Paper Dolls

by Sienna Mynx

  “Nice wine choice,” he returned with glasses and the uncorked bottle. Zephyr took a seat. “So you always light candles for you and Milo to dine?” she looked up at him with a teasing smile.

  “Your mom taught you never to arrive empty handed. My mom taught me to seize the moment, whenever I can.” he smiled in return.

  She laughed softly. “She sounds like a wise woman.”

  “The best,” he said. He poured himself a glass of wine, and poured her some iced tea, and set a tiny silver pitcher of honey next to the glass to sweeten it. When he sat across from her she studied his features amongst the candle flames.

  “Aren’t you curious?” she asked.

  “About?” he revealed the food. He lifted the pot cover.

  “Why I would agree to this? I mean you haven’t even asked,” she said

  He smiled. “Truth is, Zephyr, I saw the man carry out his bags. I could only deduce that meant something.”

  “It does. But it only means that I’m taking a little time for me.”

  “And a friendly candlelight dinner with your neighbor is perfectly in line with that. You do have to eat,” Clayton said.

  She inhaled the baked barbequed chicken and asparagus. “Hmmm…not as exotic as the meal in the Keys, but it’ll do.”

  Clayton laughed. “Well I’m not Taint that’s for sure.”

  He fixed her plate and his. After grace they fell into a comfortable silence. He finally looked up at her. “I think maybe it’s time I share something about myself.”

  Zephyr swallowed. “Okay.”

  “I met my wife in college,” he began.

  “What school?”

  “Vanderbilt. Believe it or not I was an engineering major,” he said.

  “Wow, big switch into sales?”

  “Yeah. It fit though,” he said.

  “And your wife?”

  “She’s an attorney,” he replied.

  “Oh, impressive.”

  Clayton pushed his food around his plate with his fork, as if lost in his thoughts. Zephyr noticed. She softened. “Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.”

  “It’s not that, it’s just hard looking back, you know?”

  Zephyr nodded that she understood.

  “Well, I can say she hasn’t changed one bit since I met her. She’s a strictly disciplined person. Everything in order.” He used his hand to demonstrate. “Everything has its place, even her husband. And for some reason I thought I could handle that. Maybe even change her. She had a different view of things. She felt I was the only one who should change to make our marriage work.”

  “I don’t understand. Why did either of you have to change? You love someone, you love them for who they are. Right?” she asked.

  “I just have a way of seeing what I want to see. That’s how she put it. I saw this great love between us, and she saw a partnership. I saw babies in her future, and she saw opening her own firm. And it went on and on. Until one day I realized that she wasn’t the one lying to me. I was lying to myself. And that’s when it all came to an end.”

  “That’s when the rose-colored glasses came off,” Zephyr nodded.

  “Pretty much,” he said.

  “I can understand that. I wore a pair with José. Now that my eyes are open I can’t believe how blind to it all I was.”

  “Love can make you that way,” he agreed.

  “Well that’s no excuse, at least not for me. I’m going to spend a lot of energy loving myself as hard as I loved José. I happen to like me,” she said and forked food into her mouth.

  Clayton smiled. “You’re pretty special.”

  “Ya think?” she chuckled.

  “I do.”

  “You’re pretty cool too, Clay.” She blew him a kiss. That made his night and hers.

  **

  Zephyr laughed and covered her ears. “Okay enough!”

  Clayton put down his guitar. “You didn’t like it?”

  “The playing was okay, but the singing!”

  “What? What about my singing?” he asked.

  “You know that kind of crowing should be outlawed.”

  “Well it made you smile. So my work is done.”

  “Yes.” Zephyr checked her watch. “Hmm… I should go.”

  “So soon?” he asked.

  “Got an early morning. Mr. Stripes! Come here, sweetie.”

  Zephyr walked off his patio and Clayton followed. She met Stripes half way and picked him up. He walked her to the door, not sure of what else to say. The dinner was nice and so was the conversation, but he got the feeling she was looking for more.

