Outback Heart

by Palmer, Fiona

  ‘I was starting to think you got sucked into the abyss at the bar,’ said Tegan.

  ‘Almost,’ she managed to squeak out. Her cheeks felt flushed and her body was still zinging. Damn him for always running. Indi put down the drinks she was carrying but didn’t take her seat. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

  She’d made up her mind. She wasn’t letting him run any more.

  23

  TROY put his arms against the rough brick wall of the clubhouse and rested his head on them, his breathing shaky, his head foggy. He was screaming obscenities in his mind. He was angry, so angry with himself – and frustrated. Indi had almost caused him to flip his switch. The cold air was helping, as he hid around the corner of the verandah, away from the main lights.

  ‘Troy.’

  His breath caught in his throat. No, not Indi, he thought. He couldn’t deal with her now. He needed time to recover, to get a grip. ‘What do you want, Indi?’ He sounded a little gruff, but he couldn’t help it.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  The concern in her voice made him turn around. ‘I’m fine, just needed some air. Bit stuffy inside. Was feeling dizzy.’ He leaned his back against the wall, hoping she would leave soon. Instead she stepped towards him. He was frozen as he watched the space between them disappear until she was so close he could see the curve of her lips.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he managed to ask as her hand reached up to his chest. She pressed it against him, heat spreading from her fingers. His heart was thumping hard as if it were pushing iron around his body not blood. For a second he wondered if he’d go into heart failure, again.

  ‘I’m sick of beating around the bush,’ she murmured.

  Indi didn’t give him time to respond. She pulled at his shirt, her eyes on his lips. He watched her coming, should have pushed her back, should have said ‘no’, but he’d lost the use of his voice and his limbs. He was a crash test dummy.

  Her soft lips, pink and plump, pressed against his. He’d tried so hard not to think about them every night before sleep. Now he was living his fantasy. To say he’d lost his head was an understatement. She did things to him, things that even he didn’t want to admit to himself. He grew rigid with desire as she crushed her body against his. The weight of her breasts against his chest was a pleasure beyond anything he’d imagined. He heard himself groan. His hand, which seemed to be functioning on its own, buried deep into her hair, the other one snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. Indi opened her mouth, her tongue flicking lightly across his lips. He wanted her so badly. He needed to taste her. Within seconds he was exploring her mouth, her lips, their tongues intertwined. He was so hard and when she pushed herself against him he was ready to strip her naked and take her right there against the wall. Feverishly he kissed her, making up for the last few painful months of being beside Indi and not able to touch her.

  He flexed his hand, grabbing a handful of her firm backside as she broke away to kiss his neck. Her panting in his ear drove him insane. He’d completely lost all his strength and resolve, but right at that moment he didn’t care. He’d given up so much – for once he wanted to give in, to be selfish, just for now. He could almost hear the devil on his shoulder laughing with glee.

  ‘Out here, now!’ The angry words caused them to jump apart, their ragged breaths sucking in much-needed oxygen. Indi had her hand on her mouth. Troy tried to adjust his jeans while they watched two guys appear in the light in front of them.

  ‘Jasper, come on – it was a harmless comment. I was only joking,’ came Jaffa’s voice.

  ‘I don’t think you were. This is a reminder not to treat women that way.’ Thump.

  Troy watched in a daze as Jasper threw a punch at Jaffa. A second later Tegan come running out. Troy realised that Indi had run over to Jasper, maybe to stop him in case he went for another punch.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she hissed.

  Troy’s haze was starting to clear, his blood was beginning to pump normally, and the world was making sense again. Being interrupted was a good thing, a wake-up call.

  ‘I’m doing what you said: I’m taking it outside.’ Jasper turned back to Jaffa. ‘I don’t want to hear you speaking like that about Tegan or any other woman, you understand me? It’s not on, ever.’

  Tegan reached down to help Jaffa up but he slapped her hand away. ‘Leave me alone,’ he growled. ‘This is your fault. Probably screwing Jasper behind my back, aren’t ya?’

