Don’t Close Your Eyes

by Ali Parker

  I frowned. That seemed so simple, but I could only imagine how I would feel right now if Brea were to fall in love with someone else. I’d probably hate whoever the new guy was forever, too.

  Just then, a doctor approached me. “Dad, I have to go,” I said, quickly getting off the phone. “What’s up?”

  “You’re here with Ms. Knight?” the doctor asked. “I’m Dr. Lawrence.” He paused and lowered his voice. “I know Mr. Knight is very against the idea of having this surgery done, but I was hoping you could talk to her about it. We need to convince her that this is really the only option for him. Otherwise, the blockages in his arteries are only going to get worse, and it’s only a matter of time before he has another major event.”

  “It’s not really my place,” I protested. “I’m not her husband or anything.” Brea and I had barely started dating. Her dad didn’t want her to have anything to do with me. I had this guilty feeling that maybe pressuring him into this dinner for tomorrow night was what had finally given him the heart attack.

  Though from the way the doctor was talking, he had been building toward this for a while now.

  “I know,” Dr. Lawrence said. “But I also can tell that Ms. Knight cares about you, and I think she’s the only chance we have of changing her father’s mind. I’ve been trying to get him to do this for a long time.”

  I stared at him for a moment and then finally nodded. “All right,” I said. “I’ll talk to her.”

  “The sooner we get him to undergo the surgery, the better his chances are,” the doctor added, looking meaningfully toward the room that Brea had disappeared into.

  I frowned, thinking it over as the doctor walked off. I shouldn’t interrupt the two of them. But then again, Brea didn’t seem like she was ready to have this conversation alone with her father, and maybe having me there would help her out. I could talk to both of them at once. That seemed to be what the doctor wanted to see happen.

  I sighed and put my hand on the doorknob, poking my head around and then stepping inside. Brea was at her dad’s bedside, holding his hand, with tears streaming down her face. Her father’s eyes were closed, and he didn’t look good.

  It took me a moment to move away from the doorway. I remembered so many of these sorts of visits before, when it had been my own parent lying pale and fragile-looking on a hospital bed. For a moment, I couldn’t stop thinking back to those times. But I could tell that Brea needed me. I stepped closer, putting my hand on her lower back, and she leaned into me.

  “How’s he doing?” I asked in a low voice.

  “He’s strong,” Brea said. But I could see something in her expression that looked scared.

  “Doctor Lawrence said surgery is really the only way to go,” I told her bluntly. “And that the sooner he gets in to surgery, the better his chances are.”

  Brea looked like she wanted to protest, but just then, her dad’s eyes opened. He narrowed them at me. “What the hell are you doing here?” he rasped.

  “Dad!” Brea protested.

  “No,” he said shortly. “I want that man out of here. I’ve already lost one woman to the Dawson family, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose another.” He scowled at his daughter. “I told you I didn’t want the two of you dating,” he snapped.

  “I know, but—”

  Whatever Brea wanted to say, it was lost in the sound of the machines, which suddenly started bleeping out alarms. A horde of nurses rushed into the room, and we were gently but firmly escorted out. Brea was in tears by now, and although I wanted to comfort her, I couldn’t help thinking that this was my fault, that if I hadn’t been there, he would have stayed resting peacefully.

  “I should go,” I said to Brea. “It’s probably for the best.”

  Brea looked as though I had betrayed her, but I turned away and headed for the door.

  28

  Brea

  I couldn’t believe that Luke had just left like that, right when I needed him the most. I kept expecting him to come back, to tell me that he was sorry. But he didn’t.

  And I couldn’t blame him. Dad had made it very clear that he didn’t want Luke there. But I wanted Luke there. Shouldn’t that be enough?

  I kept puzzling over what Dad had said, about already losing one woman to the Dawson family. What had he meant by that? I didn’t have a sister, not that I had ever known about, anyway. Maybe it was something to do with our ancestors. Some kind of murder plot or something. But that just didn’t make any sense. How could I not know anything about it?

  They stabilized Dad again, and I was allowed back in to see him. But just me this time, and I had to promise that I wouldn’t upset him again. I didn’t know what had upset him so badly the first time, but I crept in quietly this time, not even daring to say hello.

  Dad looked even worse than he had before, and I remembered what Luke had said, about how the doctor said his chances would be best if we could get him in for surgery right away. Everyone seemed to be waiting out there to hear what we were going to do. I was scared. I couldn’t help it.

  I didn’t think I was going to be able to convince Dad to go through with the surgery. But more and more, I started to think maybe I needed to just force him to go through with it. To not give him any say in the matter. He might hate me for the rest of his life, but at least he would live through the night. I was starting to doubt his chances otherwise.

  Sitting down next to the bed, I slowly reached out for Dad’s hand. His grip was weak, but he stirred a little, his eyes opening. “I guess I must look pretty bad right now.”

  “What is it about the Dawson family?” I asked, unable to help it. I knew I wasn’t supposed to ask anything that might upset him, but I needed to know. I just needed to know.

