Hard To Love

by Tina Rose

  Discreetly, she made her way into her little house, praying Liv was still out living the night life. Explaining her early return, was not something Ella was ready to do, especially with her little sister. Just as she kicked off her shoes and plopped in the bed, her phone began ringing. Relief flooded her nervous system as she picked it up to see Becky’s name on the screen instead of Carter’s. With a sigh of relief, she answered her friend’s call.

  “Hey Becky, what’s up?”

  “Girl, where in the hell have you been? You haven’t answered my text or calls.” Becky screeched through the phone. “I was fixin’ to send out a search party for your ass.”

  “Sorry, I’ve been having trouble with my phone.” The lie was easier than the truth, especially talking to Becky Harris about her little cousin, Carter.

  “Sure,” Becky answered in disbelief. “Hey, Dusty is in this weekend. Why don’t you come out with us tomorrow night? Mike and Troy are coming in too. Troy said he’d like to see you again.”

  “He did, did he?” Ella said, rolling her eyes. She met Troy the night Becky met Dusty. They had had some fun until he passed out, and she hadn’t seen or heard from him since.

  “Yeah, so we’ll meet you at Silver Spurs tomorrow night. Bring Liv too, maybe she and Mike will have a thing or two in common.” Becky snorted, knowing Ella’s baby sister all too well.

  Reluctantly, Ella agreed to meet them. Carter wasn’t scheduled to be back until Sunday, so there shouldn’t be a chance of her running into him. Not that it would matter anyway. She hadn’t even received a text from him since she left. Maybe he had hooked up with the very blonde, Ms. Harmon. The thought disgusted her and she cringed at the picture running through her mind. Whatever his reason, he hadn’t contacted her, and now she was even more certain she had made the right decision to leave. Apparently, trusting him only applied to the bedroom, and not with her heart. At least she found out now, before anther heartache. The problem was, her heart was already aching.

  ********

  As promised, Ella met Becky, Dusty, Mike and Troy at Silver Spurs the next night. Troy looked the exact same as he had the night they met, except his skin was a few shades darker from the sun, and his strawberry blonde hair was a little longer.

  “Hey beautiful,” he said, pulling her in for a hug. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.” Troy’s eyes roamed over her body, noticing the ivory openwork flounce lace blouse and tight denim jeans she was wearing.

  “Hey Troy, long time no see. I see you still haven’t seen the barber, huh?” she teased, flipping the curled hair at his collar up.

  “Baby, haven’t you ever heard of Samson?” Troy teased back, tugging her closer to his side. “If I cut my hair, I’ll lose my powers.”

  “Power to what, make women gag?” Dusty snorted, slapping his friend on the shoulder.

  “Hey, dipshit. Don’t be a cock blocker.” Troy smiled at Dusty, shrugging his hand off his shoulder.

  “Cock blocker my ass! You have to have a cock to block, numbnuts.” Dusty laughed again.

  “Don’t hate the player, hate the game, man. Not my fault you’re on lockdown.” Troy goaded.

  “Lockdown? I can get it whenever I want, jackass.” Dusty defended.

  “Hey, watch it cowpoke,” Becky snapped with a raised eyebrow.

  Squeezing Becky tightly against his chest, Dusty whispered, “Well, I can get it whenever I want when I come to see you, right?”

  “You’re just trying to save your ass now.” Becky scolded.

  “Good thing you like my ass, baby,” Dusty joked, kissing Becky hard on the lips.

  “You two need to get a room,” Ella laughed.

  “Oh, we got one, don’t you worry about that. I even reinforced the bed frame.” Dusty boasted, slapping Becky on the bottom. “Ain’t that right baby?”

  “Shut up!” Becky squealed. “Everybody doesn’t need to know our bedroom business.”

  “Oh my God,” Ella giggled. “Let’s grab a table.”

  “How about a friendly wager over a game of pool?” Troy asked, waggling his eyebrows.

  “Oh no,” the girls said in unison. “Y’all cheat!” Ella pestered.

  “We cheat?” Troy huffed. “Like y’all wearing those tight fitting jeans, and wiggling your asses in front of us isn’t cheating?”

