Before You Leave: A Romance Novel

by Hunter, Amelia

  “Should I even ask what that was about?”

  “I really have no idea. That was the kind woman who gave me the pebble, she just took it back.”

  “She did? Why?”

  “Apparently it has been good to me and someone else needs it.”

  “Did you want to give it back?”

  “Strangely not until she held out her hand. Then I felt I no longer needed it.”

  “Just as well you ran into then or she would be looking for a new stone.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Come on Ms Strange. Let’s fill your belly.” Taking my hand Kieran leads me along the picturesque narrow roads. The pathways are much quieter than the tourist area we had just come from and with the sun beaming down; I pull Kieran’s hand to stop.

  “Do we have much further to go?”

  “Not far, I thought you would like the scenic route. Are you ok?”

  “I’m getting hot Kieran, the sun is burning today.”

  “Did you cream yourself this morning?” He asks in a sterner voice.

  “I did but I think I just need the shade. It has been another eventful morning.”

  Kieran places his hand on the back of my neck, “You’re very sweaty. I knew I should have brought the jeep.”

  “Don’t be cross with yourself. It was my choice we walked so far.”

  “No I should have thought this through. You have only been out of hospital a few days and all you have had to put up with since is bad news. Can you manage another five minutes?”

  “Five minutes? I think so.”

  Kieran lurches forward and picks me up from where I am standing carrying me with ease.

  “What are you doing?” I ask while grasping my hands around his neck.

  “What do you think?”

  “You’re nuts. I can walk.”

  “I’m not taking the chance of you collapsing. Not while you are with me.”

  “But people are staring,” I look over his shoulder at the elderly woman we just passed. She stands on the edge of the pathway and smiles back at me while waving her hand. I try and wave back from behind Kieran but it is a weak wave.

  “Rubbish, there is hardly anyone along this street. And anyway, I’m sure they will find it amusing.”

  “Well I don’t.”

  “Well you’re not exactly struggling.”

  “Touché.”

  Kieran laughs at my answer and his chest expands with his chuckle. His infectious sound makes me join him much to the amusement to the gentleman waiting to greet us at the door of the cafe. Letting me down slowly, my feet reach the floor and Kieran pulls the man into a bear hug. The stocky man holds him at arm’s length away after the hug, his height is no match to Kieran’s, he looks smiling and muttering something I am unable to understand. Turning his attention to me, he encloses me into his arms before holding on to my hand and bringing me into the cafe. The place is set out differently to the one in town, much less touristy, very homely looking and small. A cool breeze rotates from the fan positioned in the corner of the room and the gentleman guides me towards it.

  “It is too hot for beautiful woman to be out, Kieran. What were you thinking off? Did I not teach you womanly respect?”

  “Why do you think I was carrying her, Carlos?”

  “Sit, sit, let me get you an ice cold drink, what would you like beautiful woman?”

  “Just water please.” I ask now grateful for the cool surroundings I am in.

  “I find you something to eat too. You look hungry.”

  Kieran sits down in the high back chair beside me and nudges my arm.

  “He likes you.”

  “What do you mean, he likes me?”

  “Carlos doesn’t cook food for everyone before he opens the door to the public.”

  “You mean he isn’t even open? Why did you bring us here then?”

  “Because I know how to cook a mean dish if Carlos was too busy to do it himself and I thought you would like this place.”

  “You are a brazen man.”

  “Haha you sound like my aunt. She has used that word many times for me.”

  “No wonder. But you’re right. This is a lovely and cool place. I’m very pleased you kept what looks like original features.”

  “You mean the tiled floor?”

  “Yes the pattern is stunning on it.”

  “I have no idea why anyone would want to take up flooring like that. It keeps the place cool too.”

  “No air conditioning though?”

  “Nope, these old places don’t really need it. They are built to keep the sun out. That fan is really for guests, like you.”

  “I am enjoying it.”

  “It looks like you are too, your hair is blowing in the breeze.”

  Gathering up the strands of hair that must have fallen down on our way here, I push them under the elastic band. Kieran pulls my hand down, letting the wildly strands loose again.

  “I like the wild look. It suits you.”

  “Kieran, they were probably stuck to my neck in the heat. I will have to wash it when I get back to the hotel.”

  “Will you need help?”

  “Kieran! I think I am quite capable of showering by myself.” I smirk at him just as Carlos places the glass of crystal clear water on the table in front of me. I thank him and take a large mouthful, savouring the chill before I swallow. Kieran bends down to me and tells me that he will be back shortly before he follows Carlos through the door, that I expect, leads to the kitchen. I rest back into my seat now that my temperature feels like it has reached a cooler level. I can understand why Kieran lives on such a friendly island, it seems that everyone I have met so far is smiling and relaxed. It is such a different life than what I am used too.

