Diary Of A Kudzu Salesman: Survival And Recovery After The Electrical Grid Collapse (Prepper Reconstruction Book 2)

by Ron Foster

  “So you want to trade for that property also?” David replied slowly and carefully wondering where this conversation was leading.

  “No David, YOU want to trade for that property. I don’t think I ever had the chance to tell you but my Daddy and my grandfather helped start that country club many years back and so you might say I have some claims to its disposition. I plan on voicing my claim or enforcing liens on it at your land reclamation meeting if we don’t reach suitable terms before what is it? Next Friday you are on the docket? ” Preacher John said smugly sneaking his trump card in.

  David sat in misery letting the preachers words sink in. That sorry bastard was about to out maneuver the hell out of him and there was very little he could do about it.

  David swirled the ice slowly around in his drink with a bar straw and studied the preachers face for a moment before responding.

  “So I guess what your saying is, is that if Boudreaux and LowBuck don’t sell or trade the vineyard to you, that means I don’t have a chance in hell getting the country club homesteaded.” David said grimly.

  “Exactly, we have clear providence evidencing the connections.” Barrabas began shuffling papers before a solid rap on the table got his attention and David asked could he and the preacher have a meeting without him chiming in.

  “Of course we can David. Don’t mind him; he is a bit over zealous on the legal aspects of things. No reason you and I can’t just make us a gentleman’s agreement between ourselves in this matter. To be honest I hate the matter came up in this way. I had considered just gifting you my rights for your assistance in settling some land claims but as you see were are at this time pressed to come to a mutual conclusion on that estate. I personally have no interest in it; I am not really sure why you want it either. That place and the grounds are pretty run down.” Preacher John said smiling that he had the upper hand in this transaction.

  “So as you say the place is run down and needing lots of repairs, what’s in it for Lowbuck and Boudreaux to trade with you?” David asked quizzically.

  “Well I assume they are not directly illegally attached to that co-op you formed to buy the country club so you can use that to influence them and there are some nice golf course homes surrounding that property I would be willing to throw in for nothing. “ The preacher offered.

  “Hell half of them homes your talking about and a lot of those fields surrounding that place has that danged Kudzu your family planted on it threatening to take over. “ David said sternly not liking the deal or the preacher’s attitude.

  “That Kudzu stuff ain`t entirely worthless. It makes good animal feed, tell you what I will throw in a herd of about 100 goats. Boudreaux and LowBuck would make good goat farmers.” Preacher John said chuckling evilly at the predicament he had put everyone in.

  “I bet them kudzu patches are full of snakes and poison ivy too. Before you get started I know goats will kill snakes upon occasion and we can run hogs too. I would tell you what kind of bastard you are but you we ain`t done with this so called gentleman’s agreement yet.” David fumed while dreading telling LowBuck and Boudreaux this latest development.

  “Yea but I am a magnanimous bastard. I will help you soften up the deal with Boudreaux and LowBuck. I know where there is a whole cellar full of wine you all can have as long as you stay out of the wine business. I am not sure if it’s still actually any good or not but that Lowbuck could probably make brandy out of it. The wine racks are stored below ground, they might have survived alright, I don’t really know.” Preacher John said his eyes looking devilish.

  “How many bottles are we talking about?’ David said his interest perking up.

  “I am not sure, at least a thousand or more. It’s not the cheap stuff neither, but what used to be sold as top dollar connoisseur labels that’s been stored there.” Preacher John said rubbing his hands together in anticipation of David finishing his drink and closing the deal.

  “What like Dom Perignon Champagne and such?” David said scratching his head knowing nothing about fine wines or champagne for that matter.

  “Yes there should be some of that also down there. The wine cellar I speak of was reserved for a very exclusive clientele. So do we have a deal David?” Preacher John said as Barabbas went to shuffling papers and peeking over his wire rim glasses at David.

  “Let me think on this a minute. You said we had some time before I had to close and I haven’t even talked to Boudreaux or LowBuck yet” David complained while squirming around in his chair.

  “Sure take your time, talk to LowBuck and Boudreaux if you like. I just want your initial take on this conversation and some kind of idea if you are going to play ball or not.” The preacher said nudging Barabbas so he would quit fiddling with papers and sit still.

  “Well first off that staying out of the wine business and dumping a bunch of what might be vinegar by now sucks. Besides we make honeysuckle wine, dandelion wine, watermelon wine, wild muscadine grape when in season as a staple for the trading post. How about we just stay out of cultivated grape wines?”” David said as his brain started to shift gears into horse trader mode.

