Fated to be Mine

by Larson, Jodie

  “You have no idea how much I have missed your touch. I’ve craved it daily, longed for it nightly, begged for it every conscious moment. After what happened last week … the way we parted from each other … I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to feel it again.”

  My hand falls from his face like a lead weight. Feelings of confusion, betrayal, love, and hurt swirl before my eyes. He winces slightly as if I have struck him. My head fills with the questions I long to have the answers for, wondering what it is about me that makes him not want to return my sentiment.

  “If I said I didn’t feel the same way I would be lying.” My voice is scratchy and raw, trying to fight back the emotions I don’t want to show. At least not yet.

  “Then please, talk to me, Tessa. What did I do that was so wrong last Friday? Why did you run off and leave me behind without a second glance?”

  I look into his tormented eyes, eyes which frequently bring me solace. I lean back and take several deep breaths, thankful that the noises around us are still drowned out by the closeness of Andrew.

  “I just felt inadequate. You were preoccupied all morning with several messages and phone calls. I wasn’t sure if you were trying to get rid of me quickly so you could go back to whatever or whoever it was that needed you.”

  “Inadequate? Did I make you feel that way? If I did I greatly apologize. There is nothing inadequate about you. You are everything to me, everything that I need and could ever hope to have. I’ve been going over this in my head, taking it apart and piecing it back together. The only thing I can determine is you saw the message from Evie.”

  Just the mention of her name causes a chill to run down my spine. “Yes, I saw it,” I say. “I saw that she desperately needed you and that she was coming over within the hour. So I thought it would be easier if I left before you had the awkward meeting between your fling and your girlfriend. I was saving us both the heartache that scene would most definitely cause.”

  “That’s what I thought you’d say,” he sighs. Andrew leans back in his chair, putting more distance between us. I mimic his pose, wrapping my arms protectively around my body. He closes his eyes for a moment, exhaling a large breath and then slowly begins his story.

  “Do you remember me taking a phone call the morning before while we were still in your hotel room?” I nod. “That phone call was from my mate, John. There was an incident with his younger sister, Sarah, and he wanted some advice on the situation. Sarah is sixteen and like any other sixteen-year-old, she thinks she knows what’s best for her. She’s been seeing this boy recently and had been coming home later and later after curfew. I gave him some advice based on my dealings with some of the teenagers at the center. John said that he’d try it out, see what happens and maybe she’ll come around.

  “Sometime during the night, Sarah had snuck out with the boyfriend. She had mentioned going to a concert with him that next evening, but it was out of town and her parents forbade it. Evie and Clive are very strict with her because she’s their only daughter and the baby to boot.”

  That name echoes loudly through my head. “Evie?”

  Andrew nods his head. “Yes, Sarah’s mother. The same Evie you saw in that text message the next morning. She went to Sarah’s room to check on her, make sure everything was okay after an argument the night before. When she opened the door, Sarah was gone. Evie messaged me initially asking if I would check the centers to see if Sarah had shown up there. I told her that I wasn’t going in until noon so I’d make some calls to put the word out in case she showed up before I got out there.

  “At some point John must have called the MPS, wanting to know if there had been any calls overnight regarding two teenagers. Apparently, there was a stolen vehicle call about a kilometer from their house, the description of the suspects matching Sarah and her boyfriend. John told Evie, who then messaged me right away, saying she needed to speak to me urgently.”

  “The message I saw,” I gasp.

  “Yes, love, that message. She needed to let me know about the new development regarding Sarah and her urgency to figure out what happened. So when I came out of the bathroom to discover that you weren’t there, I saw the message. I wasn’t sure what had happened to you, if you were all right or why you had taken off without me. Evie was the furthest thing from my mind, even though she’s like a mother to me.”

  “So you chased after me instead of going to look for your best friend’s sixteen-year-old sister?” My face heats up, realizing how stupid I was, misconstruing that message into my own twisted insecurities. Evie wasn’t a girlfriend or sometimes lover. Evie was his best friend’s mom, who was going through her own personal crisis. And what did I do? Add to the stress of the situation by just walking away without so much as an explanation or reason. I feel so stupid.

  “Yes, I chased after you. John had the MPS looking for Sarah so they were covered that way. But I needed to find you because, at that point, you were missing to me. I had so many plans and ideas I wanted to share with you, things that I needed to say, but you were gone, disappeared like an apparition in the night.”

  I swallow hard, my throat threatening to close up. “Did you find her?”

  Andrew sighs and reaches out for my hand. “On my way home from the hotel, I happened to take the long way, needing to get my thoughts straight after reading your note and finding you had already left. I glanced out my window, barely seeing anything until a shock of red hair grabbed my attention. That’s when I saw Sarah with her sleazy boyfriend, pushing himself on her against the back of the stolen vehicle down a side street not heavily traveled. I quickly turned my car around, dialed John and headed for them. Luckily I got there in time before anything could happen to her. She had some bruising around her eye, several cuts along her arms and face and her shirt was torn off her shoulders. I held the boyfriend down, waiting for John to arrive with the MPS. Sarah was shaking so hard, but I couldn’t do anything to comfort her while I held the sleaze away from her.

