Diary Of A Kudzu Salesman: Survival And Recovery After The Electrical Grid Collapse (Prepper Reconstruction Book 2)

by Ron Foster

  “No not yet. I haven’t come up with any plans just yet. Hell it was hard enough getting rid of that pantyhose so I had bigger grubstake to consider some possibilities. You got an Idea for a business maybe?” Fresno said all ears as to what David might propose.

  “Get it in the conversation somewhere with the preacher about who owns that Christian academy school coming up here on the left just before we turn into the country club. I need to know the inside story on that.” David advised.

  “Sure, will do. What do you want that building for? It’s huge.” Fresno asked.

  “I don’t want YOU do, or should I say we do.’ David said looking up the road to see how close they were getting to it.

  “Are you thinking of opening a school? I don’t want it. Everybody home schools anyway. I need a real business to claim and try to start back up.” Fresno said pretty let down that was all David was offering.

  “It is a real business! It is a business so big you can not even imagine it. But it is not like what you might be thinking. That place has got a vocational school attached to it. Everyone is going to need plumbers and such and if we are teaching folks a skill then we got first pick on hiring them or putting them in business for us, besides I can get you some FEMA grant money to run it.” David said smiling as Fresno started grinning at the notion.

  “Way cool. So what’s my title? The dean of delinquents’ maybe?’ Fresno said chuckling at the notion.

  “You can call yourself the Grand Don of Delinquency I don’t care. We just need to get the building in your name and I don’t know if this preacher has any claim to it or not. Just try to get him talking about it ok?” David said and then pointed at the place as they rode by it.

  “No problem. That place has got a lot of potential. The older survivors with college degrees could even teach some college there. What do you think the chances are of getting the computer lab back up and running?” Fresno speculated.

  “Now you’re talking! I hadn’t even thought about that. We got a whole generation that has not even seen an operating computer. I don’t know? Maybe we can find a generator or something. Ok we talk about it later here is our turn.” David said as the truck slowed and turned into a fancy bricked entrance way and they proceeded to the dilapidated but still grand country club.

  David had gotten inside previously and found the keys to its massive oak front doors so he flourished them with a grin at Preacher John and opened the door.

  “Enter my friends and be a “member of the country club.” David said humming a country tune.

  “I see you already cased the joint pretty well if you found those keys David. What condition was the library in when you last saw it? “Preacher John asked as they entered the massive gilded foyer.

  “Mostly it is dusty and musty. But no real damage to the books or to the room. Nothing in there anyone wanted to steal so it’s pretty much untouched and unscathed except by time.” David said walking down the dim hallway leading to it.

  “So here we are. I spent a lot of time in this library off and on growing up. Look here is the ledger and journal of my Grandpa and Daddies Kudzu dealings.” Preacher John said removing a large leather bound book for David to peruse.

  David turned a few pages and gave it a cursory glance in order to be polite but was anxious to hurry up and see the secret wine cellar.

  “That book right there and a maybe a few others around here somewhere span a lot of history and states during the Kudzu era.” The Preacher said whimsically.

  David started to tell him to hurry up and show him the secret of opening the door to the basement when a new notion hit him like a ton of bricks. He began to study the book more closely. Most of the properties looked like they got paid to plant that nasty buggy stuff but it looks like the reverends family had also financed some seed and had some sharecroppers involved also.

  Fresno took the opportunity to ask about the Christian academy and the Reverend explained it was a non denominational Christian thing but he had sat on its board before.

  “Is that something you or David is interested in?” Preacher John said sly while watching David seem to take more of an interest in the old Journal.

  “Well David mentioned we had a lot of college grads in our group that was getting up in age and would be more useful teaching than doing other things. I kind of thought about building back up a school.” Fresno advised playing along.

  “Yea I might even get Fresno to put a Chautauqua on next year. I got plenty of space and I see a dollar in it.” David said pretending disinterest and putting the journal back on its shelf.

  “What’s that word you said? What is that all about?” Barabbas said trying to understand the concept.

  “Why David you have surprised me. You’re not just an old backwoods redneck after all are you? Barabbas a Chautauqua ( shə-TAW-kwə) was an adult education movement in the United States, that was highly popular in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. They named it after Chautauqua Lake where the first one was held. Chautauqua assemblies expanded and spread throughout rural America until the mid-1920s. The Chautauqua brought entertainment and culture for the whole community, with speakers, teachers, musicians, entertainers, preachers and specialists of the day. Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was quoted as saying that Chautauqua is "the most American thing in America. David I could definitely get behind that. I will use my influence to get you all that also if you promise to try to discourage your community from taking up residence anywhere nears our winery and keep out of community affairs.” Preacher John offered.

