Facing Up To Fatherhood

by Miranda Lee

  Between times, they talked, telling each other the silliest little things, sharing childhood experiences, exchanging compliments. Lovers’ talk, Tina supposed. But it was nice. So very nice. She could almost imagine Dominic genuinely cared about her, that he wanted to spend time with her even when they weren’t making love.

  When he finally fell asleep, Tina lay there for quite some time, trying to come to terms with all that had just happened.

  Was it still just sex? she pondered.

  Not for her, came back the honest answer.

  But it probably was for him. Why else would he be going about it like this, in the dead of night? No, he wasn’t in love with her. She was just his latest sex partner, being slotted into his life with the least amount of time or trouble.

  Sighing, she slipped from between the sheets, dressed, then snuck quietly back to her room where, surprisingly, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. When she finally made it downstairs around noon, Tina was amazed to learn that Dominic had been up at seven as usual.

  ‘He was in such a good mood,’ Ida informed her over brunch. ‘He even took time to give Bonnie her bottle, then asked me to show him how to change her nappy. Did it like a champion on his first go and was ever so pleased with himself. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he might actually get to like being a father.’

  Tina could only shake her head. Dominic was an enigma all right. She didn’t know what to make of him.

  ‘And another thing,’ Ida went on. ‘You know the doctor said we had to bring Bonnie back this week for her three-month vaccinations.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well, I made an appointment for first thing Thursday morning, and guess what?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Dominic wants to take you and Bonnie himself.’

  Tina frowned. ‘But he’ll be late for work.’

  ‘That’s what I said. But he said that didn’t matter. He said you might need him. He said he saw how upset you got when they took Bonnie’s blood yesterday.’

  Tina had to admit she did feel anxious about taking Bonnie for another needle. She would rather have fifty injections herself than watch her little charge have one. Still, she was surprised by Dominic’s having been this observant of her feelings.

  ‘That’s very…thoughtful…of him,’ she said, wondering if she had misjudged the man.

  ‘Yes, it is,’ Ida said, then pursed her lips. ‘I wish I could work out what he’s up to.’

  ‘Maybe he’s not up to anything,’ Tina defended. ‘Maybe he really cares about Bonnie now that he knows she is.’

  ‘Yes. Yes, that’s possible, I suppose. I always believed he had the makings of a good father in him somewhere.’

  Tina hoped she was right.

  Dominic felt Bonnie’s shock and pain the moment the needle started to go into her thigh.

  And why not? The darned thing was huge! He wouldn’t have liked to have it himself. His heart twisted when she flinched in his arms, then started to cry.

  Dear God, he felt like a monster, an inhuman, cruel monster, holding her there to be tortured. It was an illogical reaction, he knew. Vaccinations were essential for any child’s well-being. Without them, she might succumb to any of a number of childhood diseases.

  But logic didn’t seem to play a part in how he was feeling as he tried to hold a struggling Bonnie still. Afterwards, he walked her around the room and did his best to soothe her loud sobbing.

  ‘There, there, darling. Don’t cry. Daddy’s here.’

  Dominic pulled himself up with a jolt.

  Daddy?

  My God, had he really said that?

  Daddy, he mused as he rubbed Bonnie’s back.

  The word stirred something in him. Made him feel all soft, yet strong at the same time.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ the doctor excused once Bonnie’s sobs had subsided to hiccups. ‘But it’s all for the best.’

  ‘Easy to say when you’re on the other end of the needle,’ Dominic grumped.

  ‘I guess so.’ The doctor gave Dominic a sharp look. ‘Am I to presume you’re no longer questioning the child’s parentage?’

  Dominic was about to tell him he could cancel the test when Tina burst into the room, her eyes agitated and shimmering. ‘I couldn’t stand listening to her cry like that. Is she all right?’

  ‘She’s fine,’ the doctor said. ‘Her daddy here has things firmly in hand.’

