Paper Dolls

by Sienna Mynx

  “He’s with one of his whores. He probably has places stashed with them all over South Beach, hell he bought me this place out in—”

  Zephyr frowned. She stood still in her closet. She couldn’t believe she said it aloud.

  “He bought you what, Zee?”

  “Remember last year, for our anniversary two years ago he bought me that beach house in Ft. Myers. The one the hurricane wrecked. Remember?”

  “Oh yeah, I thought you were going to sell it?” she asked.

  “We tried, but we’ve got so much work to do on it. And the market is crap right now.”

  “He wouldn’t go there, the place isn’t even habitable,” Raven said.

  “He loved that beach though. He said it was the only time he felt normal, ‘cause it was so private’. He was really relaxed there. We’d stay up all night staring at the sea. One night we thought we saw a UFO!” she chuckled.

  “Zee, focus girl. The man wouldn’t go there. It’s destroyed, didn’t you say the windows were covered with tarp, and the roof fell in on one side?” Raven asked.

  “I got this feeling.”

  “Zee, no! That place could have vagrants and all kinds of nastiness. Don’t even think about going,” Raven said.

  “You’re right. What time is therapy for you?” Zephyr asked.

  “Two o’clock, then I’m going to see Valentina, you coming?” Raven asked.

  “I will later. Call me and let me know what the attorneys say about her arrest. We got to get those bastards for what they did to her.”

  “Will do. I love you.”

  “Love you too!” Zephyr said. She looked down at her cat who had walked in silently. He brushed across her ankles to comfort her. Stripes always knew when she was conflicted. “Hi, baby.” She knelt and picked up Mr. Stripes. “You want to take a ride with Mommy?”

  Stripes yawned and licked his chops. He leapt from her arms and walked out of the closet. She smiled. The answer was clear. They were driving out to Ft. Myers. If anything she could at least check the property and see what she wanted to do with it. Sell it and give him back his money he invested in it, or keep it and pay him for it. Zephyr turned to her clothes and selected something to wear.

  **

  Zephyr drove though the exclusive community along the shore that stretched from Naples to Ft. Myers. Homes worth millions still had blue tarps on their roofs, and lawns littered by construction. José kept delaying their redecorating. He said he’d have it done before they were married. Which was José’s answer for, I don’t feel like it right now.

  There was a one-lane road she had to travel. It turned off to her private property. It was the part of the beach that was locked and gated. Many athletes owned homes there because of the isolation. She gripped the steering wheel tightly. The car rocked and jostled her about. Halfway there, with the beach house looming ahead, she hit a dip. Stripes lifted his head and looked up at her curiously.

  Zephyr frowned. She pressed down on the gas pedal to accelerate. The wheel spun and sprayed mud. The car wouldn’t move.

  “Oh no,” she said. She threw the car in reverse and tried to back up, but the front tires just spun out of control. Looking up she saw the dark muddy roadway leading to the house, and behind her another even more treacherous path.

  Leave it to her to get stuck.

  “Mommy’s done it now, baby,” she said. Zephyr reached over into her Chanel bag, got out the phone, and thumb punched in her code to unlock it. She had one bar. She tried but was unable to capture a signal. She would need to go up to the house possibly.

  “Darn,” she dropped her head back on the seat.

  “Let’s go see if daddy is at the house,” she said and then stopped herself. “Sorry baby, he’s not daddy anymore is he?”

  The cat looked at her curiously. She picked up Stripes and tucked him under her arm. She opened the door and stepped out. Immediately her heels sank in the mud. Zephyr rolled her eyes. She checked the cell phone. Her one bar for signal was gone. She held it up but the trees completely covered the sky.

  “Darn it!” she grumbled again. She started the trek up the muddy road, sinking and sticking in the soil all the way. After a few steps she was beyond pissed. “Me and my bright ideas, huh, baby?” she said as she limped along. When she reached the grassy soil that was solid enough for her to step through, it was a relief. And then she saw José’s truck parked out front.

