Little Games of Love: A Novel

by Gabriela Paz

  Whether she admitted it to herself or not, she had been curious about what it felt like to kiss Daniel again after he told her he loved her. Unfortunately, with the hurricane of emotions she was feeling, the only thing she was certain of at that moment was that Daniel did love her and that her feelings for Leo were much stronger than she first believed. A rather frightening discovery if she was being honest herself.

  When Eva finally fell asleep that night, her phone vibrated a few times, interrupting her slumber. All the lights were off, and she struggled to find her phone.

  “Hey! I’m so sorry, I’ve kind of disappeared in the last few days. We had a stupid work retreat with some business partners, and I couldn’t get a hold of my phone until now.” Leo’s first text read.

  “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, and it killed me not being able to talk to you and know how you were. I hope you are okay. I miss you. I hope you know how much you mean to me.”

  All that remained to be seen in the dark was Eva’s wide disconcerted eyes as the phone light illuminated her face. I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined us, was all she could think.

  She should have been happy to see his text, and she was, but the guilt was more than anything else she had ever experienced in that instant. As she put her phone back down on her nightstand, not giving it a second thought as to whether she should answer, all she wished for was for the nightmare to be over.

  How can I tell him the truth? Was all she could think about the following morning as she stared at his message. She surely wouldn’t be able to look at him in the face and tell him the truth after having kissed Daniel the way she did. Calling him would probably be her safest and most decent choice but, every time she picked up the phone, her hands started shaking profusely, and she couldn’t get herself to dial his number.

  He was so honest with me from the start, he would never understand, and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t look at me the same way. She kept trying to convince herself. I’m not running away from love. I’m not. I’m simply being realistic. I’ve messed up, and there’s no way back. There’s no fixing this. It’s not just a kiss. It’s me… I’m broken, and he deserves better.

  Since omitting the truth and giving it another try wasn’t an option, the only possible way of getting out of the mess she had created was to either build up the courage to tell him the truth or to take the easier way out and to sacrifice her feelings and their relationship in order to avoid hurting the man she loved. This is the only choice I’ve got. I’m doing a good thing here. He will thank me for not hurting him one day and for getting out of his way. I only fail at relationships, and he deserves a happy ending. He truly does.

  CHAPTER 27

  4 Months Later

  The waves rolled in, each of them as resilient and brave as the last. They approached the shore without fear of embracing their destiny towards the dawning sands. Leo made a few steps forwards and soaked his bare feet in the cold water. He did not think about the past or the future as he stared at the tall mountains in the shadowed distance. Looking back no longer made sense, he had made his choice, and it had felt like the right one at the time. Wherever his destiny led him now was unknown, and the only thing he could do was to try and live his present to the fullest.

  A few weeks had passed since he arrived in his hometown in Palermo, Italy, and he didn’t miss his old lifestyle one bit. After achieving everything, he had worked so hard for, he finally realized that he had been chasing nothing but an empty dream.

  It all happened so fast when Mr. Archibald offered him a once in a lifetime opportunity to become the leading financial advisor of the Houston, Texas office. It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. It was his ultimate goal to finally work on his own. He was getting a raise, a large-sized office, and most importantly, he wasn’t going to have to report to Anton every single day. So he moved to Houston, Texas, where the slow demise of his soul started.

  He spent most days in his office, dealing with clients and ordering his assistant's different assignments. Since he was responsible for half of the company’s clients, he worked long and tedious hours. Sometimes he had no choice but to work on the weekends to make sure all the paperwork was ready for the beginning of the week.

  All of his days were the same. He ate, worked, and slept. There was no time for anything else, and even if there had been, he didn’t know anyone who he would have liked to spend his time with. His colleagues at the office were all very manipulative and untrustworthy. They pretended to like him even though they were doing everything in their power to steal his spot. They didn’t know it, but Leo could smell them from a mile away. It was like playing cat and mouse all day and every day.

  He wondered how people could live this way, how they could condemn themselves to a life of hungry vultures waiting to devour one another. If that wasn’t enough, everyone pretended to be happy all the time, what is wrong with them? How can they not grow tiresome of pretending? Perhaps if they pretended for long enough, happiness became inevitable for them. It was a theory Leo wasn’t up to testing.

  It wasn’t after Leo’s third month in the new office that he called it quits. After waking up one morning and not remembering the kind of person he used to be, he knew something had to change. Ever since he moved to Texas, he could no longer remember a reason to feel excited or to smile even.

  He figured this is what must have happened to Anton. He had certainly achieved success, but he was the loneliest man he had ever met. Perhaps that’s why he acted the way he did, not giving a crap about anything or anyone. The last thing Leo wanted to do was to live up to his expectations.

  He remembered calling his brother desperately after he spoke to Mr. Archibald when he resigned. “I can’t take it anymore, Stef. It’s a nightmare here. I’m not happy, so what’s the point?”

  “Bro, I’m sorry. I guess if you are not happy, then you did the right thing, and maybe you should take some time off for yourself now.”

