Witch Snitch

by Sibéal Pounder

  The Best Bedroom in Pearl Peak

  Tiga wasn’t looking forward to the next stop.

  The streets of Pearl Peak were quiet – witches clad in black slipped down side streets like they were up to no good. The towering grand buildings, all shiny and black, were framed by the gigantic snow-tipped mountain that loomed large in the distance.

  Fran skidded to a halt outside No. 10 Pearl Peak Place and slotted neatly through the large iron gates, which were covered in an assorted animal hoof pattern, studded with black diamonds.

  Fluffanora sighed as she pushed the gate open. ‘Here we go …’

  ‘This is Fluffy. My octopus,’ Aggie Hoof said into the camera. A gigantic octopus with diamond-studded tentacles bobbed up and down in a fifty-foot fish tank. Purple lights illuminated him from every angle.

  ‘Why is it called Fluffy?’ Fluffanora asked. ‘It’s not fluffy.’

  ‘Because that’s his name,’ Aggie Hoof said defen­sively. ‘Your name has Fluff in it and you’re not fluffy.’

  ‘Fair point,’ Fluffanora said with a shrug.

  ‘And, Aggie Hoof,’ Fran said, spinning in the air and smiling into the camera. ‘What’s your favourite part of your bedroom?’

  ‘Me when I’m standing in it,’ Aggie Hoff answered.

  Tiga scanned the room. Aside from the gigantic illuminated fish tank, there was a grand four-poster bed with a den on top of it, stacked with old Toad magazines. A door to the left led into a gigantic wardrobe – it appeared to be never-ending, stretching off into the distance. And a little witch-shaped robot stood beside it.

  ‘What does the robot do?’ Tiga asked.

  ‘It shows me what clothes are in my wardrobe so I don’t need to try them on,’ Aggie Hoof said. ‘It’s called a DressMe, and I’m the only one who owns one.’

  Tiga walked over to the robot.

  ‘Tell it what you’d like to wear,’ Aggie Hoof said.

  ‘Um,’ Tiga began. ‘I’d like … a nice cloak or coat?’

  The robot raised its arms and with a magic CRACK, Tiga looked down to see a hologram of a beautiful lace cape now covering her. To her right was a little digital map of where to find it in the huge maze of a wardrobe.

  ‘Ask what it thinks would go best with the cloak. It’s programmed with my fashion sense.’

  ‘What would go with the cloak?’ Tiga asked.

  There was another CRACK, and Tiga looked down to see some sparkly gold platform shoes and a pair of yellow trousers.

  ‘Yellow is really in at the moment,’ Aggie Hoof said knowingly.

  ‘They were just saying that at Toad,’ Fran said, sounding impressed.

  ‘I know,’ Aggie Hoof said, trotting over to her desk and lifting the head off of a cat ornament. Inside was a button. When she pressed it, a huge image of the Toad fashion cupboard appeared on the wall. ‘I bugged their offices when I was four.’

  ‘And what’s behind this door?’ Fran asked, trying to slide a particularly shiny black door open.

  ‘That’s my restaurant,’ Aggie Hoof said, flicking her finger and sending the door crashing open.

  Tiga and Fluffanora gasped.

  Lizzie Beast dropped her camera and hastily picked it back up again. Inside was a grand restaurant with a single table perched in the middle. A slick black tablecloth covered it, and on it, plate upon plate of delicious food was piled high. There was a huge fountain spitting out a strange black gooey liquid that smelled a lot like caramel. Trays of what looked like jam-covered pizzas sat on one side, next to some black hamburgers with jelly-like jam slices piled inside. Little witch waitresses ran around frantically, as if they were serving a hundred witches.

  ‘It serves all my favourite foods,’ Aggie Hoof boasted. ‘And I have millions of favourite foods.’

  ‘Is that where you eat?’ Fluffanora asked. ‘All alone?’

  ‘Yes,’ Aggie Hoof said proudly. ‘Sometimes my best friend, Fel-Fel, eats there with me too. But she doesn’t like restaurants. She says they smell too much of other people’s food.’

  Tiga’s tummy rumbled.

  Aggie Hoof stared at her sternly. ‘Oh go on,’ she said with a grin, as Tiga dived for the table.

  ‘And the artwork you have in this place is spectacular,’ Fran said after they’d finished dinner. Tiga rubbed her full tummy. The black burgers with jelly slice fillings were her favourite.

  Fran pointed at a painting of two witches flying past the moon. ‘I especially enjoy that painting, though it needs a fairy.’

