Don’t Close Your Eyes

by Ali Parker

  I sighed. “I’m not sure that what I’m doing is the healthiest thing in the world,” I told her. “But besides, it’s not that I don’t want to be working here. I just don’t feel like I’m ready to be in charge of the place. Not yet, anyway. But things haven’t been as bad as I expected them to be. Tanner’s been helping me out a lot, and the hands have been really helpful too. I was sort of thrown off the deep end, but I do feel like I’m starting to get the hang of things. It would be very different if you wanted to train dogs, but were stuck mucking out stalls and teaching riding lessons for the rest of your life.”

  “Hmm. Maybe,” Brea said, and I could hear that she was starting to think about it.

  “Think of how guilty your dad would feel if he thought you were blaming yourself for his heart attack,” I pointed out.

  Brea laughed heavily. “You’re right,” she said. “Heck, I didn’t even know he was having heart problems, but from the way Dr. Lawrence talks about it, this has been going on for quite some time.” She sighed. “I just wish he would have told me.”

  “He didn’t want you to worry,” I said simply. “You can’t blame him for that.”

  “No, I can’t,” Brea said. She was quiet for a long moment. “I’m sorry about everything,” she finally added. “All the stuff with my father. I hoped that he would be a bit more understanding when he saw you there.”

  “I get it,” I said quietly. “If I were your dad, I probably wouldn’t want you to be involved with my family either.”

  “Do you know the details?” Brea asked, sounding surprised. “He told me what happened.”

  “Basically. I called my dad and got the gist of it,” I said. “And to be honest, I don’t want to know any more. That’s all ancient history. But if your dad has to lose you to anyone, I can understand why he wouldn’t want it to be me.”

  “He’s not going to lose me,” Brea said peevishly.

  I sighed, but didn’t have an answer to that. I knew that he wasn’t going to lose her, but she had to realize that things would be different if she and I started to get serious. Hell, if she was already feeling guilty because her career had taken her away from him, what would that mean for any relationship she had in the future? She would always be worrying that something would happen with her father.

  There wasn’t much that I could do to help her, either. I wanted to volunteer to help out around the farm. But I doubted her dad would appreciate that, and what’s more, I didn’t have the time to help out with a whole different farm. I was stretched thin enough over here.

  Suddenly, I thought about Mason, taking on the Brock family farm and I sort of understood how he felt, now. If I knew that two of my brothers were here looking out for the family farm, maybe I would be quicker to offer to help Brea with her family’s ranch. But as it was, it was just me here at the Dawson farm now, and if I turned my back on the place, even with good intentions, things were going to quickly become a problem.

  It didn’t matter anyway. Mr. Knight would have a fit if he found out I was there helping out on his ranch, even if it was while he was laid up. He had made it very clear that he didn’t want me anywhere near his daughter. Which begged the question of what she was doing here now. I doubted she would choose to go against her father’s wishes, especially at such a sensitive time, but on the other hand, I also doubted that he’d had a change of heart.

  Not to mention the fact that I thought Brea should be mad at me. She had turned to me for comfort, and I’d turned my back on her.

  “What are you doing here?” I finally asked. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again after I deserted you in the hospital.”

  “Yeah,” Brea said quietly. “I wish you had been there.” She held up a hand to stop my protest. “I know why you weren’t, I just wish it hadn’t gone that way.”

  “I appreciate that, but I understand why we can never see each other again,” I said. Her coming here just made things even more difficult, really. It just made me want things I could never have. All I really wanted was to get drunk and pretend I could forget about her. Then pay the piper in the morning.

  “We can, though,” Brea said. “See one another, I mean. Or at least, I hope we can. I don’t know what I have to do to make it up to you, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I want to work through this.”

  I stared at her in surprise. She seemed to think that she was the one who had done something wrong. It was her father who had shouted that he didn’t want me there, and I was the one who had walked out on her. She had just been caught in the middle of it.

  “I’m sorry I got you involved in this. I should have thought it through before I called you last night. I knew Dad wouldn’t be thrilled to see you so it was selfish of me to drag you into that. I just needed you and put myself first.”

  I blinked. “You don’t need to be sorry for calling me,” I told her, shaking my head. “You were scared and upset. I get that. Like I said, I went through a lot of that stuff with my mother, when she was sick.”

  “She got better though, didn’t she?” Brea asked quietly.

  “Yeah, for now at least,” I sighed. “Her cancer is in remission, but that means it could always come back. We just don’t know. But you never know, I guess.”

  We were both silent for a moment, thinking about that. I felt bad for saying it, and hoped she wasn’t realizing that she was always going to have to worry about her father from here on out. But that was the truth of it. You just never knew when you might lose the people closest to you. It was all about making those moments count.

  And that was why she couldn’t just throw away everything she had with her father, all because she wanted to be with me. I could never let her do that.

  I shook my head. “It’s not up to me, though,” I reminded her. “Whether you and I date or not, I have no say in that. I know you like me just as much as I like you, but I also know how much your relationship with your dad means to you. And he’s never going to come around.”

