Colorado Heat (Colorado Heart Book 8)

by Sara York

  “I’m a jerk. That’s why he was pissed. He knows I’ve never wanted a relationship. But I do with Tanner. I want everything from him. All of it.”

  “So what is the problem?” Suz asked before taking a sip of her coffee.

  “He’s gone,” Grant said.

  The words were like a hard punch to his chest. Desperate, he wanted to yell and scream, but throwing a fit wouldn’t solve anything.

  She set down her mug and shook her head. “What do you mean, gone?”

  “I took Mike out to the barn so we didn’t wake anyone with me yelling at him.”

  “We came back in and he’s gone.” Mike put his hands on the sides of his head and squeezed. “I can’t live without him.”

  “Then go get him,” Suz said.

  “What?”

  “He’s on foot. Go find him.”

  “But he could be anywhere.”

  “No, he started walking. He’s headed south is my gamble.”

  Mike hopped up and placed his hands on the table, leaning over as he stared at Suz. “What? Why do you think he would go south?”

  “It’s warmer. That’s where I’d go. He can’t have gone far. Go get him.” Suz lifted her hand and her brows bunched. “I may be wrong. Maybe he went north. He does like the cold.”

  “Fuck,” Mike stood tall, his gaze connecting with Grant’s. “What do I do?”

  Billy got up and grabbed an iPad before sitting back down. “He can’t have gone far.”

  “What are you doing?” Mike asked.

  Billy started typing on the iPad. “Possible routes, walking speed, the terrain. Let’s figure out where he could have gone.”

  They hashed out the routes, debating possible alternatives. Billy printed out four maps detailing the way they thought Tanner would go. He marked in red how far Tanner could get each hour.

  “If we all go, it will draw too much attention,” Mike said.

  “I’ll take one truck, and you take another,” Suz said.

  Grant drew in a sharp breath and Suz glanced at him. “You don’t want me to leave, do you?”

  “Fuck, this is all sorts of fucked up,” Grant said.

  “I’ll go,” Billy said. “Suz, the ranch has certain rules. We can’t abandon them all. Tanner left, but he left under stress, otherwise we’d let him leave. I’ll take the northwest route and the one to the north.”

  “I’ll do the two to the south,” Mike said. He had no alternative but to take the maps and go. Tanner was his heart and he needed him back. It was crazy that in such a short amount of time he could feel so strongly about Tanner. “Billy, if you find him, call me and let me talk to him.”

  “Sure thing.” Billy screwed up his face. “I don’t want to wake Tucker so I’ll need to borrow some pants.”

  “You can take a pair of mine. In my closet,” Mike said.

  “Sure. Keep me updated on your progress,” Billy called out before heading to Mike’s room.

  Suz gave him a quick hug. Grant walked him out to the truck and squeezed his shoulder before he got in and left, taking the route Billy had detailed. He would drive ten miles down this route then backtrack before heading down the other route. He had to find Tanner. There was no other option for him.

  Chapter Twenty

  He’d driven every route they’d detailed and they still hadn’t found Tanner. It had been almost five hours. Where the hell was he? Billy hadn’t found him either. Mike backtracked, still not finding Tanner. Maybe he’d missed him.

  Desperation pushed him to drive to the interstate and start looking. But there was no way he would have made it this far, unless Tanner ran, which he could have. Mike scanned the side of the road as he drove slower than the rest of the cars. His heart raced and his head spun. He couldn’t live without Tanner.

  The sun was turning the sky lighter. It would make it easier to spot Tanner, but hell, the longer this lasted, the farther away he could be. Tears burned his eyes and he forced them away. He couldn’t sink into desperation.

  He’d already cursed himself, and he was about to curse himself again when he saw someone who looked like his lover. Mike pulled off the road and hopped out. The guy stopped walking and looked up.

  “Tanner?” Mike called out.

  “What are you doing?”

  “My God, I thought I would never find you.”

  Tanner didn’t come closer. His eyes were slits, his lips thin before they pursed with anger. He turned and Mike ran after him.