  “You got it reverend. You know what would make this transaction very simple? You just assign me the rights to that old journal so I can show you gave claim to me and I will have LowBuck and Boudreaux assign the winery to whoever you designate. How does that sound?” David asked nonchalantly.

  “Sounds good on the surface but a lot of those properties in that book have been changed or resold over the years. Hell David consider that there other properties in other states in that thing we are not trading for.” Preacher John said pondering the why fors and where fors of allowing David full rights to it.

  “Like I am really going to go claim a kudzu patch 300 miles away in Florida Reverend. That’s plum crazy, who would even think of such a thing? Tell you what John, anything besides this place and the school that doesn’t have Kudzu growing on it I will leave alone as far as the using of that book goes. Who knows? Boudreaux and Lowbuck might want to expand there goat herd someday so anything with Kudzu on it is fair game otherwise to apply it to. Deal?” David said extending his hand.

  “Deal!” Preacher John said shaking his hand and ignoring Barabbas complaining about the legality of it all.

  “Just irrevocably assign the rights to David and spell everything else out in a non circumvent non disclosure document.” The preacher said sternly.

  “Ok, but I think it needs thinking through better. “ Barabbas said meekly.

  “Now then are you ready to behold this room’s well kept secret? “ The preacher said and pulled out on the ledge of one of the bookshelves and begins to swing the hinged bookcase out.

  “Well Ill be damned! That’s neat!” Fresno said peering over the preachers shoulder into the darkness.

  “Flashlights if you please Barabbas. Ah thank you.” The preacher said and shined one of the lights down the stairs.

  14

  In To the Abyss

  “Damn this place hasn’t seen the light of day in a long while.” David remarked as eyes became more accustomed to the dark and the shadows from the flashlight playing on wooden rack upon rack of bottled wine. There were several cases of good whiskey here and there and a few vodka and rum cases but not much else. Apparently the two men’s ancestors didn’t have much time to store much of anything unless they had more stock shoved back in a corner somewhere.

  Fresno was roaming the aisles looking about the racks with his key ring flash light and just pulled a bottle of wine out and aske
d David was he up for a taste test.

  “Sure what do we have?” David said walking over to a tasting table and picking up a dusty old corkscrew.

  “Hard to make out the label it’s all dusty and a bit powdery disenigrating. Something in French that was bottled in 1930. A red wine of some sorts.” Fresno replied studying the label.

  “Hell it probably tastes like vinegar even if it didn’t go bad yet.” David said evidencing his general distaste for what was often referred to as fine wine. He took the bottle from Frez and uncorked it.

  “You want first swig?” David said offering Fresno the bottle.

  “Well I don’t drink but I do remember what good wine is supposed to taste like. Sure why not.” Fresno said reaching for the bottle and taking a tentative sip. He sloshed it around in his mouth for a second before swallowing announced it wasn’t half bad.

  “Let me try that.” David said reaching for the bottle but studying Fresno’s face for any sign of deceit that the stuff actually tasted like gator piss.

  “I guess for wine it’s passable. I like the sweet cheap stuff myself so don’t worry about my palate. Ah is that cognac I see over their?’ David said going over to a small wall rack

  “No it’s some kind of brandy. Napoleon Brandy? You got to be shitting me. Ha ain`t Boudreaux going to have himself a conniption over this! “David said eying the rare bottle.

  “Pearls before swine.” Barabbas muttered

  “I can hear you, you know Barabbas.” David said not put off a bit about the barbed comment.

  “Ok Reverend we got ourselves a deal almost. Draw up the papers and get them ready for everyone’s signatures. I can pretty much guarantee you LowBuck and Boudreaux won’t balk about signing. I would say this is particularly true since all this fine booze is already made and me and you are in such good agreement. Where do you want us at tomorrow to close and formalize our arrangement?” David said gathering up some samples to take with him.

  “Come to the courthouse around three and you all try not to spend the day in the bar before you get there.” Preacher John said once again back to his nasty old self.

  “I think after tonight’s convincing Lowbuck and Boudreaux party we won’t much feel like going to a bar but you can never tell.” David quipped back.

  Fresno and David carried two boxes of assorted bottles up the stairs and watched as Preacher John showed them how to re-secure the door. David then locked the front doors to the country club and climbed into the tricks bed for the ride home.

