Trinidad Noir
Page 18
& in trut mr robot i could tell u someting else: i got a good mind to tell my brothers how u do, cause if raj and lil buddah only FIND OUT, would be proper hell to pay, i could assure u bout dat, how u did try & subjuice me only to gain access to dat machine, & how u succeed sure enough but ONLY in de subjuicing part, & not de machine part a-tall a-tall, & soon enough 2 of we was jookin down de place like no tomorrow, & i could only admit shameful how much i was lovin it 2, but den mr robot U FIND OUT sure enough how SWEET is coolie-t’dad-pussy in trut, & nex ting U CANT GET ENOUGH NEITHER, same as me, & u say 1 ting fa sure dey aint got NOTING like DAT in amerika!!! dat coolie-t’dad-pussy, & soon as we start to jookin down de place like dat u forget every scheme u was schemin to try to get u hands pon dat xerox machine, & all u wants is jook jook jook & nex jook again every night 2 of we screamin down de place like wild tigercats, & nex ting like u forget everyting else, book-writin & TES & ETZLER & all de rest, & only jook is jook u want to be jookin so sweet every night & me 2 mother of jesus!!! but now u say u done had enough, u oversaturate & cant take it no more, & if u cant copy out u copies u give up and goin back home 2 amerika, & i say in trut i dont give a fock mr robot, only ting i would miss de jookin, & i got a good mind 2 tell my brothers lil buddah and raj how u do
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps u say u dont want to see me never again (less u could make u copies), but if u change u mind u could meet me at pelo round 9 same as usual
pss & i would make sure 2 be wearin dem dentalfloss panties u love 2
Sixth Message
dear mr robot:
i so sorry!!! soon as raj and lil buddah tell me what happen i did feelin so bad, i rush fas as i could down to de hospital & still wearin my panties fa u from las night 2, but de nurse say u done get a discharge & leave de mergency room & only a little rattle wid no broken bones but only dem 2 blue-eye and buss-up nose, cause i was sittin dere in pelo waitin fa u so long & den i start to gettin vex 2, vex & sad both, so i call my brothers pon de cell & tell dem come carry me home, & nex ting my brothers lil buddah and raj come in pelo & dey see me sittin pon de bar & lookin so forlorn mos in tears, & dey asks me straightway what happen wid u lil sis? & nex ting u know i tell dem everyting, de whole long story come spillin out, bout how u did subjuice me jus to try & copy out u copies but still i stick by de rules no matter what, cause laws is laws & still i wouldnt give u de copies but take proper advantage of all dat sweet jookin sure enough, cause i aint no fool mr robot, but now u say u vex & cant take it no more & want to go back home in amerika, fock-&-run
raj say OH-HO!!! he say FOCK-&-RUN?! fockin yankeeass-whiteman want to FOCK-MY-LIL-SIS-&-RUN?! & right den lil buddah chime in behind he sayin sis, i didnt jus hear you say FOCK-&-RUN?! please dont tell me my ears didnt jus perceive u sayin FOCK-&-RUN?! not FOCK-&-RUN?! & nex ting u know lil buddah & raj bolt from inside pelo out de door & no way i could hol dem back neither, cause dey was in a rampage on de search fa u now in de hilton or wherever dey could find u mr robot, & i did know dat would only mean plenty plenty trouble 2, so onliest ting i could do is knockback de rest of my rumcocktail & hurry hail a maxitaxi & go home fas as i could to wait fa dem, & soon as my brothers reach home i ask dem U FIND MR ROBOT?! & raj say give he 2 blue-eye, & lil buddah say buss mr robot nose, & i say what u do dat fa? how u could buss poor mr robot nose and give he 2 blue-eye? & lil buddah say sis, u dont say FOCK-&-RUN & ask WHAT FA? not FOCK-&-RUN, so i ask well where mr robot is now? & raj say mus be de hospital
so mr robot i was feelin so bad when i hear bout this beatin raj and lil buddah give u, i rush furs ting down to dat mergency room & dont even tink to change from out my panties i was wearin special fa u, dem dentalfloss ones u love so much & say dey aint got noting like dat in amerika neither, dats how bad i was feelin mr robot, & den de nurse tell me u was only a little rattle & she give u de discharge & now in trut i was more distress den ever mr robot, cause u wasnt dere dat i could explain everyting, & say how sorry i feel, & i go back to pelo & u wasnt dere neither, & i check de hilton & u wasnt dere neither, & now i was goin mad, i jus dont know what i could do i did feel so terrible, & onliest ting i could promise u mr robot, if u come in de archives dis morning u could make a few, only a FEW photocopies mr robot, but i know dat few would be enough to make u heart feel glad