  “Wait, please don’t go.”

  Tanner spun around, fire burned hot in his eyes. “You don’t want me.”

  “No. No. I do. Please, Tanner.”

  “I heard you,” Tanner yelled.

  “What did you hear?”

  Tanner threw up his hands and his face grew redder. “That you were using me. That I’m just a piece of ass for you.” The words were flung like knives, wounding Mike like no other weapon could.

  He’d really fucked up. How could he fix this? “No, that’s not what I said.”

  “I heard it.”

  He shook his head. “I was being sarcastic. Grant was pissed. He thought I was using you. I was angry and said that shit off the tip of my tongue. I wanted to bait him. Please, Tanner, you know I don’t feel that way about you.”

  “Don’t you? You didn’t want to tell anyone else.”

  “Please. I made a huge mistake.”

  A car zipped past and he knew if too many more cars passed and saw them arguing, the authorities would be called. They didn’t need the attention. This was all sorts of fucked up and he would need to do some serious groveling.

  “Can you get in the truck with me?”

  Tanner shook his head. “I feel like the dog with the bark collar on and all the other dogs are barking around me, causing me pain. But it’s not dogs, it’s the voices in my head.”

  Mike reached out touching Tanner’s shoulder but he jumped back and held up his hands.

  “No, no touching. Not until we’ve talked.”

  Mike’s heart sped up and his breath hitched. “Okay, no touching. Just come with me. I swear I’ll do anything you want, send you anywhere you want to go if you decide not to stay. I just want to have a chance to talk.” He prayed Tanner didn’t take him up on the offer. He wanted his man to stay at Wild Bluff forever. If Tanner left, it would crush Mike, but he couldn’t force him to stay.

  Tanner gave a sharp nod and followed after Mike. He tossed his pack between them, creating a separating barrier. Mike wanted to be able to pull Tanner close but the bag was in the way.

  Before he slid into the truck beside Tanner, he’d known what to say, now he had no clue how to talk to him. More cars zoomed past and he started the engine.

  “You okay going to the ranch?”

  Tanner shook his head. “I don’t know. They’ll all know. And Grant, he was so mad. I can’t—it reminds me of my dad.”

  “He’s not mad at you.” Desperation weighed him down.

  Tanner’s lips thinned and he stared out the passenger side window. Mike wished he could get through to the man. He’d really made a huge mistake.

  “I want you to talk to him. Really, he’s not angry,” Mike said as evenly as he could.

  Tanner sighed but didn’t say anything. Before he pulled into traffic he texted Grant, telling him he’d found Tanner. The drive back to the ranch took about thirty minutes. He wanted to say something, to tell Tanner he wanted him, that he was falling in love, but it wasn’t fair to either of them to have this conversation like this.

  When they pulled into the ranch yard, Grant stepped out of the house and pointed to the barn. Tanner didn’t get out of the truck for nearly a minute. When he finally did, he walked with his head down.

  Mike had fucked everything up. Why hadn’t he just allowed Tanner to tell Grant about them? Tanner’s brows were bunched and he looked so hurt. Mike wanted to cry. Depression filled him. How had he been so stupid? He really did suck at relationships.

  Chapter
Twenty-One

  He shouldn’t have come back. Memories of his dad killing those kids flashed through his mind. He shivered and fought to clear his head.

  “Tanner, why did you leave?” Grant asked.

  He shook his head. Grant wasn’t his dad, and he wasn’t a kid. He squared his shoulders. “It was too much. Maybe I shouldn’t have run off, but I heard Mike say—I heard him say he was just using me.”

  “Tanner, that’s not what he was really saying. He was responding to my ridiculous assumption that he was going to treat you like crap. He’s said over and over again he wasn’t ready for a relationship.”

  Tanner flinched. He’d made such a huge mistake. His gaze flicked to Mike but he held up his hand, halting Mike when he started to move closer.

  “I can’t deal with you right now,” Tanner said.

