by Kyra Lennon
“This feels weird.” He started to pull back, but I trapped him in place.
“No. Don’t let go. You have to be firm.”
He rested his chin on my shoulder. “If this didn’t feel so disgusting, I’d tell you to stop talking dirty. This isn’t sexy at all.”
“Shut up. You wanted to help.”
“Sorry. What do I do now?”
“I’m going to let go, and you’re going to take control.”
Drew’s lips brushed against my neck. “Okay, that was sexy.”
I tipped my head back, allowing myself to relish in the feel of his kiss. Would there ever be a time I tired of his mouth on my skin? I couldn’t imagine it. I wanted more. More kisses. More of him.
“Pottery isn’t supposed to be sexy,” I told him, with as much conviction as I could while his lips turned me into a quivering mess. “It’s relaxing.”
“Uh-huh,” he murmured, close to my ear. “And are you relaxed?”
“Drew!” I wailed, very aware of the spinning half-vase in my hands.
I’d never hated an inanimate object more in my life.
“Okay, okay,” Drew said, but I heard him trying to hold in a laugh. “I’ll take control. Of the vase.”
“Thank you. I’m letting go now. Keep your hands right on it, don’t ease the pressure.”
I slid my hand out, but the second I did, our masterpiece folded in on itself, making it look more like a deformed jug than a vase. Loose bits of clay flew across the room and splattered against the walls.
“Was I a bit too firm?” Drew asked, shifting so his legs wrapped around me from behind, and I felt his… firmness pressing into my back.
We’d had a rough day, and maybe we should have talked about what would happen next with Jason, the band, and keeping me out of the spotlight. Instead, we were messing around in my work room, throwing out more double entendres than a Carry On film.
It was exactly what we needed to lighten up an otherwise dark day. Talking could wait.
“Just a tad.”
He grinned as I turned to face him. “Can we try again?”
Smiling, I pressed my lips against his. “I don’t think you were cut out for making pottery.”
I was about to wrap my arms around his neck, but stopped because of my clay covered hands.
“Sorry. You just showered, and now you’re covered in muck.”
“Well, if we’re not... pottering anymore, I suggest we hop back in the shower and clean off.”
I screwed my face up in a show of mock thoughtfulness. “Hmm, I think I can handle that. But we can’t take too long. We have to get ready to go to Mum’s.”
Drew’s lips found my neck again. “I never want to rush when I’m with you.”
If I were a cartoon character, a bunch of red love hearts would have popped up all around me.
Raking my hands through his hair - I didn’t care about the mess anymore, I said, “A slow shower sounds really good.”
It took gargantuan effort for Drew and me to force ourselves out of the shower... and then out of bed. We could have happily delayed a family gathering for a few more days. Not because we didn’t want to see them, but because the idea of Drew and Jason being in the same room was about as appealing as a massage from Edward Scissorhands.
As we walked down the path to the front door, nerves bubbled in my stomach, and from the sweatiness of Drew’s palms, I knew he felt the same way.
“It’s too late to back out, isn’t it?” he asked, his feet slowing the closer we got.
“Way too late. Come on, it’s just our parents, and Lucy, and-”
“Jason. Who thinks I’m an evil manipulator.”
“He doesn’t think that.”
Drew looked down at me, eyebrows raised.
Okay, that was pretty much what Jason said. And more.
“Are you ready?” I asked, as we reached the front step.
Drew nodded, so I opened the door and we went inside. Right away, a loud, happy scream pierced my ears, and my eighteen-year-old sister bounded up to us like an overexcited puppy, and threw her arms around us.
“You’re here!” She hugged us hard, her blonde hair hitting us in the face in the process. “I’m SO happy for you. You’re going to be the best couple in the whole world!”
I giggled, hugging her back, and even Drew couldn’t stop himself laughing.
“Good to see you, Lucy. And thank you.”
“Thank you! I’m going to be super popular at college tomorrow! We might get to study you.”
Lucy was working towards an A-level in media studies, and having rock star friends made her an instant hit when she began the course the previous September. Adding in a sister who’d become an overnight talking point would catapult her to a whole new level of cool.
“Always nice to have your completely selfless support.” I rolled my eyes.
“Oh come on, you know I’m kidding! Sort of.”
Lucy dragged us into my parents’ living room, where my mum and dad, Drew’s dad, and Jason all sat around stiffly, straight-backed and slightly tense. It was astonishing how British everyone became when they were nervous. Anyone would have thought they were the ones who’d had a life-changing day instead of us.
“Why does it look like a budget version of Downton Abbey in here?” I asked, glancing at each of them in turn.
Michael was the first to laugh, and everyone else soon joined in. The tension dissolved, along with the stiff upper lips, and he stood up to greet us.
“Welcome home.” He gave my shoulder a warm squeeze, then patted Drew on the back.
It wasn’t long before Drew and I were drowning in a sea of hugs, kisses, and congratulations, and some of the hurt about not telling them about our relationship fell away. We were lucky to have such supportive families.
When Jason stepped up to hug me, I squeezed him tightly, still feeling bad about leaving him earlier. I knew I had to go but it didn’t make it any easier, especially with the whole cocaine-in-the-pocket thing hanging over me. “How are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m okay. How about you?”
