Senseless Attraction

by Lila Rose

  “Fine, thanks…Skylar, I want to…”

  “Don’t,” I hissed. I looked up from the table into his eyes. “Don’t say sorry for doing what you did. The thought of you wanting to apologise and regretting it makes me angry. I know it shouldn’t have taken place. Besides the fact you have a girlfriend, we’re just too different. We both have our separate lives. So let’s just forget the whole thing. We can finish this assignment, and then we can go back to the way things should be.” I had to look away. Damn it, for some silly reason I felt like crying.

  He took a breath; I didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say. Thankfully, I was saved from hearing anything when Dommy came bouncing into the room, her arms full of Barbies.

  We sat down at the table, Kane and me at one end and Dommy at the other. Kane and I spoke about what needed to be done, and with time, I started to relax. I think what helped was Dommy being there. Every now and then, she would come up and ask me for help to undress or redress one of her Barbies. I did it without thinking and kept the conversation going with Kane at the same time. After the second time of her coming up, she no longer asked for help; I just held out my hand and she’d place one of her dolls in it.

  Two hours later, I called it quits. I wanted to head home to spend some time with Momma before she went into work, because then I’d have to get ready for the movies. Jessie had mentioned on the phone last night that we should actually go to the cinema to see one of the latest movies, instead of watching the same things over and over on DVD.

  But first, I promised a certain little monster that I

  would read to them.

  “All right, Dommy, where do you want me to read to you?”

  “Oh, in my room, please.”

  Kane laughed at her excitement. “I’ll finish this; you had better start before she bursts something.”

  Nodding, I followed Dommy out and to her room.

  I was halfway through the book, with Dommy sitting as close as she could get next to me on her bed, when Kane appeared in the doorway. I didn’t stop reading. I was on a roll and getting to the good bit. I felt him enter the room, come over to Dommy’s bed, and then lay down behind us. I glanced quickly behind me to see him stretching out his body and placing his arms behind his head as he smiled up at me.

  I rolled my eyes and continued. “Ready, Dommy? This is the best part. ‘Why, Grandmother, what big eyes you have,’” I said in a little girl’s voice. Kane laughed behind me. I turned to punch him in the stomach and went on, “All the better to see you with, my dear,” I said in a gruff, deep voice, and again, Kane laughed.

  “Shush, Kaddy,” Dommy scolded. He shook his hands out in front of him, as if to say he’d be good.

  Yeah, I’d believe it when I saw it.

  I cleared my throat and began again, “Why, Grandmother, what big ears you have. All the better to hear you with, my dear.” I turned the page. Kane sat up to look over my shoulder at the book, and then he ever so gently moved my hair out of the way by tucking it behind my ear. If it was Josh, I would have been fine, but with Kane, that small touch took my breath away.

  “Kane, stop it; you’re distracting her,” Dommy cried. I blushed.

  “Sorry again, squirt.”

  I had to clear my throat again. “Why, Grandmother, what big teeth you have. All the better to eat you with. The wolf dove out of bed to chase Little Red Riding Hood around Grandmother’s house. Just when he was about to catch her and gobble her up, the door burst open, and there stood the woodcutter. With one strike of his axe, he cut the wolf’s head off and saved the day. Then they both heard movement coming from the cupboard, so they went over to it and opened it carefully, and there was Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother safe and sound. The end.” I closed the book and placed it down on the bed. “Well, what did you think?” I stared down at Dommy.

  “I think you are the best reader in the whole wide world. Isn’t she, Kaddy?”

  “Yeah, especially with those voices.” He laughed.

  I glared. “The book’s only good when you do it like that.”

  He smiled, but it quickly faded and he sat there just staring at me. I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. He reached his hand out and ran the back of it against my cheek. My breath hitched from the touch. Shivers coursed through my body. I felt sick because I wanted more than just that small touch.

  Why did he get my blood boiling? Was it because I couldn’t have him? Was this some game to him?