  “Well no muscadine, lets just say no grape wine is to be made unless for personal use. I don’t need to be looking over my shoulder at your group going after another winery or some such. You can make wine out of what ever noxious weeds you want otherwise ok? What else do you want” the preacher offered.

  “How far out is this wine cellar? Is it in the city?” David queried

  “Yes, it’s much closer than you think. I could show it to you but I would have to have some assurances from you before I divulged its secrets.” Preacher John said rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

  The Country clubs wine cellar had been raided long ago as well as any grand hotels or fine restaurant years ago as far as David knew so he had no idea where this treasure trove the preacher offered might be. The only thing David surmised was that it must be under one of the big mansions somewhere about.

  “It would be a lot easier to deal with Boudreaux and LowBuck if I actually have personaly seen this mysterious place your talking about and sample a bottle or two.” David replied cocking one eyebrow up at the preacher.

  “Well now then there in lies the crux David. We got some creditability and trust issues between us. There is shall we say rather a delicate point to bring up at this stage of our negotiations. You see that wine cellar sits smack dab under one of your group’s reclamation claims. You may or may not find it someday knowing this information but at the moment you have very little time to even look around for it.” Preacher John said again grinning wryly as he played yet another trump card on David.

  “Damn Preacher man, err Reverend you got all your bases covered don’t you.” David declared as he was getting backed once again into the corner.

  “That I do and you had best not try to circumvent me in any way if I tell you the location in advance.” Preacher John warned.

  “I am a man of my word John. There will be no backsliding by me I guarantee you.” David said raising his voice a bit to loudly and then holding up a calming hand to Fresno who looked like he was about to come pick a dog in this fight.

  “No problem Frez! Me and Reverend John here are just shouting at devils and calling angels. Ain`t that right Preacher? David said to John’s consternation.

  “I think .. Uh, Damn your hide David drop that preacher line I told you.” Reverend John squawked.

  “”Yea sorry Rev, I talk to much in spite of myself. Ok are you going to take me to this mystery cellar or are you planning on sending me alone to god knows where to meet up with what fate?” David said suspiciously.

  “My word means something too son. I had hoped we could go amicably together to inspect the goods but you may also go alone or with LowBuck and Boudreaux if they give their solemn words and handshakes also not to deprive me of just payment if they do not follow through with the proposed trade. Do I have your word and bond that if I tell you the location it is either
a gentleman’s affair of binding payment or consummated trade?’” Preacher John said extending his hand.

  David was not ready to play the handshake game just yet and motioned for the preacher to lower his.

  “You are a slick bastard, I give you that. YOU have not stated a price for that vinegar you’re trying to sell me” David said waving a pointing finger at the Reverend.

  “Oh yes, my oh me David I completely forgot we had not arrived at a value on that yet. Please forgive my oversight and transgression. If the vintage is good let’s say it costs a dollar a bottle, if the wine has soured let us say ten cents a bottle. Is that fair enough?” Preacher john declared and awaited David’s withheld affirmation.

  “No dice yet Reverend. Did you mean to say “If the vintage is good” or if the damn wine was good? I don’t want no legal word games that says a 50 year old bottle of wine was a good vintage so it’s still worth a buck even if it’s undrinkable.” David said grinning wolfishly at him and then pointing at Barabbas accusatorily,

  “Oh you are indeed a sly one David. Barrabas you should take notes and learn something. No my friend I was merely referring to the fruit of the grape as my upbringing and custom dictated. WE speak of palatable but not resalable by you in their current state vintage bottles of wine. You must approve of the exceptional bottles of wine in the cellar as something you would serve your dinner guests or otherwise consider it as something fit only to cook with or clean windows with. Are we done with our banter? Time is pressing on us today as this meeting has taken much longer than I thought.” Preacher John said checking a old solid gold pocket watch that he removed from his black suits vest pocket.

  David sat a moment contemplating and evaluating all the ins and outs of the preachers proposed transaction before speaking further.

  “You mind if we go now and have a look see at this winos delight we have been discussing?’ David asked wondering if the preacher had time to do it today.

  “I can make time if you’re actually serious and give me your hand in agreement.” Preacher John said leaning forward and beaming a smile.

  “You got then!” David said and shook hands with him and his minion Barabbas.

  “Normally I would say drinks all around but you two don’t drink and dark thirty approaches. How far we got to go?” David asked gesturing towards Fresno that he needed still more time and be patient.

  “Now David promise me not to get in a huff or get mad now. Give me your word you ain`t going to cuss me into next Wednesday neither when I tell you where this stash of wine bottles is at. Can I have it?” John asked looking serious at him.

  “I promise! Now okay give! Where does this marvelous mystery tour end up at? David said laughing nervously.