“Exhausted. It’s been a long day.”
“Yeah it has. Is Drew okay?”
“He’s... Drew.”
I didn’t need to elaborate.
I released myself from the hug and stepped back to survey Jason properly. He looked beat. He was trying hard to act as if everything was fine, but it didn’t work on me. It was another one of those times when the brothers were freakishly alike, and I could read him with no effort at all.
“Let’s get through tonight,” I said. “We can try to sort everything out in the morning.”
Jason nodded, giving me a weak smile, but it faded, and as Drew’s hand rested on my shoulder, the tension amped up around us.
“Everything okay, Ells?”
“Fine. Everything’s fine!” I spoke with an unnatural brightness that made me sound nuts. I had to do something to tone down the awkwardness, though. Drew wasn’t exactly glaring at Jason, but he certainly wasn’t about to greet him with an apology, no matter how bad he felt. Likewise, Jason stood, tense and unblinking.
Already, being between the two of them made my heart hurt. An invisible rope circled itself around me, each end tugging me in a different direction, splitting me in half, challenging my roles as girlfriend and best friend, trying to make me choose.
“Guys.” Lucy skipped to the centre of the room, commanding everyone’s attention. “Can we play some games?”
God bless my baby sister. I took Drew’s hand and led him away from Jason before everyone else noticed their problems. It was bad enough the three of us were suffering.
“Not tonight, Lucy,” Mum said. “We invited Ellie and Drew for dinner, and they’re probably too tired for games.”
“Please! It’s been ages since we’ve all been together. We should do something fun!”
She fixed her baby blues on me. She didn’t need to say a word, I caved like the push
over of a big sister I was. Game nights had been a long standing tradition for us, usually with food and a few bottles of wine to console us after Lucy kicked our asses at games on her PS3.
Besides, some of us needed the distraction of a game to carry us through the evening.
“Yes! I’ll get everything set up!”
Dad threw me a smile. “Hard to resist those eyes, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “The men of the world are in for a load of trouble when she realises how pretty she is.”
“I’m not pretty. And I’m too focused on college to think about boys.”
Everyone laughed again, and Drew and I sat down on the floor since there were no seats left.
It wasn’t long before Lucy fired up one of her favourite dance games, and dragged me away from Drew to “compete” against her.
“Jason.” She turned to him and waved a controller in his direction. “You want some?”
I burst out laughing as she wiggled her eyebrows at him, and he gave his first genuine smile of the night. He rose to his feet. “Bring it!”
“Mum?” Are you in?”
“Absolutely!”
The four of us took our positions, and when the music started, the competition began.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Jason huffed. If I could have taken my eyes away from the screen, I was sure I’d have seen his arms flailing wildly. He had no co-ordination whatsoever. Singing was one thing, but keeping up with the crazy, animated movements on-screen was quite another.
“I’m too old for this!” Mum said, though she was scoring way better than Jason.
“Stop talking,” Lucy swung her arm out and narrowly missed my head. “I’m concentrating!”
Nothing could stop my sister when she was getting her groove on, and as I ducked out of her way, I stumbled and bumped into the wall, ruining my near perfect score.
“Hey!” I straightened up, scrambling to get back in the game. “Not fair!”
“Suck it up, buttercup. I’m in it to win it!”
“You tell her, Luce!” Jason laughed.
A blush coloured Lucy’s cheeks, but it didn’t distract her from pulling out some killer moves.
Obviously, she won, with me coming in an embarrassing third, behind my mum.
Several more rounds followed, with only Michael and Drew not getting involved. Michael wasn’t into it, and Drew never played dance games. Instead, they watched the rest of us, throwing out the occasional heckle for motivation. It would have been the perfect evening if Drew and Jason didn’t have so much animosity between them. I couldn’t tell if everyone noticed and chose to ignore it, or if I was particularly attuned because I knew how deep their feelings ran. Either way, I felt tension rise every time they caught each other’s eyes.
An hour passed, and food still hadn’t been ordered yet. That was enough time for the situation to become too much for me.
I needed a breather.
Excusing myself from the games, I went through to the kitchen and leaned back against the breakfast table, blowing out a breath. If I hadn’t been driving, I’d have started chugging from the nearest bottle of red wine.
We shouldn’t have come. I should have been more adamant we were too tired, because Drew and Jason needed to be apart until they’d cooled down. There was no disguising the awkwardness and it hurt to be around them both at the same time.
“Can I hide out here too?”
I peered up as Jason rested against the counter opposite me.
“I wasn’t hiding, just taking a quick time out.”
“Liar. This reminds me of when your parents had that New Year’s Eve party when we were kids.”
“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”
He shook his head then began to laugh. “I couldn’t find you for forty-five minutes. You were hiding under your bed because the noise from the party poppers and fireworks scared you.”
“I was eight years old!”
“You were a wimp!”
I could still remember how terrified I’d been of all the loud bangs. Of course, I understood the concept of New Year’s Eve, but I hated the noise that came with it. I’d been right in the middle of the action when the clock hit midnight, and explosions of sound and colour scared the crap out of me, causing me to flee to my room to hide.
