If Your Wife Only Knew

by Cydney Rax

  “I was married too, in the process of a divorce. Damn. He’s a trip. To not even let best friends be there for each other. What? He’s scared you’d catch the divorce virus?”

  “I guess. So let me get all that out the way.”

  “Water under the bridge. We’re good. Go on.”

  Kiara gave Adina the edited version of what had happened in her life the past two years.

  “Overall, believe it or not, I think Rashad is a decent husband. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, and I can count on him to take care of us, but I dunno, Adina. Occasionally, I get these feelings. He can’t always explain his whereabouts. I can tell when he’s lying and he has no good reason to. And sometimes he starts an argument, leaves the house for hours, and when he gets back, of course, I’m sleepy as hell and in a bad mood. It just doesn’t sit well with me.”

  “You think he’s cheating!”

  “I can’t believe he is, but I guess it’s possible. But why would a man that has an excellent wife step out on her and fuck around with other bitches? I can’t prove it or anything, but if that explains his odd behavior, I’d be floored. I deserve better. I will have better.”

  “Ki, I’m not surprised by anything you’re telling me. Sure, your man is a cutie and all that, but I always felt there was just something about Rashad. If it walks like a rat, what else could it be but a rat?”

  “Why didn’t you warn me?”

  “Girl, please. Remember those times when I tried? You were not trying to hear a sista. You would’ve accused me of hating on your relationship like you claimed your other friends did. Humph,” Adina said and rolled her eyes. “Plus, your man actually pulled me to the side one time when y’all first got real serious. He told me not to poison you against him because he was going to marry you whether I liked it or not.”

  “He did that?” Kiara asked.

  “Rashad wanted your fine ass. You wanted him. Y’all were determined to be the next Nelly and Ashanti. I was a non-muthafucking factor.”

  “Um, well damn.” Kiara nodded. “People always do stuff behind your back that you hear about later on. And again, I let him influence me in us not speaking anymore. He was my husband. But times have changed and I need some clarity on some things from your point of view.”

  “You got it. What’s up?”

  “I feel kinda shitty for what I’m about to say, but I do recall that you started to tell me something about him a couple years ago, but at the time—”

  “Bitch, you practically cursed me out, called me all kinds of names.”

  “I know. I was tripping.”

  “It’s cool. I understand.”

  “Tell me what you were going to tell me.”

  “Is this a setup?” Adina laughed and looked suspiciously around the room.

  “It’s not a setup. It’s a step forward. So tell me.”

  “Like I tried to warn you, a few years ago, I saw Rashad pushing up on some broad. A tall chick. Cute girl.”

  “Hmm. What were they doing?”

  “You sure you want to hear this? Because if I give you this info, Kiara, I do not want you hating me for revealing this shit.”

  “Tell me!”

  “They were standing real close to each other and they kissed; slobbered each other down, girl, in broad daylight. I was shocked as hell. I wanted to roll up on him and ask him what the fuck was his problem. But I was caught in traffic as I was driving past. They were in the parking lot of a shopping center complex. And by the time I was able to turn up in that lot and get an even better look, I didn’t see them anymore.”

  “Okay,” Kiara said in a quiet tone but inside she was fuming. “That’s all I wanted to know. If he did that back then in broad daylight, imagine what he could be doing when he’s somewhere in a hotel room or wherever.”

  Adina paused. “But Kiara, I’m concerned too about why Rashad would do that when he has you. I mean, you’re cute as hell but that never stopped a man from straying. So what’s going on in the bedroom?”

  “The sex is cool, but it was better, more passionate, and more frequent when we were dating . . . and the years before we had the baby. Now it takes a lot of effort to maintain the passion between the sheets. I accuse him of taking me for granted, but I might be guilty of the same thing. Our life has gotten way too comfortable.”

  “What you plan on doing?”

  “I got a thing or two up my sleeve. And to be honest, you may hate Rashad, but I love him. I want to be married. I just need my husband to work with me, but if he doesn’t, I gotta keep it moving.”

