Facing Up To Fatherhood

by Miranda Lee

  Dominic reached out to take her hand across the table, crushing it in both of his. ‘I’m very sure. I’d do anything for you. And I mean anything,’ he muttered, thinking of the lies he’d told and the way he’d pretended with the baby.

  No not entirely pretended, he amended swiftly. He did feel something for the child.

  A tap on his shoulder had him withdrawing his hands from Tina’s and lifting irritable eyes. A waiter was hovering with a mobile phone in his hands.

  ‘Sorry to interrupt your meal, Mr Hunter,’ the young man said apologetically. ‘But there’s a phone-call for you. An emergency, the lady says.’

  An emergency? Dominic took the phone, thinking that the only person who knew where he was tonight was his mother.

  ‘Dominic Hunter,’ he said somewhat testily down the line.

  ‘Oh, Dominic, I’m so glad I reached you. I was terrified you might have gone on somewhere else.’

  Dominic’s stomach tightened at the near panic in his mother’s voice. ‘What is it, Mum?’ he asked, and immediately heard Tina’s sharp intake of breath.

  Their eyes met across the table while he listened to his mother’s distressed explanation with escalating alarm.

  Apparently Bonnie had woken around nine with what looked like the beginnings of a cold. She’d been coughing and her temperature had been up slightly. Ida given her some paracetamol. But by ten she’d started having difficulty breathing. Worried that it might be an allergic reaction to the vaccination, Ida had called the doctor, who’d said it didn’t sound like that and suggested she take the baby straight to Casualty at the nearest large hospital. Apparently they’d taken one look at Bonnie and whisked her straight into Intensive Care.

  ‘What hospital?’ Dominic asked, a jolt of fear-filled adrenaline putting urgency in his voice. Dear God, if anything happened to Bonnie, Tina would just die!

  ‘Royal North Shore.’

  ‘We’ll be there as quickly as we can,’ he said, simultaneously rising to his feet.

  Tina was already up, her purse in hand. Dominic took her elbow and began steering her between the busy tables.

  ‘Have to go,’ he told the waiter on the way by. ‘Family emergency. Get the boss to send me a bill. He knows I’m good for it.’

  ‘It’s Bonnie, isn’t it?’ Tina choked out as they hurried outside the restaurant into the balmy night air. ‘She’s sick.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘I don’t know. She’s coughing and having trouble breathing. Maybe it’s asthma, or something like that.’

  ‘Oh, dear God…’

  Dominic took a moment to turn Tina his way, placing solid and hopefully calming hands on her shoulders. ‘Now don’t panic, Tina. Mum’s taken her to a very good hospital. She’ll be all right.’

  ‘How can you say that? She might not be. She might die!’

  ‘She can’t die,’ he muttered and, gripping Tina’s elbow, ushered her towards the car.

  It was a nightmare drive to the hospital, with a silent and ashen-faced Tina beside him and his thoughts all a-jumble. Because his worries weren’t just for the woman he loved but the child herself. She was so little and so precious, to all of them. Surely God wouldn’t take her. Surely not…

  As they drew closer to the hospital Dominic began to really pray for the first time in his life. He was even driven to try to bargain with the Almighty.

  Spare this innocent child, God, and I’ll…I’ll…

  What? he thought with self-disgust. Be a good boy in future? Go to church every Sunday? Tell Tina the truth…that Damien Parsons hadn’t had a vasectomy? That he’d lied about that, then used his assured position as Bonnie’s father to look good in her eyes?

  What would be the point in such a confession?

  Tina would stop loving him, and he couldn’t bear that.

  But a relationship shouldn’t be built on lies and deceit, came back the alternative argument.

  Oh, hell, he thought!

  His mother was waiting for them at the main door, looking older than he’d ever seen her look. Her eyes were haunted as she looked at Tina.

  ‘I feel so guilty,’ she blurted out. ‘I think she might have been awake for some time before I heard her. I was talking on the telephone for quite a while, and it’s some way from where Bonnie was sleeping.’

  ‘Don’t go blaming yourself for anything, Ida,’ Tina said gently. ‘We don’t.’

  ‘Where is she?’ Dominic demanded.