  “The wine cellar is under the Country Club. Now don’t say anything for a few minutes David. I know the MAIN cellar ain`t nothing but a basement with empty racks.” Preacher John said as David turned his head toward him with a look of “DO WHAT?” on it.

  “I told you, me and that country club go way back in history with family. The library has a secret panel that allows access to the stairway of a secondary cellar that used to be reserved for the V.I.P. members to have board room meetings in or to impress connoisseurs and wine vendors. Besides Barabbas here, no living soul but me knows about this secret stash. It was his dead uncle Trevor that had keys to the place and worked for my father so you might say he has a high stake in this also.” Preacher John stated lowering his voice to a half whisper.

  David looked at Barrabas for confirmation and got a solid nod that what John said was true before continuing the conversation.

  “So this stuff has been untouched for at least ten years then?” David asked in his direction.

  “It might be a little better and a little more than that. Reverend John’s Daddy and my Uncle said they moved a lot of liquor from the club bar as well as wine into that secondary basement after the poo hit the fan. I ain`t been down there myself to check out that story so I am just relying on stories and gossip from family. Neither my uncle nor Reverend John’s Father made it home after going on a foraging trip about five years ago. If there is more wine than what we have bargained for I hope you can find it in your heart to be a bit generous to me for my relative’s awareness to safe keep it.” Barabbas said hopefully.

  “If there are any extra trade goods or extra stores on the table and it is as all as you say then I have no problem giving you a bonus. How about you Rev?’ Davis said carefully.

  “I have already given my vow to take care of Barabbas and his family should we encounter any special efforts by his uncle or my father to secure more alcoholic beverages than I remember being stored there. We are tee totalers David and as vexed as I may be in allowing you to secure such abominations and elixirs of sin I still must consider the greater good of my congregation. Therefore don’t let it be said even if we find the abuse of alcohol abhorrent we are practical and tolerant of others outside of our faith.” Preacher John said like he thought a halo would grow out his head.

  “Good deal then guys, Damn good deal I will be proud and honored to enter in this trade if we can remain non secular or judgmental about the transaction and mums the word. When it’s done its done and nary a remembrance on my part where I got it unless one of you asks me. Tell me this though, you mind for my own personal safety and security if I can bring along a sworn friend to this little parlay?” David asked hesitantly as he viewed his options.

  “Who you in particular do you have in mind?” Barabbas asked surveying the bar quickly.

  “Come over here a minute Fresno please. I got something that might be of interest you.” David declared gesturing at his friend and trader who looked impatient still waiting on the conclusion of his pantyhose deal.

  “What’s up David? Hello Reverend.” Fresno said guardedly.

  “I need for you to go on a little mission with us to pick up some samples. We are going to be leaving in a few minutes. You Game?” David asked

  “With the Reverend?” Fresno asked incredulously looking around somewhat bewildered why David would even consider teaming up with him.

  “Yea that’s right. We are going with the Reverend and Barabbas here. You might say trade knows no boundaries. You in? It also in an odd way concerns that deal I was going to make you for that hose.” David said as he wandered up to the bar to get a drink to go. Hell he wasn’t driving and as soon as he got to the country club there sounded like there was to be even more taste testing to do. Having a sober trader and armed buddy around is just what the doctor ordered about right now.

  “Sure, where we going and when are we coming back? I need to leave a note for Krissy.” Fresno said not questioning David’s judgment of the necessity of him accompanying David on some adventure.

  “There are some houses and land over by the country club the reverend wants to trade me.” David said in a low tone just telling part of the story so it didn’t bring any suspicious questions or attract anymore listening ears.

  “Ok I am in. How we getting there?” Frez asked and both he and David looked to Preacher John.

  “Fema gave us a community truck for our area residents to get to town with and for hauling supplies. It is parked outside. You and Barabbas can ride in the bed and me and David will ride in the front.” Preacher John declared.

  “If it’s all the same to you Reverend I just soon ride in the back with Fresno. We were discussing a trade matter before this little road trip came up.

  “Suit yourself. Well let’s be getting on our way.” Preacher John said and the group departed.

  12

  Academia

  David quickly filled in Fresno that they were going to go look at some salvageable wine and liquor and got back to the pantyhose deal. After talking to Preacher John though he had come up with a few new twists and proposals for Fresno.

  “Look I will give you 15 cents a pair and you got to help me catch some ducks for a project but we will work all that out later. We are going to b
e at the Country Club soon and I don’t want them to overhear something I want you to help with. Have you filed any land reclamation claims yet? “David asked keeping his voice down but not really worried that the passengers in the trucks cab can hear them over the wind and rattles of the vehicle.