Return to Emmett's Mill

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “I wasn’t talking about Nora. She’s too smart to throw her lot in with Sammy, which is probably why they’ve managed to stay friends for so long.”

  His father chuckled but otherwise remained silent on the issue of Sammy’s predilection for less-than-brainy beauties. It was a running joke in the Halvorsen family; with their crew nothing was sacred, it seemed. Sammy valued two things in a woman, a sizable rack and the good sense not to press for a commitment. Even though his behavior was less than heroic, Sammy never failed to enjoy a steady stream of women running after him, just itching to be the next casual fling of Sammy Halvorsen. Frankly, Josh didn’t get it. Maybe that was his problem. He invested too much of himself in others.

  Dean looked to Christopher, who appeared more out of place among the Halvorsen men than a weed at Versailles, and gestured. “Brandon tells me you’re some kind of computer genius. You managed to clear his hard drive of some nasty virus he picked up while trying to download from some crack site.”

  “Crack?” Mary Halvorsen repeated in alarm before sending a concerned look toward her oldest grandson. “What are you doing at a crack site, for heaven’s sake?”

  “It’s not what you think, Nana,” Christopher interjected, grinning, though the tips of his ears reddened.

  “Well, then, what is it?” she asked.

  “It’s a Web site that lists the registration codes for software. You download the crack and it allows you to use the software without paying for it.”

  Mary turned to Brandon, eyes afire. “Brandon Dean Halvorsen…are you telling me you’re stealing from the Internet?”

  “Nana, it’s no big deal. Everyone does it,” Chris said in Brandon’s defense.

  In truth, this was the first time Josh had ever heard of such a thing and it made him a little uneasy. “It is stealing, though,” he said, and Dean agreed.

  “I told Brandon no more of that stuff. The virus was bad enough, but what if he got busted for Internet fraud or something,” Dean added. “Better not to mess with it.”

  “Dad—” Brandon started, but Josh’s father decided to interject.

  “We’re an honest family,” he said. “Stealing’s stealing…no matter how you package it. I don’t want to hear of any of my kin doing something so dirty. Hear me?”

  Brandon looked chastised as he agreed, but Josh caught the subtle look of disdain on his own son’s face. Clearly, he thought little of this Internet stealing and considered his family’s reaction overbearing. Josh withheld a sigh, realizing he was going to have to have a serious sit-down talk with his son about morals, ethics and values.

  CHRISTOPHER SAT OUTSIDE with Brandon while the rest of the adults talked about stuff that didn’t interest either one of them and counted the moments until he could get back to his computer.

  “Thanks for killing that virus,” Brandon said, and Christopher nodded. “I thought my hard drive was toast. How’d you do it?”

  Christopher scoffed at Brandon’s impressed tone. “That’s nothing. A kindergartner could’ve cleaned your drive.”

  Brandon bristled. “I’m no kindergartner and I couldn’t get it out.”

  “No offense, Brandon, but you’re not exactly a genius on the computer. You’re still using Windows for an operating system.”

  “What do you use?”

  Christopher gave him a bored look. “Currently…Linux, but I’ve used others.”

  Brandon frowned. “What are you…some kind of hacker?”

  Christopher smiled, enjoying the power he felt at having superior knowledge on something. He wasn’t good at sports but he could hack into anything he chose. “Yeah…something like that.”

  “What have you hacked into?” Brandon asked, his tone dubious. “Like banks and shit?”

  “Banks are for people with a desire to do hard time. Besides, what am I going to do with money I can’t spend, because the minute I do, the feds will zero in on my location and arrest my ass? No, I’m more low profile. I only hack for personal stuff. Gaming, mostly.”

  “Games?” Brandon looked at him dumbly. “What kind of games?”

  “You ever played Zenith Rising?” Christopher asked.

  “Yeah, once or twice. It was pretty cool. The new one’s coming out in a few months, right?”

  “I’ve already played it,” Christopher said smugly.

  “Bullshit. That’s impossible.”

