Picnics in Hyde Park

by Nikki Moore

  ‘I appreciate your professional opinion,’ he answered tersely, ‘but we sit together in the lounge some evenings.’

  ‘You sitting playing on your iPad, with Jasper on another and Aimee scrunched up on the other side of the room reading with her back to you both isn’t what I’m talking about. You need to do some activities together, have a chance to connect, find some shared passions. You don’t put them to bed, you barely see them in the morning, and you don’t talk much,’ recalling what Jasper had told her as they’d strolled along Park Lane. ‘Look, I’m not having a go,’ she held her hands out in front of her, ‘I’m just trying to do my best for them, based on what I see,’ she chose her words carefully, ‘and what I see already is that they’re great kids but could be happier. They also have some things to work through—’

  He straightened away from the worktop, shoulders taut. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘An ambulance went past today and Jasper got a bit upset. He mentioned something about his mum?’

  ‘They saw the accident,’ stumbling over the word, ‘happen.’ He tightened his lips and the scar running into the top one turned white.

  ‘I know,’ she said quickly, stepping closer. Trying to ignore how sexy the scar made him look. Bad boys, eat your heart out.

  ‘How?’ he frowned, black eyebrows pulling down. ‘How do you know?’

  Shit. She thought fast. ‘It was in the kids’ development folders that your last nanny left,’ she blurted, ‘and from what Jasper said it wasn’t hard to put it together.’

  ‘I see.’ His mouth relaxed a little. ‘I didn’t realise it still bothered him.’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ she said hesitantly, ‘but I think Aimee may be struggling with it too.’

  ‘It is? I didn’t realise. It was three years ago. They were so young.’ He closed his eyes. ‘She never said. Neither did Melody.’

  ‘It might be that she found it difficult,’ she answered, thinking of her sister’s gentle nature, how she probably wouldn’t have wanted to upset him. ‘And your daughter’s not exactly the world’s greatest talker, is she? I mean, she’d rather escape into a book than talk to people. She’s a bit like you in that way.’

  Matt opened his eyelids, blinked, green gaze settling on her intently. ‘In what way?’

  ‘Like you said this morning, when you’re working on something you get lost in it. She has the same focus.’

  ‘I suppose. It’s funny,’ he mused, gazing out the window at the apple tree, ‘Aimee always reminds me so much of Helen.’

  ‘Maybe in looks, but she has a lot of you in her, personality wise. It’s the nature versus nurture debate, isn’t it? Genetics versus environment. Jasper is the spitting image of you though, lucky thing. He’s going to be a heartbreaker,’ she said unthinkingly.

  ‘I’ll take that as my first compliment,’ his mouth edged up on one side.

  ‘Pardon?’ Realising what she’d said. Bugger. ‘Oh. Sorry, I didn’t—’

  ‘It’s fine,’ Matt chuckled, ‘relax. It’s a relief to hear something nice from you.’

  ‘Am I horrible to you then?’ she said, alarmed.

  ‘No. Just insistent about some things.’ He nodded, ‘As long as you’re doing your best for my children though, I’ll find a way to cope.’ There was the smallest hint of seriousness in his ironic drawl.

  ‘Good. So, anyway,’ she hurried on, ‘Aimee’s social skills need to develop but otherwise her concentration is a good thing. I’m sure she’s reading well above her age group. Have the school ever been in touch?’

  ‘I don’t know, Melody always handled that side of things.’

  She pulled a face. Hadn’t he even been interested? Why did this guy have so little buy-in to his children’s lives? He did seem to love them in his own way, but the lack of engagement was puzzling.

  ‘Before you say it, I work long hours and Melody was the expert, not me.’

  ‘Whatever you say,’ she shrugged, struggling to keep the disbelief from her voice. These were his kids. His to love, his responsibility. ‘I’ll take another look at the development folders and phone the school at the start of the term. I’d like to know what milestones they’re setting for Aimee. She needs to be appropriately challenged or she’ll get bored.’

  ‘Fine by me. I was impressed by her hangman skills,’ he added, ‘in fact, she almost thrashed me.’ He looked surprised. ‘She’s got a great vocabulary.’

