Return to Emmett's Mill

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “Carrie’s concerned about his computer use?” Tasha asked carefully, knowing Josh was touchy about the subject.

  He eyed her warily. “A little.”

  “Why? What’s he doing?”

  “Nothing bad, he just tends to spend a lot of time on it. Carrie wants him to be an athlete.”

  “Like you,” she surmised.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “She must think highly enough of you still to want her son to be like you.”

  Josh glowered. “That’s not why she wants him to be an athlete. It has everything to do with her ego, not Chris.”

  “She’s his mother. I’m sure she just wants what’s best for him,” Tasha reproached him lightly, knowing by the tight press of his lips that he wasn’t pleased, but she couldn’t imagine a mother not wanting the best for her child. She never thought she’d see herself aligning her views with Carrie’s, but she didn’t see where Josh’s anger came from.

  “And I’m his father and I think she’s making a big deal out of nothing.”

  Tasha nodded, letting the subject drop. Somehow she’d just severed the connection between them and the resulting space left her feeling out of sorts. “Josh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t care. I know you do.”

  His face lost some of its tightness. “Thanks. I’m sorry, too. I guess I’ve been wearing my feelings on my shirtsleeve since the divorce. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

  “It’s okay,” she murmured. “Are we still on for Yosemite?”

  He eyed her contemplatively, then nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “How about Saturday?” she suggested, noting how quickly her mood lifted with his agreement. “The weather is supposed to be relatively mild, although up in the park it’ll still be pretty cold. Probably low fifties. Make sure Chris bundles up.”

  Josh cracked a smile. “Always taking care of people, aren’t you?”

  Tasha grinned, though her cheeks warmed a little. “Can’t help it, I guess. It’s that eldest-sister thing I suppose.”

  Josh’s expression softened, and for an instant Tasha saw the boy she’d once known; the boy who was always there for her, who allowed her to cry on his shoulder and held her sweater in the cafeteria line so she didn’t have to balance it on her arm along with her lunch tray. His thoughtfulness was his hallmark. If anyone was always taking care of other people, it was Josh. His eyes cleared and Tasha felt Josh withdraw even though his subtle smile didn’t fade. “Saturday it is. I’ll pick you up at your hotel around eight?”

  “Sounds good,” Tasha murmured, ignoring the flicker of excitement in her stomach. “I appreciate you doing this,” she added.

  He smiled and shook his head in amusement. “Don’t mention it. A day in Yosemite sounds great.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way. Sometimes I feel like I’ve leaned on you too much.”

  “You haven’t,” he assured her. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

  Are we friends? She wanted to ask but didn’t. Tasha smiled and thanked him instead. She wanted his friendship. If things were different, she might be tempted to want more.

  JOSH HOLLERED FOR Christopher one more time as he headed toward the truck with extra blankets. It was a wild idea, but he’d remembered that Tasha used to love to ice-skate at the Curry Village rink and thought they could swing by before lunch at the Ahwahnee Hotel. The Ahwahnee was an upscale place, but since everything in the park was expensive, he figured they ought to pay for something worth buying.

  “Chris…sometime today, please,” he shouted after another glance at his watch. What was that kid doing in there? “We’re going to be late.”

  “Why can’t I just stay here?” his son’s voice whined from the bedroom. “I don’t know how to ice skate and hiking in subzero weather isn’t very appealing.”

  “Christopher Angelus Halvorsen, turn off that computer and get your ass out here before I ground you from all access to that damn thing.”

  Christopher grumbled but appeared nonetheless. “When did you turn into a dictator?”

  “When you turned into a hermit,” Josh shot back without missing a beat. “There’s more to life than whatever you’ve got going on in cyberspace.”

  “Doubtful.”

  Josh chose to overlook Chris’s ill humor; he was actually looking forward to the day and he figured once Christopher was out of the house, he’d enjoy it, too.

