Attracted to Fire

by DiAnn Mills

  She was nuts if she thought he’d agree. “No way would I permit that. It’s too dangerous.”

  “I can handle myself. But I wouldn’t want anyone else to know what I was doing.”

  “Are you sure you’re not simply reacting to Shelley’s death?”

  “I’m motivated by what’s happened. But I’ve been thinking about a way to draw them into the open for a long time.”

  He grasped the challenge in her voice. “Meghan, I—”

  “Please, think about it.”

  But he wouldn’t. The idea of risking her life in a foolhardy effort to pose as Lindsay sickened him.

  Chapter 43

  In the early hours of Tuesday morning, Ash realized how much he missed Meghan. The ranch was quiet. Nothing new in DC, and no more e-mails to Lindsay. So he waited and wondered.

  Waited for DC to find the stalker.

  Waited for DC to find who’d bombed Lindsay’s car and killed one person and hurt another.

  Waited for DC to find the sniper who’d murdered Wade.

  Waited for Meghan to return to the ranch.

  Wondered when President Hall would make a decision about who would be on his PPD.

  Wondered if the goal of his career was really worth being in competition with Meghan.

  Wondered if someone he trusted had betrayed them into the hands of an unseen enemy.

  And although he’d taken a double shift to cover for Meghan since she’d left and he should be sleeping, his mind refused to cease whirling with thoughts about everything in his life.

  At 0400, Ash tore back the sheet and walked to the window in his room. He’d never have peace, and he’d surely never have a life with Meghan until his world stopped crashing in on him. He’d almost asked her if they could work at a relationship, but the news about her sister’s death took a lead. Reality held him captive. As long as he kept the past locked away, the two of them were doomed.

  Glancing at his laptop on the dresser, he shook his head. This time he had no intention of watching the footage of Joel’s death. He was finished with the guilt and shame of blaming Annette for his own failure to perform. He had an appointment with destiny—and as dramatic as it sounded, that was exactly how he felt.

  He remembered Ethan talking about Chip one day having a come-to-Jesus meeting. At the time, it sounded ridiculous. Now it made sense.

  Ash needed to either face the past and deal with it or give up and stay in his miserable shell. In a way, he reminded himself of Lindsay, cowering under fear.

  “All right, God,” he whispered. “Bring it on.”

  He shivered in the shadows, wishing his utterances hadn’t made it all so real. The competitive part of him sought to challenge God. Losing Joel was unfair, so he took on the role of A2Z and thrived on what it meant to be detail oriented. But it hadn’t cured the sleepless nights and the way he kept people at a distance.

  Ash couldn’t control his destiny any more than any other poor human being on the face of the planet. Should he pick up his Bible and read until his eyes blurred and he wept like a child? Granted, humility had never been his trademark.

  Did he need to simply sit in the dark and wait for an audible voice to tell him he was forgiven?

  Breathing in deeply, he recalled something his grandmother used to say: “To be forgiven, one must forgive.”

  If he wanted true release from what happened to Joel and Annette, then he had to forgive himself. He could almost hear the swish of the revolving door that had kept him in the cycle for too long.

  The memories would always be with him, but they didn’t have to rule him.

  At 0600, he picked up his phone and called Annette Hamilton. On the third ring, her husband answered.

  “Tim, this is Ash Zinders. I apologize for the early hour, but I’d like to speak to Annette.”

  “Can’t it wait until a civilized hour?”

  Tim Hamilton despised Ash, and he had good reason. Perhaps the call was too selfish. He’d let Tim set the stage. “It’s important, or I wouldn’t be bothering you.”

  “All right.”

  A few moments later, Annette answered. “This had better be good, Ash. You aren’t one of my favorite people.”

  “I had that coming. Look, Annette, call it soul-searching or a need to clear my conscience, but I want to ask your forgiveness for what happened in LA. I blamed you when I was the one who got you shot and Joel killed. I hesitated. My fault.”

  “What?” He heard the incredulous tone in her groggy voice.

  “I’m asking if you will forgive me for blaming you.”

  “You’re asking a lot, considering I took the heat, and now my life is spent in a wheelchair.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Have you gotten religion?”

  “Guess so.”

  “You sorry—” She swore. “I’m not making it easy on your conscience. Go light a dozen candles or see a priest.” Annette hung up.

  Ash snapped the phone closed. Odd, her words had not stung his soul. He’d done his part. That’s all he could do.

  And the peace filling him felt good. Real good.

  Meghan stood at Shelley’s graveside, her arm wrapped around Mom’s waist. Only a few flowers remained, the special sunflowers Shelley treasured. The other plants and arrangements were to be delivered to the elderly in their church. Shelley would have wanted it that way. She loved the older generation, and when she was sober, she volunteered at nursing homes.

  Mom trembled, sorrow wracking her body. Those who had attended the graveside service were gone or had already driven to the luncheon at church.

  “How often have we spoken about this very thing?” Mom reached for another tissue in her purse.

  “Many times. We thought we were prepared, didn’t we?” Meghan kissed her mother’s cheek.

  “Shelley didn’t have the strength to fight the addiction. She needed your father.”

