Summer nodded. “Call me if you need me.”
Before Raven could remind her that she was without her cell phone, Summer tossed hers to Raven across the room.
“You really don’t have to—”
“Call me,” Summer interrupted her. “And I’ll come get you.”
Raven nodded and tucked the phone into her jean pocket. “I love you; you know that?”
Summer grinned. “Of course you do. I’m awesome.”
It was lame, but it made Raven smile as she turned and headed downstairs.
Chapter Thirty
Had she been driving, it would have taken Raven about two minutes to get to their favorite coffee shop downtown. Walking, it took closer to twenty, but she still arrived before Chloe. She ordered a latte and a brownie and took a seat in the back corner where she could watch the flames in the fake fireplace flicker while she waited.
She tried not to over think the conversation ahead of her, worried she’d get nervous and end up stumbling and stuttering over her words. Instead, she kept her mind deliberately blank as she nibbled on her brownie. She had just popped the last bite into her mouth when she spotted Chloe stepping through the door, scanning the crowd. She offered a small wave, then went back to watching the flames while Chloe went to the counter to order.
A few minutes later, the scent of cinnamon preceded Chloe to the table. Raven looked up just in time to see her slide into the chair across from her, a mug in one hand, a cinnamon bun on a plate in the other.
She smiled a greeting, but it felt—and no doubt looked—forced.
“Hey. You all right? You look beat.”
The nerves she had been avoiding hit Raven, and suddenly, it was hard to breathe. Raven put her coffee down and forced herself to meet Chloe’s gaze. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she began slowly, recycling the words from last night because she didn’t know how else to ease herself into it. “Not because I wanted to keep things from you but because I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Hey, you know you can tell me anything,” Chloe said, reaching out and giving Raven’s arm an encouraging squeeze.
Raven stared down at the spot where Chloe’s hand rested against her skin and hoped that was true. Her heart hammered in her ears. She licked her lips, took a deep breath, and braced for whatever came next. “I’m gay.” The confession passed her lips as little more than a quiet gasp of air, and she watched Chloe’s face carefully, waiting for her reaction.
For a long moment, Chloe remained utterly still, her expression blank, and then her eyes widened, almost comically so. “You’re gay?”
Raven nodded.
“Oh. Okay.” Chloe let out a sort of sigh and shifted in her chair, her hand slipping off Raven’s arm as she sat back. A heavy silence descended as they sat there, Chloe staring down at the table as if it were the most interesting thing in the room, and Raven staring at her.
“Chloe? Say something. Please.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Just tell me you don’t hate me.”
Chloe’s head shot up at that, and she met Raven’s eyes. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. It’s just, weird, you know? I’ve always thought it was…not wrong, really, but not right either. Two girls together? Two guys? It’s just kind of…” Chloe ran a hand through her curls. “But you’re my best friend and…” She trailed off again and shrugged as her gaze shifted back down to the table for a moment, before returning to meet Raven’s. “You’re my best friend,” she repeated. “I don’t want to lose you. So, I’ll try, okay?”
An uncomfortable silence settled over the table as they sat sipping their coffees and looking everywhere but at each other. Raven’s eyes roamed the room as she wracked her brain for something to say. She hated this tongue-tied feeling around Chloe, and she was glad when she finished the last few sips of her drink. “Well, I guess I should be going,” she said softly, pushing her mug across the table idly.
Chloe nodded. “Yeah. Me, too.”
They both stood and gathered their things and headed for the front door.
“I’m parked around back.” Chloe jerked her thumb in the general direction of the lot behind the building as soon as they’d cleared the front door. She didn’t bother to ask where Raven was parked or if she needed a ride. Raven didn’t ask for one.
“I’ll see you at school then?” Chloe asked, taking small, shuffling backward steps even as she spoke.
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
Chloe nodded and offered a small wave before turning and striding away.
Raven watched her go, waiting until she’d rounded the corner before shoving her hands into her pockets and heading off in the opposite direction. It hadn’t been the most enthusiastic of acceptances. While she was grateful Chloe hadn’t freaked out or taken off, she couldn’t help but think that a true friend wouldn’t have to make an effort to be her friend. She wouldn’t have to try not to treat her differently, or not feel awkward around her. This one piece of information shouldn’t affect a decade of friendship.
Except it did.
Chapter Thirty-one
There were no cars in the driveway, but a couple of the lights were on downstairs, so Raven knew somebody was home. She made her way slowly up the walkway, and after a moment’s pause on the front steps, let herself into the house. The entryway and living room were dark, but light spilled out into the hallway from the kitchen, as did the faintest strains of music, and Raven gravitated toward both.
When she reached the doorway, she paused and peered around it before entering, taking in the sight of her mother sitting at the table with her laptop open in front of her and papers strewn all about. Before Raven could say anything or step farther into the room, her mom glanced up and caught sight of her.
“Hey, Mom.” She pushed herself off the wall and stepped fully into the room.
“Raven.” Her mom’s hands fell away from the computer keys, and she slowly closed the laptop.