  ‘It’s all the reading.’ Zoe blew a breath out, sensing the conversation was calming down. ‘So, what do you think about spending more time with the children? I understand your work commitments and it’s great you have a hard work ethic, but can you spare one evening a week with each of them, with a morning or afternoon at weekends together? Proper time to talk and touch base would be really valuable for you as a family.’ She smiled, ‘Before you know it, they’ll be teenagers and all you’ll get will be grunts from Jasper and flouncing about from Aimee after she’s applied a ton of foundation and taken endless selfies.’

  ‘Don’t scare me! I’m barely coping with them at this age,’ he joked. ‘I’ll see what I can do, will talk to Sadie about my schedule once she’s back at work.’

  For a moment she thought he was still joking, but when it became apparent he wasn’t her fingers curled into fists. He was an adult, so he should make time for his kids in his own goddamn schedule. They should be his top priority. She held her tongue though. It was a start and if she went at him too hard he would only retreat. ‘Okay, sounds good.’

  ‘So, um, should I be worried that an alarming amount of my son’s paintings feature aliens having gun-fights, complete with spatters of blood?’ he asked, picking up the pile of pictures and resting back against the counter as he flicked through them.

  ‘No. I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about. It’s not unusual to be into gory stuff at his age. Besides, he’s a big Ben 10 fan so it’s hardly surprising.’ Going over to the fridge she started pulling courgettes, onions and tomatoes out of the bottom drawer.

  ‘Oh yeah,’ he looked vague, ‘Ben 10, that’s right.’

  ‘The boy with the watch? He’s a hero and turns into different aliens?’ Really, did this guy occupy another planet? She slammed the fridge door shut, rinsing the courgettes and tomatoes under running water over the sink. Yanking an expensive copper frying pan and a matching saucepan from a low cupboard, she filled the saucepan with water and set it on the hob to start heating, throwing in a pinch of salt.

  ‘Yeah, that’s right. Jasper’s got a duvet cover and clock in his room,’ Matt supplied. ‘Melody bought them for him. For a birthday I think.’

  Zoe kept her face straight as she set the food down on the chopping board, hiding her frustration. ‘Do you ever take him out to buy stuff yourself?’ She made sure her tone was curious rather than accusatory. ‘Have you ever sat and watched an episode with him?’

  ‘Not really.’ Matt put the paintings aside. ‘Shopping isn’t really my thing. Neither are cartoons.’

  She drew a knife from the knife block and held it up to the light to check it was sharp. ‘When you have kids,’ she said wryly, ‘sometimes you have to do things you don’t like. You should watch the programme with him sometime, it’s quite good fun, and it would give you something to start talking about.’ She started slicing the courgettes into small chunks.

  ‘I don’t need a cartoon to help me talk to my kids,’ he crossed his arms over his broad chest.

  ‘Oh?’ she raised an eyebrow. ‘What do you talk about then?’

  He sucked in his cheeks, looking unsure. After a moment, ‘Fencing. Horse-riding. Dra—’

  ‘Draughts?’ She finished for him. ‘Thrilling stuff. I wasn’t sure draughts were still played this century. You do know they don’t enjoy those activities, don’t you? Aimee doesn’t mind the horse riding but Jasper finds it scary, they’re both bored to tears by draughts and they could take or leave fencing.’

  ‘Really? Melody picked them out. I aske
d what the kids should be doing and she spoke to some of the other nannies and suggested those.’

  Maybe they were activities the children should be doing with their lifestyle. Yet Jasper had told her how he and Aimee felt about them, and if he’d told her then why not Melody? If Melody knew, why wouldn’t she have spoken to Matt? He wasn’t that unapproachable. ‘You do live in Knightsbridge, I suppose,’ she excused. ‘It’s a pretty affluent area and some of the kids go on to attend Independent schools. I’m guessing the nannies are very competitive about their charges, and those activities aren’t necessarily wrong. I just feel they’re wrong for your children.’

  Matt watched as she slid the cut up courgette aside and started chopping the tomatoes. ‘What do you think they should be doing instead?’ he quizzed.