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps plus mr robot we would be private back in my office where de machine keep
pss & i would still be wearing dem fa u 2
Seventh Message
dear mr robot:
I say YES mr robot, YES YES YES cause i was so happy when lil buddah & raj reach home las night & tell me how dey find u in de hilton, where i say u was stayin & we did have so much of sweet sweet jookin in dat hotel 2 mother of jesus, & raj and lil buddah say u had all u bags pack & ready to go back home in amerika, & so sad & forlorn dat all dis time u have dedicate 2 research u book & now u have 2 go home empty-handed, except fa dem 5-6 photocopies u manage to copy out yesterday pon dat machine dat i give u permission, but u say dat aint enough, u say dat aint noting a-tall, u need to make PLENTY PLENTY more copies fa u research before u could write dis book, but now u give up cause u cant fight it no more, & u bags pack ready to go home empty-handed
so lil buddah & raj invite u fa drink downstairs in de hotel bar, dat dey could discuss dis matter wid u men-to-man, & u say ok, u would take a drink wid dem, & lil buddah say well u know mr robot, de people got dey rules, & if de law say no photocopies pon dat machine in de archives except what miss ramsol make, cause she in charge, den u gots 2 abide by de rules, & raj chime in 2 & he say yes, rules is rules & laws is laws, but is not only de ARCHIVES got dey rules, & here in t’dad WE got a NEX law dat say u dont FOCK-DEY-LIL-SIS-&-RUN BACK HOME IN AMERIKA, not so easy as dat mr robot, not dey lil sis, so raj say mr robot u got to do what is right & proper according to de rules, & lil buddah say yes it is mr robot, so let we cease from beatin round de bush & come direc to de point here: lil buddah say he KNOW u would want to follow de rules mr robot & do what is right & proper, cause dat mash-up face & bust-nose & dem blue-eyes is only a lil TASTE of what u would be tastin if u dont, & lil buddah say look here mr robot, u want to copy out u photocopies in de archives? u say is plenty plenty more photocopies u needs to copy out in de archives? well we only offerin u a lil suggestion of how u could do it, as much of photocopies as u want to copy, as much of copies as u could ever WISH TO COPY, & lil buddah say, & let me tell u someting else mr robot: u tink u could find anyting so sweet as lil sis in amerika? all dem hard-back womens dey got in amerika & so stingy 2? what u goin back dere fa? lil buddah say mr robot, u could have dem BOTH, pussy & photocopies, as much as u could want, only ting is u got to do what is right & proper by de rules, u got to follow de rules
well raj & lil buddah say u did start to SMILE lil bit now, u was still sad & folorn but now u was smilin lil bit 2, now dat dey plant dis idea in u head, & mr robot u say ok, u not going back home in amerika, flight cancel, u stayin here in t’dad & u doin what is right according to de rules, & u tell raj & lil buddah please to tell miss ramsol u would be in de archives bright & early tomorrow mornin to settle everyting good and proper, & anyway u did always dream to settle down in t’dad, & despite dat a trini wife & trini children was never part of dat dream before, it is now, cause you doin what is right and proper according to de rules, and raj and lil buddah say dey was smilin now 2, & all 3 of u was smilin happy huggin up 2gether, 2 coolies & 1 yankee-whiteman, & raj stand up to he feet & raise-up he glass & say, let we drink a toast to mr robot, we new yankee brother-in-law!!!
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps mr robot i would be waitin in de back room wearin my dentalfloss panties, & dat machine runnin waitin fa u 2
pss MONSOON WEDDING IN U TAIL!!!
THE BEST LAID PLANS
BY DARBY MALONEY
&n
bsp; San Juan
The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft a-gley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief and pain,
For promis’d joy.
—Robert Burns, “To a Mouse, on Turning Her
Up in Her Nest with the Plough”
Ka Pau was humming with gamblers. Coins clinking into machines echoed throughout the casino punctuated by winnings jangling in metal trays.