  I quickly stood and backed away from the bed. “I—uh…” I didn’t know what to say to him, so I turned to Dommy. “I have to go now, but I’m sure I’ll be back next Saturday, and maybe one day you can come to my house and I’ll show you all the books I have. I’m sure your brother can drop you off.”

  “I’d love that!” she squealed. “Oh, Kaddy, do you think Mommy will let me?”

  “We can only ask, squirt.”

  “All right, so I’ll see you.” I waved, turned, and just about ran out of the room and house.

  Saturday afternoon I spent with Momma watching an old video of Calamity Jane. It was a sing-song, corny movie, but that didn’t matter; I enjoyed the time I spent with her. Until, she thought it was time for another sex-protection talk. She’d heard down the street yesterday that Josh was back in town. She knew how much it had hurt when he’d moved away in the first place.

  “Have the two of you gotten back together?” she asked as we sat on the couch together.

  “No, Momma. He’s only been back a week.” I pointed out.

  “Doesn’t matter. Things can happen fast when two people have feelings for one another.”

  My mind went straight to thinking of Kane, though I quickly squished those thoughts.

  “Even though I still think there could be something between you and the good-looking Kane.” She smiled when I rolled my eyes at her. “I know, I know, he has a girlfriend. All I want to say is when the time comes, I want you to feel comfortable to come to me and say, ‘Momma I would like to go and see a doctor about birth control.’”

  “Momma,” I barked.

  “No, sweetheart, you have to be prepared for when you think the time does come. When you’re with a guy, they will try to pressure you into bed, but I can only hope that you will wait until you think you’re ready and have found the right guy to share that special moment with. All I am trying to get across is when you are ready, we will go and see a doctor together. Because the last thing I need is to be a grandmother when I’m still so young and beautiful.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder. We both started laughing.

  “I love you, Momma.”

  “I know, sweetheart, and right back at you.” She smiled, giving me a quick hug as someone knocked on the front door. Momma carried our plates to the kitchen as I went to open the door.

  My eyes widened when I found Josh standing there, looking great in a pair of light-denim jeans and a plain black tee.

  “Surprise.” He smiled wider.

  “Hi, ah, do you want to come in?” I moved aside enough for him to enter.

  He shook his head and gestured to the porch step. “I can only stay for a second, but can we talk out here? It’s such a nice afternoon.”

  I stepped out and closed the door behind me, not before seeing Momma stick her head out of the kitchen and mouth ‘Told you so.’ I shook my head, fighting a smile. I sat down next to him; he placed his arm around my shoulders.

  “So, I wanted to…well, how ‘bout I just show you?” He gently turned my head with his other hand and kissed me. When he deepened the kiss, I felt a spark of something—interest, maybe? Still, I felt as though there was something missing. It wasn’t as though I didn’t find him attractive, and it wasn’t that the kiss had done nothing for me. But was it enough?

  He pulled back and grinned down at me, and I found myself smiling back. I had wished for this for many years, to be reunited with the one I thought I lost forever. Although, now it was here, I didn’t know what to think, or what I should be fe
eling.

  But I knew the big gap of nothingness in the pit of my heart waiting for someone special was not a good sign.

  “Well, I guess we can say let’s take off where we left it two years ago?” he asked.

  “I—ah, um. Yeah, I would like that.” I needed to give this time. I wasn’t missing out on something that could be great just because I had hopes for something that would never happen.

  Josh made me smile, made me laugh, and I did have feelings for him. So maybe with time, they’d grow stronger.

  “Great.” He beamed and kissed me again. “I, um, I have to get going; my parents have organised this family thing and they’d kill me if I miss it.”

  “That’s all right; we’re going to have plenty of time together now.” Even if those words freaked me out—a lot.

  “True. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  He gave me one last peck, then left.

  After he drove off, I opened the front door and went back inside, but I didn’t get far. I closed the door and leaned against it, wondering if I had just done the right thing or if I was being mean to him. Was I leading him on?

  “Oh, sweetie, you look so confused.” Momma came over to give me a hug, and then pulled away, patting my back as she continued talking, “Everything will sort itself out in the end. And let me tell you, honey, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if one of those fish doesn’t float your boat, move on.”

