Where the Heart Lies

by Michelle Garren Flye

  “Why would he give you a book of poetry?” Penny looked suspicious.

  Because I kissed him after I fell asleep reading it. She shrugged and looked her friend in the eye. “Because I liked it.”

  Penny opened her mouth to say something else, but then her phone buzzed and she looked down at it. “Damn, I forgot.” She picked up the phone quickly. “Hi, sweetie. I’m sorry, I completely forgot. I’m on my way.” She hung up and looked at Alicia. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. Amy has a checkup today. She’s at the doctor’s office now.”

  “Go on.” Alicia waved her away. “I’m fine. I’ll meet Liam and Lulu for lunch, then I’m heading home for the day. Millie’s babysitting and she needs some rest.”

  “Okay.” Penny hesitated. “Only…be careful, okay? I’m still not sure what Liam’s game is.”

  “There is no ‘game,’ Penny. Liam and I have talked. He knows I’m not ready for any sort of relationship with him or anybody else. It’s just bad timing, that’s all.” She looked away, finding it difficult to meet Penny’s eyes.

  Penny nodded. “You are attracted to him.”

  “I am.” Alicia straightened her shoulders. “Why wouldn’t I be? He’s been so kind to me, he’s very handsome, and he makes me feel like I haven’t since Ty left for Afghanistan.” She sighed. “But in my heart, I’m married to Ty, and I can’t betray him that way.”

  Penny frowned. “I’ve got to go, but I want to talk to you about this. I can’t help but think you’re just asking for trouble.”

  “Don’t worry about me.” Alicia made her voice firm. “I’m fine. And you have to go.”

  “I do.” Penny looked conflicted. “I do. Will you be okay, really?”

  “Of course.” She shook her head, wondering if all the worry she saw in Penny’s eyes was for her. What was she really afraid of? “Honestly, what do you think is going to happen to me?”

  After her friend left, Alicia lingered for a moment, wondering why she hesitated if she were really confident nothing was going to happen. Finally she walked resolutely around to the little parking lot. Her clothes were covered with an ashy mess and she paused to brush herself off, stopping short when she caught sight of Liam leaning against his Camaro watching her.

  “I thought you’d never come out.” He opened the passenger-side door and stepped aside. “I saw Penny take off five minutes ago.”

  “Where’s Lulu?”

  He shrugged. “She can’t make it. Why, are you afraid to be alone with me?”

  She sighed. “A little bit.”

  His smile softened. “We’ve been through this. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “Maybe it’s not you I’m worried about.”

  He frowned. “Let’s get one thing straight, now. You’re going to have to stop saying things like that.” He reached out and caught hold of her hand, pulling her toward him though he stopped short of drawing her all the way into his arms. His eyes were very serious and his voice was husky. “If you don’t, I might forget every oath I’ve made where you’re concerned.”

  Alicia summoned a weak smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Good. If you’re hungry, let’s get going, then.” He jerked his head toward the car and she nodded a little breathlessly.

  As he pulled the car away from the curb, she wondered if Penny was right and there really wasn’t a way to remain friends with Liam now that they’d admitted their mutual attraction.

  * * *

  Over the next few weeks, Alicia’s life seemed to be stuck in fast forward. Within a week she’d heard from the insurance company and hired a contractor to start the cleanup. As the debris was removed from the store, she and John spent hours sifting through it to see if any other books had made it through the fire. Liam and Penny joined them on several occasions, and they slowly filled up the cardboard boxes Lulu had provided. Alicia was surprised by how many books actually had survived, most of them the larger, heavier books with leather covers. None were unscathed, of course, having suffered water or smoke damage, but several were still readable. As the pile of survivors grew, so did Alicia’s resolve to reopen the store as soon as possible.

  With the contractors at work full-time on the store and the debris mostly sifted through, Alicia moved home to work in July. As she’d done before the store opened, she set up her office in the corner of her bedroom where she searched online auctions for rare books. It was discouraging work for her. The insurance check had covered the rebuilding, with very little left over to replenish the shelves.