  Adina’s feisty spirit grew quiet. She stood up and had a blank look on her face. “Girl, just be really careful about whatever you decide to do. You know I’ve been divorced for five years. And back then I couldn’t wait to get away from Marlon. But truthfully, I miss him. It’s hard out here. The dating scene is nothing like it used to be. We’ll be forty in a few years. And it is scary as fuck to be divorced with a child, competing with all these other chicks, and you gotta deal with a body that isn’t as fit as it was when you were in your twenties.”

  Kiara nodded and fear combined with anger rose within her. It seemed unfair that a married woman had to settle for garbage if she was unhappy in her relationship. But still, something had to give. She had to be happy for herself regardless of how her husband was acting.

  “I will try to make good decisions, but I won’t let Rashad hold me hostage in an unfulfilling relationship while there’s a good chance he’s running around with every Boo Boo Kitty in Houston. I’ll figure out something.”

  “These men are something else, girl. And this is off topic, but one thing I’ve always thought you should do is stay on good terms with that man at your job. Eddison Osborne.”

  “That’s way off topic,” Kiara replied. “Why him?”

  “I remember when you’d talk about him after I got divorced and he was recently widowed. And when you introduced us when I was up at the university, he seemed decent. Not so nice that a chick can run over him, but a man’s man. Like he had his shit together. So you thought us two could hook up, but your friend Eddison wasn’t interested.”

  “I wonder why not.”

  “Hello, because his fine ass was into you! I still thought he was cool. And I got some good vibes from him as a man who’d do right by a woman. I could be wrong—”

  “No, you aren’t wrong. Eddison is my boy,” Kiara said with a smile. “A lot of ladies get in his face on that campus—because I’ve seen them do it and he is so cool about it all. But I consider him a friend—a great buddy.”

  “Some of the best relationships happen when men and women are tight like that, as friends, no ulterior motive.” She sighed and shrugged. “I know you’re still with knucklehead but you never forget a good guy. Hopefully the man is still feeling you.”

  “I wouldn’t know, Adina.”

  “It’s ’bout time you found out, though.”

  Kiara could only laugh. “Damn, have I told you how much I’ve missed your crazy ass? Now, I need you to go somewhere with me. You’re going to love this.”

  She went and got Myles from his bedroom. And they piled in her car and sped along to Highway 6, right down the street from her subdivision.

  Kiara then drove to her credit union’s ATM and asked Adina to get out of the car.

  “Check this out, Adina.” She punched in her PIN for her bank account and waited for the receipt to print.

  “See this? I just had to show you.” Kiara gave Adina the receipt, which listed her total balance.

  “Wow! That’s a helluva lot of change.”

  “And it’s about to get bigger,” Kiara told her. “I always put a little money in the account every month. Because if I ever have to pull a Shaunie O’Neal, then I’m prepared to do so.”

  Shaq’s former wife was said to be a pro at setting money aside while they were married.

  “You rolling in scrilla. I ain’t mat at ya.” Adina laughed; the two women high-fived each ot
her.

  “A woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do,” Kiara said. “I love that man, and I want to remain married to him, but I can’t let him make a fool of me and let him take away my happiness. Unless Rashad makes a change, then he’s about to see some changes.”

  Chapter 4

  It was May 12, the beginning of a new workweek. Kiara sat at her desk and tried to rub the sleepiness from her eyes. Tony Fu entered her office without knocking. He was holding his cell phone. His earbuds were plugged in his ears. He was bobbing his head and singing to himself.

  “Tony!”

  He started doing the Schmoney dance.

  “I swear to God you are black.”

  “What you say?” He finally unplugged the earbuds and lowered the volume.

  “I said you’ve got good taste in music and that’s a fact.”

  “Sure, you did. Now, what do you need?”

  “Oh, Tony, I’ve been having trouble with SharePoint all afternoon. Can you help me out while I sit at my little table over there and review some paperwork?”

