Before You Leave: A Romance Novel

by Hunter, Amelia

  “Woah back up a bit there,” Kieran gets up from his stool and uses his hands in a gesture to calm down while all the time approaching me, “didn’t I say I would explain it all to you this morning. I have been more than honest with you.”

  “Don’t come any closer,” I tell him, putting my own hands up to keep me out of his reach.

  “This is ridiculous.”

  “You think so do you? So how come I have just overheard you talking to someone on the phone? Miss you! You have to love me! You always have! Who was that, your mother?” I spit the words at him and can feel the heat travel up to my face this time in temper. In one swift move Kieran picks me up with my arms stuck down to my sides and carries me out to the pool. I kick my legs trying to get him to let me go but he holds fast.

  “Put me down Kieran.” I manage to say through my teeth gritted down in annoyance.

  “Oh you want to go down do you? I can do that.”

  Stepping to the edge of the water Kieran throws me in. My arms and legs splash like mad trying to keep my body balanced in the water and not to go under, but I do. Slowly I drift under still wearing my yellow dress and with my hair floating out in waves and I realise how peaceful it is when I stop fighting. So I close my eyes and embrace the new freedom I begin to feel. Until my body is jolted out of the water away from my peaceful drifting and placed onto the cool tiles.

  “Oh shit are you ok Julia? Julia talk to me.”

  “I was fine until you pulled me out.” I splatter out to him.

  “No, no don’t talk like that, I thought you could swim, I saw you swim.” Kieran towers over me, the pool water drips from the soaking wet white t-shirt similar to the one I wore to bed. His face is etched with concern as he scans me checking I am ok. “I can’t believe I did that to you but you are so frustrating.”

  “I was very peaceful in there.”

  “I don’t want to bring you pain, I don’t want to ever bring you tears but all I seem to be doing is just that.” Kieran sits back on his heels, threading his fingers through his hair and wringing out the droplets that have gathered. “Right, I am taking you in, getting you dry and then you have no choice in this, I am making you a normal cup of tea before we talk. Well I’ll talk. You’ll listen. When I have finished I will take you back to your hotel room. You can stay there and never hear from me again, or,” Kieran brushes my wet hair off the side of my face, “or you can pack your bag and come back here until you fly home.” He finishes, much more slowly.

  Standing up before I can answer him, he scoops me up in his arms and carries me back into the house, and this time I don’t struggle. At the settee he lets my feet hit the floor allowing me to stand.

  “Stay there. I am just getting a few things to dry you.”

  Within minutes he returns with his white fluffy towels and a dressing gown to match. His own clothes have already been changed in what must have been lightning speed. Now sporting a pair of dark blue denim jeans, his black t-shirt that show his physique even more and he must have sprayed my favourite Kieran aroma before he ran back down the stairs.

  “Okay, you really need to get out your wet dress. Here put this on.” Handing me the towel first, I dap down my hair to stop it from dripping too much before I start on my arms and legs.

  “That is not going to help. I’ll hold the towel open and you can strip behind it and wrap yourself with it afterwards.” Kieran takes the towel from me and holds it out between his arms, turning his head slightly away from me at the same time. I keep a close eye on him so he doesn’t peek and unzip stepping into the towel as I step out of the dress. Kieran encloses his arms around me and in that instant it felt like a different world, one that didn’t need explaining.

  “I’m going to make the tea while I leave you to dry, but first I need to hang out your dress. Do you want to sit outside or inside? It’s still shaded in the seating area.”

  “Inside. I think.”

  Kieran picks up my wet clothes of the floor and takes them outside before going to the kitchen. Once I hear him opening the cupboards, I guess to retrieve the mugs, I finish drying myself. With my back turned away from him, I put on the dressing gown he left for me. The softness is like a blanket wrapping around me and I warm instantly, not that I was cold but the comfort it gives makes me sink into the settee and rest here for the day.

  Kieran brings in the two mugs in his hands with a plate balancing on top of one of them. Carefully putting them on the small coffee table, he removes the plate and places it in front of me. A selection of cheese, fruit and crackers are displayed in a fan. Taking the seat opposite me he sits at the edge and rests his elbows on his knees.