  Dominic wasn’t too sure of that. He’d just missed his chance to tell the doctor to cancel the test, and now he had a teary Tina looking at him with distress and scepticism in her eyes. Admittedly, Bonnie had begun to cry again.

  ‘Give her to me,’ Tina demanded, and swept the child from his arms.

  Dominic watched, somewhat disgruntled, when the baby quietened immediately. It seemed he still had some way to go before he won the award for Father of the Year.

  ‘Bonnie might run a little temperature during the next twenty-four hours,’ the doctor warned. ‘If she does, then give her some infant’s paracetamol. Other than that, everything should be fine.’

  ‘Fine, my foot,’ Dominic muttered as he trailed after Tina, who was already hurrying through the waiting room full of coughing, wheezing people.

  He’d thought she trusted him now, thought she might even be falling in love with him.

  Now he wasn’t so sure…

  Bonnie went to sleep as soon as the car moved off, bringing about an awkward silence between its two adult occupants.

  Tina didn’t say a word.

  Dominic could not understand her mood. She’d seemed fine the night before.

  ‘Is there anything wrong, Tina?’ he finally asked.

  ‘No. What could possibly be wrong?’

  He frowned. ‘Is that sarcasm I hear?’

  She sighed and turned her head away.

  When he jerked the car over to the kerb and cut the engine, her head whipped round to glower at him. ‘What do you think you’re doing? You’ll be even later for work now!’

  ‘Work can wait.’

  ‘Well, that’s a new one, according to your mother.’

  ‘Oh? And what else has my darling mother had to say behind my back?’

  ‘Nothing I didn’t already know.’

  ‘Such as?’

  ‘Such as your attitude to women and sex.’

  ‘Which is what?’

  ‘You know very well what your attitude to women and sex is, Dominic. I overheard you voice it the very first night I met you. Perhaps your past women have gone in for cold-blooded, sex-only affairs, but I find I don’t like it one bit. In fact, I’m very angry with myself for letting you use me in that way.’ Once again, she turned her head away from him.

  ‘But I’m not using you,’ he denied, panic-stricken at the way this conversation was going.

  ‘Yeah, right,’ she snapped.

  ‘Look at me, Tina,’ he pleaded. ‘And try to listen to what I’m saying.’

  She actually gave him one of those contemptuous looks which had first turned him on. Now, it churned his stomach.

  ‘I’m listening,’ she said coldly.

  Dominic hesitated, not sure where to start. It was too early to tell her he loved her. She wouldn’t believe him. He knew it. But he wanted her to know she was special to him, not just a convenient lay.

  Hell, he’d handled this all very badly. In hindsight, he could see slipping into her bed after lights out the last two nights didn’t make him look good, especially as he’d left her bed after the lovemaking was over. No wonder she thought all he wanted from her was sex.

  But he’d mistakenly believed that was what she wanted at this point in their relationship.

  He wasn’t used to being with a woman who wanted more. He wasn’t used to himself wanting for. Frankly, he just didn’t know how to conduct a normal relationship with a woman.

  But he had to learn. And quickly.

  Unclipping his seat belt, he reached over to take her hands in his, steadf
astly ignoring the instant wariness on her face. ‘What I feel for you, Tina,’ he said with genuine feeling, ‘is so much more than just sex. I told you once before I thought what we had was special. You think so too, don’t you? I can tell you’re not the sort of woman who jumps into bed with just anyone, no matter what you said last Monday night.’

  She looked oddly discomfited by his words. ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘Is what that obvious?’

  ‘That I’m pretty hopeless in bed.’

  ‘What on earth are you talking about? You’re not hopeless in bed. You’re a darling in bed. So warm and responsive. You make me feel like a king.’

  ‘But I…I haven’t done any of those things men really like. I mean…oh, you know what I mean, Dominic.’

  ‘But I haven’t wanted you to,’ he insisted in all honesty. ‘It’s given me such pleasure to give you pleasure. Oh, my darling, darling Tina,’ he murmured, lifting her fingers to kiss them. ‘You have no idea what just being with you does to me. I have no need of fancy positions or kinky foreplay. All I need is your lovely mouth on mine and I’m in heaven.’