  “Finally John arrived, along with the MPS. They cuffed him instantly and sent the medics to check on Sarah, who was shaking violently in John’s arms. Thankfully that was the only thing that happened, but I shudder to think of a different outcome had I not taken that route home.”

  “A route you wouldn’t have taken if I had been there.”

  His lip curls slightly in the corner and nods his head. “That’s true. If you had still been with me, I would not have been driving that way. I would have been preoccupied with you.”

  “Driving me to the airport no doubt,” I say.

  “I was going to ignore your note and drive there anyway, but I had this feeling that I should heed your words and just go home. That’s when I found her.”

  Andrew’s story slowly sinks into my brain. This poor girl, his best friend’s sister, was beaten on a side street. And who knows how far her boyfriend would have gone had Andrew not arrived when he did. The scenarios that flood my mind take me to a dark, familiar place, somewhere I’d rather not go.

  That morning I left accusing him in my mind of cheating on me, convinced we were nothing more than a fling. I feel so stupid right now. This is a misunderstanding to trump them all. But what would have happened if I would have stayed? Would Sarah have been found in time? Would she have made the same choices leading to her being in that car?

  Andrew dips his head, drawing my gaze back up to his. “Tell me what you’re thinking? I know you get locked in your head, creating stories and scenes which aren’t real. I know you feel insecure about us, but I can’t begin fixing this until you talk to me. I need to know what you’re thinking and feeling.”

  I sigh and play with his fingers again. “I’m playing the ‘what if’ game in my head. What if I wasn’t that stupid insecure girl? What would have happened to Sarah if I would have just trusted you to think of me as more than just a fling?”

  Andrew’s hand squeezes tighter around my fingers. “You were never a fling. Why didn’t you believe me when I told you this bef
ore?” His voice gets quiet, apparently displeased I still thought that way after he had reassured me over and over that we weren’t.

  “My insecurities tend to get in the way more often than not, creating roadblocks which aren’t there and making things into more than what they seem. And I’m trying not to be that way with you, but it was so fast, so sudden, so …”

  “Perfect,” he says, completing my sentence for me.

  “Yeah, perfect. There just had to be something wrong with us. Nothing in my life has ever been easy or … perfect. So I got scared and went into flight mode. I couldn’t fight because I knew who I would be picking the war against … me.”

  With a gentle sweep, Andrew’s knuckles graze my cheek, brushing away a tear that somehow had leaked from my eye. His features soften as he continues stroking his hand up and down my face. I feel guilty for my behavior from before, letting my pride and fears rule my heart, knowing deep down there was never any hope of leaving this man. If all of this is true, why didn’t he say something when I blurted out those stupid words?

  “Andrew?” I ask with a trembling voice.

  “You’re thinking again, I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me, Tessa. Ask me anything you want and I will answer it. You must know by now there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

  Maybe he didn’t hear me that night. And if so, would it be worth bringing up now? How can I ask him if he heard my words and not be hurt if he didn’t return the sentiment? And deep down do I honestly believe that he doesn’t? Andrew flew across an ocean for me, a week before he knew he was going to see me. What does that say about him? Is that the action of a man who just likes a girl?

  “It’s just … I don’t know how to …”

  “Do you still love me?” Andrew blurts out.

  I freeze, unsure of what to do. Oh God, he did hear me. My head pulls back, allowing his hand to drop from my cheek. A hurt look crosses his face at my reaction, making my own flinch from causing him more unnecessary pain.

  “Andrew, I …”

  “Please tell me you haven’t stopped. Tell me I’m not too late, that you haven’t already moved on with another man.”

  A million things swirl in my brain, all jumbling together, creating a vortex of emotions and scenarios, none of which can be easily picked out. “Andrew, it’s more complicated than a simple yes or no answer. That night … I didn’t mean to … there were so many emotions in me … I just …”

  I’m stammering like an idiot, unable to form a coherent sentence if my life depended on it. And right now it almost seems like it does.

  “Tell me you love me. Tell me there’s still a chance of that love between us. We can find our way back to each other and heal the pain we’ve both caused by our lack of communication and misunderstandings. That night, that glorious, magical night, was the best night of my life. I couldn’t forget it if I tried and won’t forget it for as long as I live. I want to create many more nights exactly like it. I want your mornings, your afternoons, and your nights. I want them all. So I need to know that the woman who is the center of my whole world and is sitting right here beside me after I never thought she would, still loves me.”

  The weight of his words hangs heavy in my head and chest, pulling my heart down yet lifting it up at the same time. Was that a declaration of love? Because it sure felt like it was. Words become lost within the still swirling vortex as a fresh tear escapes from my closed lids, still trying to process what Andrew is telling me.

