Impasse (L.A. Nights)
Page 15
Holly was flicking through her closet of form-fitting clothes, looking for something to wear that could fit comfortably around her expanding waist. If she had ever worked up the nerve to wear skinny jeans, that time had passed. The doorbell buzzed loudly. She made a vow then to ask her landlord if she could change the bell to something more pleasant if it was going to be pressed constantly. Tying her robe tight around what was becoming a bulge, Holly opened the door.
Even after the flurry of activity over the last few months, she wasn’t expecting anyone, so it was a pleasant surprise to see a large bouquet of pink lilies coming through her door, followed by Dominic.
“Here, these are for you.” Dominic thrust the flowers at her unceremoniously. Clearly, he was not a man who gave gifts to women often. The whole thing was as awkward as it was endearing.
“They were my Iris’s favorite flower,” he said. “I hope you like.”
“What’s the occasion?” Holly asked, inhaling the scent of the fragrant bouquet.
“Are you kidding? It’s not every day I find out I’m going to be a grandfather.” Dominic took her hand, kissing it gently. “You couldn’t have made me any happier.”
Busying herself getting a vase, filling it with water, then trimming the stems, and arranging the flowers just so, Holly avoided Dominic’s eyes. “You’ve talked to Nick, then?”
He lowered his stout frame and sat heavily in Holly’s kitchen chair. “He’ll come around, Holly. I think this all took my Nicky a little by surprise.”
“Can I be honest with you? I’m not asking you to take sides or anything… ”
Dominic interrupted her, “There are no ‘sides’ where a new baby is concerned.”
“I’m just a little… no, a lot surprised that Nick’s pulled a disappearing act on me. For weeks, months, he’s been trying to convince me we can be more than friends. And I’ll admit, I was resistant for exactly this reason. I knew at some point our differences would come into the picture, though not quite like this. Dominic, I’m thirty-two and ready to settle down.”
“Nicky wants all that. He’s talked about it to me and his mom, God rest her soul. Of all my kids, I’ve always thought of him mostly as a family man. Lookit, he bought a house on his own before he got married. The others are all waiting to walk down the aisle before taking on a mortgage.”
“That’s all well and good, Dominic, but the minute he learned about my pregnancy, he pulled a Houdini. I felt like I had to twist his arm just to get him to the first prenatal appointment. That’s not a good feeling, you know.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t raise him this way,” Dominic said, hanging his head shamefully. “I don’t know what’s come over him.”
“I don’t want my child to be unwanted,” Holly said, feeling a twinge of the loneliness she felt as a child. “I have enough love for both of us.”
“Even if Nicky doesn’t come around, I’ll be there as long as I’m able. A child can never get too much love.”
Tearing at Dominic’s endearing promise, Holly could only nod.
“So are we having a boy or a girl? Do you have any names? Dominic is traditional in our family. You may want to consider it. I think it’s a strong name for a boy.”
“Is that Nick’s real name? Is he a junior?” Holly asked momentarily flustered. It was embarrassing that she wasn’t sure of the full name of the father of her child.
“No, my Iris didn’t take to the whole junior business, so Nicholas was as close as I could get, but I think we could always use another Dominic in the family.”
“I haven’t really thought of names yet, but I don’t want to know if it’s a boy or girl until the birth.”
“You want to be surprised, like we were in the old days?”
Holly nodded, warming to the topic. She and Dominic talked for more than an hour about babies, and family, and marriage. It was nice to not have to keep a secret and to have someone to share her enthusiasm.
“Truce?” Nick said into the phone without any introduction hours after Dominic had left.
“We’re not at war, Nick,” Holly said quietly. Then into the silence, broken by occasional static, Holly said, “Your dad came by today.”
“I apologize if he intruded. He can be a bit overwhelming at times.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. He’s a great guy.” More silence.
“I’ve been thinking that maybe we should go ahead with the Thanksgiving plans.”
“You didn’t call it off?”