  They all missed him, but Meghan didn’t feel talking about him would help her mother work through Shelley’s death.

  “Oh, sweetheart, how cruel of me.” She leaned her head on Meghan’s shoulder. “You tried so hard.”

  “We both did. I wish I could have talked to her before she left the rehab. Maybe I could have gotten her to continue with the program.”

  “Don’t do that to yourself. The what-ifs will eat you alive. What I don’t understand is that the last conversation Shelley and I had was positive. She thanked me for not deserting her. She wanted to talk to you personally and thank you too.”

  Shelley often made claims, but she simply didn’t have the strength to follow through. “We’ll never know, Mom.”

  “But I felt so encouraged after our conversation.”

  Meghan remembered Dad’s death and Mom’s regrets of not always supporting him in his work to help others. “Let’s go on to church and get through this day.”

  Mom nodded and blew her nose. They walked toward Meghan’s car. “Tell me about Lindsay Hall. Is she doing better?”

  She could only say so much about her protectee. “She’s doing very well. Honestly she’s a talented young woman. Intelligent, too.”

  “I’m glad, but I wondered about all the nasty things the news say about her.”

  “I can’t tell you about my work, since she’s the president’s daughter.”

  “But I’m your mother, and what you tell me doesn’t go anywhere. I pray for her every day . . . just like I did our Shelley.”

  “And like our Shelley, Lindsay must make the proper choices if she’s going to have a fulfilling life. I know she can. I encourage her at every opportune moment.”

  “Unhappiness leads to coping mechanisms that have the potential to kill us.”

  “You’re so right. Keep praying for her. I’m not sure how long she will be at the current location, and I’m afraid what will happen when she regains her freedom.”

  “I understand. She has a piece of your heart.”

  “She does.” Meghan opened the car d
oor for her mother, then took one more fleeting look at the grave. Once she seated herself and started the engine, she felt Mom studying her. “What are you thinking? Something I need to know about Shelley?”

  “My concern is you. Are you doing okay with the cancelled engagement?”

  “I am.” She thought of Ash and how he’d come to mean more to her in a short time than the man she’d once agreed to marry.

  “It must be lonely working with a team of men.”

  “We’re all friends, and we get along fine.” She’d like to tell Mom about Wade’s death, Lindsay’s stalker, and her suspicions about someone at the ranch betraying them, but that was classified information.

  “What are you not telling me?”

  Meghan smiled and drove toward the church. She doubted if either of them felt like eating. “Why do you think I’m keeping something from you?”

  “You’re my daughter. I know you.”

  She could reveal a little of the turmoil keeping her awake at night. “Remember the time Dad went to the pound and brought home the dog that didn’t like women?”

  “Chuckie? How could I forget? You girls wanted to make friends, and he snapped at you every chance he got. Me too.”

  “Remember how Shelley gave up, but I kept trying to find ways to befriend him?”

  “Oh yes. I begged your dad to get rid of the dog, especially after he bit you twice.”

  “But I eventually won him over.”

  “Tenacity is one of your strengths.”

  “I just wondered if you remembered.”

  Mom touched her arm. “Oh, Meghan, do you have a Chuckie?”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I’m afraid so.”

  “Is he an agent?”

  Meghan nodded. “Don’t say a word. I know I said I’d never consider another agent because we’d destroy each other with our commitment to our careers.”

  “Maybe you should have told that to your heart.”

  Chapter 44

  Tuesday afternoon, while Lindsay watched a movie, Ash read the headlines on his BlackBerry. He inwardly moaned.

  President Hall and Vice President Burnette Clash over Foreign Policy.

  Ash fumed. The Shield had worked hard to organize the Middle East Peace Summit. His plans had the potential to put the United States back into the forefront as a world power who orchestrated peace with Arab countries. Ash had heard the rumblings about the president and vice president hotly debating the peace summit and current foreign policy. According to the news release, Vice President Burnette refused to take the president’s place at the peace talks. The article continued with news claiming Vice President Burnette had met with Speaker of the House Randolph in an effort to cancel the peace summit’s agenda. At this point, the president and the vice president were taking three days at Camp David to settle their differences.

  President Hall had to be questioning his choice of VP, even if the two men were lifelong friends. Didn’t the president know how Burnette felt about crucial issues before he nominated him? Political allies didn’t conceal their views, unless another agenda was in place. Of course, if they didn’t come to an agreement, the president might yank his daughter off the Dancin’ Dust.

  Ash weighed the two men’s personalities. Until recently, Burnette seemed content in the background. But since attaining his VP status, he’d become vocal about the current administration, and he’d been seen with Speaker of the House Randolph, who strongly opposed many of President Hall’s foreign and domestic policies. The New York Times claimed Randolph planned to toss his hat into the ring for the presidential election. If that were true, where would that place Burnette?

  The muddy political waters seemed to dredge up opposition against President Hall on a daily basis. The more he worked at unifying the country, the more the media criticized him.

  Ash’s radio buzzed. “We have four TV networks at the front gate. Looks like the sharks have arrived. An RV for each alphabet station.”