  Jasper shot out his hand and pushed Jaffa over as he was getting up, the man’s strong frame hitting the lawn once again. ‘No, she’s not. If you knew Tegan you’d know that would never happen. And it’s your fault you’re on the ground, not hers. You sort yourself out, Jaffa, because I’ll be watching you. Now, go home and sleep it off.’ Jasper stepped back, still ginger on his bad ankle, while he let Jaffa stand up.

  Jaffa glanced at Tegan, then at Jasper and Indi. He spotted Troy before he turned, hand on his cheek, and headed away from the club.

  ‘You okay, Teegs?’ asked Jasper. Her hand was over her mouth and her head twitched in an almost imperceptible nod. ‘I’m sorry, but he was way out of line,’ said Jasper. He turned and headed back inside, shaking his sore hand.

  ‘Tegan,’ said Indi, stepping towards her. ‘Let’s go sit down.’ With her arms around Tegan she glanced back at Troy. He could see the desire still clear in her eyes.

  Now Troy was alone in the dark, and in no mood to go back inside. He was too angry with himself for his lack of control and it was made worse by the fact he still ached for Indi.

  He let himself remember the feel of Indi, her firm body against his, her taste. When he closed his eyes and breathed in, he could smell her. He was not going to be able to sleep tonight.

  Troy walked away from the clubhouse and headed for the goalpost. He didn’t want to go home to his empty house but he didn’t want to go back into the party either. He stayed, leaning against the post until his body shivered from the cold but he took it, enjoyed it, a form of punishment. A group of guys came out of the club, stripped naked and began to race around the oval. Troy took this as his cue to leave.

  Back home he’d just stripped off his shirt when there was a knock at the door. Troy’s hand paused over the door handle. He hoped it wasn’t Indi. He decided to pretend he wasn’t home.

  ‘Troy, are you home?’ The voice that muffled through the door wasn’t Indi’s. Breathing a sigh of relief, he turned the handle.

  An attractive redhead, still in her costume, stood with her hand seductively on her hip. Grace smiled. ‘Hello, gorgeous, I’ve come to turn down your bed.’ She stepped past him and swung the door shut.

  Troy was worried that Indi would drop by his house the next day, but when he ran into Jasper on Sunday at the roadhouse he found out she was working. Troy was relieved. He didn’t want her to come around to try and talk about the kiss.

  ‘What was all that with Jaffa last night?’ Troy asked. They stood out the front near the fuel bowsers watching the sun come up over the rock. Galahs squawked in the crisp morning air as Troy pulled his beanie further down on his head.

  Jasper shrugged as he shook his carton of iced coffee. ‘We don’t see eye to eye on some things concerning Tegan. Don’t worry, I’m hoping he’ll get his act together.’ Jasper didn’t look impressed at all. Troy knew Tegan had been spending lots of time with him and he could tell he cared for her a lot. Troy felt the same way about Indi, which was why he needed to explain last night. She needed to know it wouldn’t happen again, couldn’t happen again.

  ‘Bit like that, hey. It’s not going to spill out onto the footy field, is it?’ Troy asked.

  Jasper smiled. ‘If I accidently crash into him, it won’t be planned . . . much,’ he added with a smirk. ‘Nah, I’ll be good, if it means I can get back onto the team by finals.’

  ‘So that’s a possibility? You playing, I mean, not you being well behaved on the field.’ It was Troy’s turn to smirk.

  ‘Yeah, well, I
think I’ll be right to start light training in a few weeks.’

  ‘Great. We need you.’

  They said goodbye and Troy wondered if the reason he liked Jasper so much was because he reminded him of Indi. They laughed the same, their faces crinkling in the same spots when they smiled, and they did the same little jig with their shoulders when they shrugged.

  Troy got a text later that night from Indi. Just seeing her name come up on his phone scared him. We need to talk.

  It took him half an hour to work out what to reply. I’ll see you at training next week. We’ll talk then. Troy figured she deserved to be let down face to face, and by doing it at training with a group of guys around, things couldn’t get out of hand.

