If Your Wife Only Knew

by Cydney Rax

  “Thanks for the bath. You gonna be joining me?”

  “Um, I meant to tell you, babe, I got some business to take care of tonight. I’ll be leaving in a minute.”

  “It’s almost four. You’re working late again?”

  “I gotta go when the money is calling. You know how this industry is.”

  “What type of job is it?”

  “These old people finally paid off their mortgage and they need me to do three bathroom renovations and some other odds and ends at their house.”

  “Okay, well, just make sure and give me the check so I can deposit it.”

  “Um, all right.”

  “What’s wrong? You don’t sound right.”

  “It’s just that I may do the deposit myself.”

  “Rashad! I told you I prefer to keep up with the money side of the business.”

  “Okay, all right. When the time comes to get the check, I will remember to hand it over to you.”

  “Good! You know, I miss you when you work at night. And Myles misses you, too.”

  “I’ll make it up to the little man next Saturday. We’ll go to the zoo or fly helicopters or something chill like that.”

  “Okay, babe. The zoo sounds fun but don’t forget to actually take him because he’s been asking me about it. He’s fascinated by those homing pigeons.”

  She gave her husband a kiss on his lips. “I’m glad you do the type of work that you do. You have no idea.”

  “I’m glad, too. Glad I listened to my daddy and let him drag me around when I was a kid teaching me how to use my hands.”

  Before his father died, he left Rashad his firm, Eason & Son Contractors. He taught his son everything he knew about the business. And carrying on his dad’s legacy was very important to Rashad.

  “Bye, baby, love you.”

  Rashad went to the elderly couple’s house. He did a walk-through and gave them a quote for the work they wanted him to do. But that task took no time. He soon left. He had somewhere else to be.

  A half hour later, Rashad nervously stood in front of Alexis’s front door. She waited a minute then opened it. She was dressed in jeans, a simple dark blue shirt, and some Chuck Taylors.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  She nodded. He got back in his van and started to drive off. Alexis followed behind him in her white Honda CR-Z.

  They drove approximately forty minutes to an older neighborhood on the far north side of Harris County.

  Alexis hopped out of her car and walked up to the door of a seventeen-hundred-square-foot one-story brick house. The home was surrounded by a white picket fence. Numerous toys were strewn around the front yard.

  Soon a woman answered the door. She wore a kind smile on her face, but her eyes looked tired.

  “Glad you made it out,” she told Alexis. “This little monster is about to drive me crazy so you keep her as long as you want.”

  “Thanks, Glynis. I’ll take her off your hands for a few hours.”

  Glynis and Alexis had the same father, but different mothers. Glynis was slightly older than Alexis and ran an in-home day care center along with Hazel, her co-operator. Alexis ventured in the main play area, which was an oversized living room with green, yellow, and blue painted walls and tons of shelves filled with games and books. Several kids ignored her as they happily played in a corner. Then she spotted Hayley. Alexis’s eighteen-month-old baby girl was wiggling in her car seat and tampering with the belt buckle. Her eyes were filled with tears but when she saw Alexis, a sweet smile lit up her entire face.

  “Lessie,” she said.

  “Yes, your Lessie is here.” Alexis reached down and nuzzled the girl’s cheek with her nose. Lessie was Hayley’s nickname for her mother. Glynis watched the baby throughout the week, and Alexis spent time with her daughter on the weekends. They had an informal agreement for Glynis to be Hayley’s primary caretaker. No legal papers, no social workers; just Glynis’s willingness to help out since she had the child care background.

  “Mmm, I missed you, sweetie. Let’s go get turnt up.”

  Glynis handed Alexis a tote bag filled with a stuffed animal, cleaning wipes, pacifiers, a sweater, and some GoGo SqueeZ pouches.

  “Thanks. You know how much this means to me.”

  “I don’t know why you tell me that all the time. It’s not a problem. That’s what sisters are for.”

  “But you’re doing way more than what a sister should do.”

  “We’re just doing what we have to do.”

  “I just hope Hayley understands this ’cause sometimes even I don’t understand it.”

  Glynis hesitated, then nodded. The fact that she asked to help raise Hayley when Alexis got pregnant by an older, married man was something that had always caused a slight rift between them. Glynis couldn’t have kids. Alexis dreaded the scandal her pregnancy would cause. Her half-sister stepping in seemed to be the perfect solution at the time.

  Alexis told Glynis good-bye, then carried her daughter out to the curb. After Alexis carefully strapped Hayley in the backseat of her Honda, she took off down the street. Rashad followed. They ended up in a nearby park located next to a fire station.

  Rashad removed his daughter from her car seat. He scooped her in his arms and gave her a dozen kisses. She laughed, screamed “Dada,” and played with his cheeks. Alexis watched them and couldn’t help but smile.

  They walked over to the fire station and Rashad pointed out all the features of the big red trucks.

  “She’s getting so tall.” Alexis was in awe as she stared at the child’s eyes, hands, lips, and soft brown hair.

  “Yes, she is. Just like her mama,” Rashad said with pride.

  Alexis hesitated. “I wish you’d come inside that house for once.”