  “Well, if ever you need to talk, or someone to serenade you look me up.”

  She leaned in and kissed him. It was soft and sweet, but very personal. Clayton double blinked at her.

  “Thank you for listening, feeding me, and making me smile. Good night.”

  “Zephyr.” He stopped her. She turned in response and he went for it. He kissed her again. This time he put his passion forward. At first her eyes stretched, but they lowered when her tongue discovered the rhythm of his kiss and she enjoyed it. His lips parted first. Zephyr was open for more. He could feel it in the way she let Mr. Stripes jump from her arms and put her hands to his waist. Her breasts crushed against his chest. He touched the side of her face. “I think you’re beautiful, funny, and easy to be with. I really would like to get to know you better,” he said.

  She stared at him. He couldn’t read her expression. Then finally she smiled. “Maybe you should ask me out sometime.” She knelt and picked up her cat again and then turned and walked out.

  “Maybe I should,” he said. He closed the door. He touched his lips. “Maybe I will.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The Worrier

  Zephyr stretched and rolled under her covers. She barely slept. With both her friends going through so much, her mind and heart couldn’t keep up. Her mom called her a worrier, and Zephyr had to agree. She had a knack for taking on the burdens of others, and wanting to make them her own. Her mom’s favorite saying was ‘this too shall pass’.

  Zephyr could remember the season that nearly destroyed her and her friends. Raven’s child loss and divorce, and Valentina’s ejection from the Black Diamonds, all happened when Zephyr’s mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. All of it happened within the same year. A bad season.

  Now after a time of peace, she felt the wicked winds blowing heartache and despair around the ones she loved, including José. He even went to the synagogue with her to pray for them all. Although José had his faults, at that time he was there for her. And with worry came emptiness. The emptiness that meant his side of the bed was cool and un-slept in. Waking up and knowing his arms wouldn’t be around her any longer. Having to accept that while starting over meant truly letting him go, it also meant facing life alone.

  “Ugh!!” she groaned. She grabbed his pillow. She put it over her face. She needed a chance to disappear. The cordless phone rang on her nightstand and serenity was broken. She released deep moans into the pillow before she threw it aside.

  “Who’s calling this early?” she wondered, then remembered that Valentina promised to call first thing. She snatched the phone up on the third ring. “Hello?”

  “Zephyr, this is Paul O’Malley.”

  “Hi, Paul?” she said. Confusion dented her brow. Why would José’s business manager be calling her?

  “Is José there?” he asked.

  “Oh? No. Sorry but he’s back at his place. He doesn’t stay here any longer,” she said. She wondered where Mr. Stripes had gotten off to.

  She waited and Paul didn’t respond. “Paul? Hello?”

  “Have you spoken to him since the ruling?” he asked.

  “What ruling?” she replied.

  “You don’t know?”

  “No, I’ve been kind of tied up with family matters.” She sat upright. “What is it?”

  “You’ll hear it today anyway. The league, suspen
ded him. It happened two days ago.”

  “Suspended? While they investigate?”

  “They investigated. He tested positive for steroids.”

  Zephyr put her hand to her mouth. “Are they sure? Are you sure?”

  “We have some legal issues to clear up. I’ve kept it pretty contained, but the press got the release last night. They’re all over this. I was trying to reach him. He’s not at either of his homes, and he’s not answering his cell phone. Do you know where he could be?”

  “Did you call his mother in Vancouver?”

  “She’s just as worried. She had no idea that he was suspended. I thought he’d at the very least call her. I tried his cousin Manuel, but he said he hadn’t spoken to him.”

  Zephyr’s heart sank at the news. José may not have cared enough to be true to her, but he loved baseball. It defined him. His life had to be falling apart.

  “If I hear from him, Paul, I promise you, I’ll call.”

  “Thanks, Zephyr, sorry again to disturb you,” said Paul.

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  She lowered the phone and reached for the remote. Turning on the news she saw the weather. Flipping channels she saw more on the conflict in the Middle East. She finally stopped at ESPN and the female commentator had José’s picture up.

