Saving Micah

by Kristy Marie

  A good ten minutes later, Kelly shows up. I let her in and sit on the couch.

  “You all packed up?” I ask Kelly when we sit down.

  “Yeah, it didn’t take long. Bathing suit, shorts, tank tops, and flip flops. We are going to the beach.” She says like it’s practical.

  “I wish Macy was like that.” I yell so Macy can hear me down the hall.

  Macy comes down the hall then, “I heard you. I did not pack much. You will see. I just didn’t get started until late and didn’t want you guys to see.”

  I smirk at her. She isn’t fooling anyone. We know her better than she knows herself.

  “Ok. Are you both ready? We need to get to my house and pick up the guys. Mom is letting us take her van so we have enough room.”

  “Let’s go.” They both say as we head out the door.

  We pull up to the house, Levi and Chance are in the front yard throwing a football.

  I get out and walk up to them. “Do y’all have everything packed?”

  “You know us, Mi. We are always on the ready.” Levi says as he throws an arm over my shoulders.

  My entire body stiffens. He kisses the top of my head and slowly removes his arm.

  “I love you, Mi, and you are ok.” He says the same thing every time. I know what he is doing. I know it is coming every time and my body still seizes up. It makes me angry.

  I turn and put my head in his chest and close my eyes. “Love you too, Levi. Thanks.”

  “Anytime babe.”

  I lift my head and turn around to go inside.

  He’s standing in the doorway of my house. He’s looking at me and in the bright sunlight, his eyes are glowing. It takes my breath away.

  He takes my breath away.

  I stare at him for a second and then move toward him.

  “Hey baby. You ok?” Zant says.

  Yes, a lot has changed in two years.

  Zant and I decided a year and a half ago to just go with a relationship. After everything we have been through, why wait?

  One night while lying in my bed, his head at the foot and my head near the headboard, he said, “Mi, I love you. I always have and I always will. You are it for me. I think we need to give this relationship thing a try. I know what I want and it’s you.”

  Neither one of us moved. I held my breath. He touched my leg and I finally let go.

  “Z, I love you too. I always have.” Neither one of us looked at each other. We just laid there staring at my ceiling.

  We’ve been ‘together’ ever since.

  He knew everything I needed. He held me when I would let him. He would just stand there and offer his strength when I couldn’t.

  Six months later, I finally allowed him to kiss me. It was my first kiss.

  He was so gently with me but, I felt his hunger. He held back, I know, but he didn’t – if that even makes sense.

  Maybe it wasn’t as hot as the kiss he gave that no name girl in the movie theater but I know it was so much more.

  Since then he has gotten closer to just being able to hold me without me going stiff or pulling away. It has been a long process, a lot of tears, but he has stuck with me and loved me through every second of my healing.

  When I get in front of him, I answer him. “Yes. I’m good. I promise. You ready to go?” He has our bags near the door.

  He gives me his handsome smirk. “Yep. I can’t wait to see you in that bikini you got.”

  “She better not have a skimpy bikini,” my mama yells from the kitchen.

  I roll my eyes and Zant laughs. “Mama, I don’t have a bikini. Zant knew you were listening and wanted to rile you up.” My blue eyes never leave his laughing green ones.

  “Boy. Don’t make me get my wooden spoon after you. You know you are never too old.” Mama warns him.

  His eyes get wide. “Mama, I’m just playing with ya.” He says in his slow southern drawl. “Micah doesn’t have a bikini. She doesn’t want that spoon after her.”

  I laugh at that.

  Mama and her rules.

  Mama and her spoon.

  We are all scared of mama.

  “What’s going on up here? Is everyone ready? We need to get on the road.” Chance says as he comes up behind me.

  He wraps his arms around me and gives me a quick squeeze before dropping his arms. I didn’t move a muscle. I just kept looking into Zant’s eyes.

  I’m getting better. Every day is different. But, they keep doing the same thing so that I can get used to being touched.

  My mama sat us all down and made this rule. For some reason, she thought that was what I needed.

  I suppose she was right.

  Both of my guy friends and both of my girl-friends are to touch me any time they are greeting me or when I am just standing around in my own little world. For six whole months, no one touched me. If they did, I screamed.

  Mama couldn’t even touch me and I know that broke her heart. I saw it and that broke mine.

  One night I woke up from a nightmare screaming. Zant immediately jumped in my bed and wrapped me in his arms. I was kicking and clawing and he wouldn’t let me go. He held me tight until I just couldn’t fight anymore.

  Micah, I’m not him. He isn’t here. He can’t touch you anymore. You are safe. I have made you safe. Calm down for me. Let me hold you. Let me heal you.

  He kept saying those words to me (let me hold you – let me heal you) over and over again until I gave up trying to get away from him.

  That night changed everything for us. He was the first person to get through my wall and he knew that it could only be him. We became different then.

  “We are ready, man. Is everything in the van? I’ll take our bags and you and Levi get the girls stuff out of Macy’s car.” Zant moves into his authority role. He has become our ‘leader’ if you want to call him that. He keeps us organized. Which is a good thing. We would all go crazy without him telling us what to do and where to be.