  “He is here?” she frowned.

  To stay at such a rundown place wasn’t his style. The house was seventy years old. Totally rehabbed for modern day comfort before the storm. It had a masonic roof, roman columns, and vines growing up out of the marshy land along the grey stucco walls. The few windows that were covered in plastic were dark and empty looking. A tree had fallen over on its side and leaned against the house. The roof had caved in. Thick decayed roots were unearthed. It looked a little creepy. It definitely wasn’t safe for her and Mr. Stripes. Either way she didn’t want him staying there.

  Zephyr walked up the paved drive to the front steps. The door was locked. She found it almost comical to discover a locked door with so many other entry points. “Okay, Mr. Stripes. You stay close to Mommy.”

  She put the cat down gently at her feet. She dug in her purse and got her keys. It took her a moment to find which key fit the locks. She opened the door and the stench assaulted her first. Stale, woodsy, and mildew all mixed with something rotten or spoiled. It was funk. The lights weren’t working. It was her decision to cut them off to keep vagrants from taking up residence.

  “José? You in here?” she called out. She closed the door. She didn’t hear or see any sign of him. She stooped and picked up Mr. Stripes once more. She walked through the living room to the back. She had to step over a beam, and side-step plaster that had dropped in from the ceiling. She wasn’t sure what part of the damage was storm, and what part was the place falling inward.

  “José?” she asked.

  Still she heard nothing. In the kitchen she stopped. Bags of Burger King and liquor bottles were strewn about. A large roach crawled over a half eaten burger and she cringed.

  “Ick,” she said. Mr. Stripes licked his chops as if he considered the roach an appetizer.

  “Something’s wrong,” Zephyr whispered. She walked out of the kitchen. The eerie silence chilled her. There were more shadows than light. She climbed the stairs to the top level and they creaked with each step. Careful she kept her cat close to her chest. The place felt as if it was rotting from within. The mildew covered the walls and vermin scurried to the corners. Once in the hall she headed to the master bedroom. She stopped at the door. There he was. He had passed out over a bare mattress with bottles of tequila on the floor. Several were stacked on the nightstand. As she stepped inside she could see that he wore the same clothes she last saw him in.

  “José?”

  Stripes leapt from her arms. He jumped on the bed and curled up next to José. Zephyr was scared. She couldn’t see José’s face. She didn’t know if he was breathing. Her heart felt like it would explode in her chest it beat so hard.

  “José? Are you okay, sweetie?” she asked.

  He didn’t respond. Zephyr forced her legs to move. She approached the bed. Stripes seemed just as concerned. She reached out to touch José but pulled her hand back. She reached out again. The heat in the room was worse than it was outside. It felt like a hundred degree oven inside.

  “Oh José, what have you done?” She turned him over. He moaned, and then rolled further away.

  “People are looking for you. Your mother is worried sick!” she told him. She hated what he did. It wasn’t fair to any of the people that cared about him. He said he would try to change, but he still behaved as selfishly spoiled as always. Turning she went to the window and opened it. She opened them both in hopes to let some fresh air in. A cockroach scurried across her foot and she screamed. She stumbled. She nearly fell.

  José sat up with a start and looked over at her with red-d
rugged eyes. He blinked several times. Zephyr approached the bed with her arms folded. “So you’re awake?”

  “Zee?” he said and put a hand to his forehead. He looked over to the cat. Mr. Stripes stood up and stared at him.

  “What’s going on with you? Why are you in here? Like this!” Zephyr demanded.

  “What time is it?” he asked.

  “José? Your mom is worried sick.”

  “Just go,” he said. He staggered when he stood. She watched him walk stiffly to the bathroom and after a few seconds heard him retch.

  When José came back into the room he looked up confused to see she was still standing there. “So they told you?”

  “That you were doing steroids? That you’re kicked out of the league? Yes, Paul told me.”

  “So now you know, not only was I cheating on you I was cheating on baseball. I’m a cheat. I admit it. You happy now?”