  I snorted then laughed. “Momma, you’re just full of advice today.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, sweetie.” She gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Now, I had better go and get ready for work; you never know, I may meet my prince charming tonight. So if I’m not home in the morning, then you know what happened.”

  “Yeah, and then you wake up.”

  She laughed. “And then I wake up.”

  *

  Later that night, after Momma left for work, Jessie came around before we headed off to the movies. I’d washed my face and decided not to wear my Goth make-up. I didn’t know about her, but my pores needed a break.

  Maybe I should listen to my momma sometimes.

  Though, Jessie talked me back into applying it, and nothing could take me away from my Goth gear, so I dressed in my red sneakers, red and black knee high socks, a very short, lace black skirt, with shorty-short black bike pants under it, and a tee that read ‘A devil inside’. I had my medieval black and silver jacket to go over the top of my outfit in case I got cold. Jessie looked awesome in a hot pink and black corset, with a short-sleeved black jacket, three-quarter black pants, and biker boots. I asked her if she was trying to impress a certain someone; she smirked and said “maybe”.

  “Guess who came and saw me this afternoon,” I said as we sat on the bus that would drop us right out in front of the movie theatre.

  “Oh, oh, let me guess. Kane?”

  “No,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Josh. We’re kind of dating again.” I smiled. She didn’t smile back or get excited for me.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, why? Jess, what’s your problem about him?”

  “Sky, it’s…nothing. Look, here’s our stop.” She stood before the bus stopped, nearly falling over when it came to a complete stop. I looked out the window and saw Javis, Massie, and Mitch already there waiting for us. Both Javis and Mitch wore jeans and tees, only Javis’s tee was a dark blue, and Mitch’s was a red. Massie was looking wonderful in a long, black, tight lacy dress and combat boots.

  “Hey, guys.” I smiled. Out the corner of my eye, I witnessed Jessie and Mitch give each other a look, and then quickly turned away from one another.

  “So, any idea what we’re seeing tonight?” Javis asked as we walked into the theatre.

  “That new Zombie movie looks good to me,” I suggested.

  “I am not going to see some scary show.” Jessie pouted.

  “Come on, girlfriend, that show rocks,” Massie said. Javis and Mitch nodded in agreement.

  “Right, we all vote. Zombies it is then.” I smiled.

  Jessie sighed and said, “I need knew friends.”

  “Come on, you love us.” Mitch grinned, placing his arm around her shoulders, and she actually blushed.

  “Let’s go get the tickets.”

  “Wait, isn’t that Kane over there?” Jessie said.

  Those few words had my heart jumping out of my chest. I looked over my shoulder to where Jessie was pointing. It was in fact Kane, but standing with him was Donna. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him on the cheek. I watched as his arm came around her and gently rubbed up and down her back.

  “So it is. Come on or we’re going to miss the movie,” I said and started to walk off.

  “Hi, Kane,” Jessie yelled.

  I could have killed her. Instead, I turned back around to see Kane walking our way with a reluctant Donna. It seemed he was dragging her our way by her hand.

  “Hey, guys, what are you here to see?” he asked everyone, but looked at me.

  “The new Zombie one,” Javis supplied.

  “That’d be a great movie. Donna, let’s see that one instead.”

  Hell no, I thought, I’m not sitting in a closed movie theatre with Kane making kissy-face at Donna.

  “No way! You promised we can see that Bridesmaids movie. That’s the only reason I would be in here in the first place.” Donna pouted. Kane shook his head. Javis and Mitch covered their mouths to hide their laughs.

  Massie coughed into her hand, saying, “Under the thumb.” We all laughed, which caused Donna to glare at us. Still, at least Kane found it all amusing; he didn’t seem fazed by any of it.

  Kane ignored the whole comment and went on talking to the guys about other Zombie movies. Us girls stood by listening, and the only one who wasn’t looking happy about it all was Donna. Was she worried we’d try to convert Kane over to the dark side?