  He just kind of fell into those shoes that night after my assault and we’ve just fell into step.

  As we are getting everything into the van and Mama is loading our snacks, Daddy pulls up.

  “Y’all fixing to head out? Micah, did you make sure to grab all of the chargers? None of y’all need an excuse to have a dead cell battery.”

  “Yes, Daddy, I packed them all. We are good to go. We even have sunscreen.” I tease him as I hug him. He lightly pats my back.

  We have worked on this and we both get what we want. He gets to touch me and I get what I need - my daddy’s hugs. It’s always quick and to the point. And I always initiate it.

  “Ok. Good. I don’t want to deal with six lobsters when y’all get back.” He laughs at his own joke. We just chuckle and roll our eyes.

  He tries. The poor man.

  We all climb into our seats in the van and buckle up.

  My parents stand at my window on the passenger side front seat and tells everyone bye.

  Dad gives his last little speech. “Zant. Be careful. Don’t speed. Don’t text or call while driving. Let Micah fool with the radio.” He smirks.

  Everyone starts laughing. They all know that I’m in control of the radio anyway.

  “I’ve got it Mr. D. We are good. We will call when we have to stop every fifteen minutes for a pee break.” Zant says as he looks at us girls. We just roll our eyes.

  “Ok. Love you all. See y’all in a week.” Mama says.

  We pull out of the driveway. Zant puts his aviator shades on and laces his fingers through mine. We head out.

  I put a CD into the radio and yell, “ok! Y’all know the rules. No talking unless you’re singing.” Everyone grumbles under their breath but shuts up. “Man In The Mirror” by Michael Jackson begins to play and we all start to sing.

  Chapter 10

  Zant

  I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend

  Lucky to have been where I have been

  Lucky to be coming home again

 
{‘Lucky’ -Jason Mraz}

  Spring Break, here we come.

  Beach, here we come.

  I hope to let go and just relax this week. I already know it isn’t going to happen though.

  Even with all the help I’ve had, I cannot get passed what happened to Micah two years ago. It eats at me, day and night.

  I hold her hand as I drive down the road. Most of the time, this is as far as I can get with her. I’ve tried to help her but, I don’t think I’m doing her any good.

  Several hours later, we get to the coast. After we find out hotel rooms, we decide to hit the beach first.

  Mrs. Lucy packed us a cooler and a bag of snacks so we take all of that with us.

  “Bro, look at all these chicks.” Levi says.

  “Yeah, you shouldn’t have a problem finding you some company this week.” I tell him as we lay everything out on the sand.

  “Nope. Sure won’t.” He smirks.

  “What about Chance? You think he’s going to find him a chick this week?” I look at Chance, down by the water with the girls, as I ask Levi.

  Levi laughs. “Yeah right man. That isn’t happening and you know it. While I love the girls, they aren’t for me like they are for you two.

  Levi has always said that. I’m with Micah. I know she is it for me.

  Chance is in love with Kelly, even though she doesn’t know it. He will not even look at another girl for real. He makes it look like he’s interested but, Levi and I know better. Kelly is none the wiser. Yet.

  “You’re right.” I tell him. “Come on, let’s go get wet. That’s what we came for.”

  We run down to the water and splash Chance and the girls as we run in to the great Gulf of Mexico.

  Hours later, we decide to head back to the hotel to get ready to go out and find some night life to get into. We aren’t old enough to hit the bars so we will have to settle for a restaurant.

  The guys and I are in one room while the girls are in another. Of course, we are ready first and have to wait on them.

  I hear them before I see them. They are laughing their girly little laughs. Micah’s giggle always stands out. It’s like aloe vera lotion to my sunburnt heart.

  It took so long to hear that sound and I never take it for granted now. I do everything I can, whenever I can, to get that sound out of her. Even on my bad days, I try to make her laugh.

  When she finally walks into the lobby, I lose my breath. She is so freaking beautiful.

  Her long blonde hair is down and in soft flowing curls. She is wearing cut off shorts, one of her favorite rock t-shirts, and her gray and white Converse shoes. She’s perfection.

  She gets close to me and I smell her scent. She loves body spray from Bath and Body Works. She never wears the same scent more than once. She always tells me ‘there are so many scents to choose from, I can’t just stick to one’. This one is new but it is a subtle smell.

  “You smell nice, beautiful. That a new one?”

  “Yeah, I just got it right before we left. Is it too much?”

  “No. It might just be my favorite.” I tell her honestly.

  “You say that about every one of them.” She giggles a little because she’s right. She smells nice no matter what she wears. It’s her natural scent that I smell through all the fragrance.

  At Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, we all sit down at a table in the middle of the open room. Micah has her hand on my knee. I know it is for stability and I like it.

  My mind constantly fights with me.

  She needs me. I can help her.

  I’m nothing but a bad memory for her. I need to walk away.

  Right now, I am ok with staying with her. Every day isn’t that simple. I’ve wanted to move away more times that I want to admit but, I also never want to leave her.

  Therapy has gotten stagnant for me. I need something new to restructure myself. Fix myself. So, I can help her in the future. Hopefully.

