The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  “You’re just making up stories to make me feel better,” I said, twirling my bracelet around my wrist.

  “Is it working?” Kaitlyn asked.

  I smiled. “A little.” I tapped my finger against my lips. “Maybe I could challenge him to a game of bocce ball. If I win, he has to go to Homecoming with me.”

  “And if you don’t?” Kaitlyn asked, intrigue in her tone.

  “I’ll drop it all and leave him alone.” I hated the thought of not having Liam in my life, but I couldn’t force someone to love me.

  Hayley clucked her tongue. “Do you even know how to play bocce ball?”

  I shrugged. “I’ve played it before. How hard could it be?”

  Hayley whistled. “Famous last words.”

  Question was, would Liam accept the challenge?

  Chapter 42

  When I talked to the front office about starting a bocce ball club, they said I had to go through Coach Wilkes. She usually passed on any new athletic clubs. I tried not to take it as a bad sign. But I also brought Val and Izzy with me for backup.

  We caught Coach Wilkes at the end of her last math class of the day. She was walking out of the building with a scowl on her face, setting her visor into place on her head. Not the best start, but she looked over and saw us, so I couldn’t turn back now.

  I smiled at her. “Hey, Coach! Do you have a minute?”

  She folded her arms, glancing between Val and Izzy like she was wondering what they were doing with me. “A few. What can I help you with?”

  “I want to start a new club.” I used my excited voice that usually got people’s attention. Mom always called it my ‘over-eager’ voice, but whatever.

  Coach arched an eyebrow. “What kind of club?”

  “A bocce ball club,” I said. “Have you played before? It’s so much fun, and a great way to get people socializing. It’s not that complicated to learn or play.”

  Coach tapped her shoe on the ground, a steady, impatient beat. I was about to add something when she finally spoke. “No.” She turned to leave, so I hurried in front of her.

  “Why not?” I asked. “It’s a super easy set-up, and I’m going to donate a couple bocce ball sets to the school, so there’s no money involved. And I already have a captain in mind.”

  “Let me guess, you?” Coach adjusted her visor, scratching her forehead in the process. “No.”

  I pursed my lips at Val and Izzy. They were doing nothing to help. In fact, they were both on their phone. So much for sticking by my side.

  I turned my focus back to the coach. “No, not me. Liam Elliott. He’s a natural leader and great at bocce ball. I think he’ll be the perfect person to get people to join and make them feel a part of the group. The guy can make friends with anybody.”

  Coach Wilkes looked over her shoulder at Val and Izzy. “What do you girls think?”

  Val tucked her phone into her back pocket and came to my side. “I think it’s a brilliant idea.”

  Izzy skipped to my other side, her phone put away. “Great way for us to work our arm muscles during the off-season. It helps with aim and accuracy.”

  I hadn’t thought of it like that, but I liked where she was going. I nodded. “The balls are the size of softballs, just slightly heavier. Perfect for members of the softball team. And anyone else who wants to join. This won’t be an exclusive club or anything.” I was rambling. Coach’s expression hadn’t changed a bit the entire time we talked.

  She stared at the three of us, so we all gave her our best smiles. She sighed. “I’ll think about it. Have Liam come to me with his vision for the club. I want statistics and research that shows he knows what he’s talking about.” With a nod, she left us.

  Izzy tucked her hair behind her ear. “I think that went well.”

  “Do you think Liam would be able to put that all together?” Val asked.

  I chuckled. “I’m sure he already has.”

  The trick would be getting Liam to go talk to Coach. He couldn’t hear about her conditions from me—he’d turn it down in a heartbeat. There was one person he’d listen to, though.

  I stopped by Brady’s house on the way home from school. I’d never get used to the weird feeling of pulling up in front of his exquisite home. I was awed by it every time. I hadn’t thought to text him, so I hoped he was home.

  After a few taps on the door, plus a doorbell ring, Brady finally answered the door. Shirtless. Sweat slid down his perfect abs.

  “Hey, Camille!” He sounded out of breath. “You caught me during a workout. Come on in!”