  “When asked for a comment from the Miami Marlins Jim Presley, the pitching coach for the Marlins released the following statement: I’ve loved José Batista like a son. I can only say I’m very disappointed. Even now he remains a very talented and capable young man. We hope that he gets the help that he needs.”

  Zephyr sighed. “Me too,” she said sadly. She hugged her knees. She sat there and watched the replay of José’s winning pitch against the Atlanta Braves. The team cheered lifting José above their heads. The players carried him off the field. The reporters took to them immediately.

  Reporter: So how does it feel to have ended the Marlins losing streak and won the World Series?

  José: It’s like your first Christmas. You know the one where you actually get what you want!

  The reporters all laughed, and José smiled.

  Reporter: How will you celebrate? What’s next?

  José: Me and my lady will celebrate, she’s what got me through. You hear that, babe? Zephyr, I love you!

  Zephyr picked up the remote and turned the TV off. Then she put both her hands to her face and waited for the weight of sadness to lift from her shoulders. Surprisingly it did. And when she lowered her hands she understood why. Losing José wasn’t about anything she did or didn’t do. It was him. And though she could worry about him she wouldn’t share this burden.

  Renewed by her faith in fresh starts, Zephyr slipped out of bed into her furry yellow Tweety Bird slippers. She grabbed her mother’s robe and headed for the bathroom, and started her normal routine of washing her face and brushing her teeth. Today she had opted to close her salon. Appointments were rescheduled. She needed to be there for Valentina.

  But where would he go? Her inner voice asked.

  She shook her head and answered with her heart. He’s probably with one of his women, hiding out at her place, allowing her to nurse his ego. Zephyr washed her hands and wondered again why she paused her life for a moment to please him. Look at that cute neighbor of hers. How attentive and fun he was. Why should she be the one to tread cautiously? Why shouldn’t she have as much fun as she wanted?

  Sighing she walked back out of the room. Her phone rang again as she headed for the kitchen through her cool condo. Mr. Stripes was at her feet keeping up step. Inside the kitchen she picked up the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Morning, girl,” Raven sighed.

  “Hey, Rae, what’s going on, how you feeling this morning?” she asked.

  “Nervous.”

  “Why?”

  “Got my first therapy session,” Raven said.

  Zephyr paused in the open door of her refrigerator. “Say that again?”

  “I’m going to see someone. The same lady Valentina went to for anger management and depression issues,” Raven said.

  “Oh, really?”

  “Why, ‘oh really’?” Raven asked. She thought she heard disapproval in Zephyr’s voice.

  “Hmm. Well for starters you hate therapists, and the idea of therapy. You said it was useless. You even thought it was pointless to send Valentina. We both know she needed it.” Zephyr stooped and poured her kitty some cream. She frowned when she glanced at the kitty litter.

  “It’s Alexander’s idea. To be honest I think it’s the best thing for me right now. I can’t let go of this man. I found out that he was the reason for the Liza-Rayne scandal.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, he was trying to find a way back into my life. Guess he thought he could play the hero,” Raven sighed.

  “You must be angry with him.”

  “Truth?” she asked.

  “Yes. Tell me the truth.” Zephyr said.

  “Nope. I was hurt, a little. But it kind of… it felt kind of sweet. When a man loves you like he loved…loves me, it’s weird to not feel it even when he disappoints you. That’s why I know I need therapy.”

  “Oh, Raven, you sound so confused,” Zephyr said.

  “Girl, the dream I had about him last night, it’s killing me. I can’t move forward in my life until I get over this.”

  “Get over it by taking your husband back, Rae,” Zephyr said.

  “I want to be happy again, Zee. I want to feel like there isn’t a hole in the center of my chest where my heart used to be. Taking him back doesn’t mean that will happen. Something is wrong with me. He’s right. You’re right. I got issues. Hell, even right now I want to call him. See him. I want to fight with him and tell him I don’t want to see him anymore. Isn’t that crazy?” Raven sighed.

