If Your Wife Only Knew

by Cydney Rax

  “If that’s what you want, we gotta talk about it and make that decision together, all right?” he asked.

  “That’s fine.”

  Kiara closed her eyes as Rashad kissed her. She thought that if he did everything she wanted, then the money she’d been saving up could be used for Myles. But if Rashad resorted to his old ways and messed over her, the cash could serve as her rainy-day divorce fund. In her head, it would be a retainer fee for a good-ass lawyer who could help her get everything she deserved for any marital hell she endured.

  Kiara came up for air. “I just want my life with you to be good, Rashad. I mean it. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “I want that, too.”

  She led him to the bathroom.

  “Damn, you already got the bubble bath ready?”

  She smiled and went over to stick her tongue deep in his mouth. Rashad loved to kiss.

  He started to get aroused.

  He unbuckled his belt and let her pull down his pants. He grabbed her boobs and held them like two coconuts. Then he bent over and began to suck her nipples. She tilted back her head and moaned. When he was done, she kissed him on his neck and sucked his earlobes. By the time he penetrated her, Rashad forgot all the baby talk. He was into his wife. He laid her on the floor.

  “Hold on a sec,” she said.

  Kiara got up and ran to get a condom first and rolled it on him. Then she inserted his dick inside her. It had been a minute since they made love. This reconnect felt so good. Kiara hoped the intimate moment would remind Rashad of the blessing he had at home.

  After a decent evening, Kiara returned to work the next day and politely greeted everyone on her way to her office.

  When she sat down at her desk and powered up the computer, she barely had time to check emails before her extension rang. The ID said it was Eddison Osborne.

  She picked up and placed the call on speaker. “Hey, my friend. How was your evening?”

  “Probably not as good as yours.”

  “My night was wonderful. But how did you know?”

  “So did you like the surprise?”

  “What surprise?”

  “The delivery you got yesterday.”

  “Um, yeah, but how did you know?”

  “I checked the delivery status online . . . Oh wow. Awkward.”

  Kiara bolted from her chair and ran over to her small conference table. The card that she neglected to read when her bouquet arrived was still there.

  She grabbed the note card. It read:

  Thanks for a job well done. You are magnificent. E.O.

  “Oh, no.”

  “What was that?”

  “Eddison. I am so embarrassed. You did that.”

  “Mm hmmm.”

  “You did that.” She couldn’t help but laugh.

  Then she giggled hysterically.

  “Is everything okay, Kiara?”

  “I wish you could see me right now.”

  “I wish I could, too.”

  “No, seriously, Eddison. You are a sweetheart. That’s number one. And yes, I got the beautiful, wonderful flowers. That was so thoughtful of you.”

  “You deserved them. I appreciate how you came through for the kids recently when you presented at the Career Day Event.”

  “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it was nothing.”

  Career Day was last Thursday. Kiara was so accustomed to finishing her projects and moving on to the next thing, she had forgotten all about it.

  Kiara slowly walked back over to her desk and plopped down on her seat. I gave all that loving to one man, when it was really another man that made me feel special. And he called me “magnificent.” Rashad has never called me that.

  “You still there?”

  “Uh, yes, sorry. There’s so much going on. In fact, let’s meet up. How are you for lunch today?”

  “I had something but it can be rescheduled. Anything for you, boss lady.”

  “I’m not your boss.”

  “Not yet!”

  She gasped and lifted up the handset and spoke into the phone. “Eddison, what are you saying?”

  “I’m just being respectful. You’re a hard worker and you deserve the kudos. I’d love for you to be my boss.”

  Eddison’s words made Kiara’s heart completely fill with warmth. She always enjoyed speaking with her work colleague. He was an academic advisor within their division and sometimes acted as a mentor. When Kiara really thought about it, she appreciated how he was positive and encouraging no matter what. He reminded her of . . . herself.

  Not to mention Eddison was also hot. He had the most beautiful redbone complexion—it reminded her of a café latte. He wore a neat mustache and beard, had the perfect size lips, and his hair—Eddison’s brown hair was twisted in short dreadlocks. He was like the hip professor on campus that every staff person wanted to know and every female student fantasized about.

  “I’ll bet you’re dressed very nice today.”

  “Oh, this old thing. I just reach in my closet and grab whatever is available.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second. As a matter of fact, I know you’re the type of woman who cares about her appearance, about all the details. That’s you.”

  She swallowed deeply. She tried to think of Rashad. What was he doing right then? Was he thinking of her? Or was he knee-deep in work and she was the furthest thing from his mind?

  “Eddison, I gotta go. And I will see you today. Say twelvish?”

  “Not a minute too late.”

  Kiara and Eddison met at a popular Vietnamese restaurant. They were shown to a booth by the window. The sun’s brilliance poured into the room and made the atmosphere feel happy.

  Eddison pulled out Kiara’s seat. She gave him a pleased look and sat down. He was dressed in a nice gray suit with a polka dot tie. His black leather shoes were polished to perfection.

  Eddison tried not to stare at Kiara while he reviewed his menu. He thought she looked pretty as usual, but this time there was something in her eyes that made him want to comfort her.