  ‘I’ll take you to her,’ she said, and off they went, a wretched little threesome if ever there was one.

  Ida led them down various corridors, which echoed to their anxious steps, and finally into a room where little Bonnie lay in what looked like an oxygen tent, such a tiny thing amongst a lot of medical paraphernalia.

  Tina promptly burst into tears and Dominic put his arms around her, his heart almost breaking as he gathered her close.

  The nurse, who’d been standing beside the bed, ushered them out of the room. ‘Are you the parents?’ she asked.

  ‘This is Bonnie’s guardian,’ Dominic volunteered whilst Tina sobbed against his chest. ‘Her mother’s dead. But I’m the father,’ he added, thinking this wasn’t the time for any confessions. The Lord would just have to do his best for Bonnie without any bribes.

  ‘And I’m the grandmother,’ Ida piped up. ‘I brought her in.’

  ‘And thank goodness you did,’ the nurse said. ‘She’s a pretty sick little girl. Some new strain of bronchiolitis. Strikes very quickly. She’s not doing too badly now that she can breathe more easily, but it’s going to be long night. The doctor should be back shortly to check on her again. Meanwhile, try not to worry. It’s good that she’s not allergic to penicillin. Not that it’ll kill the virus, but it’s the best antibiotic for any secondary infections. Pneumonia can be a problem in these cases, we find, especially with a tot as young as this.’

  ‘How did you know she wasn’t allergic to penicillin?’ Dominic asked.

  The nurse looked momentarily confused. ‘It’s on her chart. Someone must have supplied that information when she was brought in.’

  They all looked at Ida, who immediately became defensive. ‘I didn’t say she wasn’t for sure. I just said her father wasn’t allergic to it, and that it didn’t run in the family.’

  ‘For pity’s sake, Mum!’ Dominic exploded. ‘What if I’m not Bonnie’s father? We’re not one hundred per cent sure yet, you know.’

  Tina lifted her tearstained face to his. ‘But, Dominic, you must be. Who else is there?’

  ‘Not to worry,’ the nurse hastily intervened. ‘She hasn’t been given any antibiotics yet. We’re waiting on some blood tests. Look, I’ll strike that information from the chart, but I suggest you tell the doctor when you see him what the situation is regarding her known medical history. Now, I’m sorry, but I must get back to my patient.’

  She bustled back into the room, leaving Dominic with the two women staring up at him. ‘I just meant we couldn’t be absolutely sure,’ he muttered. ‘Not till the test results come back.’

  ‘But you can, Dominic,’ Ida insisted. ‘I have a piece of news for you which puts Bonnie’s parenthood beyond any doubt whatsoever. That phone call I felt guilty about tonight. It was to Joanna. I wanted to explain about Bonnie, and why I hadn’t invited her to dinner again after cancelling last Friday night. Anyway, she started telling me how she would have liked to have had a baby, but that Damien despised children and had had one of those operations to make sure he didn’t. A vis…ves…vis…’

  ‘A vasectomy,’ Dominic said, hoping he didn’t sound as stunned as he felt.

  ‘Yes, that’s it. So you see, Dominic? Damien couldn’t possibly be Bonnie’s father.’

  Dominic must have looked strange, because Tina asked if he was all right.

  He blinked, then just stared down at her, his mind a mess.

  ‘It’s just hit you for real, hasn’t it?’ she said softly, her lovely
eyes lustrous with tears. ‘That it’s really your baby daughter lying in there.’

  Oh, God, he thought. If only she knew!

  ‘Yes,’ he managed, and his mind turned to the tiny scrap of humanity lying in that room.

  He’d thought he cared about her before, but the knowledge that she was his child evoked feelings he’d never have imagined. His level of anguish and worry went up a thousandfold. An ache claimed his heart and squeezed and squeezed, till he wanted to cry out with the pain.

  Dear God, he would do anything to make her well, to have her come home with them, safe and sound. He would even tell Tina the truth, if it would make any difference to the powers that be.

  And who knew? Maybe it would!

  ‘I…I need to talk to you, Tina,’ he said, his voice strained, his throat thick. ‘Mum, do you think you could give me a few minutes alone with Tina?’