  “Let ’em get a taste of dirt in this heat. They won’t get near Lindsay.”

  By the time Meghan arrived at the gate of the Dancin’ Dust on Tuesday night, the area was lit up like a camp revival. So the media had found Lindsay. Who’d leaked the information? Since the ranch belonged to the vice president, that may have been a logical place to search. For nearly five weeks, Lindsay had been tucked away without anyone taking notice. Now, not only were the media leeches looking for a pic or an interview, but the ones who’d been stalking her were alert. Meghan scanned the crowd, searching for signs of someone who might have a bullet with Lindsay’s name on it.

  As Meghan pulled up to the gate, reporters pushed their way toward her car like flies on cow patties. She ignored the heckles and questions and lowered her window for the agent who manned the gate.

  “When did the uninvited guests arrive?”

  “This afternoon.”

  “If I’d known we were having a party, I’d have brought sweet tea.”

  His grin spread from one cheekbone to the other. “I hear the temps will be around 105 tomorrow. That should be interesting, especially from those who’re used to air-conditioned offices.”

  The agent’s remark sounded like something Ash would say. She’d missed him, and after the chat with her mother earlier today, she’d allowed her feelings to sink into her heart. He’d changed so much in his attitude toward her, but a softening and an appreciation for women agents didn’t mean their relationship would work. The fear of searing her heart again made her wary.

  Ash Zinders, A2Z, the most unlikely man she could ever fall for. Stubborn. Opinionated. A stickler for detail. But that was only the surface. Beneath his rule-book facade was a man capable of great compassion. After he’d confessed his guilt in the death of his friend and how he’d blamed a female agent, his gruffness and prejudice made sense. She hoped someday he was able to deal with the truth.

  What had he wanted to ask her? The last time they were together, she sensed he wanted to talk about the two of them. The thought had petrified her. But not now. Logic told her the assignment on the Dancin’ Dust needed to be completed before either of them considered the future.

  Meghan parked the rental, pulled out her small carry-on, and walked to the back porch. Ash sat on a rocker, his rugged features illuminated by the porch light.

  “Are you waiting for me?” She poured lightness into her voice. No doubt he was fuming over the reporters at the front gate.

  “Maybe. Not exactly. But it’s good to see you.” He joined her at the bottom step, then lifted her carry-on to the porch. “Want to sit and talk for a few minutes?”

  Unusual request. “Sure. I saw the party. Do you have any idea who tipped them off?”

  “I’ve speculated on that since they showed up. Maybe Chip found a way to alert the media before he was returned. Or the reporters got smart, considering the ranch is owned by the VP. Anyway, Bob’s filling in for me until I get a call.”

  While the creak of the rockers matched the mood of the southern skies, she also heard the weariness in his voice. “What else is going on?”

  “Another untraceable e-mail.”

  She’d hoped Vargas had been behind all the calls or could have told the SS who was paying him off. “Every time they find one player, another turns up.”

  “Looks that way. Hey, I’m unloading on you after a funeral. How’s your mother?”

  “Okay. Mom’s tough. She has a strong support system through her church. They won’t abandon her.”

  “What about you?”

  She smiled. “I’m all right. Guess I’m more determined to help Lindsay.”

  “I figured so. She’s been asking for you.”

  “I’ve been wondering about her. Has she been behaving herself with reporters ready to snap her picture?”

  “Oddly enough, she’s been withdrawn.” He cleared his throat. “I wanted to tell you something. Especially since you heard my . . . confession. So I was waiting for you.”

  She studied
his face—the face she’d longed to see since leaving her mother. “I’m listening.”

  “I took care of things. Even called Annette and apologized.”

  The stress of the funeral and Ash’s news caused her to swallow hard. “Wonderful. How do you feel?”

  “Relieved.” He chuckled. “Do you suppose Warrington will believe I’ve eased up on my attitude toward women agents?”

  “Probably not.”

  He sobered, and she wondered what else was on his mind. “The days were lonely while you were gone.”

  Meghan’s heart did a flip. Had she heard correctly? “That’s sweet of you.”

  He leaned closer. “I don’t have a sweet bone in me. But I can try to be a decent guy.”

  “The other agents will appreciate the change.” She gripped the sides of the rocker. “Is this a confession or a promise?”

  “How about both? And I’m referring to you.” His whisper blended with the insects’ chorus.

  “Ash, do you know what you’re saying?”

  He stiffened. Maybe she had heard wrong. Her emotions had been worn thin today.

  “I do. Been thinking about it since you left.” He caught her gaze and refused to let go. “Some things about me—my analytical nature, my concern for those on my team, Lindsay—won’t ever change. It’s who I am. I’m dripping in responsibility and perfectionism. Can you handle that?”

  What could she say? With the critical issues surrounding this assignment, the threats to Lindsay’s life, and her struggle with drugs and alcohol, how could they discuss a relationship? Meghan wanted to see if she and Ash had a chance for happiness, but she feared it just the same. “Have you thought about how we might kill each other? I mean we’re both so stubborn, independent, competitive . . .”

  He touched her arm. “I like the challenge.”

  “What about your rule book?”

  “I rewrote a few paragraphs.”