  A dark thought crosses my mind; in the past few days I have spent longer with Kieran then I did with Ryan the last few weeks we were together. Letting out a sigh reality starts to hit, tomorrow I won’t have any of these relaxed feelings, I won’t have Kieran looking out for me, feeding me and although I haven’t realised until now, but he is the one making me smile again, he has made me laugh. All that will be gone once my key turns in the door of my apartment and I enter the realm of my past. No one will be there to replace my little pebble. Oh god, the woman was right. I didn’t need the pebble for the last few days to give me strength. It was Kieran all along. I just never wanted to admit it to myself. Shit, my heart starts beating rapidly and I take another mouthful of water to try and stop my body shaking. I can’t tell Kieran what I’m thinking; it just wouldn’t be fair to him. Not after I have been keeping him at a distance. I have to go home to fix my life by myself. If after I have achieved that, he still wants me, then I will be back.

  Slipping quietly from my seat, I leave the cafe and Kieran behind.

  Walking along the beach at the front of the hotel with my sandals in my hand, I kick the sand between my toes. The cool morning grains flutter through the air and back on the beach. I stay close to the tide and welcome the rush of the waves calmly gathering around my heavy steps. Sighing, I don’t know why I feel disappointed that Kieran never came knocking at my door yesterday evening after he arrived back. I heard him out on his balcony, talking to someone on his phone but not in a language I understood. It was late when he arrived back too, missing the sunset over the horizon. I don’t blame him, I have run out on him yet again and showed him up in front of Carlos. He is probably sick of my hot and cold attitude, but I only want to protect him from being hurt. He doesn’t need someone in his life with the baggage I have right now. It isn’t fair on him. Leaving him behind is going to hurt me more than I ever thought. Packing my suitcase earlier just made me realise the quieter I leave, the better for both of us. Kieran can get back to his work, his home and his yacht.

  Facing the sea, I take a couple of steps further into the waves and let the water lap up around my ankles. The tears that are falling are new ones, no longer for Ryan, no longer for the life I wanted with him, but for
the one I had a glimpse at for the past few days. They stream down my cheeks for Kieran and the way he made me feel, good and bad. Folding my arms across my blue shirtdress, I let my body feel the loss of what it never had.

  It’s the crunching of the sand I hear over the sound of the waves; I know I am no longer alone. As the steps came closer I refuse to turn around, no not refuse, ashamed. If he sees my face and the tears he will read through me.

  Gently when he reaches me, he turns me around to face him, lifting my chin to see me clearly, and the truth in my tears. Taking a tissue from his jean pocket he carefully wipes away the dampness from each cheek.

  “I knew you were here before I saw you,” I tell him with my voice trembling. “Your presence surrounds me like a warm blanket on a winter’s night Kieran.”

  “You ran, again. I can’t cope with you running Julia. I’m not the bad one.”

  “I know I’m just scared, so scared.”

  “Life doesn’t need to be scary. You just have to live it.”

  “I don’t know how to anymore.”

  “Yes you do. Haven’t I been telling you how strong you are? But Julia every time you run, you take a piece of my trust with you.”

  I can no longer let Kieran look at me. I don’t even deserve to have him as a friend the way I have behaved.

  “Julia what time do you have to leave for your flight?”

  “Soon.” I tell him while I take the tissue from his out stretched hand.

  “Come, let me grab your case and put it in the jeep.”

  “No need,” I mumble between my sniffles, “I have a taxi coming.”

  “Oh Julia, you know I wanted to take you.”

  “It’s best this way. No awkward goodbyes.”

  “Shit, I can’t believe this is happening.” Kieran takes a few steps away and kicks the sand in frustration. At that moment I realise he too is barefoot. I can hear him swear again under his breath before he stomps back to me. Wiping away the rest of my tears, he holds my face in his warm hands.

  “Julia, I can’t let you go. I mean, I know you have to sort out whatever crap is happening at home, but I can’t let you go not until you kiss me before you leave. I mean really kiss me. Let me taste you inside my mouth so I can hold on to that until I see you again. I want to consume you.”

  I lift up my eyes and offer my lips to allow him to taste how I feel and let our mouths collide. The desperation is felt as our tongues tangle with each other. Fighting for air but not wanting to stop, I gasp a breath through a pause only to continue with just as much passion. Kieran’s arms wrap around me, his hands travel up my back and entwine in my hair. I can feel his heart pounding against my chest as he presses his body onto mine and I reach up to deepen my kiss. I hold tightly onto his t-shirt by his waist, not wanting the inevitable to happen.

  Kieran’s kiss becomes slower, savouring the last few moments of our time together before I have to go. His tenderness feels like our last goodbye, something to keep in our memory but never to be repeated. His life will keep going, he will find another to be with and I will sort out my own. Placing small feathery kisses on my lips, Kieran pulls away reluctantly.

  “The taxi will be here soon, I’ll help you get your case.”

  “Kieran, I’m sorry to have brought all this on you.”

  “The only thing I’m sorry about is that you’re leaving.”

  “I have a lot to sort out.” I tell him as he holds out his hand and I take it wanting to feel close to him before the reality of home hits me.

  Entering my room from the balcony, Kieran takes my packed case and I shut the door behind us. After settling up with the receptionist and finding out that any charges have already been dealt with, we stand outside the building waiting.

  “You didn’t have to do that?”

  “Do what, kiss you? Because god damn woman I have been wanting to do that for a long time.”

  “I meant my bill. I was going to pay myself.”