  As the days went by, Troy grew more nervous. Before he headed off to training on Thursday, he pulled out the photo of Peta, to give him strength. She was always in his thoughts. But that strength died when he saw Indi, who looked so incredibly happy to see him. He couldn’t have felt worse.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, as she got the footballs ready.

  ‘Afternoon,’ he replied. The shearing boys were just behind Indi and Troy was relieved that they weren’t alone.

  After he got the guys warmed up they started on their drills. Indi was wearing his birthday gift around her neck with pride, although she only used it when necessary. At first she’d blown the whistle when Spud wasn’t doing his push-ups all the way to the ground, when Limp was lagging in the sprints and when Patrick had missed an easy kick at goals. She’d had her fun on that first night but knew not to push it after that. Now she stepped back to Troy’s side, maintaining a safe enough distance between them.

  ‘So,’ she said, shooting him a hesitant smile.

  He had to cut her off before she got too excited. ‘Look, Indi. I’m sorry,’ he began. Her face fell and he felt winded. ‘I’m not ready for a relationship.’ He never would be.

  ‘But . . . it was . . . it was great. I know I wasn’t the only one feeling it,’ she said, facing the training team.

  He could tell it was taking a lot for her to speak up, to put herself out there for him. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly. How could he make her understand?

  ‘Indi, I can’t do serious. You know me – I don’t even like doing close friends. There’s a reason for that. I don’t want strings when I move on from here.’

  ‘Then don’t move,’ she said. Her cute little nose scrunched when she frowned.

  Troy focused on watching Killer and Kiwi One handballing to each other. ‘It’s not that simple, Indi. I don’t want to lead you on. You and me, it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry.’ Troy walked towards his team, but each step away from Indi was like jumping on a thousand tacks.

  It took all his effort not to look back, and he only did so when he heard a door slam and a vehicle start. For the first time ever, Indi left training early.

  *

  Indi wasn’t at their game on Saturday either and they nearly won. Apparently she had to work. He was relieved, even though the game wasn’t as much fun without her. He didn’t hang around for long afterwards either. He drove straight home. They were supposed to be going to Perth together tomorrow, but now she probably didn’t want to be near him.

  He pulled up in his driveway. The sun had set and the last of the light was fading from the sky. Just as he shut his door he heard an over-revved motor. He turned to see Indi’s ute pull in behind his. Maybe she’d come to tell him that tomorrow was off?

  She slammed her door and stomped towards him in her work clothes. He felt the force of her anger blow like an incoming storm. Indi stopped, just about toe to toe with him. He could see she was hurting and in that instant he knew what it was about. Small towns were like that.

  ‘You didn’t want me, but you were happy to sleep with Grace?’ she said, spitting the words out. ‘If you preferred her, why didn’t you just say so? That I can understand.’ Her brow creased but she was still gorgeous to him.

  ‘Did Grace tell you that?’ he asked softly.

  ‘No, I had to hear it from Tegan, who heard it from Belinda, who got it from her mum, who got it from Mrs Bateson, who saw Grace leaving your house in her creased maid’s outfit the morning after the party. After we . . .’ Her words faltered. She took a breath. ‘After that you took her home?’ Indi balled her hands up into fists beside her legs.

  ‘No, it wasn’t like that, Indi. She turned up at my house.’ He hoped she wasn’t going to take a swing at him because he was sure she could pack a punch.

  Indi sucked in a breath ‘I just wish you would have been honest. I thought as a friend I at least deserved the truth,’ she said, with more control now.

  A few silent seconds ticked by before he spoke. ‘You want the truth?’ he asked. She nodded, her eyes hard in the last of the light. ‘Meet me here at seven tomorrow and we’ll go to Perth as planned. You’ll get some answers.’ He couldn’t tell her all of his secrets but he was willing to share his story of Peta. Indi deserved to know that part of his life at least. He owed her that much. He hated watching her suffer, even worse to know he was causing it.

  Indi was watching him, as if deciding whether she could sit in a car with him for that long. But he knew she wanted answers. It was eating her up not knowing him.

  ‘Seven tomorrow.’ He turned and walked back to his house, leaving her standing by his ute.