  “I get that you’re upset,” Grant said. “I didn’t mean to imply I would do anything to you. We’re all a little messed up right now with Duff’s death. When I saw you kissing, I should have stepped away then approached Mike at another time. I didn’t mean to seem like I was against you two being together. I’m not. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

  Tanner huffed out a breath. “I shouldn’t have slept with him.”

  “Please don’t regret us,” Mike begged. “You’re the best thing that has ever come into my life.”

  “But you’ve told me you didn’t want a relationship, I should have listened to you.”

  Mike took a step closer. “It’s true, I’d not wanted a relationship. I’ve not wanted anyone. I’ve been afraid of commitment.”

  Tanner stared at Mike as he spoke. He’d told the story of the ex who had tried to rope him into marriage. Maybe he should have thought about it more before he took off. But those words Mike had said in the barn wounded him.

  “I’m having a hard time with what I overheard,” Tanner said.

  “I understand. I get it.”

  Grant stepped close, concern showing on his face. “Right after he said those words, he told me he was falling for you. You’re different for him. Before you, I never would have thought Mike would ever settle down, but he wants to give your relationship a chance.”

  Tanner turned to Mike, unsure what to believe. Looking at Mike wasn’t giving him any information so he looked at Grant, studying the guy. “What about you, Grant?”

  “I handled it badly. I should have handled the whole situation differently. I made a mistake. I didn’t want to wake Davis and Ryan. They’ve been through so much.”

  “What about now, does everyone know?” Tanner had to know.

  Grant shook his head. “No. We woke Suz when we couldn’t find you, and Billy was up. Other than those two, no one knows. We’ve asked them not to say anything until you and Mike had a chance to talk.”

  He turned to stare at Mike, wondering if he could trust the man. Mike reached out, his hand hanging between them. If he accepted Mike’s hand, he knew he wouldn’t ever walk away. He wanted Mike in his life. He wanted to have someone special.

  “I want to trust you,” Tanner said.

  Mike’s eyes filled with moisture and his lips curved up though his face crumbled a little. “I want to earn your trust.”

  He took Mike’s hand and the emotional dam broke. Sobs racked his body as the tension from the past was let loose. Mike wrapped his arms tight and held on. When Tanner looked up, Grant was gone.

  “I’m sorry,” Mike said.

  “I shouldn’t have left. I was just so afraid and worried.”

  “I get that you were afraid. I should have told you how I felt. You didn’t want to lie about our time together and I shouldn’t have made you. We need to go in and tell the group. First, we have to tell Matthew.”

  Tanner breathed in sharply. “Are we in big trouble? You know, for not telling the truth.”

  Mike shook his head. “I talked to Grant about our omission. He understands. He gets how we were trying to keep life simple because of Duff’s death. He knew we were planning on telling him and Matthew today.”

  “So what next?”

  “Let me send a note to Grant.” Mike pulled out his phone and typed in a message. “We’ll meet him and Matthew in the control room and come clean. Then we’ll probably have to do some follow up with Matthew and Grant, keeping them up to date on our relationship.”

  Tanner chewed on his lower lip as his mind tumbled over questions. “What is our relationship?”

  Mike took both of his hands and faced him. “I can’t promise you forever. I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes. Hell, I know I’ll make mistakes, that’s a given. I can’t promise you I won’t say the wrong thing. I think I’ll probably mess up more than get things right, but I can promise you I’ll be honest with you. You may not believe me, but I won’t lie. I’ll tell you how I’m feeling, what I think, what I want. I won’t say I feel certain things just to make you feel better. Tanner, I’ve never felt like this with any other person before. Ever.”

  His lips curved up in a wobbly smile. “I understand.”

  “Please come to me if you’re unhappy. Don’t just leave. Tell me. You can tell me anything. I swear I’ll listen.”

  “Okay.” Tanner reached for Mike, pulling him close. They hugged for a long time, long enough for Matthew and Grant to come out to find them.

  “I knew it,” Matthew said.