“I remember Drew came looking for you,” I said. “And he found our feet poking out from under my bed. I was too frightened to get out from under there, so you climbed in with me. It took Drew fifteen minutes to convince me there’d be no more noise!”
Our fond smiles faded a little. So many memories like that one lived on in our minds, at least until Drew outgrew us and decided I was an annoying little brat who helped lead Jason astray. Childhood was such a simple time. Kids play, then fight, then make up; often all within one day. What the hell did we know back then? Nobody told lies that could seriously hurt someone, name-calling didn’t go beyond “prat,” “idiot,” and “stupid head.” All could be forgiven with the offering of a Kit Kat, or an invitation to the next round of Tag. In adulthood, lies lingered, forgiveness was granted but nothing was ever forgotten.
“He’ll come around.” I moved to stand beside Jason and linked my arm through his. “The things he said earlier-”
“Were all true,” Jason finished, looking down at me. “Don’t try to defend it as stuff he didn’t mean because he was angry. He meant every damn word.”
“So did you,” I pointed out. “You said plenty to him, too. Don’t think he spent the rest of the day farting rainbows. He was miserable, Jason. This isn’t a one way thing.”
“I know.” He lowered his head, lost in thought. “I think I’m gonna go home.”
Way to avoid the situation a bit longer. What was the alternative though? Another hour or two making everyone else uncomfortable? Shooting dirty looks across the room, or blanking each other? This was hardly the place for another showdown.
“Are you sure?”
Jason nodded. “It’s best if I go. We’re all tired and we need a break.”
I unlinked my arm from his and gave him a hug. “Will you be okay?”
“Ellie, come on.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“Ellie. Ellie! Wake up!”
A hand prodded at my arm, and still half asleep, I slapped it away, turning over and pulling the covers around me. It was still pitch black in my room which meant it was nowhere near time to get up.
“Ellie!”
“What?” I mumbled. “I’m sleeping.”
“Dad called. Jason’s in hospital, we have to go. Now!”
Dad. Jason. Hospital.
Dad called. Jason hospital.
Hospital?
I blinked a few times, the duvet still covered my head. “What?”
“Ellie, please! We need to go!”
Cool air attacked my skin as the warm covers were snatched away from me.
Hospital.
I sprung into an upright position, head throbbing. “Wait. What... Why is... What the hell’s going on?”
My focus cleared, and Drew stood at the side of my bed, his eyes frantically begging me to get up. He’d thrown his jeans and a t-shirt on, and while I tried to fully regain consciousness, he scrambled around the room, picking up my clothes.
“He fucking overdosed on cocaine!” He threw my not-long-ago-removed outfit on the bed. “I don’t know anything else, Dad wasn’t making sense. Jason’s in hospital and we need to get there!”
The world stopped. Drew’s voice came to me in slow motion. Snippets drifting in and out of my head, trying to understand.
An overdose. How did he...? I took the cocaine away. Flushed it right down the toilet. And I was with him a few hours ago. He said he was okay. Nothing to worry about.
“Ells, please. Get dressed, or I’ll have to go without you.”
Shaking my head, I stood up, mind racing as I put my clothes on. Too fast. Everything was
happening too fast. “Tell me what you know,” I said, searching for my shoes. Where the hell were my shoes? I took them off... oh, in the kitchen! Right. Where Drew and I grabbed a glass of wine before falling into bed.
Without a thought for what Jason was doing.
Shit. Was this my fault?
Drew followed me, saying, “Dad found Jason in his old room, collapsed on the bed. He said he was struggling to breathe, and he told Dad he’d used cocaine. Dad called an ambulance, and... Ellie I don’t know!”
“Okay, okay.” I was struggling to breathe myself. When I’d put my shoes on, I grabbed my coat and keys. “Let’s go.”
I managed to get us safely to the hospital without any recollection of the journey, snippets of Drew calling Derek drifting in and out of my consciousness. The whole way, I kept telling myself everything would be okay. It wasn’t my fault.
The words didn’t ring true.
I should have let someone know what I found. Jason promised he had no intention of using, how could he go back on that?
He’s an addict, Ellie. Addicts lie.
No. He wasn’t lying. At least, he wasn’t when he said it, but after his argument with Drew maybe...I don’t know, maybe it was too much for him. I should have called him.
Stupid, Ellie!
Please. Please, God. Let Jason get through this.
Tears prickled my eyes but I blinked them away, and reached for Drew’s hand as we rushed through the hospital to find Michael. With every step, my legs felt heavier, my heart pounded a little harder. As we stopped to work out where we were supposed to go, Drew’s phone beeped. The text message he read made all colour drain from his cheeks.
“What is it?”
“It was Dad. Jason’s in intensive care.” Drew turned to me. “Did I do this to him, Ells?”
His ashen face only intensified my own guilt. I’d barely looked at him since he woke me up, but now, standing with him, I could see every thought in his head. He hadn’t worked through the fight with Jason yet, and I could practically hear him telling himself he’d failed again.
My insides twisted, nausea swirling in my gut. If anyone failed, it was me.