  Josh pulled up to the small hotel and saw Tasha waiting outside her door. She was appropriately bundled in a pink puffy jacket, jeans and warm Ugg boots. Her hands were shoved deep within her jacket pockets and her cheeks were pink from the cold, but a warm smile wreathed her beautiful mouth. Damn, if she didn’t look like something out of a catalog. Josh shifted in his seat, catching the hungry look in his eyes from the rearview mirror. Great. That’s all he needed Chris to see. He wasn’t ready to answer questions, not even his own, much less his son’s.

  Still, his gaze lingered longer than he’d intended, as if drinking in her appearance, and Chris caught him. “We used to be more than friends,” he found himself explaining until he realized he was only making himself look suspect. “Never mind. Hop in the back. Here she comes. And,” he added, twisting to give his son a serious look, “best behavior, okay?”

  Christopher rolled his eyes in annoyance. “What do I look like, twelve?”

  Josh chuckled but didn’t have time to retort for Tasha was almost to the door and he realized he was still just sitting there. Hopping from his seat, he ran around to the other side and opened the door for her.

  “Josh, you didn’t have to do that,” Tasha said, but her soft gaze was clearly appreciative. “It’s not like this is a date.”

  “I know,” he said gruffly. “But there’s nothing wrong with opening the door for a lady…even if she’s just a friend.”

  “You’re right.” Tasha nodded and slid into the truck. “By all means, please exert your gentlemanly duties.”

  “Are you guys going to talk like that all day? If so, let me out at the next stop,” Christopher groused from the backseat.

  “Best behavior, Chris,” Josh reminded him, and Chris sighed. “Thank you.”

  Tasha looked at him, concerned. “We don’t have to go if this isn’t a good time…”

  He put the truck into gear and pulled onto the main street. “It’s a perfect time. We’re going to have a great day.”

  TASHA STARED AT THE overwhelming beauty of Yosemite National Park and wondered how she managed to stay away for so long. There was something spiritual about the park’s natural beauty. She could almost feel good energy pouring into her, invigorating her senses and reminding her why it was great to be alive. She sent a wide smile to Josh and she knew he understood what she felt. Her breath plumed before her, the wintry climate nothing to scoff at, but she felt incredibly peaceful inside. “I’d forgotten how much I love this place,” she admitted. “When I was a kid there wasn’t a summer I didn’t come up here to swim in the river or go hiking.”

  “Yeah, I know. I was with you half the time,” Josh said.

  “That’s right.” Tasha smiled. She tapped her head lightly. “There’s a few good memories up here.”

  Josh cracked an embarrassed smile in return. “For me, too.”

  “This place is boring. It doesn’t even have an Internet café. How am I supposed to check my e-mail?” Christopher said, giving his father a dark look.

  Josh clapped his hands together and pointed toward Curry Village. “No Internet today, buddy. Today…you’re going to experience the bumps and bruises and sore behind of ice-skating.”

  Tasha gasped. “Is the rink still open?” she asked, barely able to contain her excitement. When Josh nodded, a grin in place, she did a little hop and gestured to Christopher. “You’re going to love it! It’s so much fun!”

  Christopher didn’t look so sure, but Tasha only laughed and hurried to the shack where the skate rentals were located. By the time Josh and Ch
ristopher pulled up the rear, she was already accepting a pair of black, completely worn skates. Josh gave the woman behind the counter his and Chris’s sizes and soon they were sitting beside her on the cold bench.

  Josh held up the old skate with a dubious expression. “These have seen better days,” he noted, and Tasha laughed.

  “Yeah, I think they’re the same ones we used to wear when we were kids.”

  “Great…I’m going to kill myself,” Chris said sourly, but one look from Josh and he was lacing them up.

  Tasha stood carefully and wobbled the short distance to the rink. “Here goes nothing. I guess we’ll see if this is something you don’t forget.”

  Placing one foot on the frozen surface, she pushed off slowly and glided away, the rhythm coming to her easily. She made a few experimental turns to get her bearing and then skated over to where Josh and Chris were standing at the edge. Chris’s expression had gone from dour to frightened. She reached out her hand.

