Hidden Carmina

by Adri Sinclair

  I cannot remember when last I had this much fun. Frozen rose petals all around us, dirty dresses, ruined suits and soaking wet hair - yet…. It all still feels like the happy ending to a forever after. Exactly how it should be.

  My mind boggles at the ability of the family to thrive in this cold weather. Even the children don’t freeze easily! My teeth start chattering and I know I had better find heat before I turn into an ice sculpture. Dodging snowballs and tackles, I work my way towards the reception hall where there are several fires burning. I also smell the warm chocolate in the air and my mouth waters. Nobody makes hot chocolate like Lilly! My heel catches on a clump of muddy grass and I feel myself plummeting ahead. Before I hit the ground, a blur of black and white dives towards me. I feel my body sideswiped and, instead of falling, I find myself firmly wrapped up in Liam’s arms with the rest of his colossal body underneath me.

  “I have you. I promised.”

  I pull back to get a better look at him. “You did. Thank you, Liam.”

  When I try to move away from him, the grip around me tightens and there is a roguish light in his face. Summarily he trades places with me and his body is over mine, his lips so close to mine when he speaks, provoking me.

  “But I said nothing about not taking you captive.” That voice… I stare in disbelief.

  “You’re cheating! I am obviously at a disadvantage and I was already tumbling.”

  It takes a lot of effort to dismiss the pesky thoughts of his lips so exquisitely close to mine.

  “A toll then, my Lady, a price to pay for freedom?” he offers, still not moving.

  “Depends on what it is…” I counter, instinctively not one to agree for the sake of agreeing.

  Without another word, Liam dips his head a fraction and his cold, smooth lips brush over mine. My heart starts kicking against my ribs like in an effort to climb into his chest. Liam growls intensely and, in response, I feel his shirt bundling into my firsts, getting a firm hold and wanting to pull him closer to me.

  “Consider the negotiation started,” A raw whisper, not removing his lips; I feel them moving, forming the words against mine. The moan escapes before I could counter it.

  A loud, spirited growl discharges to shatter the moment into a million pieces. Liam gets to his feet and scoops me up with him, bouncing me once on a lifted knee for good measure. I cower when I realize so many eyes are on us and several cameras are snapping from all possible directions. Liam gives another loud howl and then shouts, “I am capturing the fair maiden, sister to the Queen!”

  Lilly yells from the doorway of the function hall, “Not without said captor undergoing the vigorous test against my magic hot chocolate potion!”

  “Then I accept!”

  I feel myself being marched towards Lilly with the rest of the clan in tow. I am still a little drunk after the short exchange, and cowardly hide my face in his wet shirt.

  “You should keep this look, it suits you,” he remarks under the cheers and sneers of entire gathering.

  The day is a great success. I feel a sad twinge knowing it is over all too soon. The Moretti family will leave tomorrow; Liam will leave tomorrow!

  “We’re staying for another week,” John announces to the table.

  “Someone has to finish the honeymooner’s home. Gods forbid we leave Lilly to fill the place up with a shopping mall!”

  My heart skips a beat and I suppress a happy dance. After seeing Lilly and Jarrod off to their honeymoon, I go in search of John. I find him outside staring up at the sky, leaning against a wall. He does not turn around, but I am sure he heard me. I bite the side of my lip and whisper to his back, “John, thank you.”

  He does not move but I see the little pull at the corner of his mouth and I know things are right between us. I touch his shoulder with my fingertips and leave him to his thoughts. Liam was at his post, waiting for me when I made it to my room.

  A few days later and I arrive in my room for a well-deserved rest. I’ve spent the day helping Momma and Lady E sort through piles of pictures to make a welcome home gift for the honeymooning couple. We’ve chosen hand-made frames and we filled the photo albums, too. We leave another pile of albums and pictures for them to choose from when they get back. I endure the teasing over the amount of pictures with Liam and myself in various awkward situations; awkward for me, of course.