“I didn’t have the heart, Holly. I miss you. Can’t we at least do this one thing together?”
“Does it change anything else between us?”
“I still need more time, Holly,” he said quietly. She sighed, but didn’t say anything else. She didn’t ask all of the open-ended questions that came to her mind. The bottom line was that she missed him, too, desperately.
Against her better judgment, she agreed to help him put together the annual celebration.
Chapter Twelve
Holly maneuvered the car into Nick’s garage, which he had thoughtfully left open. She still had her key to his house, but no opener for the garage. Holly had never thought to ask, and he had obviously never thought to give one. She popped the trunk, ready to pull out all the stuff she had bought for the dinner preparations. A fresh ten-pound turkey, and straight from the farmer’s market, vegetables and fruits filled her car. Before she could load her arms up with bags for the trek upstairs, Nick bounded down the steps and nodded in greeting, averting his eyes from her scrutiny.
They didn’t hug or kiss, and the loss of their earlier closeness left her bereft. Effortlessly, he picked up everything, leaving her with nothing more to carry than her purse.
Nick put almost everything away and organized the rest neatly on the granite counter, then looked at her, smiling and rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “So what’s on the menu? What can I help you with?”
The kitchen, which had been comfortably cozy before, felt too intimate. Part of her, a large part actually, wanted to hug him, kiss him, ask that he hold her. The other part wanted to flee the unresolved mess they’d made of things. She did neither. Instead, Holly did the mature thing; she swallowed the lump in her throat and forged ahead.
“Well, of course we’ll have turkey. I picked up a free range bird this morning from Harvey Guss, but we won’t start that until tomorrow.”
“Doesn’t it need to defrost? My mom always left it out the day before.”
Holly shook her head. “This one was never frozen—it tastes better that way. Anyway, today I’ll start most of the other stuff.” Holly gave Nick a rundown of what had to be done. They worked companionably in near silence for several hours, he cutting, dicing, and chopping. She put together the cornbread, sage, and sausage stuffing, prepared the candied sweet potatoes, apple, and pumpkin pies for dessert.
Nick cleared off the debris from the counter and looked at all the food ready to go into the ovens.
“The smell of all this great food is killing me. I’m absolutely starving. Want to stop for lunch?” Nick asked.
Holly suggested they go out. “If it’s okay with you,” she said, feeling tired and hungry all of a sudden. “I can’t think about making a meal for us right now.”
“Of course, you’ve been on your feet all morning. I’m certainly not in the mood for more cooking. Where would you like to go? I’ll take you anywhere,” he said, pulling his keys off the wall hook. The only decision they made before leaving the house was that they were going to wing it.
After they drove down the hill and hit Sunset Boulevard, Holly suggested that Nick head west. She wanted to go somewhere busy—nowhere that was remotely romantic to spark any deep or meaningful conversation. If he wasn’t ready, she wasn’t going to push. Holly pointed them to the Mitsuwa Marketplace, a Japanese food court that featured a ramen soup place that she loved. In addition to a good, filling lunch, the food court provided a loud and unsentimental atmosphere.
Nick was moving more slowly through his soup than Holly.
“Are you going to finish that?” Holly had finished her large bowl of shio ramen and the side dishes. Being pregnant and ravenous made her a lot less dainty. She certainly couldn’t get by on a small salad and soup anymore.
“I have this voracious appetite right now,” she explained a little apologetically. “I think I’ve gotten over the worst of the morning sickness, but I’m starving at meal times, and a lot of other times, too.”
“How is … everything?” he asked, unable to meet her eyes.
“It’s fine, Nick. Everything’s fine. My second prenatal appointment went well. Everything seems to be progressing normally. Sophie’s going to be my birth coach. I think she’ll keep the class on its toes. I’m trying to find a class that specializes in single mothers—that way Sophie and I won’t feel awkward.”
Nick’s face reddened. He looked everywhere but at her. Suddenly he was very busy fishing a small slice of pork from the bowl with his bamboo chopsticks.
