by Vi Carter
“You’re right.” I’m surprised once again when Ciara pulls back the blanket and places herself on top of me. She’s sitting up on me and my boxers grow even tighter.
“I’m not complaining here Ciara. But what are you doing?”
Her eyes seem to devour me and I rest my hands on her hips. She shivers and closes her eyes briefly.
“I’ve wanted this for a long time now, and if what happened today has taught me anything, it's that life is too short.” Ciara runs her hands up my chest, her face getting closer to mine.
“I’ve never been with anyone when I’m sober.” I confess.
Ciara smiles. “So I’m your first.”
I laugh. “That would be a bit of a stretch.” My hands leave her hips and I take her face in my hands, her eyes grow wider as she looks at my lips, moving her closer she pushes against my chest stopping my progression.
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
CIARA
I’m staring down at Darragh, my heart pounds threatening to come out of my chest. I’m not normally nervous, and this felt so right. I had played this moment out in my head more times than I care to admit, but now having Darragh under me and knowing how inexperienced I am is making me second guess myself.
“I… haven’t done this much.” I say. My heart beats rapidly in my neck and I’m tempted to touch it and cover it up but I don’t move.
“You don’t have to do this.” Darragh’s words are said softly.
I nod. “I want to.” Closing my eyes briefly, I tell myself I’m not afraid. When I open my eyes Darragh is waiting and I answer with a kiss. Being on top of him makes me feel powerful. His body is sculpted and perfect. My body pushes against him and he groans into my mouth. I deepen the kiss and a panic takes over me, I want this so bad. Our kisses grow frantic and Darragh flips me so I’m on my back. I bite his lip and he pulls back but grins before kissing me again. Being under him has an entirely different feel. I’m small and desirable. I’m his. His warm mouth brushes kisses along my throat, his teeth graze the skin. The pain and pleasure has me pushing against him. I manage to shimmy out from under him and he grabs me around the waist but I push his hands away and kneel up. My chest rises and falls as his hungry eyes focus on my breasts. Reaching back I remove my bra and let my breasts hang free. I hiss as his mouth covers my nipples, his bites have me digging my nails into his back. Darragh moves back up my neck and when his lips brush mine, he keeps his eyes open, there is something so personal about watching each other. My hand finds his erection that grows as my fingers slide over the head of it.
Releasing his cock I turn away from him and arch my back, cocking my backside in the air. Darragh’s large hands grip and squeeze my ass and pain radiates up my back. Looking at him over my shoulder I can’t wait any longer. Holding myself up with one arm I reach back and take his cock directing it to my opening. He doesn’t need any more encouragement. Darragh fills me and at first, I feel like I’m stretched too far, he eases back out and slowly re-enters. Burying my head in the quilt I groan into my sheets.
“Faster,” I plead.
His strong body pulses and pushes against my ass. His hands grip my hips as he pumps faster and harder.
“Faster.” My shouts and groans have his flesh slapping against mine until I release all over his cock. Darragh trembles behind me as he empty’s himself, his movements slowing down to a stop. He gives a final two thrusts before pulling out of me. I lie back down and Darragh flops beside me.
“That was so fucking good.”
I’m smiling at his words. “At least you’ll remember it.” I say while closing my eyes. I’m ready now to go to sleep.
“It’s not possible to forget you Ciara.” I open one eye and smile up at him.
“I’m going for a fag.” Darragh gets out of the bed and pulls back up his boxers.
“Be careful of Peaches.” I say half asleep already. The quilts are pulled up on my body, the heat lulling me into a sleep. I’ve been afraid all night to close my eyes. Each time I do all I see is Siobhan’s empty eyes, the red soaking into the dress. If that didn’t haunt me it was my Father’s body. I sit up as Darragh arrives back into the room.
“I keep seeing her.” I whisper to my fingers. The bed dips as Darragh climbs back in. “I keep seeing my dad too.”
Darragh tips my head back so I’m looking at him. “It happens to me.”
My lip quivers at his words.