  Dad sighed, and his eyes slid shut again. For a moment, I thought he was going to continue to refuse to tell me. But then, he started to speak. “I loved your mother very much, Brea. But she wasn’t my first love. No, my first love, the love of my life, I lost before I ever met your mother. Luke’s father stole her away from me.”

  I stared at him for a long moment, the pieces suddenly falling into place. He had lied to me before. He had told me that he didn’t know the Dawson family. And I supposed he probably didn’t. He wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with the boys that the ‘love of his life’ had borne to someone else. He definitely didn’t want anything to do with Luke’s father anymore.

  And he wouldn’t want me to have anything to do with Luke either. He was afraid that he was going to lose me, but more than that, he was afraid he was going to lose me to the Dawson’s. That they would win again.

  I lightly stroked my thumb across the back of Dad’s hand, noting how dry the skin was. Whatever was going on with him health-wise, it had been going on for a long time now, and I hadn’t even noticed.

  “Dad, I’ll always be your daughter,” I reminded him quietly. “Nothing and no one is ever going to change that. But right now, I need you to focus on getting better. I don’t want to lose you any more than you want to lose me.”

  Dad stared at me for a long moment. “We don’t have the money for the surgery,” he finally said, sounding pained.

  “I know,” I said. “But I’ll figure something out, I promise. You need to do it.”

  Dad was silent again, but eventually, he nodded. “All right,” he said. “Get my doctor in here.”

  I waited alone in the waiting room while Dad went in for surgery. God, what I wouldn’t give to have someone there with me. I thought about calling Nina, but it had been a while now. She would want to know why I hadn’t called her right away, and when I explained that I had called Luke first and that he had left when he found out that Dad didn’t want him there, she would be livid. She’d probably dismember the poor guy.

  So instead, I waited by myself, through the scariest thing that I’d ever had to go through. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things that I should have done differently. Starting and ending with the fact that I should have b
een a better daughter. I should have realized that he wasn’t pushing himself around the farm because he enjoyed working that hard in his old age. No, he probably would have been perfectly happy with more time to spend on his books. But he didn’t have the luxury of that. He didn’t have enough money to hire help around the place.

  Finally, though, he came out of surgery. I got to my feet as soon as I saw Dr. Lawrence making his way over to me. My heart was hammering in my chest, but I could see that the doctor was smiling. “Everything went perfectly,” the doctor said. “Your father isn’t out of the woods just yet, we still want to keep him under observation to make sure that there aren’t any complications. No infection, that sort of thing. But for right now, he’s doing very well, and he’s stable.”

  “Can I see him?” I asked.

  “You can,” the doctor agreed, nodding at me. “He’s asleep right now, but I’m sure he’d appreciate your company. He’s in the same room as before.”

  “Thank you,” I said gratefully, already hurrying back into the other room. Sure enough, Dad was fast asleep in his bed, but he already looked better than he had earlier. Some of the color had returned to his face already, and he didn’t look quite as frail. Or maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to see.

  I sat down next to his bed and held his hand. “I love you, Dad,” I murmured.

  Dad’s eyes flickered open, and he looked over at me. “Luke’s father was a better man than I ever was,” he said. I started to protest, but he gave the slightest shake of his head. “Things have worked out the way that they should have. For all of us.”

  “Oh Dad,” I said, shaking my head. “You don’t know that.”

  “If I hadn’t met your mother, I never would have had you,” Dad pointed out.

  “Are you doing okay?” I asked. “Do you need me to get anything for you?”

  “No, I’m okay,” Dad said. “And you need to go make things right with Luke.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “It was all I could think about, while I was in there having the surgery,” Dad said, staring up at the ceiling. “That the last thing I did was forbid you from dating the man that you love. I couldn’t live with myself if I messed things up for you.”

  I shook my head. “I’ll take care of all of that tomorrow,” I said. “When I know that you’re okay.”

  “Go now,” Dad urged. “It’s all right. I’m just going to sleep anyway.”

  “I’m not leaving you alone,” I told him. “What if you need me?”

  “There are a dozen nurses ready to come at the press of a button,” Dad said, sounding mildly amused for the first time all night. “Or so I was led to believe, anyway. Shall we test it?”

  I giggled. “Don’t,” I said, but I settled more comfortably into my chair. “I told you, Dad. You’re not going to lose me. I wasn’t lying when I said that.”

  Dad sighed, but I could see that he was smiling as he settled back against the pillows and closed his eyes. I sat there all night watching him, making sure that he was okay.

  It was the least that I could do, after everything else. If only I could figure out some way to make things better. As it was, I couldn’t even begin to think of how we would pay for the surgery he’d had.

  My thoughts turned back to Luke. Could I possibly continue my relationship with him, knowing everything that I knew now? I didn’t think Dad would ever be fully okay with the idea of me dating Luke. But on the other hand, he was the one urging me to go and make things right with the man. I remembered what he had said when he first woke up, that Luke’s father was a better man than he had ever been. Maybe Dad realized that his grudge against the family needed to end.

  But maybe he was just being selfless, just like always. He should have told me that he was struggling around the farm by himself, but he didn’t want me to have to give up my career as a dog trainer to help him. He should have told me that he was struggling financially, but he didn’t want me to have to support him. And this was just another example. He didn’t want me to be involved with the Dawson family, but he didn’t want to upset me by telling me to stay away from Luke anymore.