  “No problem. Anything for you, Mrs. Eason.”

  She grinned. “It’s been a long time since anyone called me that.”

  “We haven’t seen your hubby in a minute. When is he coming back up here?”

  “Oh, shoot. I don’t know. He’s been very busy. Like super busy. Like ‘who are you’ and ‘what’s your name again’ busy.”

  “Uh oh.”

  “No, nothing like that. It’s just that we both hustle our asses off. Like every Sunday, Rashad leaves in the dark and comes home in the dark. And I don’t totally complain because, you know, a lot of times, after I’m done with doing laundry, doing a little gardening, and cleaning the house, both Myles and I are up here. My little boy runs up and down the hallways getting into stuff while I’m here at my desk slaving away. And I feel guilty because little Myles needs me. He needs both of us. And my husband works so hard, I feel he needs me too.”

  “What does he do to show you that he needs you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She moved out of Tony’s way so he could get to her computer.

  “I was just wondering. Guys act pretty helpless when they want something.”

  “Well, if my man needed anything, I hope he’d tell me.”

  “So it sounds like he hasn’t asked you for anything lately.”

  “Tony, don’t play with me. What are you trying to say?”

  “I’m not saying anything. I’m trying to fix your problem.”

  “My problem?”

  “Your SharePoint problem.”

  “All right, Tony, I know you aren’t thinking about SharePoint. I trust your judgment, so if there’s something I ought to know, spill it.”

  A loud rapping noise interrupted them. Tony looked up. A man in a brown hat, brown shirt, and matching shorts stood at the door.

  “Sorry. My schedule got way off today. No one else is around. Here’s a delivery for Kiara Eason.”

  “I’ll sign for it.” Tony jumped up and scribbled his signature on the electronic device that the delivery man thrust at him.

  “Thanks. Cool,” Tony said. He set the massive bouquet of flowers on Kiara’s round office table. The mixed arrangement sat in a tall vase and was made up of all Kiara’s favorites: roses, daisies, mums, and spray roses in full bloom. The fragrance filled Kiara’s nostrils as she pressed her nose against the exotic flowers and inhaled.

  “These flowers are beautiful. That man is amazing.”

  “You gonna read the card?”

  “What for? Rashad knows what I like.”

  “I just thought you’d want to know what he said. Maybe he’s been a bad boy.”

  “Nah, he’s just trying to be a better husband. I’ve been hounding him lately. That’s what this is about.” Kiara kicked off her heels. She leaped up and down and grabbed Tony by the hand. They did a little dance and Kiara couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Oh, he gone get some tonight.”

  “Hush, Tony. I just get very happy when Rashad listens to me. I told him that’s what he needs to do. And these flowers prove all my hard work pays off—eventually.”

  “If you’re hnh phúc, I’m hnh phúc.”

  “Yes, Tony. I am happy.” It was an expression Tony used all the time around the office and Kiara knew exactly what he meant.

  That night when Kiara got home, she was in a good mood. Rashad may have slipped up in the past, but as long as he was doing everything he could to keep Kiara happy these days, she’d look past his minor indiscretions. So she made last-minute arrangements to drop Myles off at Mama Flora’s, who said she welcomed the company.

  She rushed home and got ready for her husband.

  And when Rashad trudged into the house after parking his van in the driveway, she met him at the door.

  Kiara grinned and stretched out her bare leg so it was the first thing he saw when he got near the front door.

  “What’s this?” He stared her up and down and smiled his approval. Rashad loved when Kiara wore sexy lingerie. She was dressed in all white. He could see her cleavage. Her feet were bare. Her bob looked messy and unkempt just the way he liked it.

  “It’s me. And I’m all yours, babe.” She handed him a glass of red wine, then pointed to a tray of ice-cold beer.

  “This is dope. What’s up with all this?”

  “I want to be as good to you as you are to me.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “C’mon, babe. Stay with me. Please don’t kill my vibe.”

  “You’re cray cray, woman.”

