Teabags & Tears

by Woods, Karen

  Anne had been her neighbour for years and knew the torment Sandra had suffered. When she came into the gate she was dressed in her pyjamas. In her hand she was carrying a half bottle of Vodka. Sandra smiled at her as she spoke. “Here get two glasses love. We’ll have a drink, and then we can get rid of that shit.” Her finger pointed to the clothes on the patch of grass nearby. Sandra left Anne alone for a minute and returned with two glasses. Pouring two large shots of Vodka they celebrated her freedom. The glasses clinked together and they both necked their drinks.

  “Right let’s get this job done,” Sandra huffed. Anne watched as Sandra sprayed more hair spray on the clothing. She now stood with her body held back as she flicked her yellow lighter at the pile of clothes. They were on fire. They burnt quickly and shrivelled up within seconds. Sandra stared at the yellow flames and turned to Anne. “I feel better now. I want every trace of that cunt gone from my life.” Anne was by her side and offered her a cig. She dragged two garden chairs from the side of the house and both of them sat watching the flames eat at her husband’s clothes. The Vodka kept coming and both of them were pissed as farts as the night went on.

  Anne smiled as she gripped her hand. “You’re gonna get through this you know. You’re strong and you’re a survivor.”

  Sandra nodded as she watched the dying flames. “I know love, I know,” she mumbled.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Sandra was a true friend to Tina. Maxine also made sure she played her part too and sent a postal order to her friend as often as she could. Sandra wrote her endless letters and told her that she would be free soon and to think positive. Tina had had a few bad months in Styal prison to start with but as time was going by she seemed to be coping.

  Sandra had heard about Tina self harming and told her straight that she needed to stop. Penny, another inmate, was now mentioned in all Tina’s letters and Sandra had a feeling they were now lovers. She knew Penny from when she was in there before and it was quite obvious she fancied the pants off Tina.

  Sandra was now back at work, her job as a nail technician was doing well. Lots of women wanted appointments with her and in a way she became an agony aunt for a lot of her customers. Kevin had not been near her and the last she’d heard from him was that him and Tracy were living together in New Moston somewhere.

  Anita sat in her front room, she was such a moaning fucker and it was a wonder Graham hadn’t strangled her over the years. As they sat watching a film, Graham seemed to drinking his cans of lager at speed. He looked pissed, Anita sat moaning about the film again when Graham snapped, he stood from his chair and screamed out. He’d had enough, “Will you shut up fucking moaning woman? I’m sick to death of you, everyday it’s the same, you’re never happy.”

  Anita screwed her face up. This was so out of character for Graham and she fought back. “What the fuck is up with you. Who’s rattled your cage?”

  Graham walked to her chair where she sat. Anita looked scared. Bending his head down to hers he spoke into her face. “It’s like history repeating itself isn’t it?” she looked at him as if he’s lost the plot.

  “What the fuck are you going on about Graham?” He growled at her now, years of stored emotion now came to the surface.

  “Tracy is just like her fucking mother. She nicked her sister’s husband and got pregnant, just like you did with my brother.”

  Anita went white in the face; she fidgeted and tried to get up from her chair. Graham pushed her back down. “You stay right fucking there, you need to hear what I’m saying. For years I’ve held it in, but no fucking more.” Anita held her hand up to her face, she didn’t trust Graham. He was acting so strangely and he was frightening her. He carried on and his voice sounded menacing. “Tracy is my brother’s child; you treat my child like she’s shit. What is it? Do you see yourself in Tracy?”

  Anita looked gobsmacked. “Graham you’re pissed just go to bed will you?” He made his way back to his chair and sank back into it.

  Reaching for his can of lager he slurped a large gulp. “Secrets ay. Don’t you think it’s time to tell Tracy that I’m not her real father? We can tell them both the real story about their mother’s sordid past can’t we?”

  Anita went to stand up but he threw his empty can at her. “Sit fucking back down.” Anita slowly sank back into her chair. She was white with fear. She watched him light a cig and he just sat looking at her with disgust in his eyes.

  “Why are you bringing this up now?” Anita piped up, “It’s years ago and you forgave me didn’t you?”