  “C’mon, I’ll help you,” Tasha offered to Chris. He seemed reluctant to accept her help until he flailed a little and almost fell on his behind. He quickly grasped her hand and Tasha sent a playful look Josh’s way. “Looks like he inherited your feet,” she said, gently leading Chris toward the wall. “Get your center of gravity first, then when you feel you can stand without wobbling, push off in a slightly diagonal direction with your dominant foot. Go slow, and if you get into trouble, here’s the wall. But don’t rely on the wall too much or else you’ll never get the true hang of it,” she said, letting Chris’s hand go so that he could reach out to the wall.

  Josh glided up to her and stopped with only the slightest wobble, and she rewarded him with a grin. “Not bad, but can you do this?”

  Pushing off, she sailed across the ice into a semi-graceful turn that would’ve been incredibly impressive if she hadn’t landed on her rear two seconds later.

  Chris’s and Josh’s laughter blended with her own. “That didn’t quite come off as I’d envisioned in my head,” she admitted as she climbed to her feet.

  “The Russian judge gives it a ten,” Josh said with a mocking tone as he glided over to her, his expression mischievous. “I’d offer to kiss it but that might not be appropriate.”

  “Thank you for your restraint,” Tasha said, returning his grin before motioning to Christopher to join her. He shook his head and looked suctioned to the wall. “C’mon, you can do it. Just give it a try. What’s the worse that can happen? You fall on your butt. I already did that so it’s your turn and then your dad’s.”

  At that Josh gave her a look that said, “Thanks, I prefer to stay upright,” but he followed as she skated over to Chris.

  “One lap around the rink and you’re off the hook,” Josh offered, and Christopher’s eyes lit up warily. “You can turn in your skates and sit by the fire pit until we’re done. Fair enough?”

  “‘Fair’ would’ve been giving me the option to stay home,” Chris muttered.

  “No, that would’ve been a democracy, and in this parental country, it’s a dictatorship,” Josh said with good humor despite his son’s attitude. “What’s it going to be?”

  Christopher blew out a hard breath and then pushed off the wall with surprising agility for someone who’d only just put on skates ten minutes ago. Using careful glides, Christopher put some distance between himself and them.

  “That’s one determined kid you’ve got there,” Tasha observed playfully, though a part of her saw much of Josh in the boy. When they’d been young, Josh had been the epitome of stubborn and headstrong. “He’s definitely got that Halvorsen hard head going for him.”

  Josh sighed. “Yeah, recently, I’ve noticed that.”

  Tasha pushed off the wall and Josh followed. Soon they were skating side by side with matching strides.

  “Having a hard time with him?” she asked.

  He nodded. “Just recently. The divorce has been hard on him. Carrie…Well, she hasn’t made seeing Christopher much of a priority lately, and when she does it’s usually a disaster. She’s always trying to get him to do things he doesn’t enjoy.”

  “Like ice-skate?” Tasha teased, and he looked at her sharply until he realized she was kidding.

  “Yeah.” He gave a rueful grin. “Like ice-skating.”

  She twisted so that she was skating backward and Josh’s face lit up.

  “Impressive,” he said as she turned back around. “Seems ice-skating is like riding a bike.”

  “Not exactly, I wouldn’t try a jump right now,” Tasha admitted with a laugh. “That’s about the extent of my skating skills at this stage in my life. How about you?”

  “Hey, I’m lucky I haven’t landed on my ass. I think I’ll stick to the easy stuff.”

  “Suit yourself,” she answered cheekily, thoroughly enjoying herself and the company. Christopher made it to the other end of the rink and was gingerly making his way off the ice. She gestured toward Chris. “Didn’t even fall once. Not bad. Seems he inherited your feet after all.”

  Tiny lines around his eyes crinkled as he chuckled, the sound deep and inviting, and Tasha wondered how any woman could walk away from this strong, solid man.