  “But he has, though,” Brea said quietly. “He’s the reason I’m here. He told me to come and make things right with you. He feels really bad for throwing you out like that.”

  I stared at her for a long moment, barely able to comprehend her words. But she was staring at me with a dead-serious look in her eyes, and I had to accept that she was telling the truth. That not only did she still want to be with me, but somehow she had managed to get her father’s blessing as well.

  Brea cracked a smile. “They must have him on some pretty strong painkillers,” she added.

  I snorted and shook my head. “Do you think we should hold off until he’s better?” I asked.

  “I thought about that,” Brea said honestly. “But I don’t want to wait.”

  “Neither do I,” I admitted. I tilted her face up toward mine, pausing for only a minute before I kissed her long and hard. She leaned into me, her hand warm on my thigh, and I groaned as lust nearly overtook me at just that simple touch.

  Brea groaned, tilting her head to the side so that I could deepen the kiss, practically plundering her mouth. I ravaged her with my tongue, finding all the spots that made her whimper with need. I was already pretty turned on, and I could tell, when we pulled apart, that she was feeling just as wrecked with the strength of her own desire.

  “I didn’t think you were ever going to talk to me again,” Brea said, as we broke apart. “I’m sorry my dad was so rude to you.”

  “I didn’t think you were ever going to talk to me again,” I retorted. “I’m so sorry I left you there to deal with everything on your own. You called a friend, though, right? Tell me you weren’t all by yourself for the whole night.”

  Brea looked off to the side, and I felt guilt surge through me again. “I’m so sorry,” I told her.

  Brea shrugged one shoulder. “It gave me a lot of time to think actually,” she said. “It was good, I think. And everything’s going to be okay now.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Just don’t you ever do that again.�
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  “Hopefully, we’ll never be in that situation ever again,” I said. “But if we are, we’ll face it together.”

  Brea smiled at me. “I like the sound of that,” she said. “Together.”

  There was a promise in her words, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her again. Our kiss turned sloppy, both of us too overcome with passion to exercise much finesse. I groaned as she palmed at my member through my shorts, my head dropping down to rest against her collarbone.

  “I want you,” I told her. “Badly.”

  I hoped she could hear the urgency in my voice. I knew that she was probably tired, but I felt more turned on than I ever had in my life. It felt like if I didn’t take her upstairs right now, my whole body would explode into a million fragments. I just couldn’t take it.

  Brea gasped when I said that, though, and her body shifted even closer to mine. “Please,” she said quietly.

  I stood up, holding my hand out to her. Then dragged her inside the house.

  We didn’t make it much beyond the front door before I was kissing her again, holding her back against the wall, my body framing hers as I worked on removing her shirt. But this wasn’t what I wanted, not this time. “Upstairs,” I panted out. I wanted her in my bed. It would be the first time we had made love there, but this felt right.

  I wanted her to feel special. I wanted her to realize just how much I cared for her.

  Brea gave me a soft smile and followed me upstairs.

  30

  Brea

  I couldn’t believe things with Luke had been resolved so easily. When I’d first shown up there, he’d seemed so on edge. Like he didn’t really want me there. And it had made me feel terrible. I knew I deserved that. Knew that I had no right to be there. I should have come sooner. I should have called him at least, to tell him how sorry I was for the way things had happened at the hospital.

  But I’d wanted to talk to him in person, and I’d needed to wait until I knew Dad was going to be okay before I could leave.

  In fact, I would have waited even longer, but Dr. Lawrence had finally kicked me out. “Go home and get some sleep,” he told me. “You’re not doing your dad any good by wearing yourself into the ground sitting here.”

  I hadn’t wanted to go, but Dad was sleeping anyway, and with the meds that he was on, that was likely to be the case until the following day.

  “I’ll call you if anything changes,” the doctor promised. “But he’s through the worst of it now.”

  I finally nodded and agreed to go home. Mostly so that I could shower and change. I’d planned to go right back to the hospital afterwards, but instead, I’d headed over to Dad’s house. I had called a couple of his friends that morning and they had agreed to look after the horses for the time being, but I just wanted to make sure that things were okay. I should have been more diligent before. I should have spent more time these past months, making sure that things were running smoothly and that Dad wasn’t over-exerting himself.

  But I hadn’t, and now, this was where we were.

  Everything was in great shape around the ranch, I was relieved to see. Dad’s friends had done more than just clean out the stables. The whole place looked like it had been cleaned up, and a couple of the fields had been mowed. It was the first time I started to think that maybe things were going to be okay.

  Nina called me as I was leaving. “Hey,” she said. “Are you still at the hospital?” I had finally called her early that morning and told her the news. She’d offered to rush right over, but I told her it wasn’t necessary. She had to pick her kids up after their sleepover, and had other things on her plate right now.

  I didn’t want to make anyone else work overtime just because of my own selfish whims. It was a silly way to think, because I knew that Nina always had my back, but that was the truth.