“I allow each face to pass and then that’s it. Don’t give them permission to stay.” Darragh wipes away a tear.
We lie down and he pulls me into his chest. “I’ll keep all the ghosts away Ciara. You just sleep.” I believe him and allow myself to close my eyes. If anyone could take this away, I knew it was Darragh.
***
“I have to go.” Words are whispered close to my ear.
“Okay,” I say not wanting to wake up. A soft laugh has me becoming more alert. Darragh.
Opening my eyes, I stare up at him. “Morning. Well is it morning?” I wasn’t sure what time it was.
“It’s more like dinner time.”
I rub my face and sit up taking the blankets with me. “How did you sleep?”
“The best sleep ever.” Darragh leans in and kisses me softly. “I’ll be back later. I’m just going to go to the hospital and see how Shane is.”
Guilt rises up. I hadn’t even asked about Finn or Shane. “How’s Finn?”
The moment I say it I can see the pain in Darragh’s eyes. “He lost someone he loved. Right now it seems like he will never be himself again. But with time he’ll be fine.”
I take his hand in mine. “He has you. So he will be fine.” I kiss Darragh’s fingers.
“Can I do anything?” I ask when I look back up at Darragh. My stomach tightens looking into his handsome face.
“Keep doing what you did last night and I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
I laugh at his answer. “I can do that.”
Darragh plants another kiss on my lips. “I better go.” I watch him get dressed soaking in the perfection of Darragh O’Reagan. Once he’s dressed, he climbs back up and gives me one final kiss. “I’ll ring you later.”
“Yeah, let me know how Shane is.”
“I will.” Once the door closes, I sink further under the quilt and can’t stop the smile that coats my face.
DARRAGH
Shane has been moved to the Mater in Dublin. I grab a sandwich and coffee from a deli on the way up. Finn is with me but he’s refused food and the heavy sunglasses on his face are to help with his hangover and grief.
“Father said Shane woke up last night.” Finn stares out the window as he speaks.
“Yeah, I was talking to Liam this morning. So that’s good news,” I say and glance at Finn he’s still staring out the window.
“I went to your room last night. You weren’t there.”
Guilt churns away at my stomach. “I went for a walk.” I tell him and start to slow down as we enter Dublin.
“All night?” When I stop in traffic, I look at Finn and see my reflection in his glasses.
“Yeah.” I lie and he faces forward.
***
Una is holding Shane’s hand, her back is hunched as I stare in through the large glass window. I want to give them time but Finn pushes open the door and Una turns to him, the pain on her face is immediate. Releasing Shane’s hand she walks to Finn and hugs him. I use the moment to slip into the room. Shane’s eyes track my movements and I smile.
“You’re alive,” I say and regret my words straight away as Shane shifts his attention to Finn.
“What are the doctors saying?” I try to cover up my previous statement as I sit down on the chair that Una had vacated.
“I’m lucky. The bullet tore clean through my shoulder. I’ll be out soon.”
“How are you feeling?” Finn has removed the sunglasses. Una still keeps an arm around his waist like he might fall down. He looks like he could do with a bed beside Shane.
/> “Like I got shot,” Shane says and Finn’s eyes crinkle at the sides.
“Anyone know who did this?” Shane asks me and I shake my head. “I think right now everyone is focusing on your recovery and … Finns,” I say his name low.
“The funeral is in two days. They are releasing her body.” Una squeezes Finn’s hand as his eyes shimmer.
“Why don’t we go get a coffee?” Una smiles up at Finn. I’m so grateful when they leave the room.
“How bad is it?” Shane asks the minute they leave.
“Really fucking bad,” I say and rub my face. I feel exhausted again. “Imagine losing Una,” I say and shrug. The thoughts of Ciara being hurt is painful. But loving her, marrying her, and then losing her I think I would be hell bent on revenge.
“We need to find out who did this.” Shane’s jaw is clenched.
“We will brother. Once we bury Siobhan, we will find out who did this-“ I’m not sure why I’m telling him this next part but I feel he should know. “Ciara was standing beside Siobhan when she was shot.”