  He held the door open for me. I scanned the foyer and kitchen but didn’t see anyone else there. Both his parents worked full time, so it was typical for him to be alone. He motioned for me to follow him.

  Brady led me down the hall and into the fitness room. His family had treadmills, ellipticals, bikes, and a huge weight area. They could basically start a fitness club inside their home.

  He laid down on a bench and set his hand on the bar holding huge weights. “Spot me.”

  I went around and stood behind him, my hands held out in front of me as he lifted.

  “So, what’s on your pretty little mind?” He blew deep breaths out of his mouth as he spoke.

  “I talked to Coach Wilkes about starting a bocce ball club today.” I tried counting the numbers on the weights to see what he was lifting, but I couldn’t see all of them. Whatever it was, I doubted me being there would help if they happened to fall.

  Brady smiled. “Liam will be excited! Have you told him?”

  I shook my head. “That’s why I came here. I thought he’d be on board if it came from you.”

  His smile faltered. “You can’t avoid him forever.”

  “I’m not avoiding him. He’s avoiding me.”

  “Don’t you want him to know that it was your doing? I thought you were trying to get him to like you?”

  It was so much more complicated than that. I’d originally planned on doing it as a grand gesture. But I didn’t want to risk it not working out. Liam really wanted a bocce ball club, so I really wanted him to have it, whether I was involved or not.

  Brady finished his reps, and then moved on to the leg machine. I sat down in his vacated spot—after I wiped it down with a towel.

  “I want Liam to be happy,” I said, staring at the tiled floor. “If that doesn’t involve me, then so be it.” I forced myself to look at him.

  “I didn’t take you as the type to give up,” Brady said. I tried not to stare at his pecs as his chest heaved in and out from the strenuous work.

  “I’m not. But I know when I’ve been defeated. If I keep throwing myself at him, it will just look pathetic. He knows my feelings for him. The ball’s in his court.”

  Brady grinned. “I heard you’re in love with him. I didn’t know it was that serious.”

  Of course, Liam had told him. They were best friends, after all. I put my hands over my face, wishing I could hide the embarrassment flaming on me. “I didn’t know, either. Not until it came out of my mouth. I think I had been avoiding the obvious, just like most things in my life.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “I hate that I screwed everything up so bad. We could be perfect together, Liam and me. But I blew it. I didn’t realize I loved him until it was too late.”

  Weights grinded and thunked to a stop. Brady took a seat next to me and wrapped me up in his sweaty arms. I didn’t even care how gross it was. He rubbed my back, trying to console me, but it wasn’t working. I wanted to be in Liam’s arms, not Brady’s. I mean, I know Brady wasn’t hitting on me or anything, he was just trying to be a good friend.

  But then I thought about how it would look if anyone walked into the room. Me, in Brady’s shirtless, sweaty arms, and it so wouldn’t look good. It was another picture disaster waiting to happen. So, I gently separated myself from Brady, as to not appear rude.

  I wiped at some sweat on my arm. “Can you just tell Liam you talked to Coach, and she wants a full report from
him about the club?”

  Brady nodded. “If that’s what you really want, of course. But I still think you should be the one to tell him.” He snatched a towel from a nearby rack and wiped himself down. “I hate seeing you like this. I’ve tried to talk some sense into Liam, but the guy is stubborn. I’m not even entirely sure why he’s acting like this. The guy has had a crush on you since elementary school.”

  I pulled back in surprise. “He has?”

  “Um, yeah. Super obvious. Well, that and the fact he’s talked about you so much over the years.”

  My phone buzzed in my pocket with a message from Kaitlyn with a 9-1-1 code. I quickly stood. “I have to go. Thanks for doing this, Brady.”

  “No problem.” He grinned. “See you tomorrow!”

  With a tight smile, I hurried down the hall. I threw the front door open and stopped short. Liam stood there, confusion on his face. He looked past me before his gaze landed on my hair. I smoothed it out, realizing it was wet with Brady sweat. I was hitting the shower the second I got home.

