Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel

by L. L. Collins

  “Well, they’re attractive, yes.” I realized I hadn’t answered her. “But too young.”

  “Why, because you’re old?”

  Natalie knew how old I was; she just liked to tease me. In reality, I was younger than her by two months.

  “Yeah, because I’m old. But really because they’re barely twenty. I think Alleigh turns twenty-one this year. They’re babies.”

  Natalie snorted. “Good deflection, Kai.”

  I heard her yawn, and I knew I needed to let her go. It was late, and we both had early mornings. I had a staff meeting and then a day of trying to schedule everything for Jaded Regret’s international tour. Tanner put a crimp in our plans when he knocked up Mac, but it ended up working out well. Now we would wait until she was one-month postpartum and have thirty stops instead of fifteen, spending about three months overseas. It would be the opportunity of a lifetime for them, and I was going to make sure it was done right.

  “I should let you go. It’s getting late, and we both have a busy day tomorrow. You still okay with doing a conference call tomorrow afternoon?”

  The downside to trying to schedule an international tour was time zones. It screwed everything up.

  “Sure am. I’ll be at the office waiting for you whenever you’re ready.”

  “I have a seven a.m. staff meeting; then I’ll be on the phone for as long as I can until their workday ends. I’ll call you right after that and update you on what I accomplished. My contact at the arena in London is working late so we can conference call. Since we’ll start the tour there and stay there for a week, we need to make sure it’s all set.”

  “So crazy we have to start this already when we’re still over six months away from going.”

  “That’s an international tour for you. So many hoops to jump through. It’ll be worth it, though. The exposure they’ll get from doing it will solidify them as frontrunners of rock for years to come.”

  “I can’t wait. I’ve never been out of the U.S.”

  The thought of me standing next to her while she took in the sights of Europe and Asia consumed me. I pictured her hand tucked in mine as I pointed out the Eiffel Tower or the Vatican.

  Whoa. The thought was random and came out of nowhere, a mental slap to the psyche.

  Natalie yawned again, and I knew I needed to let her go. “Talk to you tomorrow, Natalie. Sweet dreams.”

  “You too, Kai. G’night.”

  The call screen disappeared, and I stared at the internet browser on my phone. All of a sudden, I needed to see her like I needed to breathe. I wasn’t sure this desperation was a welcome feeling, especially with Natalie.

  I googled Natalie Anderson, Jaded Regret and waited before clicking the images tab. The same ones popped up, pictures I’d already seen multiple times. The side of her face, the back of her head. One just from the neck down as she leaned over talking to Beau. One with her head thrown back laughing.

  None of her face.

  It was strange, really, a number of photos you could find everywhere on Jaded Regret, their kids, and their spouses. But never Natalie.

  I closed the program on my phone and set it on my nightstand. Turning out the light, I stared at the ceiling. The fan circled above—similar to my thoughts. Spinning in a circle, but never actually getting anywhere.

  The last thing I remembered before sleep claimed me was that Natalie would send me a picture of her tomorrow.

  My office phone rang for the millionth time, and it wasn’t even eleven in the morning yet. I sighed and put down the bagel I’d tried to eat for the last three hours. I used to think this job was glamorous, hobnobbing with famous bands and reps all across the world. What I’d figured out so far was my muscle definition was quickly dwindling since I hardly ever got a chance to eat a full meal. I survived on protein bars and shakes, yet had little time to go to the gym.

  “Kai Pierson.”

  “Hey there, stranger.” My mom’s voice flooded the line.

  “Mom! How are you?” I picked up the bagel and took a large bite, knowing she would talk long enough for me to eat. My mom and I were very close and always had been. As the baby of the family, I am and always was a mama’s boy. My older siblings loved to tease me about it, but I didn’t care. That woman was gold to me.

  “I’d be better if my baby boy came to see me every once and a while. You act like we live a million miles apart instead of just a bridge.” My parents lived in Brooklyn in the same house we moved to when I was ten years old. Before that, we lived in the Midwest; Oklahoma to be exact. The two worlds couldn’t be any more different, but I loved New York.

  “Sorry, Mom.” I took a gulp of ice-cold coffee—that wasn’t meant to be iced—and swallowed the bite of bagel. “Work’s been crazy. I promise I’ll make it out there soon.”

  “You’re all in the big time now and too busy for your mama.” She laughed, not even able to keep up the façade for long enough to make me think she was mad.

  I knew she was very proud of me. I played music my entire life and still did with friends. We played locally in dive bars outside the city and practiced in our buddy’s garage, but we only did it for fun. We didn’t want to do it for a living. Our band was laughingly called Garage Mutts, aptly named when we were stupid teenagers and it stuck. Despite losing a few members over the years, we still loved playing together. Mom always thought I would pursue a music career, but after being hooked on anything and everything music, I knew what I wanted to do.

  When I chose to go to business school and then specialize in entertainment, she never looked at me and questioned what I would do with it.