“Is she okay?” Shane asks.
I grin at his false concern. “She will be. She believes that Siobhan wasn’t the target.”
Something like fear flickers across Shane’s face. “What do you mean?”
“She said the gunman was aiming at Una, just Siobhan got in the way.” Shane’s pulling himself up, pulling at his drip. I grab it before it falls over.
“Okay calm down,” I tell him before he hurts himself.
“Why am I only hearing this now?”
I sit back down. “Because you’re only awake Shane, but it does make this look like revenge towards you.” Shane looks away and my eyes are drawn to the black bands on his arm. I know what they mean and maybe now one of those bands is coming back to bite him in the ass.
“So who did you piss off?” I grin when he looks at me to try to lighten the mood.
“The wrong kind of people apparently.” Shane’s face is pale and I wonder if I should have left this alone until he recovers. “Well Liam and Father know so they are on the case.”
When Finn and Una return the conversation is strained and I decide its best we leave. The awkwardness wasn’t helping anyone.
“I’ll try to get home tomorrow.” Shane tells us.
“No you will not. You will wait until you’re discharged.” Una slaps a hand on her hip and it’s so great to watch Shane be schooled.
“Of course if the doctor says it’s fine.” I snort at his lie and he grins at me.
“You need a lift?” I ask Una.
She shakes her head. “I drove up so I’ll stay a few more hours.” Una gives me a hug and I hug her back. The hug she gives Finn is longer and I raise an eyebrow at Shane. He shakes his head at me but I can see the ghost of a smile there.
The drive back feels quicker. “How’s Ciara?” Finn asks.
“She’s good.”
“Is that where you went for a walk last night?” Finn’s voice has a touch of humor in it so I answer honestly.
“Yeah, I stayed the night,” I say and glance at Finn.
“You get it on?” I can’t see Finn’s eyes as he has the sunglasses back on but he isn’t frowning so I grin.
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” When I glance at him again, he’s looking out the window.
“Yes,” I say just for him and when he looks at me, his lip tugs up slightly.
“I’m happy for you man.”
***
The morning of the funeral comes too quickly. Finn insists that Siobhan be waked in her own home. The irony wasn’t lost on me as I stand out back looking out on the old cattle sheds.
“What are you doing out here?” Ciara comes over and links her arm with mine.
“I don’t know if I ever told you, but me and Finn met Siobhan at her father’s wake. In fact she was standing right here when we first saw her.” I think back to that day and how insensitive I was to her. But all I wanted was to close the deal for Father and get drunk or high afterwards.
“No I didn’t know that.”
I glance down at Ciara. “Yeah. It feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t ever think that I would stand where she stood only it wouldn’t be her father in the coffin but her.”
Ciara squeezes my arm. “We never know when our time is up.”
“I know that.”
“Do you remember that day?” Finn’s voice startles me and this is a memory I don’t want him to have. I nod. He’s smiling at the memory.
“The moment I set eyes on her, I thought she was so beautiful. I just never thought I would be so lucky to marry her.” Finn comes closer. “You were an asshole that day to her.” He tells me and the fire in his eyes has me holding his stare.
“I know.”
Ciara seems to be clutching me tighter. “But I made you look good. Otherwise she could have fallen for me if I was nice.”
Finn smirks at my words. “I highly doubt it.”
Ciara relaxes beside me.
“I was wondering where you went?” Shane arrives his arm still in a sling. It’s a relief to see him up and walking.
“Just needed some fresh air,” I say and some alone time. Which was something I wasn’t going to get today.
“I’ll just see if the ladies need a hand in the kitchen.” I plant a kiss on Ciara’s head as she leaves.
“She’s too good for you.” Finn speaks the moment she’s gone. His anger isn’t like him, but for now I’ll let him say what he wants.
“I know.”
Shane squeezes Finn’s shoulder. “All our women are too good for us.”
When I light a smoke Shane and Finn take one each.