  24

  2009

  TROY threw the keys to his old Holden on the kitchen table, along with his uni books. He was a few weeks away from finishing his Bachelor of Agribusiness. After high school, wanting to be with Peta had kept him from heading back to the farm, so he’d decided to go to uni. His parents had been proud he’d decided to follow on with agriculture and it was what Troy wanted. He loved being in the country, and if studying meant he got to stay near Peta, even better.

  He’d moved in with Peta at her cousin’s house, and for the most part the house felt like theirs except for the odd occasion when Dean came home.

  Life was wonderful. Troy was down to yearly check ups and, besides the drugs he had to take morning and night, the same as Peta, his life was as close to normal as it was going to get. If it wasn’t for his scar or the fact he couldn’t play football, he almost forgot he had a different heart. Occasionally he had weird cravings for food he’d never had before and he wondered if that was from his new heart. He often wondered whose heart he had received – he would love to know and meet the family but as yet he hadn’t heard from them. But his mum had a pretty good idea of the donor. The day he’d been called in to the hospital there had been an accident north of the city. They later heard that a young man had died. Troy’s mum was convinced that’s whose heart he’d been given. Troy had searched for more information about the man and his family. He knew what day George Miles Gilbert’s funeral had been and where he was buried. He often wished he could see the guy’s family, to thank them for his heart, for his life. They had lost their son, but through donating his heart Troy had been able to live. He’d been able to see his sister grow up and he’d been able to spend his life with Peta. He owed George so much.

  ‘Hey, you’re home early,’ said Peta as she walked into the dining room. Her dark hair was out and shining as if she’d spent the last half hour brushing it.

  ‘Hi, beautiful. Miss me?’ Troy reached for her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her like he hadn’t seen her for weeks.

  ‘Hmm, I like it when you get home.’ She looked up to him now. He’d shot up over the last few years, and she fit so snugly into his bigger frame.

  ‘I’m going to miss you,’ he said, resting his head on top of hers.

  ‘It’ll only be for a few days. I’ll be back from Margaret River before you know it. You could still come with us,’ she said, digging her hands into his shorts pockets.

  He breathed in her perfume. ‘I wish I could. Soon I’ll be free of uni. I’ll have my degree and then you and I can go back to take over the farm from Dad. Right?’

  ‘
Right.’ She sighed contentedly.

  Peta had already agreed to follow him back to Geraldton. She’d said she would follow him to the moon. Troy was determined that he was going to propose to Peta. Next year, when they were back on the farm. He’d take her up to his special tree that overlooked the property, and he’d ask her to marry him with the sun setting behind them. It would be perfect. He’d certainly found his soulmate. Peta was forever. He knew without a doubt that she’d say yes.

  ‘So when is Lila picking you up?’

  Peta put her cheek against his chest. He knew she loved listening to his heartbeat.

  ‘In half an hour.’ Her voice was sad. She was excited about the girls’ trip down south, tasting wine, surfing – well, trying to surf in Peta’s case. He’d tried to teach her on a few occasions. She loved learning new things – exciting, fun things. He would take her surfing every week when they got back to Geraldton.

  ‘Hmm, half an hour, you say,’ he said with a growl.

  Peta laughed. Reaching up, she hooked her arms around his neck and jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. ‘I’m all yours,’ she said, nuzzling his neck.

  Lucky for them Lila was ten minutes late. ‘Hey, Troy, give me your woman. She’s mine now,’ she said, laughing. Lila had been Peta’s friend since primary school. Lila had uncontrollable frizzy hair and was another strong, independent woman. He could see why Peta was best friends with her.

  ‘Bye, honey. I love you. Study hard,’ said Peta, giving Troy another hug and a kiss.

  ‘Bye. Love you, too. Don’t let Lila lead you astray.’ He knew damn well it would be the other way around. Peta wanted to experience life, to see and taste everything.

  After they left, Troy wandered the house. It was too quiet. He rang Freddie and asked him over for a pizza and a few beers.

  ‘Sure. Can’t be a big one, though. Training tomorrow,’ said Freddie.