“Hey, Andre!” Honesto bounced his friend on the arm and leaned over his shoulder to peer at the images crossing the screen. “How yuh goin’?”
Andre looked up from his twenty-five-cent game and grinned. “Not bad. What’s happenin’?”
“Nothing much,” Honesto yawned. “Yuh winning?”
Like clockwork, Honesto showed up at the casino each Friday night looking for his friend. He and Andre had met a few months earlier when he had arrived in Trinidad from the Philippines. Twenty-nine-year-old Honesto been recruited to work in Trinidad as a pharmacist. Andre drove a taxi and was looking for a return fare from Piarco Airport when Honesto had emerged from Customs. Since then, they had become friends, with Andre providing taxi service for Honesto and his Filipino buddies.
“Win some, lose some,” Andre shrugged. “But,” he winked, reaching into the white plastic container for more coins, “mostly winning.” They laughed as Andre pulled the lever, the screen blurring and whirring before abruptly stopping. Immediately coins rattled into the tray.
“Way to go!” Honesto slapped Andre on the back.
“If this keep up,” Andre declared, “I go make my car payment this month. This machine hot. Before you came, I hit three lemons and made an easy hundred. This better than driving taxi.”
“I hear yuh, man. Sometimes it’s like that. Yuh get lucky and hit a good machine.”
The cocktail waitress appeared with Andre’s Carib. He reached into his pot and dropped some coins onto her tray. She turned to Honesto. “Yuh having the same as your brother?”
“Yeah, but he’s not my brother,” Honesto grinned. “He’s not good-looking enough.”
“You lucky to look even a little like me, boy.” Andre scooped more coins, inserted them into the machine, and pulled the lever. Two cherries appeared as coins clanked below. Again Andre fed the machine. When the spinning stopped, there was silence. He deposited more coins. The reels whirled and twirled then stopped. Nothing.
“Hey, you’re losing your touch.” Honesto edged closer. “Let me try.”
“Find your own machine,” Andre replied. “Yuh may be my friend, but there’s no way I’m sharing this cash cow with yuh!” He fed the machine again. The machine hummed like a blender, followed by clattering coins just as the waitress returned with Honesto’s beer.
Honesto reached into the winnings for her tip. “Timing is everything!”
“I need another pot,” Andre bragged. “Go get me another pot. This baby is set to pay.” While Honesto went to the cashier’s cage for the container, Andre dropped more coins into the slot. The reels raced, then stopped abruptly—three cherries on the pay line, more jangling in the tray.
“Thanks,” Andre said, taking the plastic container from Honesto and scooping up the coins. “Stay here and keep my place. Whatever you do, don’t give up my machine. I’ll be right back.” He drained his Carib.
“Hey, man, can I play with your money while you’re gone?”
“Use yuh own money,” Andre retorted, standing the empty bottle sentry-like behind the plastic pots.
“I’m broke.”
“What the hell yuh mean yuh broke? Is payday!”
“You know I send my money home to the Philippines on Friday. Hey, you don’t want to chance letting her get cold while you’re gone, do you?”
“Okay,” Andre laughed. “Just don’t get too attached.” He turned to leave and then stopped. “But what if yuh win with my money?”
“It’s yours,” Honesto said.
“No, no, that’s not fair,” Andre protested. “If yuh pull the arm and win, the money’s part yours.”
“But it’s your money and your machine.”
“Hear what. If yuh win, we go split it, 50-50. How that sounding?”
“You sure?” Honesto asked.
“Yeah. Keep she warm!” Andre grinned. He turned and headed for the washroom, maneuvering among throngs clustered around the slots and tables, drinking beers while waiting for a machine.
“Good evening, good evening, Mr. Persad,” beamed the manager. “How is everything tonight?”
“Real good,” Andre grinned. “Just don’t go resetting my machine before I come back!” They both laughed.
When Andre returned from the washroom, an annoying bell was clamoring like a car alarm. Then he realized that the flashing amber light was above his machine.
“Yes, yes! Honesto! We win!” he shouted, craning to see the face of the machine through the crowd that surrounded Honesto. He caught a glimpse of the manager conferring with Honesto. The manager straightened and worked his way through the crowd past Andre. “How much is the jackpot?” Andre asked.