  ‘Oh,’ Aggie Hoof said, taking a seat on her bed. ‘That’s not a painting. It’s a portal.’

  ‘A portal,’ Tiga said, suddenly excited. ‘Where does it lead?’

  ‘Does it lead to another wardrobe?’ Fluffanora asked, sounding bored.

  ‘No!’ Aggie Hoof said, leaping from the bed and diving through the painting.

  The four of them stood and stared at each other. Fran rubbed her hands together and sighed. ‘Right, who dares to go after her?’

  Five Things You Didn’t Know About Aggie Hoof, by Tiga

  1.Aggie Hoof won an award when she was three years old for the witch who could scream the alphabet the fastest. The award is called the AaaarghBCD.

  2.She has been sneaking up the pipes for the past three years and has a human friend called Kelly.

  3.She once had a cat called Lumpy, but Lumpy ran away.

  4.She only wears socks made by Frogstockings, which have a small shop just off Bubble Beach in the Cauldron Islands.

  5.She can play the wums (witch-style drums) better than any witch in Sinkville and regularly performs in the orchestra at the Ritzytwig theatre.

  Sleepover at Fel-Fel’s

  Tiga could feel her feet in her face as she tumbled through the painting and down what felt like a laundry chute.

  ‘ARE WE GOING TO DIE?’ she heard Lizzie Beast shout, followed by Fran tutting.

  ‘Lizzie Beast, that is a ridiculous question. Everything dies eventually.’

  ‘SO, YES,’ Lizzie Beast acknowledged. ‘BUT RIGHT NOW, I MEAN?’

  Tiga crashed through something that made a ripping sound and landed with a thud on a fluffy black carpet.

  Fran came tumbling out after her, followed by Fluffanora, who landed on top of her, then Lizzie Beast, who landed on top of her, and finally, the trunk – which they all scattered to avoid.

  ‘Oh great. You’re one Peggy from being the full set,’ came a voice.

  Tiga got to her feet and dusted off her skirt.

  ‘THE PORTAL LEADS TO MY BEST FRIEND FEL-FEL’S BEDROOM!’ Aggie Hoof cheered, jumping up and down excitedly.

  ‘Welcome,’ Felicity Bat said grumpily. She was wearing bat-patterned pyjamas and a black hairnet. She spotted Tiga staring at it and ripped it from her head, quickly hiding it behind her back. ‘Can you please explain why you’re in my bedroom?’

  ‘They asked where the portal leads to, Fel-Fel,’ Aggie Hoof explained.

  Felicity Bat rolled her eyes. ‘Well, now you know, so you can leave me in peace. I have a lot of Co-Top Witch homework to do, so if you don’t mind.’

  Aggie Hoof cuddled her arm.

  ‘Ugh,’ Felicity Bat groaned, shaking her off. ‘You’re so annoying.’

  ‘If you find her so annoying, why do you have a portal that connects her bedroom to yours?’ Fluffanora asked.

  ‘Because it’s a really good spell and I still don’t know how she did it,’ Felicity Bat hissed. ‘And that’s fascin­ating to me.’

  ‘I don’t even know how I did it!’ Aggie Hoof laughed as she skipped around the room. ‘Sometimes I just have magic accidents and they work out really well! I think it’s because I’m rich.’

  ‘I think she paid someone to install it,’ Felicity Bat whispered to Tiga. ‘It’s too good a spell not to be professional.’

  ‘I KNOW!’ Fran said, buzzing between them. ‘Let’s sleep here tonight! It’s getting late.’

  Felicity Bat levitated over to the painting porta
l, which on her side of the wall featured a Silver Rats band poster. She sneezed loudly and wiped her nose on her sleeve. ‘You’ve had your fun. Now you need to leave.’

  Tiga made her way over to the impressive bookcase that lined the wall.

  ‘What are the books about?’ Fran asked.

  ‘Lots of things,’ Felicity Bat said impatiently. ‘Sinkville history mostly.’

  ‘And this?’ Fran asked.

  ‘That’s my wardrobe,’ Felicity Bat said, pointing at the normal-sized wardrobe in the corner.

  Tiga opened it. It contained five identical dresses and hats.

  ‘Where’s all the magic stuff?’ Fran asked.

  Felicity Bat leaned back in her seat. ‘I’m the magic part.’

  ‘This is the most normal, above-the-pipes-style bedroom I’ve ever seen!’ Tiga said, jumping on the bed. It bounced like a normal above-the-pipes bed. It didn’t float or ask how your day was like the one at Tiga’s house in Silver City. It was covered in cuddly toy spiders of varying sizes.