  “Oh, look, there’s Josh,” Jessie said. “No, wait, don’t look, Sky.”

  Come on, when someone had said ‘don’t look’, you had to then. I followed her gaze over to the food stand, and found Josh there with his tongue stuck down some girl’s throat. The same girl he was with at the fair.

  That was some family event he had to get to.

  I felt pissed, annoyed, and embarrassed. Especially when Mitch asked what was going on and Jessie said, “Josh and Sky are supposed to be a couple as of this afternoon.”

  “No way,” Javis uttered.

  “That pig,” came from Massie.

  “I’ll kill him for you,” Mitch growled.

  “Any wonder he chose her,” Donna said quietly.

  “Listen, cow, you do not diss my girl here, or you face me,” Jessie hissed all up in Donna’s face.

  “Kane!” Donna squealed. Only he was nowhere to be found. She looked to her side, as we all did, and then looked around until we spotted him making his way over to the unsuspecting Josh. What was he going to do? Congratulate him or something for making a fool out of me?

  We all watched as Kane tapped Josh on the shoulder. Josh turned and seemed surprised to see Kane standing there waiting for his attention. Kane said something, which made Josh look over his shoulder to me; his eyes widened, his mouth turning into an O-shape.

  Kane was saying something else, but Josh was ignoring him. He shoved Kane out of the way and stomped over to me, with Kane on his tail.

  Josh stopped right in front of me. “Sky, it’s not what it looks like.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh; how lame was that sentence? “Really, Josh? Wait, let me guess, she was choking on some popcorn and your tongue was the only thing that could save her.” I put my hand to my heart. “Oh, Josh, how heroic of you.”

  My group laughed.

  “No, look, I was going to end it with her tonight. I want you, babe. She’s nothing anymore.”

  “What?” Apparently, the girl had followed them over here as well. I could see why Donna had said what she had. The girl
was painstakingly beautiful. “Josh, I moved here for you and this is the way you treat me?” she cried.

  “Yeah, Josh, you should be more careful. To think, you could have played us both. If I hadn’t been here tonight, I wouldn’t have found out.”

  Come to think of it, it did seem like this whole thing had been set up. I looked behind Josh to Jessie; she mouthed ‘Sorry.’

  She had known? Goddamn. She had some explaining to do.

  “Joshy-boy, I think you’d better go,” Javis suggested.

  “No. Sky, come on, you know we’d be good together.”

  I shook my head at him and smiled. “I thought we could have, but now I know we won’t. So, bye-bye, Josh,” I said, waving with my hand in his face.

  His worried expression turned into a scowl. He grabbed my hand with his own, forcing it down to his side. “No, we will be together.” He started to walk off, and that was fine with me, only he hadn’t let go of my hand, so I was now the one being dragged off.

  “Let her go,” Javis…no wait, Kane had said.

  In the next second, Josh was tackled to the ground and Kane was standing over him. “If you ever come near her or speak to her again, I will find you and make you pay. Still, I think you should pay for hurting her in the first place.”

  Josh sprung up to stand in front of Kane, chest bumping him.

  “Yeah, why? She isn’t worth the trouble; the only reason I wanted to get back with her was because I thought she’d be easy. I mean, look at her; the way she dresses, it has easy written all over it.”

  Kane punched him in the face. Josh doubled over. Donna screamed as blood poured out of Josh’s nose. Josh pretended to stand, but then tackled Kane around the waist, making them both fall to the floor. Josh sat on Kane and punched his shoulder, and Donna screamed again. I think everyone was in shock; we all just stood back as Josh and Kane wrestled and hit each other on the ground.

  “Someone, stop him,” Donna yelled.

  I came out of my semi-coma and strode my way over to the two hooligans. By that time, Josh was on top of Kane again. I kicked Josh in the ribs and he rolled off coughing. Must have done it pretty hard. I smiled to myself. I bent over, grabbed Kane’s hand, and helped him up; his right eye would probably be bruised, and his nose would definitely swell. I reached out to wipe away some of the blood, then Donna came hurling up and wrapped her arms around his neck.