  “I know this, Andrew. I know that I have incredibly strong feelings for you; ones I’m not used to or fully understand what they are. It could be love, but we spent less than a week together. It’s impossible to love someone after that short amount of time, right? It could have just been the heat of the moment when I said those words. I’m not saying this to hurt you. I just think we were moving too fast before and I don’t want to get thrown off the merry-go-round at full speed only to hit a brick wall in the end. We still don’t know each other very well and I realize it’s partly my fault.

  “But our situation hasn’t really changed either. There’s still the problem of you living in London and me living here. The odds are stacked against us and I can’t just throw caution to the wind like my heart is begging me to. My brain keeps focusing on the obstacles we need to overcome first, one of them being an ocean.”

  Andrew’s warm hand runs down my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake before lacing his fingers with my own. “The odds are whatever we make them out to be, love. You may not believe me right now, but you will. Somehow I’ll just have to prove to you that we are worth the fight so you can stop flying away from me.”

  I lean forward, curious to see what he has planned. “What do you suggest then, to keep me from flying?”

  The smile on his face rips a new tear in my heart. “You say we don’t know each other well. Or at least you don’t seem to think so. I, however, beg to differ. I know you. I know your heart. And I will show you we are meant to be. As I’ve said before, fate has brought us together.”

  Oh yes, fate. You have no idea how much I dislike that meddling little witch right now. If I weren't so insecure, this would be easier.

  “But I must know, are you seeing the other gent, the one you attended the party with last night?”

  I clear my scratchy throat before speaking. “No, Michael is just a friend, nothing more. He offered to take me to the party last night so I wouldn’t have to go with Kara and torture myself. Besides, he’s a lawyer and was doing a little networking to better his career, so I was happy to help him do that.”

  Andrew leans forward again. “Just to be clear, you are not seeing him then?”

  I shake my head. “No, I am not seeing him. We’re friends. Nothing more.”

  He blows out a shaky breath before relaxing back into the chair again. “Good. I was nervous last night when I saw the two of you together. The way you were laughing and touching him had me believing I was too late.

  “But I also saw that he doesn’t look at you the same way I do, so part of me knew there was nothing between you.”

  My brows furrow together. “And how does he look at me?”

  Andrew leans forward again, putting us close but not yet touching. “He looks at you with warmth in his eyes but no fire. He would protect you and guard you but that’s it. He wouldn’t push the boundaries any further than that. There’s no heat between you two, no unbridled passion that ignites the air and sends fireworks into the sky to light up the dark.”

  “And what does that look like,” I ask nervously.

  “That’s the look you and I share, one that will never be duplicated or replaced by anyone else. What you and I have is priceless, unique, and solely ours.”

  “You saw all that about Michael and I from a distance? How could you be so sure?”

  Andrew presses his forehead against mine; his soft whisper touches my lips. “Because when you looked at me for the first time that night, I knew there was no one else for you but me. Your eyes gave you away.”

  My eyes search his in our intimate pose. “They did?”

  He nods. “They called to me, begged me to kiss you again, even though you tried your best to fight it. Your eyes are the portal to your soul, something I’m well acquainted with. I want to ask you something without you overthinking it.”

  I swallow hard. “I can’t promise you that I won’t, but okay.”

  He pulls back and blinks several times while staring into my eyes. “I want to date you, formally, this time around. I want to get to know your life here, see how you live and prove to you how easy our relationship would fit into your life.”

  My brows draw together slightly. “But you’re only here for a short amount of time. How is this going to work exactly?”

  Andrew smiles that delicious smile of his and I can’t help but smile back. “It appears my time here is open-ended until I am satisfied with all plans being made. So it seems we have nothing but time. I have faith in us
that everything will go according to the fate’s plans.”

  “So confident,” I say, looking down briefly. “We need to take it slow this time. I don’t want to rush into anything too soon. We need to find our way, make time for each other and learn to trust again after the damage we’ve caused.”

  I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince him or me of this more. But this is something we need to do. He needs to trust that I won’t fly away and I need to believe that he’ll stay.

  “There’s no damage to repair, but I will do anything for you, love. We’ll start over and just take our time if that’s what you need.”

  We reach up simultaneously and press our lips together to seal our agreement. The warm familiarity of his lips moving seductively across mine bring back happy memories and I allow them to flow, thankful that I’m in a better place with Andrew now. Those memories don’t hurt like they did before. Instead, they bring on joyful emotions, along with the feeling of invincibility and forever. But that last one I shake off because if there’s to be a chance for us, forever cannot be uttered yet.

  We disengage our lips with both of us sporting equally stupid grins. And just for nostalgic reasons, my stomach decides to enter the conversation, growling so loudly that several patrons next to us turn to stare. My cheeks enflame and I cover my face while suppressing a laugh. Andrew, however, is not as nice and loudly laughs at my stomach’s outburst.

  “Apparently I need to feed you.”

  The suppressed laugh breaks free and my hands drop to the table. “I swear it only does this when you’re around.”

  “I could say something right now, but I’m going to withhold the comment. Instead, I’ll just kindly ask you to pick out your cheeseburger before your stomach starts eating the table.”