The Secret Ingredient

by Dianne Blacklock

  ‘No, I don’t plan to be, I was going to come straight from the hospital.’

  ‘Still you should probably mention it to Cosmo in case.’

  ‘Sure.’

  He glanced down the corridor again. ‘I better get back.’

  And then he was gone. Andie’s heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. One more day, and this would all be over.

  6.30 am

  Ross had been moved to a private room on the same floor as the high-dependency unit, not far from the nurses’ station. Tasha was waiting outside and she actually rolled her eyes and sighed as Andie approached. She felt like she was in one of those teen movies about mean girls at high school. This was going to be excruciating.

  ‘Hello, Tasha.’

  She just nodded in response.

  ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘They asked me to step out for a minute while they get Ross ready for surgery.’

  Andie settled herself against the wall on the other side of the door to Tasha. That way there was distance between them, but they weren’t facing each other. Presently a nurse appeared, holding the door open while an orderly wheeled Ross out on a gurney, and another nurse followed behind.

  ‘Andie?’ Ross lifted one hand as he passed her, but Tasha swooped in and fell in beside him, taking hold of his hand.

  ‘I’m coming, Ross,’ said Andie, walking a few paces behind. She watched, faintly amused, as Tasha tottered along on her towering heels. They all packed into the elevator, Tasha still clutching onto his hand, while Andie tucked herself into a corner.

  Ross raised his head. ‘Hi, Andie, I’m so glad you came.’

  ‘Of course, not a problem,’ she said briskly.

  Andie noticed the two nurses exchange a bemused look. The atmosphere in the elevator was so thick it was a wonder anyone could breathe. When the doors opened again, the orderly pushed the gurney through, and Tasha had to release Ross’s hand momentarily, dashing forward again to plant a possessive hand on his arm. Andie dropped back behind the two nurses, happy to keep her distance. When they arrived outside the theatres, the orderly parked the gurney by the wall, and one of the nurses took his chart over to the desk. Ross lifted his head again, beckoning to Andie. She came closer.

  ‘Give us a sec, will you, Tash?’ he said, patting the hand that was still clamped firmly on his arm.

  Andie didn’t look at her as she stepped back from the bed, she didn’t dare.

  Ross reached for her hand. He was looking a good deal better, there was colour in his face again, and his eyes were not so washed out.

  ‘Thanks for being here, Andie,’ he said. ‘Will I see you after?’

  ‘Depends how long it takes, Ross, I have to go to work.’

  ‘When will I see you then?’

  ‘I’m not sure, it’s the weekend, it’s very busy at the restaurant.’

  He started to tear up. Oh God. ‘I don’t think I can get through this without you, Andie.’

  ‘Ross,’ she chided. She hoped Tasha couldn’t hear any of this. ‘You’re going to be fine, better than fine, in fact, slightly bionic after this. You might end up with superpowers.’

  He managed a smile then. ‘Do I get a kiss for luck?’

  ‘You don’t need luck.’ And he wasn’t going to be left out here to face Tasha. So Andie popped a quick kiss on his forehead, before backing away from the bed. Tasha swooped on him again, leaning right over him. Andie turned away.

  A theatre nurse came through the plastic swing doors. ‘It’s time,’ she said, touching Tasha on the arm. Tasha stepped back and they wheeled the gurney through the swing doors and out of sight.

  Andie looked over at Tasha. This was so awkward. She’d given up pancakes and sex for this.

  ‘I’m going to get coffee, Tasha,’ she announced. She didn’t want to actually invite her to join her, but she wanted to be civil at least. ‘Can I get you something?’

  ‘No, I’m right.’ And she flounced off without so much as a glance in Andie’s direction, or a ‘thanks anyway’.

  Andie decided she could risk staying in the café for at least an hour, she remembered Dr Jorgenson had said the operation was likely to take around two hours. She finally bought a newspaper and wandered back down to the waiting room. She spotted Tasha over the far side, fiddling with her phone. She didn’t look up, but Andie thought it would be rude not to acknowledge her. She walked over and sat down in the adjacent row of seats. ‘Hi.’