  “I’m not exactly Glynis’s favorite person.”

  “I know, but I don’t know why we can’t come up with a way to fix this situation.”

  “For now we’re doing the right thing; we’re doing the best thing.”

  “Best for whom? I think you’re a coward. And you better be glad she’s too young to know what’s up. But what’s going to happen when she gets older? What are you going to tell her?”

  “I will cross that bridge when I get to it.”

  “I think that your foot is pretty much on the bridge already, Rashad.”

  “Look, I’m not ready for this to get out.”

  “You’ll never be ready. So we may as well get it over with. I’m scared, too, but I want my daughter to have a bigger role in my life. And you ought to be able to have Hayley in your life the way she’s supposed to be. People do it all the time.”

  “Alexis, please. I’m not trying to hear all that. Let’s just enjoy right now, okay?”

  Rashad focused on playing with Hayley and picking her up when she started whimpering. He gave her more hugs and kisses and she instantly quieted down.

  “You definitely have an effect on her.”

  “You give Glynis some money?” he asked.

  “Not yet.”

  “Well, you know how she is, so don’t forget.”

  “Yeah! She acts like everything is cool, and she’s been great. But sometimes I think she resents me. Like I’m one of those women who can get pregnant and she’s pissed because she couldn’t. I sympathize but that’s not my fault.”

  After they finished spending time with Hayley at the park, they took her to a restaurant so she could eat chicken fingers loaded with ketchup and chewy carrot sticks, both her favorites.

  They sat snugly together in a booth. They ate and played with Hayley and laughed at her antics. She loved to sing, wobble her head in a silly way, and talk incessantly about nothing. Alexis stared at her daughter, amazed by everything she did. Hayley made her brim with happiness; she wondered if Rashad was as happy as she was. Could he ever accept their daughter fully into his life or would he always try to keep it on the downlow? The few times that they got to spend together as a family felt wonderful. And she wis
hed this scenario could be her life every day.

  When they finished eating and playing, and when Rashad knew their time together was almost up, he picked up the girl and hugged her again.

  “I love you. Don’t you ever forget that,” Rashad told Hayley, but he was looking right at Alexis when he said it. Alexis’s heart skipped a beat when she met his eyes. In spite of their dilemma, she knew he was a great father. And she loved him more than she could ever admit.

  When Alexis drove their daughter back to Glynis’s house, the woman met them at the door before she could even knock.

  “She’s going to need more diapers and money for summer clothes and a couple more pairs of shoes, plus some other stuff.”

  “I already figured that.” Alexis handed Glynis some cash that Rashad had previously given her and whispered, “Thanks.” She didn’t look Glynis in the eye.

  “And um, I need to go back to the doctor soon for a diabetes follow-up. That’s another two hundred.” Part of their agreement was for Rashad to finance Glynis’s medical co-pays. That’s one reason why he insisted on withdrawing cash out of his bank accounts. Cash left no trail.

  Alexis paused and peeled off a few more. She really hated doing this type of thing and wanted so badly to make things better for her child.

  “So how are things going? Y’all still playing house?”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I just want to be sure that you won’t change your mind.”

  “I made a promise. I will stick to it. You can help nurture Hayley and I will continue to visit and provide the money you need for her care. That’s how it’s always been. And how it will always be.”

  Alexis told Glynis these things just to pacify her. But in her heart, she’d contemplated having her child full-time.

  “All right. Just checking because you and your lover looked mighty comfy.”

  “How would you know that?”

  “I followed you.”

  “Why? You think I’m going to kidnap my own daughter?”

  “The way you live your life, there’s no telling what you do.”

  “I wouldn’t harm her. That’s my daughter!”

  “But I feel like she’s mine! And if I want to follow you two and make sure the child is safe, that’s what I will do. I love Hayley. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.”

  “I don’t want that, either.”

  “You probably don’t. But sometimes I know you’re way more concerned about that man than you are about that precious little baby. All she needs and deserves is love.”

  Every word Glynis said made Alexis’s heart sag with indescribable pain.

  “Please. Stop. I can’t listen to your ugly words anymore.”

  “Alexis, you d-don’t understand. Your life is not like mine.” Fear made Glynis’s voice shake as she talked.

  “Hayley is my chance to feel like a real woman, my chance to be a mom, and I cherish it. These other kids that I care for, they’re cool to be around, but their parents come and take them away from me every evening. At least this one stays the night. Anyway, my child needs me and I’m about to close this door and go tend to her. I’ll be in touch.”

  “I know you will,” said Alexis. She watched the door slam in her face and heard the little girl screaming and wailing.

  Alexis slinked over to Rashad’s van and stood next to it. He got out when he saw her staring at him through the window. Her face was pale and drawn.

  “Come here,” he told her. Rashad pulled Alexis into his arms and held her; he held on until her trembling body returned to normal.

  They made it back to her house; Rashad followed Alexis upstairs. They sat on a cushy love seat in her second-floor den. He covered them with a duvet as they snuggled together underneath.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “You don’t want to know, Rashad.”