  Her big dark eyes searched his face with a desperation he found infinitely reassuring. ‘Then why am I a secret, Dominic? Why do we have to sneak into each other’s beds. Make me understand that and I’ll believe you.’

  ‘I can only apologise for that. I have to confess to some terrible habits when it comes to the women in my life so far. I’ve been appallingly selfish. My only excuse is that I didn’t want to turn out like my father.’

  ‘Your father?’

  ‘Yes. He was an incorrigible philanderer, then tried to justify everything by claiming he’d fallen in love with all his other women. He claimed he couldn’t help himself. God, I despised him, especially for what he did to Mum. How she kept loving him, and forgiving him, I’ll never know.’

  ‘You know…that’s how I used to feel about Sarah. I couldn’t understand why she let the men in her life treat her so badly…all in the name of love.’

  ‘So you vowed not to be like her,’ Dominic muttered, thinking he could well understand that. He’d vowed never to be like his father, whom he’d thought a fool of the first order, not only in his personal life but in business. A stockbroker too, he’d taken such stupid risks, both with his own money and his clients’. When he’d died, the family firm, as well as the family finances, had been in a damned awful mess.

  But that was all in the past, Dominic realised, brushing aside any bitter thoughts. He had the here and now to worry about.

  ‘Let’s start again, shall we?’ he suggested.

  A startled Tina stared at him. ‘In what way?’

  ‘We’ll go out, like a normal couple.’

  Her eyes lit up. ‘Date, you mean?’

  ‘Yes. Starting tomorrow night. You get all dressed up and I’ll take you to a fancy restaurant for dinner. That way Mum will know we’re getting on well, and it won’t come as a shock once she eventually realises we’re more than just good friends.’

  ‘But…but what about the bedroom arrangements? I mean…’

  ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.’

  ‘Knowing you,’ she said a little drily, ‘we’ll come to it later tonight.’

  ‘Ahh no, I don’t think so,’ he said, smiling.

  ‘You’re too tired?’ she returned, looking deliciously disappointed.

  ‘No. It’s Mum’s bridge night tonight. She’ll be gone from the house by seven-thirty.’

  He watched the instant excitement leap into her eyes and thought perhaps it was time Tina’s sexual experience was extended. He couldn’t really have her thinking she was hopeless in bed. Or out of it!

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  ‘I STILL don’t believe it!’ Ida exclaimed excitedly. ‘Dominic asked you out and you actually said yes! I mean, I knew you’d mellowed a bit towards him this past week, and I always knew you were his type, but I never hoped…never expected…’ She sank down onto the side of Tina’s bed, holding a hand over her heart. ‘It’s too much.’

  Tina turned from where she’d been titivating herself in the dressing table mirror for ages.

  ‘Now don’t get your hopes up too high, Ida,’ she warned gently. ‘Dominic is still Dominic.’

  ‘But you like him, don’t you? You really, really like him.’

  ‘I really, really like him.’

  ‘More than like, I’ll warrant,’ Ida said with sly glint in her eyes. ‘He’s a sexy beast, is my son.’

  ‘That he is,’ Tina agreed, a shiver running down her spine. ‘Beast’ was the exact word to describe him last night. Ida had barely left the house when he’d pounced. Thank the Lord Bonnie had been upstairs asleep at the time.

  ‘Not in bed,’ he’d growled as he’d grabbed her from behind, his mouth clamping down into her throat.

  Bed had certainly not figured in their lovemaking that evening. The change of scene had brought a change in Dominic’s needs. Suddenly he’d wanted more from her. Surprisingly, so had she wanted to give more.

  Tina was still stunned at how willingly she’d done what she’d thought she would never do with a man. Yet doing it had seemed to liberate her to want so much more, finding the wildest excitement in Dominic’s making love to her in all sorts of exotic positions and places. She’d been utterly shameless. And quite demanding in her own right.