  ‘What?’ Felicity Bat said defensively. ‘It’s OK to still have toys.’

  ‘I know,’ Tiga said. ‘I just didn’t think you of all people would have so many.’

  ‘They are collectors’ items, made by Wartwell & Witch. Not just toys; they’ll be worth millions of sinkels one day.’

  ‘Who are you interviewing next?’ Aggie Hoof asked. ‘Bet they aren’t nearly as good as me.’

  Tiga flicked open her notebook. ‘Next is Idabelle Bat at the First Witch Who Landed in Sinkville historical site, just outside Pearl Peak.’

  Felicity Bat groaned.

  Everyone turned to look at her.

  ‘Is that a problem?’ Tiga asked.

  ‘That’s my big sister,’ Felicity Bat said, sticking her nose in the air and levitating across the room.

  ‘Your sister?’ Tiga said. ‘But you’ve never mentioned you have a sister.’

  ‘On purpose,’ Felicity Bat said.

  ‘Is she like you?’ Fluffanora asked, suddenly fascinated.

  Aggie Hoof mouthed ‘no’ behind Felicity Bat and shook her head.

  ‘We’re quite different,’ Felicity Bat said, straightening up her toy spiders. ‘She’s … how best to put this –’

  ‘She’s REALLY cool!’ Aggie Hoof interrupted. ‘But she is mean like you, Fel-Fel.’

  ‘She doesn’t even like working there,’ Felicity Bat huffed. ‘She only does it for the extra sinkels on weekends. I can’t believe she’s wormed her way into the Witchoween documentary – she hardly knows anything about Sinkville history.’ She levitated hastily across the room and pulled a book from the shelves. The Big Splat. She sneezed loudly. ‘I’m coming with you, to make sure everything that is said on camera is historically accurate. I won’t have some food presenter for Fairy 5, my big sister and Tiga of all people butchering our glorious history.’

  Fran stuck her nose in the air. ‘Fine, come along if you must.’

  Felicity Bat sneezed again.

  ‘Have you got a cold?’ Tiga asked.

  ‘No,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘I think I’m allergic to you.’

  ‘It’s probably the micro cat,’ Lizzie Beast grunted.

  ‘There’s a micro cat in here?!’ Felicity Bat squealed. ‘I’m highly allergic!’

  ‘It’s probably gone now,’ Fluffanora said. ‘It’s always trying to escape.’ She flicked her finger and Felicity Bat’s bed got fatter – big enough to fit all of them.

  Aggie Hoof rubbed her hands together excitedly. ‘I’ve never been to a sleepover with more than Felicity Bat! This must be what it feels like to have OTHER FRIENDS. I like it.’

  Fran yawned and made a beeline for Felicity Bat’s bed.

  ‘NO!’ Felicity Bat cried, but it was too late. Fran already had her eye mask on.

  Five Things You Didn’t Know About Felicity Bat, by Tiga (for fun)

  1.She has a big sister called Idabelle, who was voted Most Popular Teenage Witch at Pearl Peak Academy eight years in a row.

  2.She can recite the full history of Sinkville from the day the first witch landed off by heart and in forty-five minutes.

  3.She sends her evil grandmother, Celia Crayfish, packages of treats from Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really, every month (Celia Crayfish is currently working in a cheese factory above the pipes as punishment for trying to seize power in Sinkville from the current Top Witch, Peggy Pigwiggle).

  4.She brushes her teeth with SlimeTime, an ancient toothpaste that is now only sold at the Pearl Peak Pharmacy.

  5.She has smiled twice. Both times she has denied it.

  How to Make Party Decorations, Felicity Bat-Style

  WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

  •Some black balloons

  •A white or light-coloured marker with a big, soft tip

  HOW TO MAKE THEM:

  1.Blow up the balloons.

  2.Draw Felicity Bat-style grumpy faces on them.

  3.Tie them in a bunch and place them at the entrance to your Witchoween party as a talking point.

  The Infamous Idabelle Bat

  ‘Just think,’ Fluffanora said. ‘If we had known Felicity Bat was allergic to micro cats, we could’ve just got a micro cat to follow her around during the Witch Wars competition, making her sneeze until she was too busy sneezing to be an evil cheat.’

  Felicity Bat rolled her eyes and levitated higher. ‘It’s just over here.’

  In the distance, Tiga could see the tiny eye-blinding lights from the shiny fairy caravan park, and the rooftops of Ritzy City in the distance.

  ‘Where’s your trunk?’ Tiga asked Fluffanora.