  “I know. I think I’m going home for a while. I need to breathe a different kind of air for a change.”

  “That’s good, bro. We all miss you here.”

  “I know, but I mean home, home in Italy.”

  “What? Are you sure?” Stefano blurted in a surprised tone.

  “I feel like I need to go back and remember how I ended up here in the first place. You understand, don’t you?”

  “How long?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “Look, it’s fine, bro. If that’s what you need, then go, okay? I can cover you with Mom and Dad here if you don’t want to tell them yet.”

  “Thanks, bro. I will tell them I just need some more time to regroup myself, and I don’t want them trying to change my mind about this. How have you been, though? Dad treating you alright at work?”

  “Alright. It’s fine, I guess. You know how he gets sometimes, but I can’t complain. I’m probably going to rent a place of my own with a friend soon, so I’m excited about that.”

  “Nice, Stef. I’m proud of you. Thanks for listening. Tell Mom and Dad I love them and that I will call them soon.” ‘I love you too,’ was the last thing Leo said to him before he embarked on his trip.

  It hadn’t been easy to reach the emotional place he was currently at. When he first arrived in his hometown, the first thing he did was to contact all of his best friends and family. He knew that being with people he loved would lift his spirits up, but it took more than that and longer than he expected to feel at peace again.

  He didn’t want to admit it, but losing Eva had made a big impact on his life decisions. Part of the reason he didn’t want to come back to Pensacola was that he was afraid to run into her. Maybe she was happy with her ex, or maybe she was dating somebody new. It didn’t matter, nevertheless; he had gotten the clear message from her that she didn’t want to be with him, and it still hurt him.

  Almost four months h
ad passed now since the last time they spoke and even longer since the last time he saw her. He never understood what changed in those few days they didn’t speak, and maybe it was better for him not to know. Swimming in the “what ifs” only made accepting the reality more difficult.

  “I’m so sorry, Leo, I meant to write you back. It’s been a rough last couple of days, and I needed some time to think. Nothing to worry about, I’m fine, but I need to deal with a couple of things before I can move on with my life or with you. I hope you know how much you mean to me. You deserve to be happy, and I’m sorry I couldn’t make that happen. It’s just not a good time for me, no matter how much I wish you were here. Please don’t make it more difficult, and let’s go our separate ways for now. I wish you the best.” There were no other interpretations to the message other than the obvious one. She doesn’t want to be with me, but why? He still wondered.

  Leo contemplated his response a million times after he read the text, but he was shocked. Everything had been going so well, and it hadn’t been that long since he spent the best two days of his life with her. What could be so important that she needs to stay away? And why doesn’t she call me instead? It wasn’t until a few hours later that he finally built the courage to write back.

  “I wish you would tell me what you’re going through or call me. I’ve spent the last few hours trying to figure it out, but nothing comes to mind. I care about you so much, and I didn’t expect you to say these words. The last thing I want is to stay away from you, but if that’s what you want. I won’t write to you again. I don’t know if you feel the same way as I do for you, but if you do, I hope you give us a chance. Love, Leo.”

  He hadn’t expected an answer from her, but it killed him to see ‘Read’ below the message he sent and not get a response. She read it right away, but the little three dots never appeared on the screen, no matter how much he stared. It was over, and now that he was back in Italy, he needed to find a way to forget her.

  As Leo got ready to leave the beach that morning, he heard somebody call his name. “Leo! Wait!” his friend Federico called out.

  “Fede! What are you doing here?” Leo said in his native language.

  “Looking for you. I stopped by your house, and when I didn’t find you, I figured you probably came here. We were supposed to go sailing, remember?”

  “Oh shit! It’s Sunday. Sorry man. I completely forgot. I kind of got used to not making plans again.”

  “It’s okay. No worries. I haven’t been sailing in such a long time. Since you left, I’ve only been once, I think, and it was with my parents.”

  “I guess it wasn’t all that fun, huh?”

  “Not even close. It actually ended up being a nightmare, with my mother getting sick and my father fighting with the tour guide.”

  “That sounds terrible,” Leo chuckled. “I’m kind of bummed my father sold the sailboat we used to have here. It was the best.”

  “It’s okay, we can rent one by the bay. They have many to choose from. Let’s go now then?” Federico asked with excitement.

  “Sure, let’s do it, man.”

  Leo was surprised once they arrived at the bay. There were all kinds of sailboats displayed. Fede had been right. How was it possible that he never knew about this place before?

  “This place is amazing,” Leo said as they walked past a charming little restaurant that overlooked the water and the mountains in the distance. People sat inside and outside the terrace as they peacefully enjoyed a cigarette or a drink. The seagulls flew nearby and made sounds he longed to hear. Perhaps he had spent too much time listening to their unique sound when he was a kid. Whatever the reason, it was music to his ears.

  “I know. They opened this restaurant recently, and it’s really good. I brought Giovanna here once.”

  “Nice, maybe we should all go another time,” Leo said.