  Christopher laughed. “Nothing’s impossible if you know what you’re doing. Me and my friend OgDog have been playing it for weeks. We downloaded the testing version and we have it half solved. It’s even better than the first one.”

  Brandon’s expression faltered. “Dude…what if you get caught?”

  Again, Christopher smirked. “I won’t.”

  TASHA CAME FROM THE KITCHEN and stopped when she saw her father sitting in his recliner in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the low flames crackling in the fireplace.

  She was tempted to turn around and leave him to his brooding, but she sensed his grief as if it were a palpable thing sitting in the room beside him, whispering sad words into his ear in a voice only he could hear.

  And it didn’t feel right to leave him like that.

  Natalie and Nora had already gone home for the evening, which only left Tasha to check on him.

  “Dad?” She walked into the room reluctantly, shamefully aware of how much she wanted to pretend she didn’t see his pain. She’d learned years ago her father wasn’t infallible, but seeing him sitting in his chair, shrunken and defeated, made that realization that much more crystal clear in her mind.

  He didn’t acknowledge her presence as she sat down on the sofa beside his recliner. “How you doing?”

  Such dumb, inane questions. She tried again. “What do you think of the bereavement group Natalie enrolled you in?”

  At that he gave a soft snort. “Talking to some group isn’t going to change the fact my Missy is gone,” he said sourly. “The only reason I go is to get Natalie to relax. The girl is going to give herself an ulcer.” He sent a short look at Tasha. “You should talk to her. Get her to settle down.”

  “She’s worried about you,” Tasha said quietly. “And you know she won’t stop until she thinks you’re okay.”

  Gerald’s stricken expression told her he didn’t think he’d ever see that day.

  “Dad…I’m not going to tell you that some day the pain will fade, because I don’t know if that’s true.” Her own hadn’t. “But each day it’s going to get easier to breathe, until one day you’ll wake up and it won’t feel as if an elephant is sitting on your chest.”

  She held his gaze until he chose to look away with an audible sigh that pulled at her heart. He turned his stare to the dying flames. “Sometimes…” He stopped, his voice cracking from pent-up emotion. He shook his head. “Forget it.”

  “What, Dad?” She wanted to know. “Please, tell me.”

  His lip quivered and she thought the light caught tears shining in his eyes. “Sometimes, I swear, I hear her voice,” he said, breaking down for a moment before pulling himself together in some semblance of control. “But I know it’s not her. My Missy is gone.”

  Tasha didn’t know what to say. A part of her wished she’d been the one to sense her mother’s presence, just so she could grasp a hint of her essence, but it made sense that if her mother’s spirit was indeed hanging around, that she would seek the man she’d spent the last forty years with. She sighed, seeking the right words. “Maybe she was trying to comfort you,” Tasha offered, but her father scoffed at the idea.

  “She’s dead, Natasha,” Gerald said. “She’s not coming back.” Heavy silence followed. Then Gerald struggled out of his recliner. Tasha watched as he walked stiffly from the room. He surprised her when he turned at the hallway. “I miss her, Tasha…more than I ever thought possible.”

  Tasha swallowed. “I know, Dad,” she said solemnly. “We all do.”

  Gerald nodded curtly and left the room.

 
; Tasha heard Natalie’s voice in her head advising her to sit down with their father and talk things through, but it seemed simpler and less painful to just leave as she had before. Except, even as the coward in her heart whispered that half truth, another part of her shunned that idea. It wasn’t simpler to walk away, not for her family. She couldn’t possibly leave with everyone—most notably Natalie—holding on to their sanity by their fingertips.

  She sighed and curled her legs underneath her. Although it was late, Tasha didn’t feel like driving to her hotel. The house had settled with familiar creaks and groans, the warmth in the room lulling her with its comfortable embrace. Gazing at the embers, she drifted into a relaxed state, happy to just veg and let her mind rest.