  “How could you take that poison? Why would you do it?” she asked.

  “You wouldn’t understand,” he said. He started for the door.

  “Then help me understand. For once in your life be honest. Talk to me?”

  He looked back at her. “Why? You told me I was nothing but a liar. Why ask for the truth now?”

  “Just for once, José, can you talk to me and tell me what is wrong with you?” she asked.

  “You don’t want me. You said it was over,” José mumbled.

  “It is over, but I care about you. I can’t help but want what’s best for you.”

  “What’s best for me is you, Zee. I love you. I need you,” he pleaded.

  “You need something, José, but it’s not me. You had me and you threw everything sacred between us away.” The wounds across her heart opened up again. It hurt her so bad to see him in pain. She had to turn away from him and stare out of the window. “I looked it up on the computer before I drove out here,” she said to him. “You could damage your liver, your prostate, kidneys, that stuff is poison. It will kill you if you don’t stop. Do you want to die, José?” she asked and her voice quivered with fear. “Do you?”

  “I might as well be dead if I don’t have you,” he said.

  Zephyr rolled her eyes to the ceiling. José stepped to her. She could hear his approach. She prayed he didn’t touch her. And he didn’t. But he stood directly behind her. “Each season I had to outdo the last. Each season they bring in younger, stronger players. Each season I got to find a way to keep my name on the front of the sports pages. The gossip sites. All of it. The pressure, babe, you don’t understand it.”

  “That’s not the truth at all.” Zephyr turned on him. “You enjoyed it. The fame, and the women, you enjoyed it. I saw it first hand with Valentina. How inflated your ego could get, how shallow a person can become. Hell I’m shallow!” Zephyr threw her hands up in defeat. “I enjoyed it too. All it took from you was sex and a new pair of shoes, and I was there for the ride. It’s pathetic!”

  “Okay maybe you’re right.” He put his hand to his brow as if in pain. “Maybe we did. But it was never satisfying without you to come home to. I know that’s twisted since I shitted all over what we had, but it’s the truth. Remember when I pitched the World Series? I spent that entire night after we won in bed with just you.” He reached for her hand. “That was the best night of my life. I had everything in that moment. I had the girl and my dreams.”

  “It’s not about me.” She pulled her hand from his. “This is about you.”

  “There’s no me without you, Zee! I can’t even face myself now. I came here because it’s the closest thing I have of what was left of us. I was going to make this our home after we got married. I had plans—”

  “Stop lying!” she shouted at him. “I was wrong to come here!” she said. She tried to walk around him. He reached and yanked her back so violently her shoulder hurt. Immediately he let her go.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pull on you that hard.”

  Zephyr stepped back from him rubbing her arm where it throbbed. She was scared of him. “You need help, José.”

  He scratched his head and looked around at the squalor he’d been living in. He walked over to the bed and sat down. The tears came. She didn’t hear or see them but she could tell by the way his shoulders shook that he was dying in side. The soreness in her shoulder was soon forgotten. She walked over to him. She rubbed the back of his head. He wrapped his arms around her hips and buried his face into her stomach.

  “I’ve fucked up, muñequita. I can’t face anybody now. I’ve destroyed everything. Everything!”

  “Let me take you out of here. Get you checked in to a place that can help you,” she pleaded. “Really help you,” she said softly. She stroked his hair. He wept. Zephyr leaned in to hug and kiss the top of his head. “Come with me, we can check you into a place in Boca, the one that your friend Randy visited when he was drinking. You need a place with professionals who can help you with this.”

  “No, I only need you. Just you.”

  Zephyr’s heart continued to break for him. She went down on her knees before him. “José, look at me.” He finally did and she touched his face. “I need you too, but I need you well. Can you do that for us both then? Get well.”

  He grabbed her and kissed her. Zephyr winced but allowed the bitter kiss, and kept her mouth closed. When he saw she didn’t return his enthusiasm to be together he let her go. “Will you be there when it’s over?” he asked.