  Now that I worked my ass off and got selected to rep the biggest band in the world at the hottest label in the industry, I knew her motherly pride was through the roof. Which was why I knew for a fact she wasn’t mad about me not coming to see her. I’d worked for No Limits Recordings for the last five years, doing any and everything they asked me to do. I was known for my work ethic, my friendly disposition, and now, for getting shit done. I was the youngest rep the label ever had, and I knew I pissed off a few of the more tenured agents when I got Jaded Regret. I liked to think I would win them over with my charisma, but even if I didn’t, I had goals.

  “Never too busy for you.” I clicked a few buttons on my computer to see my schedule. “Want to come into the city tomorrow? I’ll take you to lunch.”

  “Oooh, I get to have lunch with the Kai Pierson? To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  My door swung open, and my assistant, Khara, stepped in. “I have to go, Mom. Tomorrow okay? Noon at my office?”

  “Yes! I can’t wait to see my baby’s big office. See you then, love. You better have time to fill your mom in on what’s going on with you.”

  I hung up the phone, and Khara immediately started talking. I looked longingly at the half-eaten bagel and then stood to follow her down the hall to the conference room. Maybe I’d get a chance to eat lunch.

  I stepped out onto the busy streets of Manhattan. It was the one night of the week I dropped everything, despite how much work I had piled on my desk.

  My night with my boys.

  I hurried down the steps, already late. They expected it, but I still hated that I made them wait on me. I slid into the doors of the subway and somehow found a seat despite how busy it was. I tapped my foot on the dirty floor and brought up my text screen.

  On my way, I sent to our group text. Just as I hit send, a text came through from Natalie. We spent two hours on the phone this afternoon, but still seeing a text from her made me smile. Our conversation had been strictly business, and I wanted my friend.

  Going to play tonight?

  She loved hearing about my band and the friends I’d had for most of my life. The fact she remembered every week and asked me about it meant so much to me.

  I saw a text from Ian telling me they were ready and had pizza and beer, but I didn’t respond.

  On my way now. Late as usual.

  She immediately s
tarted typing again, and I felt a little brave. Okay, a lot brave. After spending countless hours talking to each other about both business and personal matters, and only weeks away from meeting her, I was ready. I wanted to see her.

  Did you do what I asked?

  Immediately the typing stopped, and I bit my lip between my teeth, waiting impatiently. Finally, she started typing again.

  Will you send me a video of you playing?

  I played guitar and sang, though I was nowhere near the caliber of Jaded Regret.

  Hmmm. This could be good.

  Only if you send me your picture as promised.

  The band is practicing. No one to take a pic.

  I sighed.

  So take a selfie.

  I knew most women were professional selfie takers. Lord knew my sisters, though in their mid-thirties, still took selfies and posted them on social media. Many times they included my nieces and nephews, but still. Natalie wasn’t “too old” or anything.

  Kai.

  That was her only response, and I imagined her saying it out loud. I fantasized about what it would sound like to hear her say all those things she texted in person. I dreamt of the way her lips would look as they formed my name. I wondered if she had a tell—maybe she tucked her hair behind her ear or worried her lip between her teeth.

  I’m not going to forget. What are you worried about, Natalie? I’m going to meet you in a few weeks anyway.

  Another text came through, this time from Sebby. I glanced at it as it crossed the top of my screen but waited for Natalie’s response.

  I know you don’t get it, Kai. I don’t get it, either. But I’ve always hated pictures. I’m not a regular girl.

  Didn’t I know that already. It seemed like there was something beneath the surface she didn’t explain that I missed. There was no way the woman wasn’t beautiful, but she hated pictures. That meant she hated them for a different reason.

  Before I could respond, I saw an image come through. My hope jumped sky high until I saw what it was. Despite my frustration at her refusal to send me a picture, I laughed out loud.

  Natalie sent me a picture of a blonde cartoon character.

  Before I had time to respond to her again, my stop came, and I hurried over to Ian’s house.

  The second I walked into the garage, everyone clapped. Hey, I was just an hour late. No big deal. The point was, I made it.

  “We ate all the pizza,” Ian said.

  “And drank all the beer,” Sebby said, laughing.

  “Nice of you to join us,” Tate interjected.

  I held up my hands at their verbal assault. “I know, I know.”

  Ian turned to Sebby. “So Kai shows up dressed in a fucking suit to play.” I looked at them and then at myself. They all wore shorts and T-shirts.

  “I brought a change of clothes.” I held up my briefcase. “So stop giving me shit.”

  Sebby stood and grabbed a paper plate. “Here you go, buddy. Go on in and see Larissa. She’ll take care of you.”

  Larissa was Sebby’s wife and one of the nicest women I’d ever had the privilege of knowing. Sebby, whose real name was Sebastian, and I had been friends since the day I moved to New York. We went to school together, and he and I were the only two original members of Garage Mutts. Ian and Tate joined our crowd in high school but not the band. When Landon moved away for college and never came back, and Caleb ditched us because his woman didn’t like it, Tate and Ian became official members. We were New Yorkers through and through and weren’t going anywhere.

  I stepped into the small home and immediately my mouth started watering. The garlic and spices of the pizza and what smelled like garlic knots made my empty stomach growl in response. After that piece of bagel I had this morning, my day got away from me, and I never ate another thing.