“Have you told anyone at work?” he asked.
“I’ll probably tell the VP of marketing in the next few weeks. I wanted to wait until I was at least three months along before I announced anything in case I lost… in case I had another miscarriage,” Holly said, stumbling over the last few words.
“Anyway, I already have someone in mind who can step in as acting director when I’m gone. Plus, I’ll be able to check in on the projects. Fortunately, this baby will come after the holiday rush. I like working during the holidays. This time of year, it’s so much easier to find volunteers, so there are a bunch of projects we’ll do in December.
“Don’t work too hard,” he admonished.
“Oh, Nick, don’t worry, I’m listening to my body and taking care of myself.” Just then, Holly started yawning and couldn’t stop. She felt suddenly exhausted, emotionally and physically. It was hard pretending everything was okay when she was terrified of starting her son or daughter’s life as a single mom. Tiredness swept over Holly like a tidal wave. Through her hand, which she was using to try to stifle her next yawn, she asked, “Do you mind taking me home? I’m really tired, and don’t think I can stay awake all the way back to your place, then drive myself home. I’ll have someone drive me to pick up my car later.”
“Of course, Holly, no problem.” Nick jumped up, busing their table before gently helping her up. He kept a supportive arm around her waist as they walked to the car then helped her in, buckling her into place. She couldn’t keep her eyes open no matter how hard she tried.
She came awake when she heard her name called.
“We’re here,” he said.
“I’m sorry about that. I must be more exhausted than I thought. I seem to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere nowadays. The doctor said it should pass in the next couple of weeks as my body adjusts,” Holly said. Soon, she became cognizant of her surroundings, aware that she was back at Nick’s. “You should have taken me to my home, Nick.”
“Shhh,” Nick said, gently pulling her from the car. “Let me help you in.”
“I’m okay, I can get to my car and drive myself home under my own steam,” Holly said pulling against Nick, even though she was more firmly planted in his car.
“Holly, let me help you,” Nick objected. “You just said you’re in no condition to drive yourself home. Please let me do this one thing for you.”
If she hadn’t been so tired, Holly would have fought this renewed sense of intimacy between them, but she couldn’t muster up the energy to protest. So she let Nick help her up the stairs and into his bedroom. She fell asleep almost instantly.
Nick undressed the sleeping Holly, caressing her body with his eyes. Changes which would probably be imperceptible to others amazed him. Her breasts which were just a little fuller than before were lined with smallish, blue veins. Her abdomen had gone from concave to just slightly convex. The slight muscle definition she’d developed from yoga had softened.
When he had put her clothes in the one chair in the room, he lay next to her watching her deep even breathing, her breasts rising and falling with each breath, loving her so much his heart ached, but not liking himself very much for letting her down when she obviously needed him the most.
As dusk shadowed the bedroom, Holly awoke to find Nick watching her. She couldn’t tell how long she’d slept tucked warmly in Nick’s sleigh bed. He must have undressed her because she was nude under the feather duvet and blanket. The soft sheets brushed against her suddenly sensitive skin, her hardened nipples. Holly spotted her clothes neatly folded on a new, comfortable looking leather chair she hadn’t seen before. She reached out her arm to pull back the covers and grab her clothes, but Nick stopped her with a hungry glance.
“Nick, what are you doing?” she said, somewhat resigned to their unshakeable desire for each other. “What are we doing?”
“What we do best,” he said huskily. “Making each other feel good.”
Before she could protest, Nick laid a finger upon her lips, still puffy from sleep. From that moment forward their communication was strictly non-verbal. They looked intently in each other’s eyes. While Nick stroked her hair, face, then her arm, raising goose bumps along the sensitive flesh, she was unable to tear her eyes away from his. She watched his incredibly vivid green eyes turn as dark as night with desire.