  “Hey Ella where’s that fine little sister of yours I keep hearing so much about?” Mike asked, chalking his cue stick.

  “Sorry Mike, she said she had to wash her hair.” Ella smiled, enjoying ragging the guys any chance she got.

  “Funny.” Mike answered stoically. “You women love to bring a man down, don’t you?”

  “Awww, Mike, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend your manhood, darlin’.” Ella apologized. “Liv had a date tonight.”

  “Who’s her flavor of the week this time?” Becky snickered.

  “Gabe Thomas.” Ella replied nonchalantly. She knew mentioning Gabe’s name would lead to a discussion about Carter. A subject she didn’t want to think about, let alone talk about.

  “Holy hell! Gabe Thomas? Seriously?” Becky all but spit her drink of beer out, sputtering curse words as she wiped her mouth. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. He’s a man whore. Just make sure she don’t want anything serious. And tell her not to fall for any of his ménage talk either. He and Carter have been sharing women for years.” And there it was. Topic of discussion, Carter Dawson. Ella sure as hell did not want to stand here listening to talk of Carter’s past conquests, or thinking about him and Gabe sharing her baby sister. Ugh! Her stomach began to churn.

  “I’ll be sure to tell her. Hey, I’m gonna go grab a beer, be right back.” Ella made a mad dash to the bar to escape that conversation. Dropping herself down on a barstool, she waited for the bartender to make his way to her end.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Is this seat taken?” A chill ran down her spine at the familiar voice behind her.

  “It’s a free country, Derek. Put your ass wherever you’d like, just like you did that tiny little twig you call a pecker,” she spit.

  “Ouch!” Derek said with a hurt expression. “I totally deserved that, and more.”

  Shocked, Ella’s jaw dropped as she just sat there staring in disbelief at the man who had broken her six years ago.

  “What did you just say?” She asked, knowing she was going to have to have her hearing checked.

  “I said I deserved that, and much more. I was a horrible husband Ella, and I’m sorry.”

  “Are you dying or something?” she asked sarcastically.

  Derek chuckled, “No, I’m not dying. Although, I’m sure you’d dance at my funeral.”

  Ella shook her head as the bartender finally approached to take her order.

  “What’ll it be?” he asked in a hurry.

  “She’ll take a whiskey sour,” Derek answered for her. “Make that two.”

  Still arrogant. “Thanks,” she smirked. “So, to what do I owe the honor of your presence?”

  “Just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know you’ll never forgive me, Ella, but I am sorry for hurting you.”

  “Thanks for the apology,” she said without conviction.

  “I heard Liv finally opened her horse rescue?” he inquired.

  “Yep, her dream came true.”

  “And you’re having a benefit to raise money?”

  How the hell did he know so much?

  “It’s a small town, Ella. Word gets around. Anyway, I’d like to donate to her cause.”

  Wow, now she was really floored. He must be trying to pay his way out of purgatory. That could be the only explanation for his kindness.

  “I’m sure she’d appreciate that, Derek. But, only if it’s something you really want to do. Don’t do it on my behalf.” />
  “I’m doing it on Liv’s behalf. She was like my kid sister too, you know. Tell her I’m sorry for hurting you. I just want us all to be able to be in the same building without wanting to kill one another. I was a young, stupid jerk, Ella. I didn’t deserve you. But, I’m trying to learn from it, and be a better person.”

  With a deep sigh, Ella turned to look him in the eyes. “I forgive you, Derek. And thanks for helping Liv.”

  “I guess I’ll go catch up with my buddies. I just saw the opportunity to talk to you. Thought my chances were better for keeping my balls if I talked to you in a public place.” Derek grinned, rising from his chair. Leaning in, he pulled her in for a hug.

  “I suggest you remove your arms from around her if you’d like to keep them,” a deep voice boomed from behind them. Ella’s eyes flew to meet the bloodshot, angry blue irises of Carter.

  “Carter?” she gasped. Seeing him standing there, looking smugly confident, his presence demanded her attention. A five o’clock shadow colored his strong jaw, and he never looked sexier than he did in his black ball cap, tight faded denim jeans and snug baby blue t-shirt stretched across his broad chest.

