Trinidad Noir
Page 17
& i was tellin u how deepa, she was my great-great-great-gran-madoo, how she meet mahun, he was my great-great-great-gran-padoo, pon dat crossin from calcutta, but in fac i aint know if it was calcutta we comes from a-tall since de history a all dem indenture coolies in dis place reachback ONLY so far as de PORT dey disembark from, either calcutta or madras, wid all else before dat chop off & obliterate fagood faever, cause in trut my gran-madoo use 2 have a tiny lil sketchin dat she say pass down 2 she all de way from deepa, & even dough dat sketchin disappear long time i could remember it good good & it was a lil stream wid some rocks & lil bamboo bridge crossin over, & if u turn de paper it did write in handscript PUNJAUB 1822 pon de backside, & so me did start to tink from den DAT is where de family comes from in de northwes part of india, & we was probably punjaubi in trut, since where else would dat sketchin come from? & why else would deepa & my gran-madoo have it like dat? but nobody know fa sure
deepa was 20 when she make dat crossin from india & mahun only 18, & how dey meet was by coincidence 2 a dem wind up lyin side by side pon de pallet down below in de bowels a dat ship de fatal rozac as i was sayin, & deepa was sick sick & weak wid dysentery fa most a dat whole voyage, & even dough mahun scarce even know she, he did feed she grain-by-grain wid he own ration a daily rice & hers 2, fa she 2 gain back she strength like dat, & he give up most a he own 3 tincup a daily water, 2 keep she from dehydratin like dat, & when dey reach in t’dad at last after 96 days of voyage from calcutta & 41 days from de cape, & dey was BOTH near dead in trut, dey have de very good fortune 2 get hire out pon de selfsame cane estate in de south a de island near san fernando dat wasnt even much of a town yet in dem 1845 times, & so from de start a dat voyage cross de sea, mahun & deepa never did spend not even 1 single night separate
mahun & deepa was both de same sudra caste, & dat was good & bad 2 in different ways, furs it was bad since sudra was de servant-caste, de lowest a de 3 castes after brahman & kshatriya, but mahun was even LOWER den she as u will hear in a sec, de lowes a de low, only people lower den he is pariahs, but dat was GOOD 2 in de sense dat since mahun & deepa was de SAME sudra-caste dey could marry widout breakin de law, by which i means de CASTE LAW, & deepa & mahun DID marry 2 as u will hear, cause u might tink dat after dey reach in t’dad dose laws of fockin caste did no longer apply 2 de coolies, & dat crossin 2 a new land & life would put everybody pon de SELFSAME level, but u would be very wrong mr robot & dat is 1 ting de chupidee whitepeople didnt have NO FOCKIN IDEA, cause even dough everyting ELSE change fa dem indenture coolies, de separation of caste is 1 ting dey still maintain in dem ole days very stringent & rigid mongst deyselves
but mahun was even lower den just sudra, as i was sayin, he was a CHAMAR-sudra & dey was de leather-workers who mutilate de hide of de sacred ox, but dat was bad & good again as u will hear, cause dat skill of leather-workin 2 make de shoes & belts & bags & such, but mostly shoes, mahun had plenty skill in dat from a lil boy, even dough it was look down pon in india so bad dat even de SHADOW of a chamar pon de food of a holy fockin brahman would contaminate it & u got 2 trow it way & not even a mongrel dog could eat it, but dat was a GOOD ting fa mahun cause before long de overseer of dat estate find out bout he skills fa makin shoe, & nex ting u know he take mahun off de canecrew & put he 2 make boot fa he & shoe fa he wife & doux-doux & ALL de whitepeople, & soon as mahun catch enough money from makin de shoe he marry deepa in one bigass fancy MONSOON WEDDING PON DAT ESTATE!!! & now de overseer take deepa off de canecrew 2 & put she 2 assis mahun in de shoeshop, so listen here wha happen how de whole ting did catch like fockin bushfire
cause furs mahun was makin shoe fa de overseer & de res of de whitepeople pon dat estate, & in trut he & deepa was makin dey daily wage by law like all de res a dem indenture coolies, ¢25/day each, & sometimes dey would get a lil ¢5 or ¢8 lagniappe from de overseer wife or he doux-doux or 1 of he daughters when dey get a nice shoe, but nex ting u know all dem COOLIES come 2 mahun & deepa 2 make DEY shoes 2, at ¢18 fa man-boot & ¢15 fa woman-shoe & ¢9 fa child-shoe, & mahun could buy a whole cowskin fa ¢50 from de butcher dat he was trowin dem way anyway & sometimes if a cow dead from disease dey didnt have 2 pay nuting fa dat hide a-tall, so jus as u could imagine nex ting u know word spread round 2 all dem other estates 2, & mahun & deepa was makin plenty shoe fa de whitepeople, & even MORE fockin shoe fa de coolies now, & before long plenty plenty money was wetting dey palms in trut!!!