  His eyes danced with madness. “I forgave you yes, but I’ve never forgot. You treat Sandra like she’s not good enough. Just like the way you’ve treated me over the years.” Anita tried to answer back but he stopped her dead in her track. “You had an affair with my brother, and then came back to me when the shit hit the fan. I should have kicked your sorry arse to the kerb there and then shouldn’t I?” Anita looked devastated. She’d always been in control of their relationship and she knew she’d pushed Graham too far this time.

  “Sandra is my child too. I don’t treat her differently at all,” she protested unconvincingly.

  Graham laughed aloud. “Are you having a fucking laugh or what woman? It’s Tracy this, Tracy that, she’s a dirty little slag but you treat her like a princess. What is it? Do you see our John in her or what?”

  She snivelled. “No do I fuck, you daft bastard. Why are you saying that? You’re pissed, I’m going to bed, I’m not listening to your shit anymore.” Anita moved her hair from her eyes as she stood up to leave. Graham stood too.

  “You don’t have to listen to my shit love. You go to bed and hide away from the truth. Things are going to change in this house and from now on if you don’t sort your attitude out I’m fucking off and leaving your sorry arse to fend for itself. I should have done it years ago.” Anita huffed and walked from the living room. As he heard her going up the stairs he shouted. “It’s about time people knew the truth about you anyway. Tomorrow I’m going to let your precious daughters know just what kind of a mother they really have.”

  Anita ran back down the stairs, she was in his face now. “Why are you doing this Graham? Please think about this, I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I’ll change, I promise.” She fell to her knees now and touched his legs. “Please Graham. I’ll change. I’ll go and see our Sandra tomorrow and put the record straight.” Her tears fell now and Graham just carried on drinking his drink as he left her sobbing between his legs.

  His face held a smirk across it. “No more the fool Anita,” he muttered, “I’m me not my fucking brother. So from now on treat me with respect, otherwise I’m gone. Do you hear me?” Anita nodded her head as she looked into his eyes. Her reign of terror was now over.

  *

  Tracy lay in bed next to Kevin. She could hear his snoring and felt restless. The baby was kicking and keeping her awake. Grabbing her housecoat from the side she headed down stairs. As she stepped from the bed she held her lower stomach. She froze for a minute and blew from her mouth until the pain had passed. Regaining her balance she went to the toilet. They’d had a curry earlier that night and she thought that was the reason her guts were hurting. Stepping into the toilet the pain came again. This time it was a lot stronger and she held the wall as the pain surged through her body. Yanking her knickers down Tracy sat on the toilet. Her eyes focused on her knickers and she could see something that looked like jelly inside them. Scratching her head she smiled, “Fucking idiot” she mumbled under her breath. She’d had sex with Kevin earlier and she thought it was just his man muck in her underwear. Sticking her fingers into it she brought it up to her nose and smelt it. “Yeah it ‘s definitely sperm.” Her arse now exploded and she shit like a newborn baby. Her face looked hot and she had a red glow all over her face.

  After about twenty minutes she wiped herself and headed downstairs. Sleep was a million miles away and she went into the kitchen to make herself a drink. Her finger pressed the
switch for the kettle. As she stood preparing her brew the pain returned. Her body keeled over the kitchen side and this time she screamed with pain. “Kevin help!” she shouted. Her voice was low and she looked terrified. As the pain passed she walked back up the stairs slowly. Sitting on the side of the bed she shook Kevin’s shoulders. “Kevin wake up. I think I’m in labour.”

  You could hear moaning from the body in the bed but he snuggled back into the covers and dragged them over his head. Tracy dragged the sheets from him. He was livid, “What the fuck are you doing you nobhead?”

  Tracy’s face told him something was wrong as she fell on the bed at the side of him. Another pain strangled her body and she rolled about onto the bed. “Kevin help me please.” Rubbing at his eyes he looked at her in more detail. He’d seen this look before in his wife and knew she was in labour. Jumping up from the bed he switched his side lamp on. Tracy was still dealing with the pain and he sat on the side of the bed stroking her head. “You’re fucking boiling” he whispered as he felt her forehead.