  And what about the survivors? The scorched and water-damaged books they’d fished out of the debris barely filled the three cartons Lulu provided, now stacked in the corner of her bedroom. Those books couldn’t be put back on the shelves as regular inventory, but they’d been pulled from the ashes to live some kind of life, hadn’t they?

  Alicia put her head on her arms, tired, ready to give up. Her mind felt full of ashes and despair. How could she make this work? How could she retrieve Jim’s legacy for her family?

  You’re like a freaking phoenix. Alicia raised her head. Her eyes rested on the one carton of books still in her bedroom. The one Liam had given her as part of her salary for cataloging his mother’s library. She’d brought it home from the bookstore to look up the titles. Nothing absurdly valuable, but some nice volumes. A start.

  She’d read once that a phoenix wasn’t pretty when it came up out of the ashes to start life again. New life was seldom beautiful on the surface. It was wrinkly and raw. Grotesque in its very potential, like the new idea forming out of the ashes in her brain.

  * * *

  Alicia worked hard through the next two weeks, setting everything in motion. She scrimped and saved every penny she could, ordering refurbished furniture instead of new when she could, shopping sales and auctions throughout eastern North Carolina. Finally, exhausted, she had everything in a storage unit, waiting for the contractors to finish. After a couple of days haunting the worksite, the foreman ordered her to go home. “There’s nothing you can do here to speed up the process,” he said. “Go home. Don’t you have kids?”

  Yes, she had kids. And she’d barely seen them through the past two weeks. Thank heavens for Millie, Alicia thought, but maybe I need to take some time now to spend with them and get some rest.

  Her plan might have been a good one, except she hadn’t anticipated the heat wave that gripped the entire eastern seaboard of the United States. The very air burned her skin from the moment she stepped out the door. Millie played games with Gemma inside while Alicia grew more and more restless, cooped up in the air-conditioned house.

  On Friday morning, Millie came into the kitchen with the air of someone who had figured out how to solve a problem. “I’d like to take Gemma to the YMCA pool today, if you don’t mind, hon. My friend Cindy is taking her grandchildren, so we’ll have someone to play with.” She touched Alicia’s shoulder gently. “Maybe you and Jason could go shopping, get out of the house, you know?”

  “Yeah, maybe so.” Alicia patted Millie’s hand. “I might just do that.”

  But after Millie and Gemma were gone, she found it hard to either settle down or decide to leave. Finally, grabbing a sun hat and a blanket, she went out into the yard to work on the flowerbeds.

  The heat, though not unbearable in the morning, promised to become scorching later on. Alicia knew that by eleven it wouldn’t be possible to be outside for more than fifteen minutes unless immersed in water. She thought about the pool and wondered if she should have gone with Millie and Gemma. However, she still wasn’t comfortable with Jason in the pool for long, and she didn’t want to ruin the fun for the others.

  She found a shady spot near a tree and laid a blanket down, settling Jason on it. She’d have to keep a close eye on him or he’d be crawling all around the yard, but he would at least
be out of the direct sun and getting some fresh air for a little bit. She relaxed, taking a deep breath, happier than she had been in a while. At least she could do something useful for a change.

  Alicia chose a flower bed a short distance away from Jason to begin weeding. She stacked a few tools at the side and knelt, pulling on her gloves in case she encountered poison ivy instead of dandelions.

  The neighborhood felt deserted, sunk in a silence so complete Alicia wondered if she and Jason were the only ones around. Sean and Lauran were out of town again, and though she hadn’t met many of her neighbors, she suspected they were all either at work or somewhere air-conditioned.

  A light breeze stirred the leaves around her, lifting her hair from her already sweaty neck. She paused, enjoying it and thinking that the humidity level had at least fallen a little. “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity” was a catch phrase she’d become very familiar with during her short time as a resident of North Carolina.