  “That’s not helping either, Rashad.”

  He lugged a heavy toolbox into the house and lowered it onto the floor in the hallway.

  “Did I get any mail?”

  “Babe, forget about work. Forget about mail. Forget about hammers and pliers and paint. Tonight is all about us.”

  “Where’s little man?”

  “That’s what I’m telling you. I found a sitter. It’s just me and you for the next twenty-four.”

  “Whoa, you’re pulling out all the stops.”

  She beamed at him as she grabbed his hand and led him into the media room. The entire room was lit up by fragrant candles. The aroma of roses and vanilla permeated the air.

  Bump and grind music played in the background. The water from the aquarium bubbled. Everything felt homey and very sexy. If Kiara was honest, she knew that she hadn’t been the most flirtatious with her husband as much as she claimed. She actually thought that if she sexually served it up to him, then whatever she did should last for weeks. But in reality, she knew that a strong marriage needed much more frequent romanticism.

  Kiara threw herself into her husband’s arms.

  “I’ve missed you, and I’ve been thinking about the man that I first met when we fell in love. Just hold me.”

  He hugged her too and was impressed. Kiara could be hot and sensuous, and everything she was doing turned him on. He knew she’d cooked a great meal too because he could smell the aroma drifting through the house.

  “You’re amazing. So dope. You really know how to take care of a man.” He picked her up and carried her like they were walking over a threshold for the first time after getting married.

  He gently laid her on the sofa and after she scooted so that her head rested on the big throw pillows, he knelt beside her and gazed into her big brown eyes. She grinned with happiness and sighed.

  “You do love me, huh?” he asked.

  “You know that already.”

  “S-sometimes I don’t feel the love.”

  “I know and I’m sorry about that. I stay on your ass because I do love you, in spite of everything.”

  “You’re too good to me,” he muttered.

  “And you’re good to me.” She was thinking about her flowers, which were wonderful. But she wanted more than just flowers.

  “Hell, I’m not as good as I ought to be. I’m not perfect, but I’m t
rying.”

  “That’s what’s important. If we both keep trying, we’re going to make it. I believe that.”

  Her voice caught in her throat and she started sniffling.

  “Aw, damn. Here it comes.” He grinned and kissed the tip of her nose.

  “Can’t help it. I may bitch from time to time but when I think about my life, I know I’m mostly blessed. I have a beautiful, bright son who is my world. I feel I don’t even deserve him half the time. And I saw a little baby today after work when I went to pick up groceries, and it made me think.”

  “Think about what?” He sprung back.

  “Rashad, I know we haven’t talked about having another baby in years.”

  “Kiara, you know I got a lot going on already. It’s not a good time.”

  “I know, but when is having a child ever a good time? Sometimes these things are not in our hands.”

  “If we keep a condom in our hands and always roll it on this dick, it is in our hands.”

  “You’re so silly. But, well, if you don’t think we’re ready this year . . . to try again, I guess I will accept it.”

  “Look at you. I thought you were so busy trying to be Ms. Super Executive at the j-o-b.”

  “I am and I’m doing great. I guess I feel I’m at the point where if I took a short leave of absence to have a baby, it wouldn’t hurt. But sometimes after a woman has a kid, she ends up quitting her job. Or the job forces her out because they think her priorities have shifted.”

  Kiara knew her proposal stunned Rashad. But he was a good father, and perhaps having another child would strengthen the weak parts of their marriage. But if it didn’t work out, she couldn’t totally lose. They made great babies, plus she knew she’d be guaranteed hefty child support for at least eighteen years.

  “Whoa whoa whoa. All this talk about babies.” Rashad looked like he had morning sickness and was about to vomit.

  “Look, silly, I definitely don’t have any of those scenarios in mind. I was just thinking of Myles. I’ve never wanted him to be an only child.”

  “Hmmm,” was all Rashad could say.

  Kiara reached up and pulled Rashad closer. He responded to her aggressiveness and gave her a long, sincere kiss.