  For a split second she found herself allowing shamefully catty thoughts about Carrie to surface, as if somehow it was all Carrie’s fault she and Josh hadn’t made it. But the moment she realized where her thoughts were going she stomped them down. It took two to make a marriage work…or cause it to fail. Sadness followed as she surreptitiously watched Josh, knowing somehow that he blamed himself for the breakup and it was eating him up inside. This hidden pain was what Sammy was talking about, what she’d sensed from the moment she saw him again.

  Tasha wished she had the privilege to grasp his hand in her own, to show him with that one simple gesture that he wasn’t alone and someone was there for him—but she couldn’t do that. The invitation had not been extended and she knew better than to cross that boundary, but it felt natural to offer.

  “Why do you blame yourself for the breakup of your marriage?” she asked.

  He looked sharply at her as if surprised she’d ventured into such dangerous territory. She bit her lip but her words were already out there. “Someone’s to blame, right? Might as well be me. I don’t know how I ever got it into my head that I’d make a good husband.”

  Tasha couldn’t help but wince at his statement. “I’m sure you were a wonderful husband,” she countered with more conviction than she should’ve allowed. “I doubt you’ve changed so much from the man I used to know, and that man would’ve made a good partner.”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat and risked meeting his gaze. What she saw made her heart sink.

  “I’m not that person anymore. Life has a way of changing you. I wasn’t the best husband to Carrie and maybe she wasn’t the best wife, but I know I could’ve tried harder.”

  “No one is perfect,” she whispered, her heart breaking for him. “Stop beating yourself up over something that takes two.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t need you to champion me, Tasha. It is what it is.”

  She bit back the urge to wail, What happened to the boy she used to know? He had to be in there somewhere. But, to what end? It wasn’t as if she was going to be here when and if that person resurfaced. Sadness swamped her ability to respond. Not that it mattered, there wasn’t much to say.

  When she finally found her voice, she said, “You’re right. It is what it is.” Why the hell was she messing with fire? “I’m sorry I said anything.”

  “You all right?” he asked.

  “I’m fine,” she assured him. And she would be. Just as she always was…as soon as she left Emmett’s Mill and Josh…behind.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  JOSH AND CHRISTOPHER entered his parents’ house and were immediately greeted by a hearty Halvorsen welcome. His brothers and nephew flanked his parents at the large oak table, his mother looking frightfully outnumbered by the various men in the room, and there
was enough food covering every square inch to feed a squadron.

  “You’re late, Boo,” his mother called out, using his childhood nickname and causing him to grimace. “Don’t give me that look. Come, sit down. We almost didn’t wait.”

  Josh bent down to kiss his mother’s cheek before taking his place. “How you doing, Ma?”

  “Can’t complain. How’s the Simmons job coming along?” she asked, reaching for the bowl of peas to hand to him. “I heard a tree went through the wall?”

  His father scooped a large bite of mashed potatoes. “Heck of a thing, considering what Gerald’s going through with Missy and all.”

  “Yeah, he’s taking it pretty hard,” Josh said, accepting the bowl and giving himself a healthy portion before handing it to Chris. “Natalie’s running herself ragged trying to keep his head above water, and for some reason Tasha and Nora aren’t getting along.”

  “That’s a shame,” clucked his mother, shooting a quick glance at Sammy. “You’re real close with Nora, what’s going on?”

  Sammy grimaced. “Aww, Ma, why you asking me that? If I tell you what Nora’s been filling my ear with, Josh is bound to throw his mashed potatoes at me and then it’ll feel weird when I go to ask Tasha out.”

  Sammy acted as if he were poised to duck, but that damnable smirk wasn’t far from his expression, telling everyone he was pulling Josh’s leg. Because of that, Josh reined the impulse to growl and kept his expression purposefully neutral. Except, the thought of Sammy going out with Tasha rubbed him in a million different wrong ways and he was a terrible actor. “Stick to your brainless bimbos,” Josh advised. “Tasha’s way out of your league and definitely not your type.”

  “Josh,” his mother admonished. “That’s no way to talk about your brother’s friends. I happen to think Nora is a solid woman with a good head on her shoulders.”

  Sammy piped in. “Yeah!”