  We laugh at all the shrimp choices. Levi tries to say them all really fast but keeps getting choked on his laugh.

  “Man, shut up and order one of them. I’m starving over here.” I tell him.

  He whines, “I don’t know which one I want.” Then he looks serious for a minute. “How about we order all of them and all six of us eat whatever we want?”

  “That sounds good to me. What do you girls think?” I ask as I look at Micah and then Kelly and Macy.

  They all nod their heads in agreement.

  “Ok. Let’s pick the six best things and we will eat off each plate or something.” Everyone looks at the menu to choose something.

  “I think I’m going to just order the fried shrimp. That’s what I want the most.” Micah says, next to me.

  “That sounds great. Save me one.” I tell her as I shoot her a wink.

  She smiles.

  Our waitress, who has Levi’s full attention, comes to take our order and I let Micah tell her what we want, with Levi helping her out some. Once she walks away with a slight pep in her step, we all start to converse about what we plan to do tomorrow.

  “I don’t want to get up super early, you guys. This is supposed to be a vacation. Don’t you get to sleep late on vacation?” Kelly says from her place at the end of the table.

  “Yes. You are supposed to sleep late on vacation but, sleeping until lunch time isn’t what that statement means.” Chance says as he stares at her.

  When she blushes, I bite my lip to keep the laugh inside.

  Kelly - she will sleep her whole life away if she could. That woman could put Sleeping Beauty to the test.

  One day last summer, we didn’t hear from her for two days. When Micah went to check on her, she was still in her pajamas that she had on the last time Micah saw her.

  Three days before.

  “I know that. I’m not talking about that late, you dork. I’m talking like ten or something.”

  Micah speaks to Kelly like only she can. “Honey, you can sleep as long as you want. This is your vacation too. But be warned, you may miss some things as we all can’t do that.”

  Kelly just nods her head and takes a sip of her drink while she side-eyes Chance.

  After eating, we decide to head out to the beach to just walk the shore.

  We want to enjoy the feel of the sand and the water and the wind.

  I park the van in the parking lot and we all take our shoes off to leave in the car. As we make our way towards the water, I pull out my phone and turn on some music.

  It’s dark, even with all the lights from the hotels on this side of the highway.

  Micah loves music and it helps keep her calm in the dark. For two years, she has gone to sleep to music playing in some sort of way.

  Shinedown comes through my phone and I slip it into my back pocket. The first words to the song start … “Just like the crow chasing the butterfly / Dandelions lost in the summer sky / Cause when you and I were getting’ high as outer space / I never thought you would slip away”

  “Mi, may I dance with you?”

  She sighs before squeezing my hand. “I’d love that.”

  I stop walking and slowly pull her into my arms.

  It’s like approaching a wild animal when handling Micah. You don’t want to spook her. You have to be gentle and mindful to protect her.

  She melts into me like she’s made to be here.

  As we dance in the sand, listening to the waves roll onto the shore, I put my nose to her hair.

  “I love you Micah. I’ll always love you. You’re safe.” I tell her the words but I hope she can feel that they are real. I hope that my soul tells her what words can’t.

  “I feel safe with you Zant. Only you.” She whispers to me.

  I sing to her as the music continues to play and we sway along with the south spring wind. I add this moment to my memory. These are the things that carry me. These are the moments that keep me from losing my mind. These are the moments that will keep my heart from losing her.

  Chapter 11
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br />   Micah

  I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter

  Dancing through the fire

  {‘Roar’ -Katie Perry}

  I smell him. I smell the salt in the ocean. My soul is connected to his right now and there is nowhere that I would rather be.

  As the song comes to an end, he slowly lets me go and runs his hand down my arm to connect our hands. We lace our fingers together and begin to walk.

  There is right at two months left of school. Then it’s off to college for all of us. We’ve all made plans to attend the community college that is almost two hours away.

  I’ve been worried lately about how I am going to handle it. Kelly and Macy have talked to me several times about how things will be fine and I will be completely safe as long as they are around.

  For the first semester, we are staying in the dorms. Kelly and I are sharing a room. Macy is getting a roommate but, we are all in the same suite. We’ve toured the college and know that there are three rooms per suite with two beds in each room. I’m curious to know who the other three girls will be and I keep praying that they are decent.

  Zant and I find the others down the beach a little ways and join them. “What are we all doing?” I ask.

  “We were waiting on you love birds.” Chance says with a smirk. My face takes on a deep shade of red I’m sure. Chance laughs at me.

  “Well here we are. Now what? What time is it?” Zant says like it’s no big deal and checks his watch. “It’s almost 9. Are y’all ready to head back to the hotel?”

  He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to him. “Don’t let him make you blush. That’s all for me.” He says where only I can hear and I feel my face turn a deeper red. I feel him chuckle as he keeps his face in my hair.

  Everybody gathers the stuff and we make our way back to the van.

  The next morning, I wake to a knock on the door. Macy gets up and swings the door open so the guys can enter our room.

  “Ugh. We were supposed to sleep late. What time is in anyway?” Kelly says with her face hovering over her pillow and her eyes closed.