  “You hardly had any breakfast so I thought you might like to pick on them instead.” He says pointing to the plate.

  “It looks too good to eat Kieran, thank you.”

  “I do try my best, even when others think I don’t.” Keeping his focus on his hands he reaches for his drink and takes a sip before replacing it on the table again.

  “Ok I’ll start at the beginning and try not to skip. If I miss out anything you want to know please tell me.”

  I stack a slice of the cheese onto a cracker and sit back holding my tea in my hands.

  “Okay I’m ready.” I say eager to hear what excuses he has for his behaviour.

  “Well you know I was on the same flight as you.”

  I nod in response.

  “I was just returning from being at home, I had to go back to sort some things out.” Kieran pauses for a second and rubs his palms on his knees.

  “I don’t want to interrupt but why did you need to go home? I thought this was your home?” I cut in before he speaks again.

  “It is. I mean it was my home that I lived in before I moved here. My parents’ home. My sister lives there now but I go back often. I received a call a couple of weeks ago to say my sister had been a little unwell, she wanted her big brother to visit and I was happy to oblige.” He smiles at the thought and it is endearing.

  “Does she have a partner living with her?”

  “No not Sinead. Oh she has had so-called men wanting to date her and maybe she has taken them up on their offer, but none that I would approve of. I had an extension built on the side of the house for our Aunt to live in and she stays with her. It has worked for over fifteen years now and they both seem very happy with the arrangement.”

  I wanted to ask him where his parents are but thought best not when he continues.

  “Sinead is sick. The doctors are monitoring her but I wanted to make sure she was getting the best treatment they can offer.”

  “Ooh poor love, no wonder you needed to go and see her. Do they know what could be wrong?”

  “She was born with Cystic Fibrosis, do you know what it is?”

  “I do, my cousins husbands sister has it too. She’s only a teenager and had to do her Leaving Cert in the hospital. I’m sorry to hear your sister has it.”

  “So you know how careful it is for her not to get an infection especially on her chest. Anyway, she had been doing well but had managed to pick up something that she found hard to shift. That’s why I was on the plane. I had been to visit her.” Taking another mouthful of his tea that must have cooled down by now, his hand looks a little shaky as he replaces the mug. I put the half eaten cracker back onto the plate and drink my own, hooking my feet up underneath me for comfort.

  “And how is she now?” I ask concerned for her even though we hadn’t met.

  “Much better after a stay in the hospital and lots of hugs from me.” His mouth smiles a little as he looks up towards me before back to his hands again. “I was already on the plane when you came staggering on held up by Sarah. I don’t know if it was because I saw the same pain in your face that I have seen often in my own but there was something about you I couldn’t shake off. With the four-hour flight I watched the back of your head for most of it. I knew that you were most probably sleeping but I still watched. When Sarah got up and went to the ba
throom it was the first time I realised Abigail was with you too. But she wasn’t kind to you like Sarah was. I could see her push you over to the other side of the chair when you tried to rest your head on her shoulder. Through the gap between the seats her face took on one of disgust when she looked at you. Until Sarah returned and then she was all smiles and laughs again. Anyway by the time the flight landed I already detested her.”

  “It was a long flight Kieran and I wasn’t being very helpful. I wouldn’t blame Abigail for being mad at me. I would be mad at me too if I was in her situation.”

  “I don’t know Julia, this was different. Any time I’ve seen her with you after that she hasn’t exactly been welcoming.”

  “Kieran, Abigail has had to deal with losing her partner in a business they both built up. Please don’t be angry with her.”

  Resting his chin on his hands he looks directly at me. His eyes seem to want to tell me something that his mouth is not.

  “Are you holding something back?” I have to ask.

  “This might sound crazy to you.”

  “I think right now nothing can be as crazy as me sitting here in your bathrobe.”

  Letting out a deep sigh, Kieran rubs his face with his hands and then the back of his neck.

  “I’ve seen her before.” The four little words tumble out of his mouth while he is still transfixed on me. I shiver and daren’t reach for the mug now in case my trembling hand gives my sinking feeling away. I try to think back on the holidays Sarah has told me that Abigail has had, but I don’t recall any that was here. Surely she would have mentioned it when we arrived or the places we have been but she hadn’t. Unless the memory for her was a horrid one and she didn’t want to be reminded.