  “First things first, Eddison. Thank you for the flowers. Again, you didn’t have to do that.”

  “Did you like them?”

  “They were pretty. They made me feel really good, too. You know just what I like.”

  They locked eyes.

  An incredibly warm feeling flowed through her. His innocent flirts were something she always ignored. But right then, Kiara thought that maybe Adina was on to something. It wouldn’t hurt to keep Eddison around.

  “How’re things going? Did you need anything?”

  “Oh, no, we’re good right now. But I did want to mention that I made an offer to Nicole Greene. Remember her from all the candidates we brought in for that job interview? I’m so glad you sat on the interviewing board for our department. Anyway, she will be starting this week.”

  “Right . . . I’m glad to hear that you filled your position.”

  “It’s a shame that we can’t pay a media coordinator more than sixteen dollars an hour. And it’s sad because she’s new to town and is starting over by herself with no family.”

  “And you know this how?”

  “I got a chance to talk on a more personal level with her. She seems a bit introverted but it’s okay. Nicole’s very qualified. And the rest of the loud-talking staff will make up for her shyness.”

  “You’ve figured it all out, haven’t you? You’re so good at that.”

  “Ha! I wish my home life were as easy to manage as my work life.”

  “What’s going on? How is Rashad? The man whom I always hear about but have never met in person.”

  “Eddison, I feel a little awkward telling you this, but hey, I definitely know your background. I can’t believe you’re still single years after your wife died.”

  “Why is that so hard to believe?”

  “Well, look at you. You’re—” She stopped herself as their waiter approached the table.

  Service in th
e restaurant was a little behind since there was a huge lunch crowd. Kiara started to place her order. She could feel Eddison’s intense stare, but she pretended not to notice. As soon as their waiter left, he probed. “You were saying? You said I’m so something, but then you stopped.”

  “Oh, Eddison, there’re so many things I just don’t understand.”

  Kiara could feel it coming. She looked him in the eyes and her voice grew quieter. “I lied to you. Kind of. Okay, I thought my husband sent me the flowers that you actually got for me. So I went home and I put it on him. I practically seduced him and it was cool, you know. It’s been a minute and I know this is TMI, but, hey, it is what it is. Right now I need a male perspective.”

  He stared at her with concern in his eyes. “Go on, dear.”

  “I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Even though we had a great evening, I noticed that before I left the house this morning, he was acting a little cold and indifferent. When I tried to get him to open up, he shut me down. But then he warmed up a little later and it seemed like things were normal. But this hot-and-cold stuff . . . I try to pretend like whatever his problem is has nothing to do with me, but now I’m starting to wonder.”

  “It’s normal to wonder. How do you feel about what he’s doing? What do you want?”

  “I want him to know I feel disrespected.”

  “Have you told him that?”

  “He should know.”

  “No, he won’t know. A man isn’t a mind reader. Tell Rashad how you feel.”

  “I will. I have to. But I’d hate to think that I am driving my husband to not want to be around me for any reason. I’ll try to make things right until I get sick of trying, if that makes sense.”

  All she wanted was to be comforted and understood.

  Eddison discreetly placed his hand on top of hers. “Kiara. It’s not you. You are the type who puts everything she has into a project to ensure its success. You are doing your very best and probably aren’t getting the results you think you should. Am I right?”

  “Yes. I have been like this since I was a kid. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

  “Kiara, take it from me. Ambition is a good thing, but it can be a terrible master.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “The things that we desperately want and are committed to getting sometimes take us down roads we shouldn’t travel. We are driven to the point of getting ourselves in a jam.”

  “And I can’t stand trouble. So what should I do?”

  Eddison told her, “You can either have patience, keep doing what you’re doing, and hope that eventually things will work out.”

  “Or?”

  “Or you may have to figure out a different plan. If Plan A isn’t working, go to Plan B.”

  “Dammit.” Kiara was torn. “I’m actually already there. I hate when I’m right.”

  “I don’t know everything that’s going on with your relationship, but when I sit across from you, I see a young, beautiful, smart, sexy woman.” He whispered the word “sexy” and the chills she felt caused her to tremble like she was cold. But Kiara was far from cold. Eddison’s ability to notice her, to see her, and make her feel alive and valued, stirred something she hadn’t felt in months.

  “Me? Sexy?”

  “You. Very very sexy. I don’t know why you can’t see it.”

  Eddison and Kiara’s relationship was always sincere and friendly. She’d known his wife, Nina Osborne, who had been a strong woman who loved her husband. After Nina passed away, Kiara offered her support but he told her he wanted to grieve in private. But now it seemed like he was returning to himself. He became more open and transparent with her. He seemed happier, engaged, and trying to cherish each day. She felt he deserved all the happiness that life could offer him.

  “Eddison, you’re just being nice, and I appreciate your confidence in me, but—”

  “But what? You don’t agree with me?”

  “It’s not me that I’m concerned about.”

  “I see something that maybe he doesn’t see. And if he can’t see, then he’s a fool.”