  Tasha’s head bobbed up. ‘Oh, hi,’ she murmured, returning her attention to her phone.

  ‘Haven’t heard anything yet, I take it?’ Andie persisted.

  ‘Nuh,’ Tasha said without looking up, her thumbs flying across the buttons.

  She shouldn’t really have her phone on in here, but Andie was not going to be the one to tell her. She sat back and opened up the paper. She heard a snort and looked across at Tasha.

  ‘You still read the newspaper?’ she muttered, not making eye contact. ‘Like, hard copy? That’s so old-school. Ross loves his newspapers . . . so lame,’ she sighed.

  God, Andie hoped Brooke and Matty weren’t far away.

  As it turned out they weren’t, they arrived about twenty minutes later. They came straight over to Andie and both gave her a hug, all but ignoring Tasha.

  ‘Have you heard anything?’ Brooke asked.

  ‘Not yet, but I don’t think it’ll be much longer.’

  It was barely nine o’clock when Dr Jorgenson came out to inform them that the operation had been a success.

  ‘It was all very routine,’ he said. ‘He’s in recovery now, you should be able to see him in about half an hour. So I want to just talk to you about what to expect from here on in.’

  He pulled a chair over, and they formed a loose circle around him. ‘As I explained the other day, the ICD will send a shock to Ross’s heart if he goes into arrhythmia again.’

  ‘Is it painful?’ Andie asked.

  ‘According to people who have an ICD fitted, it feels like a sudden thump in the chest area. So he shouldn’t drive for a couple of weeks at least, and he really has to take it easy for a while.’

  ‘Can you see it in his chest?’ Matty asked, wide-eyed.

  ‘Yes, you can,’ said Dr Jorgenson. ‘There’s a lump about the size of the lid of a bottle of tablets protruding from this area here,’ he said, touching Matty’s chest, ‘just below the collarbone.’

  ‘Cool,’ said Matty. ‘Will it go off when he goes through a security scanner at the airport?’

  The things boys thought to ask.

  ‘It can, so he’ll always have to let them know he has an ICD,’ said Dr Jorgenson. ‘There’s also some concern about mobile phones, so he should always take a call on the opposite side, and obviously he shouldn’t keep his phone in his breast pocket.’

  ‘And he’ll have this . . . device, inside him forever?’ asked Tasha, barely containing a grimace.

  ‘Yes, though it will have to be replaced eventually,’ he said. ‘But for now, there are a few basic guidelines to follow. He must not raise his right arm up over his shoulder or lift anything heavy for six weeks. And obviously he should avoid stress. A physio will see him tomorrow, she’ll be able to explain more, and she’ll give you lots of literature that you can refer to once you take him home,’ he added, looking at Andie.

  Don’t look at me, she felt like saying.

  ‘You all need to be aware that during this adjustment period there is increased incidence of anxiety in the patient, and depression rates are higher as well. He needs plenty of reassurance that his future is bright, that things will be back to normal in time.’

  ‘How much longer will he stay in hospital?’ Tasha asked.

  ‘He should be able to go home in a couple of days, all going well,’ said Dr Jorgenson. ‘We just have to run some checks on the device before we let him leave.’

  Andie glanced across at Tasha. She looked pale, was she going to be up for this? But it was none of Andie’s business. And
yet it was. In sickness and in health, the phrase kept playing on a loop, like a line from a song you can’t get out of your head.

  ‘As I said, you should be able to see him in about half an hour,’ he said finally, getting to his feet.

  They all stood up except for Tasha. She just sat there, still pale, staring ahead of her.

  ‘Thanks so much for everything, Dr Jorgenson,’ said Andie, and Brooke and Matty murmured in agreement. ‘I’ll have to go now too,’ Andie added, after the doctor took his leave. ‘You guys will be right?’

  ‘I start work in about an hour,’ said Matty. ‘Should be just enough time to put shit on Dad for his robot heart.’

  Brooke elbowed him. ‘I’ll be here till one. And Lauren’s going to come in tonight.’

  ‘Okay, well, we’ll keep in touch,’ said Andie. She glanced over at Tasha, still sitting in the same spot. She hadn’t moved or said anything. ‘Bye, Tasha.’ But she didn’t get a response.