  “Kieran what do you mean you have seen her before? Here on the island or back in Ireland?”

  “Here.”

  “I am sure she was just on holiday. Must have been before I knew her as she never mentioned it.”

  “Julia it was only last year. Around August time. The season was just picking up with Irish tourists desperate for the sun after a disastrous summer. I don’t normally remember every face but it was the man she was with that made her noticeable.”

  “What man? Abigail has never mentioned a man, unless that is why she never indicated that she was here.”

  “He was all over her. I’m talking over the top public show of affection. I’m certainly not a prude but when you’re in a cafe and you’re practically on top of the woman. That is wrong.”

  “But she isn’t that kind of person, well I thought she wasn’t. Maybe they were drunk?”

  “I thought the same thing but he approached me after I had seen them in the cafe Pablo runs and asked if I would be interested in charting my yacht to him. I was a little taken back as I don’t normally do that, my yacht is my sanctuary. Anyway he offered some crazy amount of money and me being the businessman that I am, I took it. So the two of them met me at the harbour and I set sail. The coastline was barely in the distance when he started to seduce her on the deck. I turned a blind eye at first and got on with steering Gail, that’s my yachts name. I don’t know what he thought he was playing at but I had Gail turned round in the next breeze and back into the harbour kicking them both off. God he was mad, I mean fucking nuts. Said that I had no right to interrupt them when he paid for a service. I threw his money back at him and told him to next time to control his dick. Goddamn Julia if they wanted to have sex outside there is more than enough places but bluntly in front of me, no I am not into that shit.” Kieran bunches his fists tighter as he talks, recalling the scene he had to endure.

  “He sounds like a crazy man. Did she look embarrassed at all?”

  “Not one bit. I don’t know if she met him here or came to the island with him. When I saw her with you on the plane something just snapped in me. I guess you could say I wanted to protect you from her.”

  “Me from her, why? I know she hasn’t exactly been the belle of the ball since we arrived. But maybe she is regretting that time with him. Is that why you have been on my heels since I arrived?”

  “Yes and no. At first on the plane, yes. I could see you weren’t up for those steps but Sarah was busy and Abigail had already reached the bottom while you staggered to the door. I caught you before you fell. That moment right there.” Kieran stops talking and wipes his brow again. “That moment Julia, it wasn’t you that fell but it was me, falling for you.”

  I don’t know if the air in the room has just been sucked out or my headaches are coming back but my head starts to spin. Is that the reason he has been around me all this time? The way he took over in the hospital, finding me, me being here, Sarah trusting him, so many thoughts crash into me all at once that I have to get some air. Standing up quickly I leave the sitting area and without looking at Kieran walk out to the patio. Taking in deep breaths I try and control the sick feeling in my stomach and this time I know it isn’t the lack of food that is causing it. Why am I shocked? Haven’t I known myself that there has been some sort of connection? I’ve heard him say it, although less heartfelt words, at the hospital and I have fought against them every time. Or is it because I have felt the same way and denied it, feeling an awful guilt because of Ryan? Now that he has admitted it to me face to face, it seems too real.

  “Hey I’m sorry I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that especially when I haven’t even explained everything to you properly.” Kieran stands at the sliding door that is only half concertinaed this morning. The distance between us seems to be more than a few feet right now.

  “It’s Ryan,” I confess, “I don’t know if I’m ready to move on. I’ve only just found my feet since I have been here even though it doesn’t really look like it. Not after the hospital incident. Inside though, I’m starting to gain strength but I can’t just walk away from his memory. It’s too strong even with the stain of that text.” Kieran starts to walk towards me but I stop him. I need this distance; he clouds my thinking too much.

  “Julia please let me finish and then I will leave you alone.”

  Walking out of the sun, I take a seat on the wicker chair with its deep cushion in the shade. Cautiously Kieran joins me and sits on the edge of the two-seater nearest to me.

  “I tried to give you my card at the airport, I thought once you had left there I wouldn’t see you again.”

  “I...I barely remember a card.”