“No one told me we were having a meeting.” I grin at Connor as he saunters over to us and throws his arm across Finn’s shoulder. He’s been avoiding me the last few days. But once Siobhan is laid to rest, he won’t be able to avoid me anymore.
“A smoke?” I offer and he takes it too.
“I feel bad now. Think someone should tell Liam,” Shane says and we all say no together.
“I’m glad you all feel that way.” Liam materializes and walks towards us with his hands in his pockets. I offer him a smoke and he declines.
“We were messing,” Shane says to Liam who focuses on Finn.
“She has a beautiful home.” Finn frowns but thanks Liam. There is that part of all of us that doesn’t know what the hell to say. We are afraid to make it worse by saying the wrong thing.
“So what brought everyone out here?” Liam asks.
I notice how we are all standing in a circle, all smoking except for Liam. It reminds me that no matter what, we have each other. We might fight and hate each other but at the end of the day we had each other’s backs.
“I came out here to have a moment alone,” I tell Liam.
Connor smirks at me. “That looks like it turned out well.”
“I came out here because this was the first place, I saw Siobhan.” Finn’s looking at me, that same anger in his eyes. “It was her father’s wake.” He adds.
“I saw you from the kitchen and thought a smoke would be nice.” Shane looks from me to Finn picking up on his hostility.
“Ciara told me you were out here,” Connor tells me. I can imagine what she really said. She didn’t like Finn being mad at me and I’ve told her how close me and Finn are to Connor. I nod at him and throw my fag on the ground.
“I came out because they are closing the coffin, it’s time.” Liam’s words are like a bomb, we knew it was close but for Finn this was it, his final time to say goodbye to Siobhan.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
DARRAGH
The funeral is being held in Kells church, the same one that they got married in only a few days ago.
We all carry Siobhan up the aisle. Finn and Liam taking the lead, myself and Connor are at the back and Father and Shane in the center. The walk feels so long I can’t imagine how Finn is feeling
. The idea that this will end soon is the only thing that is getting me through the funeral.
Once we rest her coffin on the stand, we sit in the front row. I don’t listen to the priest. I’m stuck thinking about our mother. I have no memory of her funeral or her wake. I have no idea what they buried her in, or what prayers were said over her coffin. I wonder now if I was even present and if I was, did I cry? I look around me wondering had all these people stood at my mother’s grave. No matter how hard I try to imagine my mother’s funeral I just can’t. Bells ring and I look up as the priest moves behind Siobhan’s coffin as the two hearse men push it down the aisle. We fall in behind them. Outside a black carriage awaits her coffin, with two black horses ready to pull it.
They slide the coffin into the back of the hearse. The silence in the church grounds is eerie, the only disturbance is the church bells ringing.
Even the traffic seems to be at a standstill. I can see why now. Gardai cars have stopped the traffic allowing us the full use of the road. No doubt bought and paid for.
Ciara walks beside me as we follow the hearse to the graveyard. Her arm links with mine and I twine our fingers together. No one speaks as we walk the fifteen minutes to the graveyard where Siobhan will be laid to rest.
When her coffin is lowered into the ground Finn starts to cry, Connor steps forward placing an arm around his shoulder.
Raglan road is sung with just a tin whistle accompanying it. I swallow down my own emotion as Finn clings to Connor. Liam, Father and Shane stand firmly together. Once the first shovel of clay is put on Siobhan’s coffin the crowds start to leave and make their way back to Headfort Arms Hotel where food awaits them. None of us are going. We can’t risk our family being targeted again.
I spot Art, DJ and Fitz in the crowd. DJ gives me a nod when our eyes collide. Today I don’t want to see them. But I nod back. They are a reminder of what I must face soon. Standing here with my family and Ciara reminds me that I will sacrifice every one of them so I can stay here. I look away and step closer to my family. Una and Ava have joined us. Mary stands off to the left alone. “I’ll be a minute,” I whisper to Ciara and release her hand. Mary looks up as I walk over to her. Her smile wobbles and she pulls me into a hug.