  “I don’t? Oh, okay. Never mind, then.”

  “I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this.”

  “Why you say that?”

  “To be honest, Rashad, I feel like I’m living two lives and not the life that I could be living. And knowing that fucks me up in the head.”

  “Babe, regardless, you’re doing so well. You have a great job. You spend time with Hayley. She knows who you are. She loves you. I-I’m proud of you.”

  “I’m doing well? And you’re proud? That’s sounds crazy, Rashad. Is what I’m doing anything to be proud of?”

  “I’m just saying I know things are tough, but they could be worse. A whole lot worse.”

  “Sometimes I wish—”

  “Don’t wish. I know this is hard on you. It’s hard on me, too, but I’m trying to do the best I can. Why you think I hustle so hard? Why you think I had to lie today so we could go see her? Why you think Wednesdays and Sundays are so special? And today isn’t even Sunday so that says a lot. Plus, my little man Myles has begged me to take him to fly his toy helicopter or go hang out with the animals at the zoo. Other things demand my time, too. So when I see you on the weekend, trust me, it’s a big sacrifice.”

  “I never wanted to be a weekend wife.”

  “You’re not a weekend wife.”

  “Then what am I?”

  “You’re mine. Even though it may not feel like it, you are mine. We’re together now. Right?”

  Alexis slowly nodded. In spite of how crazy her life was, and how much she wished it were different, she knew she cared for him. She loved that they had a child. And she was grateful that he spent time with Hayley.

  “I’ll be all right. Thanks for being here, Rashad.”

  Rashad’s heart wanted to melt. He knew how Alexis felt about him and it touched him every time he thought about it. He gently kissed her long strands of hair.

  “You may not want to hear this, but under the circumstances, I just need you to chill. Just keep doing what you doing. Hayley adores you. She feels her mother’s love. I hope you know that.”

  Alexis gritted her teeth and rested her head on his shoulder.

  That night, while Rashad was with Alexis and Hayley, Kiara made her own moves.

  Once he left the house, Kiara kept prepping herself for what she was about to do. She was nervous. She poured herself a glass of wine, took a few swallows, then got up the nerve to make a quick call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey now!” Kiara felt so excited yet tense. “Um, is this the homecoming queen from Elkins High School, class of ’97?”

  “Who is this?”

  “Just someone from your past. Can you guess who it is?”

  “Is this—is this Ki?”

  “Oh, Adina,” she screamed. “You remembered my voice. You remembered me!”

  “Aw shit, I’m so shocked. What a way to start out my Friday night. Girl, wow. It’s been a minute.”

  “It’s been much too long. And um,” Kiara said as she fought her emotions, “Adina, I know this is all of a sudden. And I know I should have called you before now. But you know how it goes. That’s no excuse, but sometimes life kicks a sista in the butt. And when the time is right, she does what’s right.”

  Adina grinned. Her eyes welled with tears. She’d always wondered if she’d ever hear from Kiara again.

  “I-I just wanted to talk. I need to talk. Adina, I miss you, girl. I love you. We should never have let a man keep us from being friends.”

  “I’m happy to hear from you, boo. I’ve missed you too. Um! You and Rashad? Y’all still kicking it?”

  “Yes, we are!”

  “Aw, fuck. I thought you’d be on a new upgrade by now.”

  Kiara heartily laughed. “Girl, you’re a mess. And I have so much to tell you. Please don’t think I’m crazy, but I was hoping if you’re not busy, come on by. Like right now.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes! Rashad is gone and we can have some privacy. Myles is here but he’ll be busy in his room. So, please, Adina. I gotta release. And I really need to chop it up w
ith you.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  Kiara ended the call. She went to freshen up. She poked around at her hair and stared at herself in the mirror a dozen times before Adina arrived. It was like she was getting ready for a first date, that’s how nervous she was.

  But all her anxiety left the second she laid eyes on Adina, the girl she met on the first day that they attended middle school and were seated next to each other in homeroom. The two little girls clung to each other and shared their lunchtime and recess together. They joined the volleyball and track teams together and both auditioned for the music club. Kiara had never enjoyed a better female friendship than with Adina and was ecstatic that she actually kept her word and came by.

  Adina Davis stood on the porch, one hand on her hip, a bright, cheery smile on her face. One third of one side of her hair was braided and the rest was long, straight, and sleek. Her hair was always on point since she worked as a hairstylist in a popular salon. She had the biggest eyes in the world and for good reason; Kiara liked to tease her that she always noticed everything.

  “Well, fuck, don’t just stare at a sista; come give me a church hug or something. Shit!”

  Kiara broke out laughing and pushed open the door to let her in.

  “Girl, you are still crazy. And you look good. You haven’t changed a bit.”

  After they embraced each other, Kiara invited her into the house. They sat in the living room. Kiara handed her guest a glass of red wine, Adina’s favorite way to chill.

  “Okay, boo!” Adina said, sipping on her drink. “What’s popping?”

  “First of all, let me apologize for not doing this sooner. I-I listened to Rashad and you know he felt that as a married woman, I shouldn’t be spending so much time with a single woman.”