  Even now, although the memories still slightly shocked her, she felt no shame. For she loved Dominic. How could anything be wrong when you loved someone?

  But did he love her in return?

  He hadn’t said so. Even if he had, would she have believed him? Men often said they loved a woman when they didn’t. It was sex they wanted in the main, not love. Sarah’s many one-sided love affairs had taught Tina that.

  But she could not deny she had her hopes. Just as Ida did. Best she heed her own warnings, however, and not let those hopes get too high.

  ‘So how do you think I look?’ she asked Ida.

  ‘Beautiful,’ Ida praised. ‘Just beautiful!’

  Actually, Tina thought she looked pretty good too. She didn’t have a lot of dressy clothes—she lived in jeans and pants most of the time—but what she had was of the best quality.

  The dress she was wearing was a simple black number in an uncrushable material which looked like a cross between velvet and suede. The style was an elegant sheath of simple lines, cut in at the shoulders, with a high, round neckline. It was short without being too short. Tight without being too tight. When combined with black strappy high heels and dangling rhinestone earrings, the dress looked a million dollars.

  ‘Dominic’s going to drool when he sees you,’ Ida said. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘My dear, my son is not one to play the gentleman with a beautiful woman for too long, especially if she dolls herself up for him.’

  ‘Ida,’ Tina told her firmly. ‘I’m twenty-six years old. I’ve been around. I know exactly what I’m doing.’

  Ida’s eyebrows arched. ‘Well, well, well. Still, do be careful, love. I wouldn’t like to see you get hurt. Men can be so selfish sometimes, telling a girl they love them when in fact all they really want to do is get them into bed.’

  Tina sighed. Too true, Ida. Too true.

  ‘Your mother thinks you’re an incorrigible rake.’

  Dominic’s teeth clenched down hard in his jaw. Slowly, he put down his wine glass and surveyed the woman he loved. She looked so beautiful tonight, and so desirable. When he’d first seen her on coming home he’d been quite overcome by the trouble she’d taken with her appearance. Surely this was what a woman did for the man she loved.

  This belief came from the fact he himself had raced out at lunchtime and bought some new clothes. Knowing his limitations in matters of fashion, he’d asked the elegantly dressed salesman to direct him to what would suit him and be stylish at the same time. He’d never been interested in how he looked before. Bu
t he wanted to look good for Tina. Hell, he wanted to take her breath away.

  And he had. But along with her admiration for his new look had come a return to wariness, betraying a lack of trust in him. So different from the way she’d acted the previous night. She’d been so incredible, so passionate and uninhibited and, yes, trusting. He’d hoped her responses and behaviour meant he’d won more than her desire. He’d hoped love would surely follow.

  Now it seemed he was back to square one. And all because of his mother, the one woman who should have been fostering their relationship, not sabotaging it. He would have to have a few words with her when he got home tonight, before any more damage was done.

  ‘She probably thinks that because of Dad,’ he said carefully. ‘But she’s wrong. I’m no rake. Just a fool who’s finally woken up to himself.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  He looked at her hard and decided to take his destiny into his hands, with courage and no more games. ‘I was going to wait a bit longer before telling you this, Tina, but the truth is I’ve fallen in love with you. Hard.’

  She looked as if she might faint. Her hand trembled so much that some wine spilt from her glass, splashing over the white linen tablecloth.

  ‘You…you don’t mean that,’ she said, her face pale, her voice shaking.

  ‘I do. I’ve known it since last Monday, when you came into my office, but I thought it was too premature to say anything back then. If I’ve made a mistake making love to you as much as I’ve been doing, then I sincerely apologise. I was trying to get you to fall in love with me in return. Clearly, by the look on your face, I’ve failed.’

  ‘Oh, no,’ she cried, and his heart leapt into his mouth. ‘You haven’t failed. I…I do love you. I’ve known since last Monday as well. I just didn’t dare believe…or hope…that you loved me back. But are you sure, Dominic? I mean…’