  “Hey, Liam.” I stepped around him and outside of the house, trying not to breathe him in, because if I did, I’d lose control and do something stupid—like kiss him. “Brady is in the fitness room.” Liam wore a baby blue shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes, and, gah, I wanted them to look at me with the longing I felt. “That’s a good color on you.”

  “Uh, thanks.” He looked down at his shirt with a frown. “I didn’t know you would be here.”

  I waved my hand in what I hoped was a nonchalant manner that wouldn’t give away my trembling nerves. “I just swung by for a few minutes. Had some questions about weight-lifting. I need to get back into shape if I plan to make it on the softball team again. I lost so much of my muscles thanks to . . .” I cut off.

  There I went again, talking too much. I’d been about to crack a joke about losing my muscles from being Dylan’s girlfriend, something I would have said to Kaitlyn or Hayley. Maybe I view Liam more like a best friend than relationship material. But every time I saw him, I buzzed with an energy that made it hard to breathe, and all I wanted to do was slip my hand in his and feel the warmth and every contour mold with mine.

  I had the perfect opportunity to challenge him to a bocce ball game, but for some reason, I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. It was such a stupid idea. What if he said no? What if he agreed, but then I lost?

  When I realized I was just standing there staring like an idiot, I backed toward my car. “See ya.”

  After hurrying to get in, I peeled out of the driveway way too fast, my tires screeching. I let up on the gas, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. I stupidly looked through the rearview mirror to see Liam laughing.

  I couldn’t get mad at him for laughing, though. I hadn’t seen him laugh like that in the longest time, and I wanted it to remain forever.

  But then my focus went back to the 9-1-1 code. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find out what was going on, but I drove toward Kaitlyn’s house anyway.

  Chapter 43

  Both Kaitlyn and Hayley were waiting in the driveway when I pulled up to Kaitlyn’s house. By their faces, whatever was going on wasn’t good. Kaitlyn wore her sympathetic expression, while Hayley’s was murderous. It meant someone had done something I wouldn’t like. Which, really, with everything that had been going on, how could it possibly get worse?

  I was to the point of saying, “Just throw it on me. I can take it.” After I pulled up to the curb, I put the car in park, took a deep breath, and joined my friends on the driveway.

  Hayley had her arms folded, the anger almost making me take a step back so I wouldn’t get torched. Kaitlyn put her hand on Hayley’s arm, as if to tell her to rein it in, but that wasn’t something Hayley knew how to do.

  “I’m going to kill her.” Hayley ripped her arm away from Kaitlyn and shook her fist. “I’m going to literally murder the self-righteous brat. I’m going to rip her piece by piece until she’s nothing. I’m going . . .”

  Kaitlyn shouted to be heard over her, throwing out her hands. “Okay! We get it. You want to kill Sadie. We all do. But we can’t because we’ll go to jail for murder, which would suck.”

  My heart sank. Sadie. What had she done? Is that why Liam had gone over to Brady’s and had been so shocked to see me? He was about to tell Brady whatever brilliant thing Sadie had done and had felt sorry for me?

  My whole mouth went dry. I wanted to ask, but I also didn’t, because then I wouldn’t have to face reality.

  Kaitlyn held up her palms. “Just know that Sadie was just trying to get attention.”

  “Which she got,” Hayley said through gritted teeth. She rounded on Kaitlyn. "I'm not sure why we're still standing here, and not finding her and beating the crap out of her!"

  “When did you get so murderous?” Kaitlyn asked, placing her hands on Hayley’s shoulders and gently pushing her away.

  “Think she’s always been that way.” I’d finally found my voice. They turned to me, their faces softening. “What did Sadie do?”

  They both took deep breaths, and for once, neither of them would speak. They had a fight with their eyes about who had to be the one to tell me.

  I pulled my phone out of my back pocket. “I’m sure it’s on social media. I’ll just see for myself.”

  Kaitlyn moved to snatch my phone away, but Hayley stopped her and shrugged. “Maybe it’s better this way. It will explain everything, and we won’t have to.”