  “I’m actually at Dad’s place right now,” I told Nina. “Just making sure that the horses are doing okay.” I paused. “Dad’s looking a lot better. He was sleeping when I left. But his doctor thinks he’ll probably be okay to go home pretty soon. So that’s good.”

  “That’s great,” Nina said warmly. “Do you want to come over here for dinner, or are you going over to Luke’s since you’re already so close?”

  I blinked. I hadn’t even thought about going over to Luke’s, but she was right. I was pretty close. I bit my lower lip. “I don’t think Luke would want to see me,” I said. I had told her about their meeting last night, and Nina’s grimace had been obvious in her voice as she sympathized with me.

  “I think you should at least go over there and see what he’s thinking,” Nina had said quietly. “I can tell how much he means to you, and you don’t want to just cut him out of your life forever, do you?”

  And so I had come over to Luke’s. He had been so nice to me and didn’t seem to think any of it was my fault. And I could tell he would do whatever he could to help me out. I couldn’t even put into words how much that meant to me.

  I could tell that something had changed between us, though. Even before he suggested we move our sloppy kissing upstairs to his bedroom. There was something about the way he was kissing me that showed me just how badly he needed this. But at the same time, he was curiously gentle with me, his touches tender and designed to send shivers through me rather than those crazy bolts of desire.

  He led me upstairs and helped me out of my clothing before giving me a gentle nudge toward the bed. I spread myself out against the soft comforter, watching as he slowly removed his own clothing. I could never get over how good he looked. Those firm muscles of his, that cheeky smile and the confidence as he covered my body with his.

  He kissed me again, but this time, there was the added element of our skin sliding against skin. His fingers traced patterns down my naked body, igniting an explosive lust inside of me.

  I loved him. I really did.

  The thought came as a surprise to me. I knew that I had feelings for him, but this was the first time I had framed those feelings in terms of love. But it was true, I knew that without a doubt. Without question. I loved him. Deeply and instinctively, I loved him.

  I smiled into the kiss, and he pulled away to smile down at me, brushing back some of my hair. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a good guy he was, and how lucky I was to have him in my life.

  He kissed his way down my body, leaving no inch of my skin untouched. I squirmed beneath him, my breath coming in ragged pants as I wordlessly begged him to do more. I wanted him inside of me. I needed to feel that most intimate part of him.

  But instead of his member sliding into me, it was his tongue that entered me first. He kissed along my folds and dipped his tongue into my entrance, tasting me. His eyes locked on mine, fierce in their appreciation of my body. He licked at my opening, using his fingers to stroke into me as well, the dual stimulation making me gasp and arch against the bed.

  He moved his mouth back up along my body, dipping his tongue into my navel as his fingers continued to work inside of me. He nipped and sucked at my breasts, until I couldn’t help the little movements of my hips, rocking into the movements of his fingers.

  He finally pulled his fingers out of me, replacing them with his twitching dick. He pushed slowly inside of me. Where the previous times that we’d slept together, he had drove into me in earnest, this time it was somehow tender. He was gentle with me, his eyes locked on mine as he smoothly slid in and out of my core.

  I wrapped my legs around him, locking my ankles in the small of his back, urging him onwards. I met him stroke for stroke, our bodies moving in perfect unison. With each thrust, my awareness of him heightened. He fit so perfectly inside of me, hitting all those bundles of nerves.

  I trembled, clinging to him as my pleasure soared higher and higher. Prickles of lust erupted across my whole body, and I sobbed out his name as I neared my climax. I spilled over into ecstasy, my forehead pressed into the hollow of his throat as my whole body shook.

  Luke gave me a moment
to recover, and then he turned me over and pushed into me again from behind.

  “Oh fuck,” I groaned, unable to hold back my moans. This angle was perfect, allowing him to push even deeper inside of me, his full length stimulating me. I was already almost overstimulated from my previous orgasm, but I reached a hand around to catch his hip, urging him on even as I rocked on my knees, pushing myself back onto his throbbing cock again and again.

  We were losing the rhythm, both too caught up in the sensations that erupted through us with each new thrust. He pressed a line of kisses along the side of my neck and my shoulder blade, and I couldn’t deny how safe and cared for I felt right now.

  He was all around me like this, his body framing mine. He twisted his fingers in mine where they pressed into the sheets. His other hand came up between my legs, rubbing at my clit, and that was enough to set me off again.

  He spilled as well, his hips pumping into mine just a couple last times before my tight walls wrung his orgasm out of him too. He groaned out my name, one hand spasming against my hip. His other hand was still twisted in mine.

  He fell down to the side, pulling me over with him, nuzzling into my hair. He continued to press soft kisses to my shoulder, his thumb stroking over my knuckles.

  I smiled blearily as I rolled over to face him. “Hi,” I murmured, pressing my cheek against his chest.

  He laughed, the sound a low rumble in his chest. “Hi,” he agreed. He paused. “You’re not going to try to run away again, are you?”

  “No, I think I’m done with that,” I told him, grinning. “I know exactly what this is, now.”

  “Oh you do?” Luke asked teasingly.