Raven shifted uneasily under the unwavering gaze. “Where’s Dad?”
“Hockey game with your uncle Frank.”
“What are you doing?”
“Just some paperwork. Come sit.” She nodded toward the chair across from hers. After a moment’s hesitation, Raven shuffled across the kitchen and slid into the seat.
“I want to apologize for last night,” her mom began. “You’re father and I, we didn’t handle the news as well as we could have.”
Raven nodded. She wasn’t going to argue with that. Nor was she going to say it was all right, because it wasn’t.
“It’s going to take me some time to get used to the idea,” her mom continued. “But I’ll get there.”
She noticed her mother said I, not we. “And Dad?”
“Your father is struggling,” her mom said softly. “And I realize that isn’t fair to you, but you’re going to have to be patient with him. Eventually, he’ll come around.”
Raven had been hearing that a lot lately, and frankly, she was getting tired of it. She didn’t understand why she was the one who had to be patient, be understanding, and wait for everyone else to come around to realizing she was still the same person she’d always been.
“His father, your grandfather, was a very hard man. Very rigid.”
Raven nodded to show she was following, even though she didn’t really see where this was going.
“He was also very bigoted. He had prejudices against pretty much everyone. Your father is a very different type of man, but there are some things that, right or wrong, each of us believes because it’s what we’re taught when we’re young.”
Abstractly, she understood that, but it didn’t make her own father rejecting her any easier.
“So now your dad’s struggling against his upbringing. Trying to reconcile the things his father taught him with things he’s facing now.”
Raven didn’t really know what to say. It wasn’t as if any of this was her mom’s fault
, so taking her anger and frustration out on her wouldn’t really accomplish anything.
“He’ll come around,” her mom repeated.
It was probably meant to be comforting.
It wasn’t.
“Your father said he wouldn’t be home until late,” her mom said after a beat of silence. “We’re on our own for supper. Want to get some Indian food and watch a movie? Talk a little?”
It sounded like it would be so incredibly awkward to sit and talk to her mother about this, but Raven wanted things to go back to normal: just another night when her dad was out and she and her mom ordered food he didn’t like and watched movies he didn’t care for.
“Sounds good,” she said. “Want me to order while you finish up?”
“That’d be great, hon. Thanks.”
Chapter Thirty-two
Raven had just finished setting up in the living room, paper plates, cups, and napkins arranged across the coffee table, turning it into a makeshift dining room, when the doorbell rang. A few minutes later, her mom strode into the room, laden down with takeout bags.
“How many people were you planning on feeding?” Mom asked, nodding toward the assortment of containers she was laying out on the coffee table.
“Hey, you’re the one who always wants seconds.”
Her mother just shook her head as she settled on the couch.
A comfortable silence settled as they served themselves, but it grew awkward as they sat back with their plates full, no longer distracted by the act of carefully arranging the various offerings.
“So, what are we watching?” Raven asked, hating the way her voice wavered in the air between them.
Mom shrugged and nodded to the remote on the coffee table, half buried beneath takeout containers. “Whatever you’d like.”
Carefully balancing her plate in one hand, she leaned forward and snagged the remote. The TV turned on with a click that rang out like a shot in the otherwise silent room.
After a quick perusal of the movie channel’s offerings, Raven didn’t see anything that interested her, but she couldn’t bear the thought of the awkward conversation and the equally awkward intermittent silences, so she clicked on the most recent addition to the lineup, barely even reading the title.
Despite being hungry a moment ago, her food looked unappealing now. She took a couple of bites that were tasteless on her tongue and settled heavily in her stomach. Her eyes were on the screen in front of her, but she barely saw what was going on as she sat there, tense and waiting for her mother to say something.
They made it through the opening credits and about ten minutes of the movie before her mother shifted beside her and took a deep breath: a clear sign that she was working her way up to speaking. It gave Raven just enough time to take a deep, calming breath of her own.
“Now that you’re dating someone seriously, this Morgan—” She stumbled slightly over the name, and Raven tried not to react, but she was pretty sure her mother saw her flinch. “I think it would be appropriate to set up some ground rules.”
It was clear the conversation, her own words, were making her mother uncomfortable, but she kept going.
Raven had to give her credit for that, even if she didn’t want to talk about Morgan anymore right now. Not to mention that it didn’t really matter anyway. They weren’t together anymore. “Mom—”
“I don’t really feel comfortable with you spending so much time with someone I haven’t met.”
Raven’s protest died on her lips at her mother’s words. That wasn’t what she’d been expecting at all. She’d thought her mother was going to ban her from driving out there on weeknights, or renegotiate her curfew, or in some other way attempt to keep them from spending much time together.
“I think…” She faltered, then pressed on “I think you should invite her over for dinner. Next weekend.”
Clearly, the invitation was an effort for her mother, but all that mattered was she’d made the offer.
“Mom, that’s…I…” She wanted to express how much the invitation meant to her, but the words got caught in her throat. After a moment, she shook her head. “Morgan and I broke up,” she admitted.