  “Uncle Kai!” Larissa and Sebby’s five-year-old daughter, Lyssa, jumped into my arms. I hugged her and twirled her around before setting her back down. She ran back to the television program she was watching. Larissa turned and smiled at the commotion.

  “About time!” She teased me, but I knew she didn’t mean it. She stepped up to me, and I wrapped my arms around her slight frame. “I had to beat them to save you a few slices. Are you hungry?”

  “Starved,” I said.

  “Well good. You look great, Kai, though maybe a little too thin. How’s the new job treating you?”

  “Finally settling in I think. I love it. It’s a dream come true.”

  Larissa handed me a plate overflowing with pizza slices and garlic knots. She watched me, her eyes seemingly analyzing every move I made. “So who is she?”

  I froze, my mouth full of the gooey, yummy goodness. She smirked as I chewed, my mind racing trying to figure out what she was talking about.

  “What?” I picked up the beer she’d opened for me and sucked half of it down in one gulp.

  She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. “I’ve known you a long time, Kai. I know you’re happy about your new job, but you’ve been there long enough now that I know this look on your face isn’t about work. You came in here practically floating on a cloud, and I know it isn’t from the knuckleheads in the garage. So…I’ll ask again. Who is she?”

  I didn’t think there was even anything to tell. I didn’t have some sob story from my past where someone had taken my heart and shattered it. I had a lot of great, healthy relationships in my lifetime. However, at some point or another, they fizzled out, and I chalked it up to it not being meant to be. I was happily single and focused on my career, even if I was the last of my friends and siblings to settle down and have a family. My mom liked to remind me of that in her not-so-subtle motherly way.

  “I’m not seeing anyone,” I said. It was true. Natalie and I were friends, and even if she did interest me, there were many things about the two of us that were big fat question marks. Like whether or not we were compatible. I had no idea why she refused to send me a picture. Maybe she wasn’t into me. Hell, maybe she was seeing someone.

  Larissa studied me, not buying it. “Not yet,” she said finally. “But you want to.”

  The guys bellowed my name from the garage, and I grabbed my full plate and beer. I never changed clothes; I’d just have to play in my suit. “Gotta go.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek before I turned to walk away.

  “This conversation isn’t over Kai,” Larissa called after me. “You’re going to tell me about her!”

  I shut the door behind me and walked up to the guys, who were already in their places at their instruments.

  “You guys are going to have to wait for me to eat. I’m starving.”

  They groaned and walked back to the outside refrigerator, grabbing another round of beers.

  “Fuckin’ Kai,” Sebby said before he clinked his beer with the others.

  Chapter Three

  Natalie

  My phone dinged with another email, and I groaned. I was exhausted. The week was long, and I wasn’t sleeping well. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, so I spent more time running on my treadmill and in my home gym than usual. I successfully escaped sending Kai a picture; he was too busy the last few days to ask me again. I was just three weeks away from going to New York to meet him and the band still didn’t know. I’d have to tell Beau first. He’d question why I needed to go and why they weren’t going. I’d have to be ready with a plausible explanation. Because there was one. At least I had convinced myself there was. I had business to do that didn’t involve them.

  But you never went to New York when Allan was the rep. I shook my head against the thought. Yeah, but we weren’t doing an international tour then.

  I was about to leave to meet Beau and April. The band had a rare day off so I stayed out of the office, choosing to work from home instead.

  Did I want to find out what the email was? Maybe it was Kai again, just sending me a copy of something. He liked to keep me up to date on what he worked on. I wondered if he was just super efficient or if All
an just didn’t keep me in the loop at all.

  I opened my email app and reached for my purse so I could leave. Whatever it was, I would deal with answering it later.

  Except when I saw the sender, I froze and dropped my purse on the ground.

  Natalie,

  It’s time. You know what I need, and you know where to send it. I need more this time. Double what it was before. It’s hard, living this life. It would be so easy to tell everyone who I am. I’d have all the money I needed after that, wouldn’t I? They’d flock to those stories like bees to honey.

  You have one week, or I start talking.

  My hands shook so violently the phone clattered to the counter in front of me. I gripped the edges so hard my fingers ached as spots appeared in my vision. My chest constricted, my heart stuttering against my ribs as I fought to breathe. The room spun, and I struggled to remain standing.

  No. Not again. I thought I gave her enough to leave me alone for a long time. I should’ve known it would never be sufficient.

  I felt suffocated like someone was depriving me of oxygen. I stumbled, the stool next to me toppling over and crashing on the ground. The sound reverberated against the floor and shook me from head to toe. I cried out, but it was futile. No one was here. I was alone. The way I needed to be.

  I dropped to my knees on the hard tile, the unforgiving floor sending pain radiating through my body. I welcomed the agony—it meant I was still alive.

  Beau was happy now; he was happily married and a father. He was stable. I’d done what I promised him. But I couldn’t falter on her demands, or there’d be hell to pay.

  And the hell would mean the unraveling of everything Beau spent his entire life trying to heal from.