  Andie hurried out of the building to the parking station. She turned on her phone to discover there was a run of missed calls from Meredith, of all people. She sighed. She hadn’t spoken to her sister since she’d moved out of the house, and this really wasn’t a good time. But she had developed a pathological fear of ignoring Meredith’s calls, given past experience, so she pressed Call and set a brisk pace back to her car. She was not going to be late for work for anything.

  ‘Andrea, finally,’ Meredith said when she answered. ‘I really don’t understand why someone has a mobile phone that they constantly leave turned off!’

  Andie went to reply but Meredith was not finished.

  ‘I mean, you’re as bad as the children. Their mobile phones are supposed to be for emergencies and yet any time I really have to contact one of them, I can never get through! They always have an excuse – they’re out of credit, or out of charge, or in class . . . it drives me mad. So when you didn’t answer, I looked you up on the White Pages online, but you’re not listed, at least there’s no A. Corcoran in Bondi, that’s all I had to go on because I don’t have your address, which is the whole reason I was calling in the first place. I’m sending out invitations for my fortieth birthday, and I didn’t know where to send yours. Honestly, all the means of communication we have at our disposal and all I have for my own sister is a mobile phone number that you rarely seem to answer.’

  That was a breath, she had finally taken a breath.

  ‘I had to turn it off in the hospital,’ Andie said quickly, grabbing the opportunity.

  ‘Why are you at the hospital? What’s going on? Are you all right?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine. It’s Ross.’

  ‘Is it something serious?’ She actually sounded concerned.

  ‘Yes, he had a heart attack.’

  ‘Oh my goodness,’ said Meredith. ‘Isn’t he a bit young?’

  ‘It wasn’t a coronary, he has arrhythmia, he just came out of surgery —’

  ‘They implanted an ICD, I gather?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘They are very effective, they’ve been shown to decrease mortality rates significantly. You don’t have to worry, Andrea, he’ll still have a long life ahead of him.’

  Andie knew Meredith had a degree in some field of medical research, but did she have to know everything about everything?

  ‘So I gather you two have reconciled then?’ Meredith asked.

  ‘No, at least not in the way you think,’ said Andie. ‘I have been here for him, obviously, it was the right thing to do.’

  ‘Of course it’s the right thing to do, Andrea,’ Meredith declared. ‘For heaven’s sake, he’s your husband. How would you feel if this was reversed, and you were completely on your own, needing medical care, and he didn’t give a damn? This is when duty overrides personal feelings, Andrea. This is why we have the institution of marriage, it protects us. What do you think Mum would have to say about this?’

  Plenty, no doubt.

  ‘Ross is not on his own, Meredith.’ Andie had had to wait until she’d drawn breath again to get a word in. ‘While he was in theatre, I sat in the waiting room with his new, very young girlfriend, so please don’t lecture me about duty, because I think I’ve gone beyond the call.’

  Meredith had nothing to say to that.

  ‘Now I have to go, I’m on my way to work,’ said Andie, as she got to her car. ‘I’ll text you my address.’

  Andie made it to the restaurant comfortably on time, and was determined to put everything behind her and focus on her work. She didn’t even mind that she had been assigned a list of jobs that included some of her least favourite tasks, including clarifying a sizeable quantity of butter this afternoon. It was so tedious and painstaking, but that was okay. Tedious was good – anything apart from being in that hospital, and talking about Ross, and dealing with Tasha, was, in fact, excellent.

  But her mind kept drifting, recalling the stunned-mullet expression on Tasha’s face at the hospital. Andie had to wonder if the girl had even thought through the ramifications. Was she prepared to take time off work to care for Ross? Was she able to? She couldn’t just leave him to fend for himself all day, that was simply not an option, at least not for the first week or two. Andie didn’t want to butt her nose in any further than she already had, and she could hardly tell Tasha what to do. She’d have to discuss it with the kids. True, they couldn’t stand Tasha, especially Brooke, but Ross was their father, and they had the right to insist that he receive proper care, even if they had to provide it themselves. There wasn’t going to be much Andie could do to help, Mondays were her only day off . . .