Her mother turned, looking at her full on for the first time since this conversation had started with eyes wide and full of surprise. “What? When did this happen?”
“Last night.” She felt the sting of tears against her lids, but she blinked them off. As painful as it was to think about Morgan, let alone talk about her, she wanted to tell her mother. Up until a moment ago, she hadn’t believed that her mother would be willing to even try to understand how much she was hurting right now. But the dinner invitation changed things. Raven wanted to know just how supportive her mother really was.
Haltingly, she began to explain the fight to her mother, and soon everything was just rushing out, the words tumbling out of her mouth so quickly that her mom kept stopping her to remind her to breathe.
By the time she was finished, Raven was breathless and crying openly, the tears coursing down her cheeks. She brought her gaze up to meet her mother’s, on edge as she waited to hear what she would say.
Her mom didn’t say a word. She simply reached out and pulled Raven into a hug, wrapping her arms around her and holding her tightly.
Chapter Thirty-three
Raven could hear the faint murmur of conversation and the clattering of dishes from downstairs when she woke, so she went through her morning routine slowly, half hoping that by the time she finished, her parents would have left for work, even as she felt a growing need to see where things stood with her father. When she couldn’t avoid facing him any longer, when not only her nerves, but her stomach urged her to go downstairs, she took a deep, fortifying breath, grabbed her backpack, and left the safety of her room.
She reached the bottom of the staircase and rounded the corner, almost running smack into her father. They both pulled up short and stared at each other.
“Hey, Dad.” She dropped her eyes and stepped back.
“Raven.” He gave her a curt nod and eased around her. She trailed him into the kitchen but paused just inside the doorway as he crossed the room to the stove.
“Morning, honey,” her mom said, glancing up from whatever she was mixing at the counter. “Are you having breakfast with us? Your father’s making pancakes.”
It was perhaps the only thing he could make—a fact they’d teased him about endlessly over the years. She had a feeling there would be no such banter this morning. She glanced over at her dad. He had his back to her as he adjusted dials on the stove and poked at the bacon she could see starting to sizzle.
“Yeah, sure,” she said to her mom finally, holding in a sigh. Her mom beamed at her, and Raven couldn’t help but smile back.
“Do you want blueberries in yours?” Her father’s question drew her attention toward him. “I think we still have some in the freezer.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, and his voice was flat, lacking warmth or inflection, but she knew the question was directed toward her, because her mom was allergic to blueberries.
She stared at the back of his head for a long moment, then cleared her throat. “Yeah.” She winced at the slight rasp in her response. “Blueberries would be good.”
He nodded but didn’t reply as he turned toward the fridge. Raven watched him for a moment, then turned her attention back to her mother, whose smile had turned sad. Raven shrugged and averted her gaze.
“Can I help with anything?” she asked, if only to break the tension in the room.
Her mom shook her head. “No. Just sit. Talk to me.”
It could have been a typical weekday morning, if not for the fact that her father hovered just outside the periphery of her vision, stubbornly silent as he stacked pancakes onto the serving platter at his elbow. His lack of participation in the conversation was glaring. Or at least it was to Raven.
Even when he came to the table with his stack of golden brown pancakes and just the right combination of cr
ispy and soft bacon, he remained silent. Instead of chiming in with stories about his students, he ate slowly and methodically. Raven couldn’t tell if he was even listening to their conversation; his face remained impassive.
She wondered if this was how it was going to be from now on, awkward silences and heavy tension, her dad only speaking to her when it was unavoidable, and her mom sending her sad, sympathetic glances.
“Dad?”
He stopped eating at the sound of her voice, and for the first time all morning, turned to look at her.
“I don’t like it, and I can’t say I understand it. But I’m not going to stop you,” he said, answering the question she had not yet asked. His voice wasn’t harsh or angry, but rather quiet, matter of fact. Raven wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse.
“I swore if I ever had kids I wouldn’t be like my father,” he continued. “That I wouldn’t try to control my children, or dictate their lives.”
Raven nodded, even though he wasn’t actually looking at her.
“Like I said, I don’t like it. But I won’t stop you.”
It was what Raven had been expecting, but it still stung just the same.
“I’m going to be late for school,” she murmured, pushing her chair back roughly and springing to her feet. Her mom reached out, laying a hand on her arm, but she shrugged it off and headed for the front door.
Tears blurred her vision, and she knew she was in no shape to drive.
If she hurried, she could make it to Summer’s in time for a ride. She was out the door before she’d even finished putting on her boots. She stutter-stepped across the porch, pulling her boots on hastily and then slung her other arm through her coat, as she started down the walkway.
Summer’s car still sat in her driveway when Raven arrived, so she went around to the side door and let herself in. The kitchen stood empty, Summer’s parents having already left for the day. She headed upstairs. Summer’s door was open, so she didn’t bother knocking, just stepped into the room, and then paused when two sets of eyes turned to her.
Everything Changes Page 12