  “Hey did you see those cans of dehydrated food from Noah`s Pantry under the stairs?”’ Fresno asked in a whisper.

  “Yea I saw it but I don’t know what all types of food it is. I kind of distracted Preacher John away from it and just considered it as a bonus until I can inspect it further.” David declared.

  “ That stuff lasts forever and is top of the line. You find out what is later and share a little with me ok?” Fresno asked.

  “Sure thing buddy no problem. I saw a Aqua Pail water filter under there also that I will most likely let you have to beef up your preps also.: David said as they pulled out on to the highway.

  15

  A Kudzu Conspiracy

  When a long lasting disaster or social collapse occurs, you will only be able to keep that which you can defend or hide. David felt damn lucky to have come upon such as stash and couldn’t wait to tell LowBuck and Boudreaux about it.

  “David I don’t know about your idea to educate the kids in anything other than a trade at that school. The young folks around here care nothing for learning, their attention wandering easily when one of the older generations tries to teach them something like astronomy or mathematics. They seem to care for nothing but fishing and swimming and sex. The observer is left with the unmistakable suspicion that, when the older generation (i.e. you and I) are all gone, humanity (at least, those still living on our Earth) will be backsliding into a new Dark Age of lost knowledge.” Fresno told him on the way back to the bar.

  “Well somebody has got to try and to do it and hopefully you can get some of the gifted students interested in a bit of higher learning. By the way don’t ever ask me to teach or substitute!” David said laughing.

  “Hey the school thing was your idea and what’s an old bachelor like you got to do anyway?” Fresno said with some mirth.

  “I am going to be plenty busy remedying that. I am going to use all that pantyhose you sold me for exactly what it was made for. To be worn by pretty girls. You take that, me owning the country club and some fine vintage champagne to go with it and David’s courting days ought to be right back in full swing.” David said smiling with a devilish grin.

  “Oh hell, you are going to be hard to live with, I can see it coming. I will go find my wife Krissy and get her to go with us to talk to Lowbuck and Boudreaux’s if their not in town already. I don’t think you want to haul all this booze into the bar and let on we been out scavenging with the likes of these two. What do you want to do with it?’ Fresno asked.

  “Good question. Hell buddy, lean over the side of the truck please and holler at Barabbas to drop us off at my trading post.” David told him

  After he had done so Fresno asked him what was it about catching some ducks David had mentioned in their earlier conversation at the bar?

  “Ah my friend, I haven’t gotten a chance to explain that one to you yet. Wait until we get to my shop and I can show you a diagram of what we need to do.

  Fresno and David unloaded the truck and said their farewells to The Reverend and his assistant and went inside the darkened trading post.

  “Gimme just a second to shed some light on things.” David said as he fiddled with a lantern and soon had it lit and turned down to a mellow glow.

  For someone who kind of got screwed over in a deal David was sure happy Fresno thought.

  “Ok this is the deal. That golf course has a lot of ponds on it and I want some of them to be duck ponds. I have a few tame ducks but those wild ducks down on the river like to come visit my place also. Boudreaux was supposed to catch some of the wild ones for HopSing to make one of his famous duck recipes. We got a bet on how many he or I can catch using one assistant. He has got Andrew and that boy I think is part duck himself the way he likes to stomp around swamps and jump in the river. What I want you to do is get a bunch of liter bottles down at the old Pepsi plant and chum the river and maybe a pond or two with these traps the a day or two before the contest. I got some wheat you can use as bait. Boudreaux is going to have fit. You catch all the ducks around here and I tell him the season changed and they must of flew off elsewhere. David said chuckling.

  http://semperparatus.tk/ taught me this trick,

  “

  A 2 liter soda bottle

  Gravel (to make it float upright)

  Elastic Bands (to hold stalks of grain).

  Stalks of Grain (from local region).

  Snares (2 or 3), appropriately wired around the bottle

  Some Epoxy or Hot Glue to seal the cap

  That’s it! Youre Done

  How It Works

  The gravel keeps the bottle upright

  The snares are wired onto the bottles and all holes through the bottles are sealed tight

  Use the elastics to hold the grain stalks.

  Let the snares do its job.

  Professional poachers usually set these in quiet, private locations ponds and bays. Oftentimes they throw grain into the adjacent area to chum and put a spread of decoys out for confidence. Set before dawn and check once in the morning and again at night.

  This type of set works best when there are at least a dozen snares. In southern US some poachers set dozens of these at a time, and oftentimes can bring in a dozen or more birds.