  When I open my door, I immediately see a beautiful, three-picture frame with hand carved depictions of the Moretti House crest. In the bottom corner the unmistakable handwriting.

  “I won’t let you fall”.

  The three pictures are a perfect summary of the day. It starts with us both walking down the aisle; the second of him carrying me in his arms after the almighty roar - the smile on his face of pure satisfaction; the third of me sleeping against his chest. I wasn’t aware of the last picture being taken but it captured the moment perfectly!

  A quiet moment passes while I wait for my heart to catch up to the rest of the thoughts running through the memories of the past month. The new couple’s house is complete and tomorrow the Moretti family will disentangle themselves from ours, leaving to go back to… wherever they came from. It is little consolation when Momma tells me they have no immediate travel plans and thus we’ll see plenty of them in the time ahead. I cannot believe it has taken me twenty-two years to meet them and now I do not even want to imagine a day without them here.

  I need air to breathe. My room has suddenly become too small and I need to get outside. As always, I leave a message with Momma. She gives me an understanding nod and tells me to take something warm. My mother knows me well enough to know where I’m going and why. Thankfully, I don’t have to explain too much.

  It is dark outside and I allow the tears to run freely. Blinded, I walk through the gate, heading instinctively towards the clearing. Briefly, I think to look at the moon. Taking a deep breath, I forge ahead, satisfied I won’t be eaten by werewolves tonight. I watch the giant volcano covered in snow and can’t help the thought of the Fire Goddess needing a break, too, at times. The peace and calm surrounding the giant fire-pit is deceiving. The night is crisp and clear even with the gentle dusting of snow still lazily drifting down.

  Without further regard, I sit flat down and take my time to take in the mystic surroundings, yet again filled with awe and admiration. Looking up, I watch the snowflakes drift down, catching them on my hand and watching them melt into tears. I smile sadly, pretending that the world around me is reflecting my soul’s mood.

  The shadows falling over me startle me and drag me back to reality.

  ***

  Truth be Told

  When Liam receives the message from Margarith saying Carmina is going for a walk, he darts after her as soon as he can excuse himself. He watches the small frame walking towards the glade and sniggers under his breath when she looks up at the sky, her thoughts wandering towards him. Her obsession with the moon amuses him to no end. He listens to the sweet beating of her heart, healthy and steady, allowing the sound to thunder through his own imagination.

  Liam lifts his head to catch her scent and let out a steady, longing howl. He doesn’t have to guess where she’s going, he knows. Keeping down-wind, he stands to watch and listen. He feels her ache and the turmoil burning in her mind, reflecting his own sentiments almost exactly. He does not want to leave. He knows he can come back to her room anytime, but he won’t be holding her and the notion of her agonizing dreams makes him fume. It is true his heart is still, but his wolf heart is close to the surface and aching with stored passion. Liam knows he is in love with the redheaded creature beyond any reasonable doubt. How could he leave here, how could he be satisfied with the crumbs again? He gave her up the first time, but, selfishly, he does not want to repeat that deed.

  Liam does not miss the sneaking shadow making its way closer to Carmina.

  “Where are all of you?” He pushes his thoughts urgently toward his family.

  “With Margarith inside…”
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  “There is someone here… ” He lifts his face into the breeze and picks up the foreign scent, strong and potent. His family reacts instinctively when they receive a floating introduction of the smell.

  “Be careful, we’ll come as soon as we can…” As one, they reply.

  The shadow is small and fast, and Liam is careful not to reveal himself, remaining downwind, using the shades to hide his presence all the while making his way closer to Carmina.

  ***

  “Oh! Hi!” I try to hide my surprise when I see the little girl.

  “Oh! Hi!” a soft little voice echoes back at me, mimicking my tone.

  “Are you lost dear one?” I ask, getting to my feet, a headache pushing itself on me without notice.

  “No, are you?” she asks in turn. I give her a warm smile and look around to see if there’s anyone else out here. A hood frames her small face, tight little curls peeking out from under it. She is doll-like.