  Fluffanora strode on up the hill. ‘Lizzie Beast is taking care of it!’

  Tiga looked around to see Lizzie Beast sweating profusely. ‘Taking. Care. Of. It,’ she wheezed as she balanced the trunk on her back and cradled the camera in her arms. ‘TAKING CARE OF IT!’

  Felicity Bat stopped dead in her tracks, her boots making a clanging sound as they connected with the rocky mountain. ‘There she is,’ she muttered.

  Tiga squinted into the distance. Up ahead on the hill, making small rocks magically collide in the air, was a teenage witch in a puffy black dress and mud-stained boots. Her hair was just like Felicity Bat’s before she’d cut it short. It was like looking at Felicity Bat in ten years’ time. A little further up the hill was a tiny ticket booth; a stream of unwanted tickets had unfurled from the hatch and was billowing in the wind.

  ‘TOAD CHOPS!’ Idabelle cackled when she saw them approaching.

  ‘Toad chops is what my sister calls me,’ Felicity Bat informed them, before anyone had a chance to ask. ‘It’s an insult that works on multiple levels – it is demeaning in general, plus the use of the word toad also implies that I like Toad magazine.’

  ‘SHE LOVES TOAD MAGAZINE!’ Idabelle shouted over.

  ‘I hate Toad magazine,’ Felicity Bat insisted.

  Her sister levitated above her. ‘Seriously, Felicity, it’s not even an insult.’

  ‘These are my friends – they’re here to interview you for the Witchoween documentary,’ Felicity Bat said coldly.

  Idabelle bowed. She had the same intense stare as Felicity Bat, and Tiga felt instantly intimidated by her.

  ‘Why is that one practically cowering?’ Idabelle asked, pointing at Tiga. ‘What’s she thinking?’

  Tiga looked in horror at Felicity Bat – who could mind read! She desperately tried to think nice thoughts, not thoughts about how scared she was of Idabelle.

  ‘She’s thinking,’ Felicity Bat began.

  Tiga could feel her face turning purple. NOTHING WAS SAFE AROUND FELICITY BAT! Tiga wanted to melt into a big gloop of mouldy jam and slop down the hill.

  ‘She would like to do a re-enactment of the first witch who landed in Sinkville for the documentary, with you describing it,’ Felicity Bat finished.

  Idabelle eyed Tiga suspiciously.

  ‘See,’ Felicity Bat said mockingly to Tiga. ‘Nothing is
safe around Felicity Bat!’

  Tiga smiled and mouthed ‘thank you’.

  The re-enactment of the first witch who landed in Sinkville was not going to be easy, Tiga realised. Mostly because Felicity Bat was a stickler for detail. And Fran was keen to somehow incorporate glitter.

  ‘WE CAN’T HAVE GLITTER, BECAUSE GLITTER WASN’T A PART OF WHAT HAP­PENED,’ Felicity Bat said sternly.

  Fran shot some glitter in protest. ‘IT PROBABLY WAS. Glitter is in almost everything.’

  Felicity Bat slammed her book shut. ‘It’s not.’

  Tiga made her way over to the witch-shaped hole in the ground. She had landed in a perfect star shape. Around the hole was a glittery rope with various rickety warning signs attached. WARNING! NO FALLING! and NO LOOKING AT THIS HOLE IN THE GROUND WITHOUT A PREPAID TICKET, 100 SINKELS.

  ‘Well, let’s get started,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘I haven’t got all day.’

  Idabelle flicked her finger and tore a line of tickets from the booth behind them. She handed them to Felicity and hovered silently beside her, a mean grin smacked on her face.

  ‘Who’s going to be the witch in the re-enactment?’ Tiga asked. ‘The witch who … falls from up there.’

  They all looked up.

  ‘I’m too small to play a witch,’ Fran said quickly.

  ‘I’m busy in Wardrobe,’ Fluffanora said, trying to squeeze into her trunk.

  ‘I … could do it,’ Tiga said quietly.

  ‘Rubbish,’ Fran said with a snort. ‘You’re the co-presenter. Also, I don’t want you to die.’

  Felicity Bat inspected her nails causally. ‘I would do it, but I need to make sure everything looks right and is factually accurate from the ground.’

  Idabelle inspected the ends of one of her plaits. ‘I’m Idabelle.’

  ‘What do you mean, “I’m Idabelle”?’ Felicity Bat said.

  ‘I’m Idabelle, so I’m too cool to do it.’

  Felicity Bat rolled her eyes, while the rest of them turned slowly towards Lizzie Beast. Fluffanora’s trunk opened and she looked too.