“Twelve thousand dollars.”
“All right, man!” Andre yelled. He shouldered his way to the machine. Three magenta sevens crossed the pay line. “Hey, Honesto!”
Honesto stopped scooping coins into the plastic container. He jumped up and hugged Andre. “Jackpot!” he beamed, pointing to the screen.
“I knew this machine was going to pay big!” Andre crowed.
“Twelve thousand dollars! I calling Mary.”
While Andre was on his mobile with his wife, the manager returned and handed Honesto a check. He shook Honesto’s hand then left. Andre pressed off and shoved his cell in his pocket. He rubbed his hands in anticipation.
“Lemme see that beautiful piece of paper.” Honesto handed him the check. “Hey,” Andre stared. “This check is only in your name.”
Honesto shrugged. “The manager said they only put one name on it.”
“So let we change it now and split it,” Andre said.
“They don’t pay out that kind of cash,” Honesto explained. “That’s why he gave me the check. Monday on my lunch hour I’ll go to my bank and cash it. I’ll give you your half when you pick me up after work.”
“Okay,” Andre answered. “But I really wanted to go home and throw money all over Mary.” They laughed and finished gathering up the coins. On their way to the cashier’s cage, they passed their cocktail waitress. Andre tilted one of the brimming containers above her tray. “Is good luck to share the wealth,” he grinned.
The cashier handed Andre over three hundred dollars for the coins. “We hafta celebrate, Honesto. Where yuh want to go?”
Honesto paused. “Now that’s a tough one—seeing as we can go anywhere we want!”
On Monday, after collecting his boys from school, Andre headed for the San Juan SuperPharm to pick up Honesto. He hated traveling in Port-of-Spain at eight in the morning and three in the afternoon because that was when parents were delivering or retrieving their school-age children. Parents refused to risk possible kidnapping by letting their children travel. Soon the rainy season, with its intermittent downpours, would increase the congestion.
When he finally reached the pharmacy, it was after four. Honesto was not outside. He never waited in the tropical sun if Andre was late.
Andre turned to Brandon and Adam. “Allyuh wait here. Don’t touch nothing. I’m coming back just now. After I drop off Honesto,” he added, “I go carry allyuh to MovieTowne in the arcade and we go celebrate.” He disappeared inside the pharmacy. Soon he and Honesto emerged.
“Hi, guys.” Honesto nodded to the boys as he got into the front seat. They smiled back.
Andre slid behind the wheel and turned expectantly to Honesto. “So where my money, boy?” he asked with a smile.
Honesto looked down. “Sorry, Andre.”
Andre stared. “What yuh mean, ‘Sorry’?”
“We were reall
y busy today, Monday and all. I didn’t have time to go to the bank.” Honesto looked up. “But I will tomorrow. I promise.”
Andre was silent. He felt a sick churning in his stomach. “I hope yuh not lying to me.”
“Of course not,” Honesto said quickly.
Maybe too quickly, Andre thought. “Because I really counting on that money,” he continued slowly. “Where Mary working, they closing down by the end of the month, and I have to keep up the installment on this car.” He paused. “And yuh know long time we putting off Brandon operation.”
“Don’t worry. I was just busy,” Honesto assured him. “I’ll cash it tomorrow.” They rode in silence for a while, and then exchanged small talk until they reached Honesto’s apartment.
“So I go pick yuh up after work again tomorrow?” Andre asked.
Honesto handed him the fare. “Yeah. Four o’clock at the pharmacy.”
But the next day Honesto was not there. The clerk told Andre it was Honesto’s day off.
“He tell me to pick him up here this afternoon,” Andre insisted.
“One of you must have made a mistake,” the clerk shrugged.
Andre left. He sat in his car dumbfounded. Then he pulled out his cell and dialed Honesto’s number. The phone rang and rang. No one answered, not even voice mail.
“Yuh sonofabitch,” Andre said softly. His jaw set as he started up the car and headed for Honesto’s. How he could stiff me like that? For months I chauffeur him and his friends wherever they want to go, give him priority over my other customers. I invite him to my house for Christmas, not just because he was alone and far from his own family, but because I like him. Mary and the boys and me, we even organize that birthday party for him and invite all the Filipinos. “That sonofabitch,” Andre repeated as he swung onto Jerningham Avenue.