more special. We’re supposed to be celebrating, after all.”

  “It’s fine. I don’t care what we do as long as I’m with you. Now, come on. It’s freezing.” She gave Morgan’s hands a tug, starting them off in the direction of the dorms.

  They walked quickly, passing only a few other hardy souls similarly bundled up against the weather as they crossed campus. No one gave their clasped hands a second glance. They encountered more people as they entered the dorm building, passing by some kind of party that had spilled out into the hallway on the first floor, not to mention the steady stream of people going up and down the stairs, as they made their way up to the third floor.

  Morgan exchanged greetings with a few people, nods of acknowledgement and quick hellos, but she didn’t stop to talk to anybody. Raven struggled to remain steady at her side, resisting the urge to drop her hand. Although nobody really paid any attention to her beyond a few nods or polite smiles, she still squirmed under their passing glances. She felt conspicuous, wondering what the strangers thought of their joined hands.

  Relief coursed through her when they finally reached Morgan’s room and could slip inside, out of sight.

  “Well, here it is,” Morgan said with a laugh and a grand sweeping gesture. “Home sweet home.”

  Raven took a look around and couldn’t help but chuckle as well. The room was tiny, easily half the size of her bedroom at home—maybe even smaller. A bed took up one wall, and a dresser took up most of the adjacent wall. Tucked into the corner at the foot of the bed was a bookcase crammed full of texts and binders with a TV and DVD player perched on top. A long, narrow window took up the space above. The opposite wall sported a mini fridge, a long, low desk with a beanbag chair shoved into the corner beside it, and a closet. A small throw rug spanned the few feet of open floor space between.