so nex ting u know de 10 years of contracture fa dey indenture labor was finish-up, so deepa & mahun was entitle 2 free passage back 2 india now, or else according to de new law jus institute den if dey elec to remain here, dey would receive a parcel of 10 acres of land 2 put in agriculture fa deyself, but deepa & mahun didnt want 2 go back 2 india not fa noting cause dey was RICH RICH coolies livin like king and queen in t’dad now, so dey choose 2 take de land dat was 5 acres each, or 10 acres 2gether, but since mahun & deepa didnt know nutin bout agriculture neither but only makin shoe shoe shoe & more shoe, dey didnt want dat lan in de country, & so dey sell it off & take dat money + what dey had save-up 2 buy a shop in san fernando on coffee street 2 make & sell de shoe, wit a floor on top where dey could live wid dey children dat was 3 now, 2 boys & 1 girl, & ALL a dem born trinis!!!
so now mr robot u have a lil bit bout where my family comes from & how we reach here in t’dad, dat i dont mine telling u as i was sayin, cause being a coolie aint noting fa me to feel shame fa, but i was just about 2 finish writin out dis email dis mornin 5 minutes ago when miss samlalsingh arrive fa work & she explain 2 me how yesterday thursday when i did had de afternoon off & she was in charge, u come in here in de archives sayin how MISS RAMSOL GIVE U PERMISSION 2 USE DE MACHINE & copy u copies of dat MORNING STAR journal or whateverdeass it is of dis crazy man ETZLER u say u writin u book about, & u tell miss samlalsingh how u & miss ramsol is tight tight now fockin down de place like wild tigercats mos every night, & miss samlalsingh know is tru 2, but mr robot she tell u jus as i instruct SHE enough times, dont matter if is de QUEEN A FOCKIN ENGLAN PUSSY U FOCKIN, dat dont give u access 2 dat xerox machine, & i aint know who de fock u yankees tink u is, just cause u skin white like u toetee make from gold-bar & u pums smell like french perfume, but miss samlalsingh is more savvy den dat & she see tru u boldface lies straightway & dont let u near dat machine, not fa fockin hell mr robot, so listen here mr robot what i telling u, eh: u best learn some fockin manners & behave youself & follow de rules jus like everybody else, unnastan? eh? cause laws is laws & rules is rules & aint no exceptions fa dat xerox, not fa u nor nobody else, unnastan?
good
so watch u fockin self mr robot, unnastan? eh?
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps if u want u could please 2 meet me at pelo 2nght again roun 9
pss & me or miss samlalsingh will be holdin someting fa u at de reserve frontdesk from de p o s gazette of 1845 dat would be of interes 2 u i tink
THE PORT OF SPAIN GAZETTE
30th November 1845
FIRST LOT OF INDIAN IMMIGRANTS
We have much pleasure in announcing the arrival this afternoon of the long-looked-for coolie ship, the Fatal Rozac, 96 days from Calcutta and 41 days from the Cape of Good Hope, with 217 coolies on board, “all in good condition,” as the bills of landing have it. There were five deaths on board during the passage, but the general appearance of the coolies is very healthy. When our people are informed that there are countless thousands of these coolies, inured to a tropical climate, starving in their own country, and most willing to emigrate to the West Indies, it may be the means of opening their eyes a little to the necessity of working more steadily and giving greater satisfaction to their employers. Coolie provisions also arriving aboard the Rozac are available at Losh, Spiers & Co. at Richmond Street Wharf. The Fatal Rozac is a fine vessel of 445 tons, and is manned by a crew of lascars.