  “I can’t promise you anything other than I will always be your friend. Because that’s all you need. Everything else is up to you, José.”

  He nodded that he understood. Zephyr collected her purse. Stripes went over to José and crawled over his lap.

  “Zee,” he said. He stood and held Stripes. “I knew you would come. Thank you.”

  She walked over and put her arm around his waist and he threw his arm over her shoulder. “I hope you got some strength because you got to push my car out of the mud.”

  “Mud?” he frowned as they descended the steps.

  “It’s stuck and—”

  “Zephyr,” he sighed.

  She smiled. “Look my Beemer isn’t meant for off-roading.”

  “Neither are those shoes,” he chuckled.

  Zephyr laughed. “I’ll put it on your bill.”

  **

  Zephyr pushed the door to the patient room open. She found José in the small bed. He was showered and changed into a robe. He would be taken in for a physical with a team of professionals that knew exactly how to help him defeat his addictions. José surprised her when she saw him check off his treatment list. He included sex addiction, and anger management.

  “Got it,” she said. She held up the Wal-Mart bags.

  José stroked Stripes and frowned. “Got what?”

  She stopped at the foot of the bed and started dumping the contents out of the bag. She laid at his feet underwear, t-shirts, socks, two pair of Bermuda shirts, and a three dollar Hawaiian pair too. “I’ll go by your place and have the rest of your things sent here.”

  “How long will I have to stay?” he asked.

  Zephyr looked up at him. He knew that the director said a minimum of twelve weeks possibly longer. “You said you were committed to getting help?”

  “Will you come and visit?” he asked.

  She took his things and started filling in the drawers. “I’ll call you and you can call me anytime you want.”

  “But what about visits? Will you come visit?” he asked.

  “No.” she looked back. “I have a life I have to put back together, José.”

  “A life without me,” he said sadly.

  She stared at him “I’m not perfect either. I have to understand why I was so willing to accept so little when we were together. I can’t do that with you. I have to do that alone.”

  “What about the guy next door? Is he going to help you figure it out?” he asked.

  “He might,” she said, which shocked her. She’d never been that bold with
him. She was always so afraid of disappointing him, or saying something that would make him leave her. Now she saw how pathetic that was. “It’s up to me and him.”

  José looked away. “Well he better give it his best shot.” He looked back at her. “When I get out of this place I’m coming for my woman. And I’m not giving up. That’s what will keep me here and focused. My chance at starting over with you.”

  “Do it for you,” she said.

  “I’m going to do it for us, Zee,” he pleaded, “Yes things were bad, but they were good too. My love for you wasn’t fake or a figment of your imagination, or some great big lie. It was love. I know what I felt.”

  “I have to go,” she said softly.

  “So soon?”

  She walked over and took Stripes from him. “I’ve called Paul. He knows you’re here. He’s going to send over papers for you to sign. Call your mom. I didn’t think I should be the one to tell her where you were.”

  “Zee? Wait a second. Stay a little longer.”

  “Don’t worry about your place. I’ll make sure everything is locked up,” she said and forced the emotion from her voice.

  “Zee?”

  “The nurses said smoking is allowed so I bought a pack of your cigarettes too. They say sometimes the withdrawal can be hard. It might help.”

  “Zee, please?”

  “I have to go.” She grabbed up her purse with tears in her eyes.

  “ZEE!”

  She walked out and closed the door. In the hall she fell back against the wall and willed herself to continue, to leave. But she wanted to go back to him. To hold him and make it alright. Taking her own advice she left.

  **

  Valentina opened the door. She smiled brightly at Zephyr. “Hey, girl, we were about to send a search party out for you.”

  Raven sat on the sofa sipping her margarita from a beer mug. “Where have you been?”

  “Ft. Myers,” Zephyr said. She was exhausted. Raven frowned and Valentina looked at her curiously. They both looked down at her mud stained suede heels.

  “Damn, boo, did you walk there?” Valentina frowned.