  “Eddison, I don’t like how this conversation is going and—”

  “You may not like it, but all of us have to come to the point in which we must face the truth. I had to face it when the military told me that Nina died. I did not believe it. I kept texting her. And she didn’t text back. I never spoke to my wife again. I had to snap out of it. In truth, I just recently boxed up her clothes, her shoe collection, her cosmetics that had been stored in an upstairs room. Took it all to the Salvation Army. I had to let go of that life. Kiara, I hope you’re hearing me. Let me say it again. As hard as we may try . . . sometimes we must face the truth.”

  Kiara heard him. And she felt scared. Right then, things felt way too personal. But she blamed herself for opening up. Eddison’s implications were too much for her to think about in that setting. She felt relieved when her plate of hot food arrived. She quickly changed the subject and was able to lighten the conversation.

  Eddison continued eating and loved it when he could make Kiara forget her troubles, loosen up and laugh.

  “Hold on a sec, Eddison. I’m going to call Rashad.”

  “All right.”

  She retrieved her cell and dialed his number.

  The call went straight into voice mail.

  “Told ya. No answer.”

  “How you feel?”

  “I’m over it. My happiness will not be based on whether or not anyone answers their damned cell phone. That’s crazy.”

  “That’s more like it,” Eddison told her.

  She picked up her fork and ate some shrimp and chicken.

  “Now this,” she said, and laughed, “is living.”

  “That smile, though,” he said, and stared at her plump lips.

  “Eddison, how does your food taste?”

  “It’s good. And yours?”

  “It’s great. I love it. And I love yours, too.” She winked as she scooped up some of the vegetables off his plate and laughed as she ate them.

  He picked up one of his egg rolls and held it high. “Kiara, one day you’re going to do something totally different. Like dip my egg roll in your sweet and sour sauce . . . and lick it.”

  They both laughed.

  Kiara figured Eddison was being flirty and she took it with a grain of salt. As they finished their meal, she decided no matter how peculiar her husband was behaving, she wanted to give their relationship her all.

  Eddison could just be her handsome, minor distraction.

  That night Kiara prepared dinner and helped Myles with his homework as she waited for Rashad to come home. But after waiting for an hour, she called Myles to the kitchen.

  “It’s about time. I’m starving. I’m so hungry I could eat a horse. And a pig. And a whale,” Myles said.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, but none of those animals are on the menu, son. Tonight we are eating spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and corn on the cob.”

  “Is that all?”

  “I did my best. I just want you to eat it and like it. Eating will make you big and strong.”

  “Strong like Daddy?”

  “Yes, if you eat all your food, you’ll be big and tall just like him.”

  “Where is Daddy?”

  “Working.”

  “When will he be back from work? Will he wake me up and play in my room like he did last time? I want Daddy to help me put together my toy copter.”

  “I know, sweetie. I know.” Kiara recalled how Rashad swore up and down he’d help Myles assemble the radio-controlled helicopter that he obsessed over ever since they bought it for him last month. Rashad promised they’d go out to the neighborhood park and fly it all day. But weeks had passed with Rashad offering every excuse imaginable.

  “Men work, Myles. And your daddy is a man.”

  “He’s a good man.”

  “A good man . . . is an accessible man.”

  When
Rashad finally stepped into the house around nine-thirty, Kiara met him at the door.

  “Hey,” she said in a crisp tone.

  “Hi.” He looked past her and saw his brown polyester upright luggage bag. It was opened and set on the floor. Kiara had purchased the complete set for him years ago. “Why is my favorite suitcase sitting in the middle of the hallway? Are you going somewhere?”

  “I’m not, but you might be.”

  “Kiara, what’s wrong now?”

  “I’ve wanted to talk to you about something, but you’re always gone. Or you don’t have time. Or you’re sleepy. You’re sick. Always something.”

  “We were just together yesterday.”

  “That was then, this is now. How about tonight, Rashad?”

  “I’m only one person. And after I get myself situated in a minute, I’d like to go play with my son.”

  “Do you know what time it is?”

  “Myles won’t care. Trust me. I’m going to be a good daddy no matter how much time I spend in the streets.”

  “I just want to know if you’re doing anything else besides working.”

  He sighed and moved past her toward the kitchen. “Kiara, aren’t you the one who said you don’t mind me working like a slave?”

  “That’s true, Rashad, but you are doing more than slave work.”

  “Huh?”

  “Hand over your cell phone. I need to make a phone call.”

  “Woman, you must be tripping. You got your own phone and then there’s the house phone, too.”

  “Why can’t I use your phone? Where is it?” She started toward him.

  He began to back away. “You do not want to do that.”

  “You’re right. I don’t. I just want you to answer this. Are you fucking another chick?”

  “Really, Kiara.”

  “I ain’t joking. Answer me.”

  “You’re so loud you’re going to scare Myles.”

  Kiara stared at Rashad. He looked like he was ready for battle. She leaped at his pants but fell to the floor instead.

  “You need to stop. This ain’t a good look. You know my work ethic. You ought to trust me.”