  ‘Andie?’

  She jumped. Dominic was leaning over the bench to get her attention.

  ‘Sorry, I was . . . concentrating.’ Not so much on her job though. She glanced down at the piece of pork belly she was working on; it was okay, she hadn’t hacked it. She had to keep her wits about her.

  ‘How is everything?’ Dominic asked.

  ‘Everything’s good, really good,’ she said brightly.

  ‘Your ex-husband is out of surgery?’

  She nodded. ‘It all went well, and he should be going home in a couple of days. So now things can get back to normal, thank God.’

  He gave her a curious look.

  Great, that sounded compassionate. ‘I didn’t mean —’

  ‘I know what you meant,’ he said.

  Andie glanced at him, lowering her voice. ‘Maybe I can take you up on that raincheck later?’ she suggested, her heart fluttering inside her chest.

  ‘Maybe . . .’ He gave her a smile, just a small one, but it did go as far as his eyes. ‘Anyway, I’ll leave you to it for now.’

  Andie watched him walk back along the bench towards his office, and breathed a sigh of relief. She returned her attention to the pork belly as her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. Damn. She shouldn’t even have it on her, it was expressly against kitchen policy to take calls on the floor, but Andie couldn’t bring herself to leave it in her locker. Ross was still in recovery when she’d left the hospital, it didn’t feel right to be out of contact.

  She worked quickly but carefully through the pork, cutting it into the perfect cubes required for the dish. She carried the finished tray to the next station and went to wash her hands. She couldn’t see Dominic anywhere, and Cosmo and Tang were occupied gearing up for lunch service, so Andie slipped out to the change room to check her phone. There was a missed call from Brooke. She pressed to call back.

  ‘Hi, it’s me,’ Andie said when she answered. ‘What’s going on, is your father all right?’

  ‘Yeah, he’s still pretty out of it,’ she said.

  ‘I think that’s normal, and it’s good for him to rest.’

  ‘He keeps asking for you.’

  That must be going down well with Tasha. ‘I’m at work, Brooke.’

  ‘I know, that’s what I told him. It’s just . . .’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, Matty’s already left
, and I have to go soon. I just feel bad leaving Dad alone all afternoon, right after he’s had surgery.’

  Andie sighed. ‘Brooke, you really have to stop being so dismissive of Tasha. He won’t be alone, she’ll be with him.’

  ‘Tasha’s not here, Andie.’

  ‘What? When did she leave?’

  ‘She didn’t even wait until they brought Dad out of recovery.’

  ‘She didn’t?’ said Andie, her mind racing. ‘Well, I suppose she must have had to go to work, she’s been off the whole week with this.’ But it seemed funny to bother to go back on a Friday, especially the day of his surgery.

  ‘Listen, Brooke, he’ll be all right. Just tell him Lauren will be in later. You said he’s really out of it, he’s probably not going to even notice.’

  After she hung up, Andie slipped her phone back into her pocket. She had to be contactable, she really didn’t have a choice now. She went back to the kitchen and got on with her work, but her mind wasn’t in gear. Where the hell was Tasha? They couldn’t get rid of her before, and now she had skipped off after his operation without even waiting to see him? Andie was beginning to get a bad feeling about this.

  But she couldn’t do anything about it right now, especially once service was underway and they were all run off their feet, as ever. Friday was the day of the long lunch, the busiest lunch service of the week. Andie felt her phone vibrating in her pocket a couple of times, but she had to ignore it. She was finally able to duck out after the last order was away, returning to the change room to check the missed calls.

  The first left a voicemail, it was Ross’s bank. What the hell? The woman said something about the security division, and left a number for a direct line, asking Andie to call back at her earliest convenience. The other call had come from the hospital.

  ‘Your husband is a little distressed after his operation,’ the nurse told Andie when she rang back.

  ‘Is he in pain?’

  ‘No, we’re managing that. But he’s quite emotional, which is not unusual after surgery. It’s just that he’s alone, so he’s feeling it more. He asked me to call you to find out when you’re coming in. I wanted to put his mind at rest.’