  “You know, Jay-Jay, they can say what they want,” Alicia remarked to the baby. “It’s the heat, as far as I’m concerned. I mean, Atlanta was pretty bad too, but somehow it didn’t seem quite so unbearable, you know?”

  She glanced over her shoulder at Jason, who rolled over on his belly and pushed up, grinning and drooling. He looked more and more like his father every day, a fact that brought her more joy than pain. She sighed, thinking about how much fun they could all have had in Atlanta, going shopping, walking in the neatly kept parks in the evenings, visiting museums, going to movies. She sighed. “Maybe it was just the air-conditioning.” Jason chortled, sat up and tried to pull up a handful of grass.

  “Yeah, I know. Gotta get back to it.” She turned to the garden. “Let’s just hope the bugs keep their distance at least.” She shivered, thinking of the huge water bugs and wood spiders she’d found lurking in unexpected corners. Millie had assured her most of the insects and spiders were harmless, “especially the big ones,” and had calmly removed the last wood spider from the laundry room in a glass. Alicia didn’t care how harmless the things were, she didn’t want to deal with them.

  “Ick.” She shivered, remembering. “God, I guess I better get tough, huh? The wildlife around here is part of the idyll, right?” She glanced over her shoulder. And froze.

  Jason had rolled over onto the grass, holding one of his toys and staring at it with a fixed, determined expression. Less than two feet away from him, a large, mottled-brown snake slithered, heading in the general direction of her child.

  She forgot everything. With a wild shriek, she launched herself at the snake, seizing it behind the head and flinging it across the yard. Then, grasping the hoe, she leapt after it, raising the garden implement with another war cry and bringing it down again and again on the snake, her vision so blurred she couldn’t be sure if she’d hit it with the first or second strikes, but caught up in a determination to destroy the creature, regardless of how much effort it took.

  Her head cleared enough to let in another instinct, and still holding the hoe, she raced to Jason’s side, catching him up in one arm and throwing herself back across the yard and into the house. Jason, in a good mood from his roll in the grass and more amused than frightened by his mother’s antics, chuckled at her as she placed him carefully in his crib and stood trembling for a moment.

  “I have to go back out there.” She couldn’t leave the snake, most likely hacked into several pieces, outside to greet Millie and Gemma when they got home. She brought her hands to her face and realized she still held the hoe. “Shit.” She drew a shaky breath and turned toward the door. Jason, left to his own devices, would most likely play for a bit and go to sleep. She took another breath and walked out.

  The dead snake lay in a pool of sunshine. The sight of it precipitated another episode of shakes and she paused on the doorstep, clinging to the porch railing. Her eyes glued to the spot, she took a reluctant step down from the porch, then another. Just as her feet touched the walk, Liam came around the corner and turned into her driveway. “Hey!” He waved. His smile faded almost instantly, replaced by concern. “Are you okay?”

  “I—” Still trembling, she raised a hand and pointed at the snake lying dead in the grass.

  “Holy shit.” He crossed the yard in two strides, taking the hoe from her hands and turning the snake’s body over with its blade. He turned to her in amazement. “You killed it?”

  She nodded wordlessly, covered her face with her hands, and suddenly too weak to stand, fell to her knees in the grass. “Hey!” She heard his exclamation and the hoe hit the ground as he dropped it, then sank down next to her. “Hey, it’s okay. You did good, sweetheart.” His arms surrounded her and he pulled her first against him, then into his lap, stroking her hair and back, his hands warmer than the sun’s rays against her skin.

  The approval in his voice brought tears to her eyes at the same time that his caresses tingled deliciously. She responded without thinking, putting her arms around his neck and then, because she wanted nothing more than to kiss this man who meant so much to her, she turned to him, finding his lips easily, feeling his body freeze for a moment then give in to the kiss, the wonderful, desire-fulfilling kiss that she’d longed for…

  She came slowly to her senses. Grass blades prickled her shoulders. They were lying together on the lawn without so much as a hedge between them and the road. If anyone had passed by or looked out their windows, they would have been seen. And yet she had no desire to leave Liam’s arms. Besides, if no neighbors had been attracted by her earlier screams, it wasn’t likely anyone was around.