  “I certainly am not, but come. Let me take you to my home to get warm, then we can help you find yours.” I put my arm around the girl who twists out of my reach.

  “Carmina, Carmina,” the girl sings my name. I freeze in place, watching her now a little more carefully. Her voice sounds mocking, ominous and spiteful.

  “Carmina, Carmina… Human indeed,” Her voice changes from crystal-clear and child-like to a hiss.

  “No surprise there, dear one. Why… Why don’t you wrap up and we get you home and safe?”

  I force myself to stay poised and composed, trying to ignore the headache forming just behind my eyes. Children aren’t my strong point. I wish Lilly were here.

  “No. No, don’t go yet, I love meeting a Moretti pet!” she shrieks with delight; I wonder why I am reminded of the horrible girls in primary school who used to tease me for being shorter and less athletic than them.

  “I am not a pet!” I push my chin out, feeling the stubborn streak banishing the headache just enough to guardedly focus on the girl in front of me.

  “Oh, that’s right, vampires don’t have pets do they, Carmina? I’m surprised your half-breed family made it this far without draining every last drop… You do smell delicious!” She sniffs in my direction. I stare at her blankly, pursing my lips together wondering what she means. I try to appeal to her child mind.

  “Of course vampires don’t keep pets - we should go inside….” I have heard children’s imaginations run wild and the morbidity from this one is puzzling. Why would she mention vampires?

  “Ooooooh!” she appears thrilled again. “What a naughty, naughty House - breaking their own rules!”

  “What rules? What house?” I ask, genuinely curious, but I don’t hear her answer.

  My head explodes into thousands of voices all talking together. The pictures flashing with each one is as horrible as it is strange. A big pile of skulls with Bearded Vultures tearing at the bones; a child with a blood-smeared mouth giving a toothy smile; family members, one after the other, with black-red eyes; wolves gutting corpses surrounded by pale, tall, dark beings scattering human remains in all directions.

  I try to see the little girl but the visions make it impossible to move, talk or see anything. More images pile into my mind-sight. Lynxes are tearing up… children! Lots of destruction and the assault continues ruthlessly.

  “It’s time dearie” I hear one clear voice. Why one? Time for what? Where are the other two and why is she so clear above… Oh my head! I claw at my skull in agony.

  “Now-now dearie, just you focus and let Velvet take care of this.”

  I hear a loud snap!

  An echo rebounds through my head in a starburst formation, dispelling the horrible images and every other voice associated with them.

  “Open your eyes dearie.”

  I open my eyes and feel like I’m looking into two different places at once. I see a large…gigantic wolf circling the little girl and I. I see myself in a big empty room inside my mind. The empty room is exactly the same as the one I paint in, trying to convince me I’m sleeping.

  “Focus Carmina, please dearie,” I know the voice is fading away from me, but the clarity of the two separate universes stay. I want to scream but instead, a rush of anger and disgust fill my pores and seep into my bloodstream.

  “Why am I so angry? I should be afraid,” I hear myself thinking all too loud, even to my ears.

  “Carmina?” Liam asks.

  Briefly, I notice the room’s ambiance changing to a purple haze. I look around to find Liam, only to see the wolf and the girl having a standoff. She is so small and that wolf is so large! He is going to hurt her! The girl looks so fragile, a porcelain figurine. Something changes on her face and her mouth pulls into a sour, angry sneer.

  “Vampires? Why did she mention vampires?” The thought turns into a scream and then slams back into my head like a bouncing ball.

  “Oh gods…” Lady E’s voice trembles inside the room, leaving yellow ripples all over the floor.

  “Liam, get her out of there, we’ll deal with the Gello’Des,” Uncle Will sounds worried and I watch the blue colors of his words splash and sleek against the far wall.

  “Bro! For the love of… MOVE!” John’s voice is angry and confused and again… there’s a hatred buzzing all around me, painting little red lightning bolts. In silence, the whole room entirely fades back to white.