  “Who the hell are you?” Derek asked arrogantly.

  “I’m about to be your worst nightmare, douchebag,” Carter barked at Derek, taking a threatening step closer. Carter seethed inside, clenching his hands into fists by his sides, his nails biting into the skin of his palms. His brain was ready to explode. Knowing he had no right to her, but not able to stop the pictures running through his head of her, lying in her bed with this dickhead fucking that hot, dirty mouth of hers. A possessive streak straight from the devil himself shot through his body. He needed to figure out why he kept coming back to her, because eventually this thing between them, whatever it was, was either going to destroy him, or crush her.

  “Hey, someone call an exterminator, I see a cockroach! What the hell are you doing here, Derek?” Becky snarled, as she approached Derek and Ella.

  “Becky, I didn’t expect to see you here,” Derek stated.

  “Well, of course not, you dickless stack of shit. That would require balls, right?” Becky snapped.

  Troy approached the scene shortly behind Becky, and pushed Derek’s chest. This was going from bad to worse quickly. All Ella could do was watch the expression on Carter’s face shift from angry to confused, and back to angrier.

  “The lady’s with me, asswipe,” Troy threatened.

  “Great group of friends you’ve picked, Ella. Good seeing you.” As usual, Derek belittled her, then tucked his tail between his legs and ran.

  “I swear to god, if I had a dick, I’d tell him to suck it,” Becky said, consolingly to Ella, wrapping her arm around Ella’s shoulder.

  “Well, you sure as hell didn’t waste time, did you sweetness?” Carter ground out between gritted teeth.

  “What are you talking about Carter?” Becky asked confused, looking back and forth between Ella and her younger cousin.

  “Ask your friend here,” he nodded toward Ella.

  “Carter, what are you doing here?” Ella asked.

  “I’m starting to ask myself that question.” Shaking his head, Carter stalked away.

  “Am I missing something here?” Becky questioned.

  “Not really. Carter and I…” she didn’t even know how to finish the sentence.

  “Ella, I know what you and Carter did. Hell, that was six years ago, girl. Let it go.” Becky laughed. “Let’s go outside for some fresh air, okay?”

  The girls walked through the crowd, as they headed outside to the cool night air. The noise from the music and the laughter faded as they walked toward Becky’s car in the parking lot.

  “No, Becky. Carter and I ran into one another at Alana and Logan’s engagement party. Then, he asked me to go with him to Nashville, that’s where I’ve been, and that’s the real reason I didn’t answer your calls.” Ella shamefully admitted.

  “Girl, please,” Becky hooted. “You are both consenting adults. Why would I care if you go out with him?”

  “For one, I’m older than him. And, the other is he’s your little cousin. I know how protective you are of him. I didn’t want you to be upset when things didn’t work out between us.”

  “Oh my god, you goof. I’d be more protective of you than him.” Becky rolled her eyes and laughed. “That boy was nothing but a man-whore and has been ever since he figured out what his pecker was for. He’s broken more hearts then a frog’s bumped its ass. ”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Ella sadly confessed.

  “Girl, listen to me. If that man invited you anyplace besides his bedroom, you’re one up on every other woman I’ve ever seen him with. Looks like baby boy might be growing up.”

  “Becky, he was just scratching an itch. It’s over now. I’m not sure what he was even doing here.”

  “Looked like to me he came to claim what he thought was his, darlin’. But hey, I could be wrong. I guess you’ll never know until you ask him.” Becky shrugged her shoulders, and walked away, leaving Ella to her own thoughts. Claimed what was his? Pfft. This was all ridiculousness to her, and she was just too damn old for all these stupid immature games. And that was exactly what she was going to tell that childish man.