  “Get me to hospital” she screamed into his face. Kevin searched for his phone. He couldn’t drive her to the hospital, he was still pissed. He’d had at least eight cans of Stella earlier on. “Hello can I have an ambulance please. My girlfriend is having a baby.” Throwing his phone onto the bed he helped Tracy to her feet. “Here, stand up and walk about for a bit. That’s what Sandra used to do.” She screamed into his face. “I don’t give a flying fuck what Sandra did, I’m Tracy not fucking Sandra.”

  He snapped at her. She’d been a right moaning fucker lately and he was finding it hard to still be in a relationship with her. He tried to calm her down. “I’m just saying, that’s all you moody bitch. Carry on like this and you can go to the hospital on your fucking own.” She didn’t reply and doubled over as another labour pain took over her body. Tracy was screaming at full pelt and Kevin knew she was going to be a drama queen throughout her labour. “Phone my mam,” she shrieked. Kevin sat on the bed. Checking his watch he knew Anita would be sleeping. Tracy screamed at him again, “What the fuck are you waiting for? Just fucking phone her.” His face looked angry as he gritted his teeth. Pressing the buttons he dialled Anita’s number, Kevin listened to the ringing tone, “There’s no answer” he told her.

  “Keep trying please, keep trying” she pleaded.

  Anita lay in her bed as the phone rang at the side of her. Her eyes were swollen. The sidelight was still on at the side of her. Graham was fast asleep. Glancing at the small alarm clock at the side of her she could see it was nearly four o’clock in the morning. Lifting the receiver she spoke in a low voice she didn’t want to wake her husband. He’d only just gone asleep. “Hello” she whispered. “It’s Kevin, can you come round, Tracy is in labour” he didn’t let Anita get a word in. “And to tell you the truth she’s doing my fucking head in. She’s crying out for you all the time. Can you come now? I’ve phoned an ambulance already so it might be best to meet us at the hospital”

  Anita replied “Okay” and the phone line went dead. Usually she would have demanded that Graham should wake up and take her, but now things were different and she decided to go alone. Creeping out from the bedroom she collected her clothes from the small chair at the side of her bed. Anita finally saw her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She looked a mess. Swilling cold water over it she hoped the swelling under her eyes would go down. Grabbing a small white towel at the side of her she patted it on her face. Her tears were hard to fight away and she sat on the toilet for a while crying. Graham had told her straight and she knew he was right - her past was catching up with her.

  At the hospital Tracy lay in the bed wriggling and screaming. The midwife had given her pain relief but she was still demanding more. Kevin covered his face as she screamed at the midwife. “Get me something to take away the pain you silly bitch, I need more pain relief you daft black twat.”

  The African nurse looked at her and let her have it back. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that? You need to learn some respect lady.” Kevin stared at the floor looking embarrassed, Tracy was still screaming. The nurse could now be seen filling a syringe with some clear liquid. She now told Tracy to roll on her side whilst she injected Pethadine into her body. As she rolled her long t-shirt up the nurse had a smug smile fixed onto her face. She dug the needle deep into Tracy’s arse cheeks. Tracy was howling as the needle pierced her skin.

  “How long does it take to work, because I can’t take much more of this fucking pain?” The mid wife didn’t reply, Tracy had pissed her right off and you could tell by her face that she was struggling to attend to her needs.

  Anita now entered the medical room. Kevin looked at her with relief. “Fucking hell she’s only having a baby there’s no need for all them tears,” he moaned.

  Anita tried to crack a smile. She had to cover up her own torment. “She’s still my baby and I feel her pain,” Anita replied as she comforted her. He knew Tracy was Anita’s life and in her eyes Tracy could do no wrong. The midwife was now joined by another nurse. They both examined Tracy. The African nurse now spoke. “Right miss your cervix is open and you’re ready to give birth. You’re going to have to be brave.” Tracy looked like a woman possessed; her eyes were rolling all over the show as she sucked on the thin white tube of gas and air. “Get this baby out of me you black cunt!”