  “I know but you were my guest, remember, no matter where you were staying.”

  “I really don’t like goodbyes Kieran. Why don’t you go back inside while I wait?”

  “And leave you here by yourself?”

  “I really want you to.”

  “Why does this feel like more than a goodbye?”

  “Maybe that is just the way life is. It doesn’t always end in fairy tales.”

  “It could you know.”

  “No Kieran it can’t. I wouldn’t put your life entangled with mine. It wouldn’t be fair.”

  “Can you not let me decide that?”

  “Kieran please, I have to do this by myself.”

  “Julia, I want to be with you, to help you through it.”

  “This time Kieran you can’t. I have to do it by myself. I want to do it by myself. Who knows what will happen in the future.”

  “Will you come back here to the island?”

  A blue car pulls up next to the curb and Kieran nods to the driver to acknowledge him. Pulling me towards him, he holds me tight.

  “I’ll never forget you Jules. Never.” He whispers in my ear.

  I am unable to look at him; I can’t let him see the tears gathering in my eyes. One blink and they will be falling freely down my cheek. In the short time I have known him not once has he called me by my preferred name and now it just seems too real. Taking my case from his clutched hand, I pass it to the driver who in turn places it inside the opened boot. Sliding into the back seat of the vehicle, I keep my gaze on the empty road ahead, waiting for the car to move. I can hear Kieran talking to the taxi driver but his words are hushed, his voice distinctively stern. Holding my handbag against me, I open it to retrieve my ticket and check the departure time. All the time wishing the driver would just get into the car and just leave. Minutes later he does and without a word between us, sets off to the airport.

  The quiet journey takes only thirty minutes to complete; throughout it all I took in the landscape and beauty of the island. Thanking the driver, he refuses payment for his service, one more act that Kieran had to do he said. I want to be angry with him but I’m not. How can I when right up to the end he is still thinking of me. Instead I take my case and walk into the busy departure hall. With only a carry-on bag it didn’t take long for me to get through the security. Checking my watch I know I have more than enough time to grab a bottle of water and a magazine for my flight, so different from how I arrived twelve days ago. That journey I remember very little, even the moment Kieran caught me as I fell is a blur on my memory. Twelve days of him watching over me, twelve days for me to fall for him. Surely no one could have those kinds of feelings after just two weeks, that isn’t possible.

  After waiting around for more than an hour the monitor indicates that the flight is ready to board. Joining the other passengers I wait in line for the doors to open and my boarding paper to be checked.

  Moving out towards the waiting plane it hits me. My stomach twists into a knot at the realisation that this is it. I am leaving the island and have to continue alone, but what is making me feel queasy is that I’m leaving Kieran. My feet drag my body to the door of the aeroplane and I stand with the queue of people behind me, unable to move.

  The steward moves towards me and takes my free hand, checking my seat off the paper as he walks me down the aisle.

  “Now you sit there and we will be taking off shortly. If you need anything just press the button above your head and I will come to you. I’m just putting your case in this overhead compartment.”

  I just nod at him and turn my body towards the small oval window not wanting to see the expressions of the other travellers. Taking a tissue out of my bag I let the tears fall. The loss of probably never knowing another man like Kieran again. One who, without question cared for me in more ways than Ryan ever did in all our time together, and I let him go.

  Pressing my fingers across my lips, I close my sodden eyes and remember the kiss from only a few hours ago, the kiss to beat all other
s, the one that said so much and yet nothing at all. The taste of Kieran forever embedded on me. And I don’t want to let him go.

  The seat next to me is taken at the same time I hear the door at the front bang shut. The passenger must have run to make the flight on time, as his breathing is rapid. But I don’t look. Right now I don’t care who is sitting next to me as long as they don’t want to make conversation.

  The stewardess acts out the emergency procedures as the plane taxis to the runway and still I keep my eyes firmly shut. The quicker we are up in the air the quicker the drinks trolley will be going through the cabin and already I want to order a large whiskey to knock me out, just like I did for the journey here. Holding tight to the armrest as the plane ascends into the air I then ease myself back into the seat while it straightens up again. It isn’t until I hear over the tannoy that the drinks trolley is on its way that I open my eyes. I didn’t have to look to see who is sitting next to me I can feel him. I was too absorbed in my own self-pity to realise before. Taking a deep breath in of just Kieran, I turn in my seat. His unsure smile doesn’t extend fully and my heart flutters.

  “What are you doing here?” I whisper in shock.

  Taking my hand into his, he brings it up to his lips and kisses the back of it.

  “I am never going to let you go through life by yourself again.”

  “But I left you at the hotel.”

  “And I followed.”

  “But you love the island, and my life is a mess.”

  “I can come back, with you, when the time is right. You need me, the island can keep.”

  “Kieran your life is here. You need to go back.”

  “My life Jules, is where you are. Trust me and let me get you through this. I don’t want you to do this on your own.”

  “You’re really coming home with me?”

  “I really am.”

  I lean over and brush his lips with mine. I can’t stop the smile I have for him afterwards. Holding onto his hands tightly I realise that my life might be tough for a while when I get home, but with Kieran by my side it will get better.