  ‘I’ll go sit with Bonnie,’ she offered.

  ‘What is it, Dominic?’ Tina asked as soon as they were alone.

  ‘I have something to tell you. Something important.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I lied to you.’

  Her hand fluttered up to her throat. ‘Lied? You…you mean…you…you don’t love me?’

  ‘No, no. Of course I love you. I love you so much that that’s why I lied. About the vasectomy.’

  ‘But Dominic… That doesn’t make sense. I’m very confused.’

  ‘When I told you Damien had had a vasectomy it was because I believed he was the father. I’d just realised how much I loved you and I ruthlessly decided to use every means at my disposal to win your love. I invented that story about the vasectomy and claimed Bonnie was my own because I thought being Bonnie’s father would help win you. You could have knocked me over with a feather when Mum said what she said just now.’

  ‘So you really just found out she’s yours?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So all that good father stuff was just an act?’

  ‘Yes. No. Well…in a way.’ He sighed. ‘Oh, I could water my guilt down and say I truly did grow fond of the child. Which is true. I did. But it was still wrong of me.’

  ‘Dangerous and devious,’ she mumbled, shaking her head and looking down at the floor.

  But then her head snapped up, and she was frowning at him as though trying to work out something. ‘Why are you telling me this now? You didn’t have to.’

  He shrugged, feeling both helpless and hopeless. ‘I had this crazy idea that maybe God is punishing me, that maybe I could make Bonnie well if I told you the truth. Then there’s another voice in my head which keeps telling me a real relationship isn’t built on lies and deceit. I don’t want to ever hurt you like my father hurt my mother. I want you to trust me and respect me, Tina. And I want us to stay together. Not just for a while, but for the rest of our lives.’

  She looked at him for what felt like an eternity. And then she did something so wonderful and warm that he almost broke down. She folded him into her arms and told him not to worry, that Bonnie would be all right, that she did trust and respect him, and that, yes, she wanted them to stay together too. For the rest of their lives.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  TINA sat in the small waiting room, her hands cradled around a polystyrene mug of coffee. Dominic sat across from her, his elbows on his knees, his head buried in his hands. Ida had long been sent home to get some rest.

  ‘We don’t want you getting sick too, Mum,’ Dominic had told Ida after the three of them had sat up with Bonnie all night. Now it was approaching noon, and Dominic and Tina had finally abandoned Bonnie’s room to get something to drink.

  ‘Dominic, stop torturing yourself,’ Tina said, though she understood what he was going through.

  Or maybe she didn’t. She loved Bonnie, but she wasn’t the baby’s real mother.

  Dominic straightened, and Tina was shocked by his appearance. ‘I think you should go home too, Dominic,’ she said. ‘You need some sleep.’

  ‘Good God, no, I couldn’t sleep. Not till I know Bonnie’s out of the woods.’

  Tina was still amazed by the depth and intensity of Dominic’s feelings. No one could doubt he loved Bonnie now. No one.

  Tina didn’t doubt he loved her, too. She still could hardly believe what he’d done to win her.

  How ironic that the lie he’d told had turned out to be true! Life could be so perverse. After all, who would have believed that she’d end up falling in love with the father of Sarah’s baby, the man she’d thought she despised.

  Though maybe it wasn’t perverse. Maybe it was written…

  Tina was deep in thought when Bonnie’s nurse popped a smiling face into the room and said, ‘Good news. Bonnie’s lungs are much better. Her temperature’s down and she’s awake, complaining her head off. Would one of you like to come and give her her bottle?’

  It was a rush to see who made it to the room first, but Dominic won in a photo finish. Not that Tina minded. It gave her such pleasure to see this big macho man being so emotional and tender with his little daughter. Her heart tripped over when he surreptitiously wiped away some tears from his eyes before cuddling Bonnie to him as though she was the most precious thing in the whole wide world.

  He looked up at her and their eyes met. She smiled at him. ‘I’ll go give your mother a call, will I?’ she suggested.

  ‘Would you?’

  ‘Of course.’ And while she was at it a trip to the ladies’ room was in order by the way she was feeling. Tina shook her head wryly as she walked along the corridor. If there was one thing she could rely on in life, it was the regularity of her cycle.