  The big, black-and-red pelted wolf pushes me hard in the opposite direction of the little girl. My body is numb and none-responsive. Before I hit the ground like a ragdoll, the wolf is there to break my fall, putting himself in the way. Big paws pin me safely in a soft cage.

  The scream breaks free and I hear my own voice sounding horrified.

  “Liam, help me!”

  “I’m here Carmina… I’m here. Hush; close your eyes. I’m taking you home. I won’t let you fall, I promise.” I listen to the familiar resonance of Liam’s voice, feeling his calm and compassion painting my white room in pastels and I relax enough to cling to the wolf for dear life.

  “Carmina?!” It is Momma’s voice ripping me straight out of the dream.

  “I’m awake!” I yelp just to hear Liam say, “Rockflower, you have to use your words, concentrate on your body. Use your voice.”

  I look at Liam, baffled, and then realize Momma is not in the painting room!

  “Oh.” I say, hearing myself twice over.

  “Now concentrate on finding a door in your chamber. Close the door, please, Carmina. I promise I’ll bring you back there.”

  “Do what he says” and “My turn next” I hear the other two voices abruptly pipe up. I deftly ignore them and focus on Liam’s instructions.

  When the small open door is found, I close it smoothly. The room fades away to nothing. My body is re-united with its motoring functions. I look at my mother’s worried face and lift my hand to touch her.

  “I’m … fine.” A memory wedges itself between the words and I look at Liam, when did he tell me he didn’t like me using the phrase? “I am!”

  Liam’s expression is marginally amused. “I know you are.”

  In an instant, the whole experience replays in fast-forward. I kick against my bed to push myself into the corner, drawing my legs up as far away from the two people I trusted the most - until now.

  “Carmina, my darling…” Momma starts but I shake my head and put my hands over my ears. Liam reaches out to touch me and I viciously slap at it.

  “No! Don’t touch me!” I growl menacing at him. “Are you? Both of you? What did that little girl mean?” I can’t bring myself to say the word circling in my brain.

  They don’t answer me and the expression on their faces was enough of a response. I yell at them to get out. I pull my pillow in front of me and start screaming into it the instant the door is closed behind them. My family? My Liam? What dream is this and why do I not feel terrified? Am I... am I one too?

  I don’t hear the knock at my door, or see the gentle giant in Jarrod’s shape standing in front of
my bed.

  “Carmina…” he starts and I push my face deeper into the pillow. It is when I hear Lilly’s voice, I force my body to stay still.

  “Carmina Rose Nightshade, enough of this! We’re your family.”

  I feel the stubborn edge returning then lift my eyes. Slowly, I put the pillow to one side and crawl to the end of my bed. I lift my head to Lilly’s face and look pointedly at her - I was about to tell her exactly what I was thinking but then, something happens: I hear Lilly’s voice, but she’s not talking. Am I … I can hear my sister’s thoughts!

  “That’s my big sister, stand up Carmina and get angry, we need you too. By gods if I have to punch you to provoke you, I will.”

  I turn my head in Jarrod’s direction and my eyes widen. His thoughts are softer, uncertain.

  “You can’t hate us, we’re family. Damnit Carmina – fight back, this is not how you were meant to find out!”

  I close my eyes and then motion to the door. “Get out. Both of you. I will be there in a minute.”

  I watch them leave soundlessly, acutely aware of every movement and the faint beating of their hearts. I can hear… their hearts beating?! Vampires don’t have hearts, do they? I look at the door in disbelief. I can hear the muted tones of the clan outside. I can hear water dripping somewhere. I can smell the snow and the mixture of ‘Hidden Carmina’ all over my room, gosh that stuff is strong! I look to see if the bottle was left open. It wasn’t. I lift my arm to smell myself and nearly choke. They were right all along, not very ‘hidden’! I feel the dull ache in my wrist and I want nothing more than Liam’s touch over it. Liam… is he? There’s only one way to find out. My temper is catching fire and, with long strides, I make my way outside.