  Zephyr stood. She leaned back on the counter. She scratched her ankle with her big toe. Crazy was a relative word at this point. “I know that feeling. I’d love to fight with José one more time. Tell him how he’s screwed up his life! Kick his ass for breaking my heart into so many pieces, and then have some angry sex—”

  Raven laughed. Zephyr smiled. She rubbed her aching chest it was so tight with worry for José now.

  “Isn’t that nasty?” Zephyr sighed. “That man’s pecker has more tread marks than I-95, and I’m fiending for some hold me down kind of loving?”

  “It’s not nasty or crazy, remember when Alexander came back to town? Girl, one dance and I was in my bed riding him like a pony. Do you know I can’t sleep in my room anymore? The last time I did I put on his shirt. The one that still smells like him and got out my vibrator, the one I named after him. Now I just sleep in the guest room with the lights on.”

  Zephyr laughed. “Eeeew you used a vibrator?”

  “Yep! Feels like him too, if I squeeze my eyes shut tight enough.”

  They couldn’t stop laughing. Zephyr wiped the tears from her eyes.

  “Have you heard about José?” Raven asked. “You know when I heard it on TV this morning that I had to call and check on you.”

  “Figured I’d hear from the mother of the group. Yes, I know. Got a call this morning from his manager. Guess that explains the kitty kicking incident.”

  “Have you spoken to him? You can be honest,” Raven said.

  “Huh? You think I’d lie? Sneak and see him? C’mon, Rae, give me some credit. I mean I was just playing earlier. I have no intention of taking José Batista back. No thank you.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Zephyr sighed, “To answer your question: no. He hasn’t even called since he picked up his things. I told him I wouldn’t wait, though he said he’d try to prove me wrong. Guess he found a better offer.”

  “Wanna start therapy with me?” Raven asked.

  Zephyr laughed. “Nah, you go ahead. I’m trying this self-love thing. I’ll see if that works first. Besides, I’ve had my head shrunk ten times over. I know what I ne
ed to do. Oh, what’s our plan for Valentina today? Wait hold on. My line is beeping.”

  Zephyr clicked over. “Hello?”

  “Zephyr, hi this is Dina,” a soft voice spoke.

  “Oh hi, Mrs. Batista.”

  “I’m sorry to call so early, I’m really—”

  “No problem, it’s okay.”

  “—worried about my son. Have you heard from him?”

  Zephyr stepped away from the counter. She nearly stepped on Mr. Stripes. “No, ma’am, I haven’t. I’m sorry.”

  “I just don’t know what to do. It’s all over the news up here in Vancouver. I know how much José loved that team.”

  “He may have needed time to cool off. To think it all through,” Zephyr began to chew on her manicure and stopped herself. Her eyes pooled with tears. Now she was scared. José was a mama’s boy. He called his mother every day without fail. He must be in trouble.

  “Yes, you’re right. Well if you hear from him let me know.”

  “I will. I promise. Goodbye.”

  She clicked back over but Raven had hung up. She remembered the state he was in when he arrived at her doorstep to collect his things. How he looked as if he hadn’t bathed or eaten. Was that the day the test proved him guilty? Why didn’t he tell her? It wasn’t like him not to use his misfortune to garner her sympathies. The phone rang again, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

  “Hello?”

  “Why you put me on hold for that damn long?” Raven huffed.

  “Sorry, that was José’s mother. They’re searching for him. He’s really missing, Rae.”

  “Where do you think he is?” Raven asked.

  “I don’t know, with one of his whores I guess.”

  Raven sighed. “Maybe.”

  “Maybe? What you think it’s something more?” Zephyr asked.

  “I don’t know. A man loses his world and his woman. He wouldn’t want a whore. He may want solitude though.”

  “Rae, this is José we’re talking about,” Zephyr marched out of the kitchen to her bedroom. She went to her closet and started to look for something to wear.

  “Right, and José has used whores for games, for play. I just can’t see him getting any fulfillment out of fucking a bimbo right now. Ya feel me?”