  As Ella made her way back into the bar, she began combing the room for any sign of Carter. Silver Spurs was a huge bar with several levels of dance floors, mechanical bull riding, and pool tables. He could be anywhere, and the place was packed tonight. Scanning the room, she saw a large group of people shouting, cheering and laughing. A sinking feeling crept up her spine as she made her way to the thunderous group. There, in the midst of the cheering section, was Carter’s fangirl Kandi, wearing a white zip-up sleeveless vest, daisy duke cut off denim shorts and those damn red cowboy boots. The vest was unzipped and cradled between her tits was a shot of tequila. Crooking her finger, she motioned for someone to come to her. Carter appeared, followed by whistles and hoots as he approached the redhead. Ella’s breath caught in her lungs as she watched the scene unfold before her eyes.

  Strutting up to the busty woman, looking anything but happy, Carter grabbed her hips and ground his groin into her abdomen. More hoots and hollers came from the crowd, while one man screamed “Get that ass Carter!” A sick feeling churned in Ella’s stomach as she watched Carter lick Kandi’s neck, followed by her shaking a salt shaker on the wet area. Ducking his head again, Carter licked the salt, dipped his head between her size Double D silicone tits and pulled the shot glass out by his teeth. He tilted his head back, swallowing the amber drink, dropped the glass to the side, and attacked the lemon wedge she was holding between her lips.

  Ella’s eyes burned, and she wasn’t sure if they were burning from anger or the tears threatening her ducts. Whichever was the case, she wasn’t gonna let him see that this was getting to her.

  Turning his head to spit the lemon wedge out, Carter finally caught sight of Ella watching, anger and hurt written in her eyes. Well what the hell did he care anyway? Right?An angry smirk spread over Carter’s face, his nostrils flared and his back stiffened as Kandi stepped up to him, running her fingers over the scruff on his jaw. Guilt raged through his body, but he never broke his eye contact with Ella. What the hell had he just done? He wasn’t sure he’d ever forget the hurt he saw in her eyes at that very moment. Grabbing Kandi’s wrist, he pushed her away. “Carter,” she pouted, reaching out to him again.

  “Not now, Kandi,” he bit out, stalking toward Ella.

  She wanted to turn around and run, but he had this commanding look in his eyes, that single look that said, “don’t move”. That look he used to lead her, control her, dominate her. A shiver ran down her spine as he approached. As Carter reached out to touch her, she jumped like a snake had just bitten her.

  “Do. Not. Touch. Me.” She ground out betwee
n gritted teeth. Turning, she stormed off toward the exit. She knew he was following her. She didn’t need to turn around to see, she felt him.

  As she walked out the door, and the cool air hit her face, the nausea finally struck and the dam nearly broke. She bent over, trying to catch her breath. She was not going to cry over this man, and would not allow him to see he got the best of her.

  The deep timbre of his voice carried through the night air. “Ella.”

  Deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth, Ella. Just breathe.

  “You left,” he whisper-growled. His chest rose and fell with each angry breath he took.

  Slowly, Ella turned to see his face, not able to determine whether it’s anger or pain she saw a glimpse of. Unable to speak, she stood there, staring into those vibrant blue eyes full of questions.

  “Why?” he rasped.

  “I told you before, Carter, I’m too old to play games. We had fun. I enjoyed it, and I left.”

  “You don’t like games, but you sure as hell like toying around with a man, don’t you?”

  “I didn’t toy with anything, Carter. You seem to be the one who likes to play with Barbie dolls,” she said sardonically, jutting her chin toward the bar door. “So why don’t you go back and get blondie to finish what you started.”

  “What did you expect, El? I caught you in the arms of one man, while another claims you’re his.”

  “That was Derek, my ex,” she says flatly. “And the other guy is Dusty’s friend who was simply trying to defend me. I don’t belong to anyone.”

  “Obviously.”

  “Carter,” she sighed loudly. “Why are you here? You weren’t supposed to back until tomorrow.”

  “I keep asking myself that same question.”

  “Have you come up with an answer yet?” she asked.

  Carter dropped his head and takes a deep breath. “Ella, I’ve been a selfish son-of-a-bitch most of my life. My daddy has told me more times than I can count I’m too hard for any woman to love. My momma was the only woman to ever love me. I don’t date woman. I use them, abuse them and move on to the next. And I never care if I ever set eyes on any of them again. They served my purpose,” he shrugged, finally making eye contact again. “Until you. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you. And I’m still not ready to say goodbye.”