  Kaitlyn dropped her arm with a frown, but also with a nod of agreement.

  I found the post right away. Everyone had tagged me in the story. One Sadie had created. If I thought the rumors about me before were bad, I was wrong. Way wrong.

  If it hadn’t been about me, I would have been impressed with her creative abilities. It was basically a showcase of my desperation and undying love for Liam. There were pictures and videos of my Homecoming proposals—and rejections—to Liam. Then there was my last attempt to win his approval by creating a bocce ball club at school.

  My cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment. All those ideas that I thought were brilliant now looked incredibly pathetic, thanks to her.

  Of course, everyone was commenting about what a loser I was, and how I’d never get another guy to date me. No one was focused on the fact that Sadie had a video of me asking Liam to Homecoming. Twice. It meant she was watching from the sideline like some sort of stalker. I could have brought that up, but that wasn’t me. I wasn’t like her.

  How could Liam like a girl like her? He was better than that. At least, I thought he was.

  “So, what are we going to do?” Hayley cracked her knuckles. “My mind has already flooded with ideas. So much sabotage and destruction can be done.”

  I shook my head and tucked my phone away. “No.”

  “No?” Kaitlyn quirked an eyebrow. “What do you mean, no? This girl humiliated you. You have to do something.”

  Just like Hayley, my mind was racing, just not in the same way. I took a deep breath. “I’m going to do a post and confess everything.”

  Hayley scrunched her nose. “Why? How will that fix anything? We need to find some dirt on Sadie and . . .”

  I cut her off. “No. Just, please, listen. That’s not who I am. I’ve spent the past few months getting smothered in wrong perceptions of me. Revenge would just add to that. I’m not a spiteful person. Sadie can say whatever she wants.” I rubbed my forehead, wishing away the headache that was forming. “I just need to put out my side of the story. I’ll let everyone choose who to believe.”

  Hayley scoffed. “Are you insane? The kids at our school have already proved their idiots. They’ll choose her!”

  “I don’t care!” I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I wouldn’t get worked up over this. “They’re not all idiots. They’re siding with her, and everyone else, because they’ve only seen one side of the story. No one has seen my side. I just need to be honest and open.” I backed toward my car. “Now, if
you’ll excuse me, I have a blog post to write.”

  Kaitlyn beamed, showing off her pearly whites. “Go get it, girl.”

  Hayley shook her head but smiled. “You’re so much better than me. But go do your thing.”

  With a grin, I rushed to my car.

  As soon as I got home, I headed for the stairs, but Mom called out.

  “Camille? Where have you been?”

  With a sigh, I turned toward her voice and went into the kitchen. Mom, Dad, and Seth were all setting the table for dinner. The sight softened the need to write. This was exactly what I had wanted—Mom to be home for dinner. The blog could wait.

  I turned on a smile. “What’s for dinner? It smells delicious.” I took a quick sniff to make sure I had been right. I’d been too preoccupied to actually notice the smell when I came in. But then it hit me. “Enchiladas?”

  Seth whooped. “I know! It’s been too long!”

  “You came home at the perfect time,” Dad said. “It’s all ready.”

  I joined my family at the dinner table. Seth rattled on about his day as we ate. He’d loved having Mom around as much as I did. Mom and Dad’s eyes kept flickering over to me. I was doing my best to stay focused on the conversation, but my mind wandered. I was trying to piece exactly what I would say to hopefully clear my name. I didn’t have much going in my favor. I’d put myself in terrible situations.

  I hated that these moments I thought had been innocent were perceived as bad. It made me realize how much my actions reflected on my character. I had no one to blame but myself. If I wanted the world to see me in a different light, then I needed to show myself in a different light.

  Leaning forward, I pulled out my phone and held it up to Seth, who had just stuffed a huge bite of enchilada in his mouth, and snapped a picture.

  “No phones at the dinner table,” Dad said with a warning tone.

  I smiled sheepishly. I’d given my mom such a hard time about it. “Sorry, but I’m working on a social experiment.”