  Josh’s face floated into view and she smiled softly. In the privacy of her mind, she enjoyed the memory of their trip to Yosemite. Being around him was as natural as breathing. The day had been near perfect until the end. Her smile faded slowly. It was unhealthy to wallow in the past, yet one could say that’s all she’s been doing since she left Emmett’s Mill. Still, in this instance, she couldn’t help but recall how safe and secure she’d felt around Josh—reminding her of times so far gone it ought to feel like a faded memory rather than the brightest spot in her life.

  Tasha shut her eyes against the sadness creeping up on her. It seemed her life was a series of sad moments. Was that ever going to change? Or was that the card she’d been dealt in this lifetime?

  She hoped not—she wanted so much more.

  Another sigh escaped and she buried her face in her arm, hating the maudlin turn of her own thoughts, hating the trapped feeling that never seemed far, no matter how long she ran.

  She craved someone she could cling to when the memories crowded her space, invading every facet of her life. A man whose arms would provide a safe haven from the pain lodged in her heart and soul.

  Except, she knew there was only one person who fit the bill…and he was the person fate had taken from her and given to someone else.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  JOSH FIDGETED WITH THE phone, vacillating between asking Tasha to dinner or not. Christopher was spending the night at Brandon’s and he had the whole house to himself. Unfortunately, the longer he sat there listening to the silence, the more he was convinced it didn’t really appeal to him. A consequence of growing up in a household full of boys, he supposed.

  It was one of the many differences between him and Carrie; she’d grown up an only child and preferred the quiet, while Josh felt most at home when there were ten different things going on at once.

  He stared at the numbers, hating the place he was caught in. Didn’t seem a place a grown man was supposed to be. Josh realized with a start that he was a bundle of nerves. He released an embarrassed chuckle and resolutely hung up the phone. He wasn’t a kid and he certainly didn’t need to start acting like one.

  Striding from the room, intent on finding a project to occupy his mind, he was halfway to the garage when he did an about-face.

  One dinner didn’t mean anything. People sat down to eat all the time, didn’t mean they were sharing something special.

  Just food and companionship.

  Yep.

  He dialed Tasha’s number and ignored the warning bells that clanged as anticipation overruled everything else.

  And the pope wears Betty Boop underwear.

  TASHA SMOOTHED THE nonexistent wrinkles from her dress and waited nervously for Josh to arrive. She still couldn’t believe he’d asked her to dinner. It had been on the tip of her tongue to decline, but when she realized she really wanted to go, she’d agreed.

  Tasha was careful not to read anything into it. Neither was ready for any kind of relationship. The very thought was ridiculous, and she fiercely reminded herself of that simple logic when a traitorous flutter erupted in her stomach.

  A knock sounded at the door and she hurried to answer. Josh stood in the bright hotel light and she nearly sucked in her tongue at his appearance. His tailored brushed suede coat, coupled with faded blue jeans and a snow-white linen shirt, was perfectly set off by the worn cowboy boots, giving him a roguish air that sent her pulse racing. His gaze seemed to travel from her toes to the top of her head, as if imprinting her image with every synapse in his brain, and Tasha gave him a cautious smile.

  “You look beautiful,” he said in a husky murmur. “Every man in Emmett’s Mill is going to be jealous tonight.”

  “Don’t be silly. It’s just me and I’m no one special.”

  The look in his eyes stole her breath. It said everything she felt in her heart but didn’t have the right to voice.

  “Shall we?” He offered his arm and she took it.

  All manner of inappropriate thoughts raced through her mind as he led her through the lobby to his awaiting truck, struck by the incredible sensation that this felt like a date when it shouldn’t.

  Enjoy the moment, for crying out loud! Nora’s voice rang in her ears and she actually winced. Fine. I will.

  Josh pulled into the Grill and she turned to him in surprise. “Are you sure? Chances are high we’ll run into someone we know.”

  He grinned at the anxiousness in her tone. “Tasha, you’re the best company I’ve had in months. I don’t care who sees us having dinner together. Unless, of course, you prefer somewhere else,” he added.

  She smiled against the trepidation she felt in her chest and shook her head.