  “For sure. So, which one do you want to take?” Federico asked, pointing at all the sailboats.

  “I don’t know, they all look nice.”

  “You are right. Let me ask the man.”

  As Federico approached the man in charge at the kiosk, Leo couldn’t help notice the big sign that hung from the stand, ‘Help needed.’ He hadn’t been looking for a job but couldn’t pass up the opportunity. “Hey, Sir,” Leo asked the man at the kiosk interrupting Federico’s conversation. “What’s the job?”

  “Do you have any experience sailing, young man?”

  “Yes, I do,” Leo answered.

  “Are you able to sail a boat on your own and to give instruction?” the short, tanned man asked.

  “Definitely, my dad taught me how to sail when I was a kid, and I’ve done it my whole life.”

  “The job is simple, you only need to stand here until clients come in to rent the boats, and when they arrive, you need to assist them in whatever they need. You’d be surprised at the kind of ignorant vacationers that arrive at this place, so you need to be ready for anything. Sometimes they also pay for a tour guide or someone to take them, and that’s where you’d come in as well. You get good commissions for doing tours if that’s something you are interested in.”

  “Right. Sounds interesting. But who stays here if I do a tour?”

  “You call me, and I come to cover you. I live right around the corner, and it’s no trouble. I’m simply getting too old to be in this scorching sun for so long, and I definitely need to hire someone before summer.”

  “I can imagine. Well, thanks for the info. Very useful, I’m going to think about it.”

  “Please do. I could really use the help.”

  “Okay, kind sir, can we please get a sailboat for a few hours?” Federico asked impatiently.

  “Of course. You can take that one right there. It’s ready to go.”

  “Thanks,” Leo and Federico said at the same time as they got on their way. Leo was excited to sail, even if his last memories in a sailboat were painful ones he’d rather forget. It was such a bittersweet feeling to have spent the best day of his life with someone who hadn’t shared the same experience. It somehow didn’t compute in his brain how Eva could move on with her life so easily after the moments they shared.

  “How come didn’t you bring Giovanna? I thought maybe she would enjoy this.” Leo asked as the boat started to move. It was chilly out, and the wind suddenly made it feel much colder. Thankfully Leo had brought a big fuzzy jacket just in case, but Federico was struggling to get warm as he was only wearing a thin short sleeve. The weather in the spring was heavenly. It was slightly cold but warm enough to still be outside and enjoy outdoor activities.

  “I thought so too, but she had some family things she had to go to. Next time I guess.”

  “How long has it been since you guys started dating?”

  “Three years, man. Time flies. I’m thinking of proposing by the end of the year.”

  What? “No way! Seriously?”

  “Yes,” Federico said excitedly.

  “I’m happy for you, man! Congrats!” Leo gushed. He was genuinely ecstatic for his friend; Federico was like a brother to him. He had made many friends in the states, but his relationship with Federico would always be deeper and more special. He was such a good person, and it was hard for him to find that in people.

  “Thanks, man, I missed you. How long are you planning to stay?” Federico asked without knowing that Leo kept asking himself the same question. “I don’t know,” he stuttered. “I don’t know what I’m waiting for, to be honest… but I’m thinking about taking the job from the man at the kiosk.”

  “Really? I don’t think their pay is very good.”

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s not because of the money; I simply think I might enjoy it for a little while.” Leo blurted. Why not? Nobody was waiting for him, and nobody would care if he worked there. Even if people found out, reputation meant nothing to him at this point.


  “I guess it’s a good idea if you want a change of scenery,” Federico said in a supporting tone.

  As they got back and parked the boat in its respective spot, Leo headed straight to the kiosk to pay and to talk to the man. He learned his name was Davide, and as he went over the rest of the job details, the excitement returned to his soul. The pay was decent and the hours weren’t long, it was perfect. Enough time had passed since he felt useful, and this was an opportunity he didn’t want to miss.

  “So, when can you start?” Davide asked.

  “Whenever you need me.”

  “Alright, I will see you here tomorrow at 10am, Leo. It was nice to meet you. Looking forward to having you around for a while.”

  “Thanks,” Leo answered as he shook his hand. Perfect. This is exactly what I need.

  Federico was looking at him in a strange way, and he wondered what on earth was going through his mind. “What?” Leo asked.

  “Nothing.” he chuckled. “Just that you haven’t changed one bit. I thought being in the States might have changed you, but you are still the same as you were before you left, and it’s awesome. It’s like time hasn’t passed.”

  “You have no idea. I will do whatever it takes to remain the same, Fede. Whatever it takes.” Leo emphasized. Somehow, being back home, speaking Italian reconnected him with his old self, and he didn’t want to forget the feeling for anything in the world.

  CHAPTER 28

  Destiny Calls Sooner or Later

  “Hold that smile for a few more seconds. I almost have it,” Eva instructed, as she got ready to take her last picture of the day.

  “Is this good?” the little girl asked, trying to keep her smile on.

  “Perfect! Don’t move.” What an adorable kid.

  “Don’t move, honey!” her mother shouted.