  While I appreciated that, it didn’t make it right for me to be with Luke.

  The real question was the same as always—could I actually keep away from him? Even now, I found myself wishing he was there with me. That he had his arms around me. I felt cold and lonely without him.

  No, I wasn’t sure that I could stay away from him at all. I wanted to call him the moment I got out of there. To make things right. I had realized at some point that he probably felt responsible for the alarms going off when he’d come into Dad’s hospital room. I didn’t know what I would do if I couldn’t fix things.

  29

  Luke

  Saturday was rough. I hadn’t slept well the night before, which was part of it. It showed in my work around the farm. My cleaning of the stables was half-ass at best, and I couldn’t focus on the paperwork that I needed to complete in the office. More inventory stuff, my least favorite kind of work to begin with. And now I just couldn’t seem to concentrate on it at all.

  I kept thinking back to the previous night at the hospital. I felt terrible, because I’d known it would be a bad idea for Brea’s dad to see me when he was in that state already. But I had gone in that room anyway, as though I had any right to be there.

  Look what that had done. The man had gotten totally worked up yelling at me, and all the warnings had gone off on his machine. I shouldn’t have been there.

  Not only that, but he’d made it clear that he didn’t actually want to meet me. And that no matter what I did, he wasn’t going to come around to the idea of me dating his daughter. He had told Brea that she should have nothing to do with me.

  I wanted to just brush away his reasons as old history. I wanted to think that he should be over whatever had happened between him and my father by now. But it was clear that he wasn’t over it. Not even close. And honestly, I could understand some of what he was going through. He was just afraid of losing his daughter. Of never getting to see her again.

  So, I knew that I couldn’t stay at the hospital. I had no right to be there and was just making things worse. But I’d really wished I hadn’t had to leave Brea there all by herself.

  I’d thought about calling Tanner or someone to go over there and sit with her. But Brea had other friends as well. She could call someone else, if she needed someone there with her. I just wish that it didn’t feel like I had betrayed her.

  Finishing up my work for the day, or at least as much work as I’d been able to do, I headed into the house. I grabbed a beer and headed out to the porch, putting my feet up on the railing as I watched the sun start to set.

  I’d lost her now for sure. I knew that. Even if her dad could one day have come around to the idea of us dating, I had blown my one chance. She’d never want anything to do with me now. Not after I’d left her alone when she clearly needed comfort. I kept coming back to that look in her eyes when I had said that I was leaving.

  She was the only woman I’d ever been able to see myself with. And I’d screwed it up.

  The thought startled me in some ways. The one woman I ever could have seen myself with? I started picturing her there in the house with me. I remembered how nice it had been to have her there for breakfast that one morning. I thought about how much I liked watching her work with Duck. She definitely wasn’t the kind of woman that I ever would have expected to fall in love with, but I couldn’t deny that that was what had happened.

  It didn’t matter now. Whatever we’d had, it was over.

  Or was it? I was surprised to see her car suddenly pull up the driveway. She walked slowly up to the porch, exhaustion in every line of her body. She sat next to me on the loveseat, curling her body toward mine.

  “Hey,” I said, putting an arm around her. “How’s your dad?”

  “He’s doing good. Really good, actually,” Brea sighed. “He had the surgery, and there
weren’t any complications. They’ve still got him there of course, but it’s just so that they can keep an eye on him. The doctor said he’d probably be out of there very soon though.”

  “That’s great news,” I said. “I’m kind of surprised that he agreed to get the surgery.”

  Brea nodded, but she didn’t expand on how she had finally convinced him. “How was your day?” she asked instead.

  I sighed. “To be honest, I wasn’t as productive as I’d hoped to be,” I told her.

  Brea wrinkled her nose. “That must be frustrating at this time of year,” she said.

  “Yeah, tell me about it.” I shook my head. “I just still keep thinking that Mason will come over and help out. Or that Ted will come back from his honeymoon and start doing his work again. But that doesn’t seem to be happening.”

  “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job on your own,” Brea said softly. “I wish I could help out somehow.” She looked away from me. “I’m starting to realize just how busy Dad must have been on our ranch, all by himself. It’s no wonder he had the heart attack.”

  I stared at her in surprise. “You can’t blame yourself for that,” I said.

  “Can’t I?” she asked, cocking her head to the side as she looked over at me. “If I had been a better daughter, I would have realized how badly he was struggling.”

  “You knew that something was wrong, though. You called the ambulance.”

  “Yeah, but things should never have gotten to that point in the first place,” Brea protested.

  I shook my head. “That’s not fair to yourself,” I told her. “You can’t blame yourself because you wanted to live your own life.”

  “That’s funny to hear, coming from you,” Brea said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just know that if you had your way, you wouldn’t be managing your family’s farm all by yourself. But you’ve put whatever you want to the side, so you can take care of this place. Without any help from the rest of them. All because family is most important to you.” She paused. “If I could just have that same strength of belief, then maybe things would have been different for my dad’s health.”