  “That’s because Sarah took it from you, I don’t think she liked me back then. I don’t blame her. She really cares for you. I had to visit one of my apartment blocks to check on a few things after the flight when I saw you sitting by the pool. You looked fragile, pale and then when I saw you putting on the sun cream while you were out already in the sun, I had to make a comment. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut even then could I? But there was and is something about you that just causes all reason to leave my brain. I want to protect you, but I know you don’t need protecting. And that frustrates me. After I knew where you were staying I thought it was fate. Something was connecting us together. With all the apartments and hotels on this island and you stay in one of mine.” I begin to say something but this time it is Kieran’s turn to silent me. Using his hand he holds it out to pause what I want to ask. “The other times I bumped into you were just that, a complete coincidence, like we were magnets pulling together. When Sarah told me you were missing that day, oh god Julia, I swear to you my heart was in my mouth. I have never panicked like I did that moment. Thank god you told Sarah where you were going. That beach is off the tourist track and you could have been there for hours before anyone would have noticed you there. Honest to god I haven’t been stalking you, whatever power is at work here is out of my doing, but I am so glad it has. The past few days, although not all plain sailing has certainly been the best ones in my year so far, fuck best ones in my life so far. That is all down to you just being you.”

  Kieran pauses and waits for me to speak. “I haven’t exactly been fun in your company.” I tel
l him and he chuckles a little. “No you haven’t, but that doesn’t matter. Just your presence around me is enough.”

  Strangely I know what he means. Just the aroma of Kieran starts off my butterflies.

  “Do you mind me asking how many properties you own? Surely I was bound to stay in one of them considering I have been to two that I know of. How do you do that?” I ask him, changing the subject.

  “What, own property?”

  “Yes, I barely own one and that’s a struggle.”

  Kieran sits back in the seat looking a little more relaxed.

  “It started when my parents passed away. They used to bring Sinead and me here when we were young and before Sinead’s condition limited her travel. My father was a major shareholder in a large company overseas. I won’t go into details because it confused the hell out of me when I had to listen to how many pies he had his fingers in. My mother and he had a healthy trust fund set up for the two of us when we reached twenty-one. They never got to see us reach that age. On my 18th birthday my parents held a party for me at their social club. Over 100 people were in attendance and the place was buzzing. They bought me a big surprise, one I didn’t expect, a brand spanking new car. The black shone on the bonnet and I could see my reflection on the chrome on the wheels. I cut the big red bow that was around it but I knew I wouldn’t be driving it home. I’d been drinking and was in no fit state to drive. Dad said he would drive mum home in it, as it would be the only time they both would be in it together. He was right about that. It was.” Straightening his jean leg he rubs his knee with his hand. I know this mustn’t be easy for him, reliving a memory from his past. I start to move towards him, inching forward in my seat but he holds his hand out to stop me.

  “No Julia, please let me finish. I’m not looking for sympathy from you but you asked and I want to tell you the truth.”

  Sitting back on my seat I let him continue all the time desperate to be closer to him.

  “I was told after the accident the car that hit them head on was driven by a drunk driver. Quite ironic really considering it was the reason I wasn’t driving that night. He was on their side of the road as they went around a bend. There was no way they could avoid him especially at the speed he was travelling at. All three of them died that night. The car insurance took another seven years to pay out the compensation, complications and his family fighting for his innocence is what held it back. We were lucky enough that our parents already had provisions for us if anything happened. So that brings me to now. My property, my yacht, my love for food, this island and my cafe’s, it’s for my parents. In their honour I wanted to make something of myself, someone they would be proud off. My aunt stepped in and took care of Sinead and me. I had just finished Secondary and really had no clue what I was going to do. After that night my future wasn’t going in the direction it should have and I wasn’t exactly a role model as an older brother. Thank god for Aunty Mary, my mum’s sister. She had a word with my dad’s family over here and before summer holidays were over I had a plane ticket in my hand and my suitcases packed. Moving here was the best thing for me and I learnt more than I would have if I stayed in Ireland. I did try and go back the following year and enrolled in a University to study business. After two years though I got sick of it and moved here permanently. I got a love of cooking from my uncle and worked in his restaurant until I opened my own cafe. And well as they say, the rest is history. I’m not a bad guy Julia, I really only want the best, I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I’m not a fool not to notice you are hurting, I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”