  Which was just as well, she realised. As much as Dominic had finally embraced fatherhood with a passion, Tina didn’t think he could handle a further little addition to his life at the moment.

  They were driving home from the hospital that evening when Dominic put paid to that little theory. He put paid to another belief she’d had about him as well.

  ‘I think we should get married, Tina,’ he said out of the blue, and then, without giving her time to blink, he added, ‘And I think we should try for a brother or sister for Bonnie straight away.’

  Tina sat there, absolutely speechless.

  ‘I realise now what I missed out on where Bonnie is concerned,’ he went on in all seriousness. ‘I want to experience everything, Tina. I want to be there from the start. I want to be there when my son or daughter is born. I want to help choose the name. I want to be a part of everything next time. And the next. And the next.’

  Tina gulped. ‘Er…run those ‘nexts’ by me again? How many were there?’

  He smiled over at her. ‘Don’t go telling me you’re afraid. Not my Tina. Why, you’re the bravest, strongest, most courageous woman I’ve ever met. I’ll never forget the way you looked at me in the office that first time, and then when I got home that night. I didn’t intimidate you one bit, did I?’

  Tina smiled. If only he knew…

  ‘Do I have any say in any of this?’ she asked, her eyes sparkling at him.

  ‘How about yes, yes and yes?’

  ‘You’re rushing me, as usual. First into bed, and now into marriage and babies.’

  ‘It’s only called rushing when you’re not sure. When you are, it’s called decisiveness. So what’s it to be, my darling?’

  ‘I can’t think straight when you talk dirty to me.’

  He grinned. ‘Then you agree? Marriage and babies?’

  ‘I might as well. Lord knows what devious methods you’ll use to get me to agree if I say no.’

  ‘And you’ll throw away that pill you’ve been taking?’

  Tina didn’t think it was the right moment to say What pill? ‘Er…don’t you think we should wait till we’re married?’

  ‘Hell, no. Knowing my mother, that’ll take ages. She’ll want all that white dress and church and stuff. I want a baby with you, Tina. And I want it as soon as possible.’

  A man of decision, her Dominic.
>
  ‘Okay,’ she agreed, and he grinned. ‘That’s my girl.’

  ‘I am that, Dominic. And you’re my man.’

  ‘For the rest of your life, my darling.’

  Her heart filled at the certainty in his voice and the love in his eyes.

  ‘Whatever is your mother going to say?’

  ‘She’s going to be so happy she’ll be obnoxious.’

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ Ida exclaimed when she heard the news. ‘I mean…you two couldn’t stand each other last week. Oh, I see, you’re just doing this for Bonnie, is that it?’

  Dominic put his arm around Tina. ‘Mum,’ he said sternly. ‘Do you honestly think I would marry for anything other than true love?’

  ‘Well…er…I wouldn’t put it past you!’ she said defensively.

  ‘I love Tina. I’ve loved her for some time. Tina loves me too, don’t you darling?’

  ‘Truly, madly, deeply,’ she returned.

  Ida was still not looking as happy as they’d thought she would. ‘But…where are you going to live?’ she asked a little plaintively.

  Tina didn’t give Dominic a chance to say a word, jumping in first. ‘Right here, Ida,’ she said. ‘If you’ll be kind enough to have us, that is.’

  ‘I think I could just about stand it,’ she said, trying to hide her pleasure.

  ‘Yes, but will I?’ Dominic muttered under his breath.

  Dominic went to work extra early Tuesday morning, because he was taking the afternoon off. Bonnie was being allowed home from hospital and he wanted to be there. He found it hard to put his mind to the present state of the economy, along with the fall in commodity prices, but forced himself. After all, he had added responsibilities now. And more to come. He couldn’t wait till Tina’s period finished and he could get on with making another baby.

  And to think if it hadn’t been for a failed condom, he would never have known the wonder of fatherhood. Not to mention love. How he had lasted thirty-three years without love, he had no idea!

  Tina was a fantastic girl. Fancy her putting aside her acting career just like that to have a family. Without any coercion on his part, she’d made the decision to become a full-time mother to Bonnie and whatever other children they had.