Coolie provisions (very cheap) include:
rice
dholl
tumeric
chillies
tobacco &
“Indian hemp”
THE PORT OF SPAIN GAZETTE
5th December 1845
ARRIVAL OF THE ROSALIND
We have the pleasure of announcing this morning that the Rosalind arrived in port, 52 days out from London and 27 days from the Azores, bearing a number of passengers and discharging a good deal of long-awaited goods and produce. Included among the travelers were the first lot of “pioneers,” 31 in number, of the “Tropical Emigration Society,” a certain joint-stock association formed in London by Messrs. A.J. Etzler and C.F. Stollmeyer, who arrived also aboard the Rosalind amongst their enthusiastic followers. Mr. Etzler is apparently a self-styled inventor, scientist, and philanthropist. He is here in Trinidad not only as director and founder of the T.E.S., but also as Consulting Engineer for the construction of the Great Western Railway, Trinidad’s first rail system, which will connect our capital with San Fernando and other locations in the south. Mr. Stollmeyer, secretary and agent of the T.E.S., has been a printer in London and Philadelphia (U.S.A.). The Rosalind is a fine vessel of 490 tons under the charge of Captain James Damphier. Goods and produce may be purchased at Losh, Spiers & Co. at Richmond Street Wharf, and include the following:
fine linens
men’s and women’s shoes
female lingerie & hosiery
women’s lipsticks & powders
sherry & wine
champagne
brandy
Spanish salted hams
Dutch Edam cheeses
medicines
writing paper & pens
Third Message
dear mr robot:
i wish to broach a certain topic wid u mr robot & i hope 2 EJUCATE u lil bit bout how we feels here in t’dad, & what is de proper attitude & etiquette involve, & dat is de subjec of PUMS, cause las night when we did finish up wid we TURD sweet jook fa de night mother of jesus!!! & we was lyin dere catching de cool relaxin lil bit & i was feelin so NICE mr robot, so comfortable & relax, & i jus let a good one fly, & stink good enough from all dem delicious curry crabbacks we enjoy so much from we dinner down by krishnahouse, & fresh seamoss drink, & in trut mr robot when i let dat pum go & stinkin up pretty good, straightway u pinch u nostrils & look at me all squeezeface & disgust like i is bushmonkey wid no manners, but dat only go to show mr robot how u dont understand nuttin bout how we feel in t’dad & what is de important HEALTH ISSUES involve in de subject of PUMS, same as BELCHES as a matter of fac
cause here in t’dad nobody would never make such a fuss and make u feel bad and look pon u all squeezeface and disgust when u let a good pum lose like dat, jus de OPPOSITE mr robot, people here in t’dad understan how pums is a natural organic process & nuttin to feel shame a-tall but only a tru expression & celebration of de goodness of life & mr robot why u want to hol DAT back? & not let it show how u feel happy & content in de moment & SHARE dat happiness wid other people? cause lord only know, human beins come out de womb pummin, & we all go 2 we grave pummin 2, so why u want to hide it way? & in trut mr robot de bes ting dat could ever happen to u in my opinion, & de bes ting dat we trinis could teach all a u fockin yankees, is to let youself loose lil bit, & free-up & let down u guard, & learn how 2 ENJOY DE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF A SWEET SWEET PUM
dat is my hope fa u in dis life mr robot
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps see u at pelo round 9
pss me or miss samlalsingh would be holdin an article from out de guardian weekly health advise column of dr brito salizar, dat would be very informative & prove 2 u what i sayin
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY ’CAUSE IT KNOWS BEST the GUARDIAN’S Weekly Health Advice Column Brito Salizar, M.D., O.B.E.
Today, in response to a number of inquiries expressing deep and understandable concern to arrive of late at this P.O. Box, December being the official opening of châtiaigne season ( châtiaigne châtiaigne, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot! ), we shall best, and should be dispensed with immediately.
How can we say this, and with what surety? Well, do the beasts of the field, the fowls of the air, or the fishes of the sea strain so inexplicably to hold up their flatulence? This could and should never have been for the history of human civilization, and sad that it has ever come to pass! In fact, the restrained or incomplete expulsion of gasses from the body is known to cause a number of health issues, physiological and psychical, e.g., premature aging and mental blindness. It plays havoc with the entire circulatory system, including the blood. Where the gasses collect, joint pains are frequently encountered. There is occasional osteopathy.
Let me end on a personal note: Myna, my old Venezuelan grandmother, was in her later years confined to a wheelchair. This did not deter her. When the need arose, she would shift her weight in her chair as best she could and lift up the appropriate buttock manually, even in mixed company. Fait accompli, and smiling blissfully, she would tell us, “El culo está contento!” (“My pumsee is happy!”) She lived to 98.