  As if also reluctant to move away from her, Liam raised himself on one arm, looking down at her with gentle wonder in his eyes. He stroked her hair back from her face. “Are you okay?”

  Laughter bubbled up in her throat and she choked it back, afraid she was getting hysterical. At his concerned expression, she forced herself to regain control. Unfortunately, lying on the lawn beside him didn’t seem to be the best position to do so and she pushed herself up to a sitting position, untangling her legs from his. He sat up next to her, no longer touching her, but staying close. How could she feel the warmth of his body on a ninety-degree day? She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. “I’m fine. Really.” She opened her eyes and glared at him. “Why do you have to be so damn wonderful?”

  His eyebrows shot up. “I’m sorry?”

  “You know what I mean.” She leaned her head against him, then sighed and gave him a little shove. “If you were trying to seduce me or something, I could just write you off as the womanizer everybody’s been trying to convince me you are. Instead, I keep attacking you and you seem determined not to take advantage of it.”

  He shrugged. “Most women don’t really want to be taken advantage of.”

  She gave him an annoyed look. “I didn’t say I want to be taken advantage of.”

  “Good.” He smiled sideways at her. “Then we’re on the same page.”

  “I just wondered why you didn’t take advantage of the situation. If you’re what everybody thinks you are.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “I mean, I do keep throwing myself at you.”

  “You do.” He nodded. “And I can’t promise I’ll continue to show such admirable restraint if you persist, but maybe you mean more to me than just a chance physical encounter would satisfy.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Besides, I may not be trying to seduce you now, but I definitely enjoyed that.”

  She smiled and looked down, gratified by his admission. Then she stood. “We’ve got to do something with that snake before Millie and Gemma get home.” She stole a look at it. “Is it a copperhead?” Her voice trembled a little.

  “Yeah.” He stood next to her. “Pretty good size too. They’re not that uncommon around here.” He jerked his head at the house. “Why don’t you go on in? I’ll take care of it.”

  “There you go being all wo
nderful again.” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “But thanks.”

  He saluted and went over to the pile of garden tools she’d laid out earlier, selected a shovel and turned back. Seeing her still watching, he waved her away. “Go on! But get your story straight because I want to know how it is you came to kill a copperhead in your front yard.”

  * * *

  By the time he’d disposed of the snake, Alicia had made lemonade, checked on Jason, who slept peacefully in his crib, and gotten her emotions under control. Standing at the bar, they drank lemonade and she told him the whole story. When she got to the part about picking up the snake, he frowned. “You really picked it up? God, Alicia, you could have been killed.”

  “Hell, I may have swung it over my head like a lasso, I don’t really remember. It was just instinct.” She blushed. “I know I was screaming like a banshee, though. And not a single neighbor poked their head out of their door.”

  He snorted. “Have you seen any of your neighbors recently? They’re probably not home. You’re in a neighborhood of retirees here, and you’ve really only got the one close neighbor, anyway. A lot of retirees move to the beach for the summer.” He gave her a sheepishly wicked grin. “Might be a good thing too.”

  Alicia blushed, remembering their encounter on the front lawn, then frowned. Was she really so self-centered she didn’t know what was going on in her own neighborhood? It was true that she had been so caught up in the store and her own concerns, she hadn’t really taken the time to get to know her neighbors. “I guess I’ve still got a big city attitude in a lot of ways,” she admitted.

  He nodded. “It’s different, but small-town life isn’t so bad, if you give it a chance. Although I will admit, I’m glad I’ve got Chapel Hill to use as an escape.”

  “You’re lucky.” She sighed.

  “Maybe you should get out of town for a little bit.”