Against her better judgment, Holly gave in to the feelings he aroused in her so easily. She surrendered to Nick, erasing the weeks of loneliness and pent up emotions overwhelming her. Nick eased her leg over his hip, his hand dipping to her core, testing her readiness. Needing no further invitation, he guided his shaft, entering her slowly yet deliberately, letting her soft warmth envelop him. With no barriers between them, they sighed in pleasure when they came together. Holly and Nick stayed joined like that for a long stretch of time, only the slightest rocking keeping them moving together in a rhythm they alone had perfected.
They remained on the knife’s edge of pleasure for what seemed like forever until Holly couldn’t take it anymore. She leaned into him and kissed him in that way she knew he couldn’t resist, caressing his bottom lip with her tongue. His breath caught and their slow rhythm broke, his strokes becoming faster, deeper, erratic, and barely controlled. He broke the kiss and reached between them to gently tweak each of her beaded nipples before stroking the pad of his thumb along her clitoris until she pulsed around him, her climax milking him until he reached his own.
They lay joined and not moving as the sky darkened from dusk into night. He slowly disentangled himself and went down the hallway to the bathroom. When he came back, Holly was almost fully dressed and slipped on her sandals, her painted toenails peeking out.
“Where are you going now?”
“Home, Nick.”
“But… ” he trailed off, his eyes on the very rumpled bedclothes.
“What just happened wasn’t a very good idea.”
“But I love you, Holly.”
“I know Nick; I love you, too,” she said softly, her declaration barely audible in the dark room. She had finally admitted to him what she had only reluctantly admitted to herself. Holly paused, her confession standing between them like an unwanted guest in the room. She wanted to ask if that love extended to their son or daughter growing inside her, but she could not bear to hear the answer. She dreaded hearing that he did not want them both.
“What just happened doesn’t change anything,” she continued. “I’ve already lived this lesson, Nick, and I’m not going down this road again. I know now that sometimes love isn’t enough.”
On Thanksgiving Day, Holly came back at seven o’clock in the morning
as she had promised, carrying a few more items in a large multi-colored tote. Nick was subdued, trying his best not to upset her. He hoisted the turkey into the oven when she asked and did all of the other heavy lifting required. He watched her set the table with beautiful things from her stash of family heirlooms.
Sophie was first to arrive that afternoon, reluctantly admitting that Ryan was with her. “He tagged along,” she whispered out of Ryan’s earshot. But the smoldering looks that passed between them once or twice belied Sophie’s blasé attitude.
Asha and Hayes came next. Hayes, bartender guide in hand, immediately set himself up in the kitchen making hot buttered rum for everyone. Asha curled her long legs on the living room floor, and for her normally soft-spoken demeanor, revealed a surprisingly loud voice as she cheered on the Detroit Lions. When asked, Asha admitted in her mellifluous accent that she had never been to Michigan. Helena came with a few of Nick’s friends from the studio and network. Last to arrive was Dominic, who carried something sealed in a large padded container looking like he had a pizza to deliver.
“Dad, what took you so long? We’ve been holding dinner for you.”
“I was busy, Nicky. You’re not the only one with important stuff do.”
“What could be important today? You knew we were having dinner. Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Nick asked, pointing to the slim mobile hanging from Dominic’s belt.
“I don’t need that newfangled gadget you bought me. I was out doing something very critical we’ll talk about later. Now let’s stop being rude to your guests, and get down to the chow.”
He batted away anyone who offered to help him with the mystery package, saying only that he had something special for later. Holly eyed Nick warily, and he just shrugged, going along for the ride. He was used to Dominic’s eccentricities.
As Nick had remembered from years past, Holly’s food was a hit. Everyone wanted to know how she kept the turkey moist and what she did to make everything taste so great. Like any good chef, she did not reveal too many of her secrets. Not to denigrate his mom’s memory, but they always had leftovers after Thanksgiving even in his large family. This was not the case with Holly’s dinner. Just as quickly as the feast seemed to appear, it was gone. Regrettably, he wouldn’t be eating turkey sandwiches or leftover pumpkin pie.