  The other nurse now stepped in. “If you continue this racial abuse you can give birth to this baby on your own. We don’t have to take this kind of talk from you. Do you hear me?”

  Tracy continued to scream with her legs wide apart on the bed. The midwives both stood at the bottom of the bed and encouraged her to push. “Right you need to listen to us. When we say push, you need to push with all your might.” Anita was now relaying the message to her daughter as she sat by her side squeezing her hand. You could see where Tracy had already dug her nails into her mother’s hand. There were red patches all over them. Kevin sat at the other side of Tracy, he looked bored. He’d seen all this before when his own son’s were born and he couldn’t stand the noises Tracy was making. She was like an actress; surely she couldn’t be in that much pain.

  Tracy yelled at him as she finished another big push. “I’d like to see you squeeze an eight pound turd from your arse-hole because that what it feels like you daft bastard” Kevin grinned and shook his head, her mouth was foul and she didn’t care who heard what she had to say.

  “I can see the head” the midwife shouted. She asked Kevin if he wanted to come and see it but he declined telling her he would much rather sit at the top end of the bed. Anita wanted to look; she made her way to the bottom of the bed. “Oh Tracy I can see loads of dark hair. A couple more good pushes and it will be all over love.” Tracy prepared herself for the next push. She sucked on the gas and air.

  Her feet started to curl up now and you could see the pain returning in her face. “Fucking bastard” she yelled at the top of her voice. Anita was spraying cold water onto her face. Kevin had squirted it into her eyes on purpose so she demanded that Anita had to take over. “Push” the midwife yelled. The African nurse now joined her; she’d been at the side of the room preparing everything for the baby when it was born. Everyone now screamed at Tracy. “Puuuuuuuush.”

  The pain on Tracy’s face was now gone. The baby was out and the nurse was clearing its airwaves before she passed it back to Tracy. The sound of a baby crying now filled the room. Everyone’s face looked relieved. Tracy was anxious to see her child. She sat up on the bed and held her hands out to the midwife.

  A baby was now passed to her in a green cotton blanket. Tracy’s face dropped as she looked at the baby for the first time. She checked the sex of the baby and announced it was a little girl. Anita was now at her side and her face looked shocked as she shot a look at her daughter. She looked at the baby closer and knew what she seen was right, the baby was black.

  Kevin now held his hands out to Tracy. He was sat in the chair next to the bed. Tracy passed him th
e baby with caution, his eyes now looked at the baby in more detail.

  Opening the blanket he looked shocked. “It’s fucking black,” he screamed.

  Tracy started to cry. “No she’s not, she’s just a bit tanned.”

  Kevin handed her the baby back. “You dirty slut, that baby is black. I’m not fucking daft.” His hands were dragging at his hair now as he paced the floor.

  Anita took the baby from Tracy to look at her in more detail. Kevin was shouting at the top of his voice. “I’ve lost everything for nothing, everyone told me you were a trollop but I didn’t listen. I’m gonna be the talk of the fucking town now. What a daft prick I’ve been, I can just hear them now, all laughing behind my fucking back.” He walked to the bed and spat right into her face. The African nurse was smirking at the side of the room and didn’t know where to put herself.

  Tracy wiped her face and tried to get up from the bed but her body was weak. “Kevin, don’t go, we can sort this out.” He turned his head as he left and growled at her. She knew by his face he would never come back to her now.

  Anita looked at the baby then looked at Tracy. “Well who’s the father, because this baby is definitely mixed race?”

  Tracy struggled to think, and then it came to her like a bolt of lightning. She’d had a knee trembler with the black DJ Reggae Ronnie one night when she was feeling lonely. She’d had sex with him on more than one occasion and she’d often drop her knickers in the pub toilets for a bit of affection. “It’s Reggae Ronnie’s the DJ from the pub.”

  Anita knew who he was straight away without asking anymore questions. “Have you never heard of condoms?” She now touched the baby’s skin. “Well what’s done is done; you can’t turn back time now can you?” Tracy sobbed, she’d lost the man of her dreams and she knew he’d never come back to her again. Anita comforted her daughter, Tracy had definitely dropped a bollock and before long everyone would know about it.