  “All right, then, bring your appetite, because I hear the burgers here are nothing short of amazing. Of course, this all comes from Sammy, and you might have to take his word with a grain of salt. I wouldn’t say his tastes are all that discerning when it comes to food. As long as it’s hot and reasonably salted, he’s good to go.”

  Tasha laughed and they entered the bustling restaurant. Immediately, a voice rang out and Tasha instinctively drew closer to Josh until she recognized the person who was waving them over to their table.

  “Josh Halvorsen, you lucky son of a bitch, how are you?”

  Karl Masterson, a graduate the same year as Josh and Tasha, looked nothing like he did in high school. Round and portly with ruddy, wind-chapped cheeks, he rose where he sat with his family and pumped Josh’s hand enthusiastically. “I heard you’d moved back to town but figured since I hadn’t seen you yet, those brothers of yours must be keeping you pretty busy.”

  Josh nodded. “Busy is good. Keeps the mind from thinking too much.”

  “I hear ya there.” Karl boomed with laughter until his eyes fell on Tasha, who had done her best to draw little attention to herself. “Natasha Simmons,” he said, ending in a low whistle, which immediately made her uncomfortable. Karl didn’t threaten her; she just didn’t enjoy that much male attention.

  “How are you doing, Karl?” she asked politely.

  “Can’t complain. This here’s my wife, Angela, and our two daughters, Matty and Dylan.” Tasha inclined her head toward Karl’s wife but discreetly tugged at Josh’s coat.

  “Good to see you, Karl,” Josh said with a warm grin. “But we’re starving and need to get a table.”

  The hostess sat them a few moments later. As Tasha took her seat in a cozy booth away from a large party, which by the sounds of their hooting and hollering was the evening’s first pit stop before the real fun in the lounge began, she released the breath she’d been unconsciously holding.

  “You okay?” Josh asked, concerned.

  “Fine.” She gave him a bright smile but averted her eyes, as if searching for their waitress. “But I am hungry. I think I could probably eat a whole cow.”

  Josh chuckled, but the sound held some reservation. He sensed something was wrong, she knew it, but she wasn’t about to tell him the real reason she was suddenly on edge. Besides, tonight was about enjoying each other’s company. She sent him another smile, this time with more enthusiasm, and he relaxed.

  “Thanks for coming out with me tonight,” Josh said. “I really didn’t want to sit around the house with nothin
g but my own thoughts to keep me company.”

  She understood that. “We all gotta eat, right?”

  He nodded. “We do. And if someone else is doing the cooking, I’m all for it.”

  “Still not much of a gourmet, huh?” she asked, teasing.

  He shook his head ruefully. “No, and Chris and I have the sour stomachs to prove it. Since Carrie…Well, we’ve been roughing it.”

  “Carrie was a good cook?”

  “Yeah, pretty good. Nothing fancy, but then my tastes never ran toward that stuff. Just good old-fashioned meat and potatoes.”

  Tasha smiled. She used to tease Josh for his stubborn refusal to try Thai food once when they were out for dinner. She’d tried every manner of cajoling to get him to just give it a taste but he wouldn’t budge. It was nice to see some things hadn’t changed.

  After they’d placed their order, Tasha took a look around the crowded restaurant for more familiar faces. She couldn’t stop her muscles from tensing even as she made an effort to appear nonchalant. It was slim, but she had a fear of running into Diane Lewis again. Flinching at the thought, she caught Josh’s perplexed stare.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his intent gaze drying up the glib statement she was about to offer. “If you’d like to go someplace else, I don’t mind.”

  “Josh…the restaurant is fine. There’s just a few people I’d rather not run into,” she said, dropping her stare to the neatly folded napkin in her lap. She risked a small laugh. “And usually when I visit, I avoid town.”

  “May I ask who you are trying to avoid?”

  “No.” She laughed, the sound sad and desperate to her own ears. Then she waved away his concern. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Really.”

  “It’s not,” he disagreed. “But if you don’t want to tell me, I’m not going to pressure you. Just know that if you ever need a shoulder…mine is always available. That’s what friends are for, right?”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat at his offer. “Thank you, Josh.”

  “Don’t mention it.”