Fourth Message
dear mr robot:
you is a fockin shitong mr robot is what you is!!! all night long, 2 a we jookin down de place like no 2morrow, & u playin so fockin innocent, never mind dat jookin was so sweet & i can only admit shameful how much i was lovin it 2, my pussy still pulsatin & twitchin & smokin-up lil bit so nice dis mornin sweet jesus when i reach in the archives, & miss samlalsingh come runnin 2 tell me furs ting what take place yesterday thurs afternoon during my half-day off, how you did come inside here totin U OWN PERSONAL XEROX MACHINE, wherever de ass u get it from, & u tells miss samlalsingh how i give u EXPRESS PERMISSION to bring dis machine inside de archives like dat, & u tells she how MISS RAMSOL SAY u could copy out as much copies as u want to do u research fa dis fockin crazyass man ETZLER & dis book u say u writin, even dough of course miss samlalsingh know straightway dat was only another 1 of you boldface lies & SCHEME IS SCHEME U SCHEMING she again to copy out u copies, & she tells u NO FOCKIN WAY MR ROBOT!!! but u carry u bigass machine inside de place regardless & plug de plug & commence to copyin out all u fuckin copies
but miss samlalsingh tell me how before de furs 5 copies come out from u machine, or maybe de furs 2 numbers of dat MORNIN STAR, whilst she was bawling down de place hysterical like i instruct she in perilous situations like dat, to SHUT DOWN DAT FOCKIN MACHINE STRAIGHTWAY MR ROBOT!!! & miss samlalsingh tell me how furs ting before u know it, ALL de visitors in de archives including we famous local scholar & historian michael anthony, who happen 2 be dere in de archives yesterday 2, commence to queuing up straightway in a long long queue, all of dem fightin down each other now 2 copy out DEY copies wid u machine, & dey was all shouting dat if some fockin foreigner yankeeasswhiteman could copy he copies den DEY COULD COPY DEY COPIES 2, & before de furs 5 copies come out u didnt have no choice a-tall but let miss roses copy she copy of recipe fa guava duff out last saturday gazette, & mr hosien want 2 copy he copy of de sunday horseraces-paddocks-lineup from de standard, & michael anthony want to copy out a next article from some bigass old book he got bout french and spanish colonial architectural occupation in oldtown p o s or some shit so, and u had 2 let dem copy out dey copies 2, cause if not, u would have pon u hands a RACE RIOT FOR EQUAL & FAIR USE OF DE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE IN DE T&T NATIONAL ARCHIVES
so in trut mr robot i aint know how much of copies you manage to copy out yesterday afternoon, dat i can only suppose not much more den de furs few numbers a dat MORNIN STAR, cause u had to let all de rest 2 copy dey copies 2, & den miss samlalsingh say u had to put in more ink was so many copies dem people was copyin, and den dat xerox start to smoke from overheat-exhaustion jus like my pussy did wear out and break down las night from all de jookin, so before u know it was 5 oclock, time fa de archives to close, & u didnt scarce get tru 5 numbers a dat fockin STAR, & after longlast wid all she shoutin and bawlin miss samlalsingh could pull de plug pon u m
achine & shut it down, but i say it serve u fockin yankee-whiteass right
so mr robot u best listen good good to me here now what i tellin u, eh? & dont try dat one again, u hear? eh? cause laws is laws & rules is rules and NO PERSONAL PORTABLE FOCKIN PHOTOCOPY EQUIPMENT allow inside, & u know it good enough, even dough in trut according 2 miss samlalsingh dat machine u was totin wasnt so small a-tall a-tall, but she say it was BIG as a BARREL of BABASH BUSH-RUM wid you red-face strainin hard 2 carry it, dat me & miss samlalsingh couldnt help weself from laughin lil bit at dat, & i hope it give u a fockin HERNIA mr robot, jus so long as it dont ruin u jookin equipment, cause dat would be a shame in trut
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps see u at pelo 2night round 9 same as usual
Fifth Message
dear mr robot:
i only gots 1 ting to tell u, so LISTEN GOOD: u best haul u fockin ass & go home back to new york or whereverdeass is de shit place in amerika u comes from, cause u say u cant take it no more, u goin crazy, & all u wants to do is copy out a few copies to make de research fa dis book u say u writin bout dis crazyass man ETZLER and he TES, but u cant do it, u jus cant do it, u done try everyting & every scheme is scheme u could tink of & noting work, noting a-tall, 3 months now u tryin & STILL no photocopies, & u say how dis place t’dad is de turd world & we is all bushmonkeys livin here, dat we dont know noting bout noting a-tall, but i could only tell u DIS mr robot: TENEGRITY & IMPESTUOSITY is what we got aplenty here in t’dad, dat u never bounce up de likes of noting like DAT before in amerika, cause rules is rules & laws is laws & when i say NO photocopies allow in de t&t national archives i means NONE, no matter who u is & what pussy u fockin, even if it is de director MISS RAMSOL OWN, & if u cant write out u notes wid pencil & paper like everybody else, den 2 fockin bad fa u mr robot!!!