  Mike stepped away and shot him a look. “What? You did not.”

  “I sure as heck knew something was up. So what’s the deal, Grant?” Matthew asked.

  “Usually, someone leaves something off the rundown for an operation, it would be bad. Mike explained to me how Duff’s death made him hold back. He didn’t want to spend hours explaining how they got together when we were mourning Duff.”

  Mike took a step forward. “I take full responsibility. Tanner wanted to tell, but I convinced him it would be best to hold off until today or tomorrow. I was wrong.”

  Tanner shook his head. “I knew to say something. I should have spoken up.”

  Grant nodded. “Let’s leave this as a teachable moment. We had a rough day. Duff passing away was hard on everyone.”

  “So, Mike, what do you think should happen?” Matthew asked.

  Mike glanced at Tanner then back to Matthew. “I don’t know, Grant?”

  “I think you two should keep me and Matthew updated on your relationship. You two brought us into it, so you owe us to make it really work. You get in fights, Matthew and I have a stake in this, so you have to inform us.”

  Mike lifted his brows and glanced at him. “I’m good with being accountable to you two. Tanner, what do you think?”

  “I’m a little uncomfortable. But maybe this is exactly what we need. I’ve never had a serious relationship.”

  “Neither have I.”

  Matthew’s lips turned up and he slapped his hands together. “It’s settled. We’ll have another rundown of the operation this afternoon. From what Grant told me, neither one of you have slept much.”

  “I’m exhausted,” Tanner said.

  “You two get some sleep. I’ll tell Billy and Suz to keep a lid on it for the rest of the afternoon. Once we see how Davis and Ryan are feeling, we’ll discuss when to tell the rest of the house.”

  “Sounds good,” Mike said.

  Before they left the barn, Tanner stopped Grant. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”

  “We’ll work on our relationship. You know, we all need to get to know each other a little better.” Grant squeezed his shoulder and warmth filled him.

  “You’re nothing like my dad.”

  “I know you mean that too. Next week, after things settle down, you, me, and Marshal need to spend some time on the range. Maybe we’ll go up the mountain a little.”

  “That would be nice.”

  They headed inside where Mike picked up two breakfast burritos for them. He was going to go to his room, but Mike waved him over. He followed but didn’t move to the bed. Worry spun through him and
he glanced down at the floor before looking up again.

  Mike had put the food down on the dresser before he moved close. They were standing only inches away from each other, but because of what had happened, he felt like they were miles apart.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I shouldn’t have run.”

  “From now on, I swear I’ll always be up front with you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You ready to sleep?”

  Tanner nodded first then shook his head. “No, let’s eat and while we eat, I want to talk.”

  “Sure.” They sat at the table in the corner of Mike’s room.

  He adjusted then adjusted again before leaning his elbows on the table. “The sleepwalking thing. I think I’ve figured it out.”

  “Tell me,” Mike said.

  “After my dad killed those boys, I sleepwalked.”

  “Why do you think that was?”

  “It was stress. Then the other night, when I was in the bed with you, I was so nervous about you not wanting me. Then I was conflicted because I wanted to touch you and hold you. It freaked me out. I was afraid what would happen if we did get together. Then today, well earlier this morning, when Grant caught us kissing, those emotions were brought to the surface big time. It freaked me out. I was so scared. The fear I felt when my dad killed those kids, it all came back.”

  Mike cupped the side of his face and leaned in for a kiss. “I’m so sorry.”

  He drew in a ragged breath. “I was terrified. I think that first night, I was terrified you’d figure out I wanted you.”

  Mike leaned in and kissed him with a soft brush of lips. “I’ve wanted you for a while.”

  “Do you think we can make it?”

  Mike’s eyes were bright and his lips twisted in a watery smile. “I do. I think we have a good chance of having a relationship.”

  He took a bite of food and sat back, chewing thoughtfully. “If we hadn’t gone out on the mission alone, do you think we would have gotten together?”

  “Eventually. I was going crazy having you so close. I probably would have done something in the next few weeks.”