  ‘Ask them.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Ask them. They’ll tell you. Then it’s up to you as their dad to make a decision as to what’s practical and appropriate.’

  A pulse beat in his jaw. ‘Okay, I will.’

  ‘Good.’ Concentrating on not squirting tomato juice everywhere, she cut the tomatoes up with single-minded purpose, aware her shoulders were so tense they were near her earlobes. She must talk to her sister ASAP about what had been going on in this house and she had to wake Matt up before he missed the whole of Jasper’s and Aimee’s childhoods. Not that she owed it to him, it was the kids she was thinking of.

  There was a dragged out, tense silence. Matt released a heavy sigh.

  She flicked a glance at him as he pulled up a stool at the breakfast bar and sat down, the jeans tightening around his muscular thighs.

  Rubbing his scar. ‘I know what it must look like,’ he muttered, looking troubled.

  ‘What’s that?’ Moving the tomatoes aside with the flat of her knife, she started peeling the onion, hoping it wasn’t too strong.

  ‘I was much more of a hands-on dad once. When they were little. It’s been complicated since Helen died.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  He tried again, ‘I work really long hours.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘I had to earn a living—’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ her voice climbed higher.

  ‘Melody was here to look after them.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’ Picking the knife up and chopping the onion in half in one smooth motion.

  He scowled. ‘What does uh-huh mean?’

  ‘Nothing,’ she shrugged, turning half the onion on its side, glancing over her shoulder to see if the water was boiling yet.

  ‘Argh, I hate it when women do that. Say one thing but mean another. Just like when you use the word fine, but are plainly not. The new singer I signed has been like that recently, all withdrawn and non-committal but still insisting she’s okay.’

  ‘Well, men are from Mars, women are from Venus,’ she shrugged again, cutting the onion into neat lines.

  ‘Just tell me, Zoe please. Say what you’re thinking.’

  ‘You won’t like it.’

  His expression was determined. ‘Even so, I want to know. Although you’re being pretty presumptuous for someone who hardly knows me, I promise not to take offence or fire you.’

  She laughed bitterly, thinking of Melody, chopping the onion harder, the knife hitting the heavy wooden chopping board beneath with unnecessary force. ‘You’d be lucky,’ she breathed. ‘Fine. What I think is that all those things you listed are excuses, not reasons.’

  ‘What?’ he shot off the stool, the legs scraping along the floor.

  ‘You asked,’ she reminded him, ‘so here’s what I think. You work for yourself so you could set your own hours and it’s common knowledge that you have family money, so you could use that rather than driving yourself into the ground making a living. Melody was your nanny, employed to help care for your children, not to raise them for you.’ She held his eyes, gaze direct. ‘Those aren’t the real reasons you’re not involved in your children’s lives.’

  ‘What is the real reason then?’

  ‘You need to figure that out for yourself.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake don’t talk in riddles,’ he glowered.

  She stopped, surprised, and set down the knife. ‘I’m not. I’m just not certain myself. As you said, I don’t know you that well. I’m sure if you take some time to think about it and are honest with yourself though, it’ll come to you. It’s important for your family.’

  Her concession appeared to deflate the worst of his anger and he sat back down, looking a mixture of thoughtful and annoyed. Hesitantly, she picked up the knife and resumed cutting up the onion, eyes starting to water with the fumes.

  Matt pulled one of Jasper’s paintings towards him, tracing a long finger over a self-portrait stick-figure that his son had topped with a shock of black hair, one hand holding a giant grey laser gun. ‘This is Jasper,’ he muttered, ‘this is Aimee,’ pointing to a red-haired figure in a barred cell, a taller one with long black hair next to it, ‘and this must be you. And he’s either locked you up or is trying to save you, but where am I?’

  Zoe shifted from one foot to another uncomfortably. That’s exactly what she’d asked Jasper earlier. ‘He said you were at work. And he’s trying to save us because you’re too busy making cool music.’

  ‘I see,’ he cleared his throat, putting the painting aside and staring into space for a moment. ‘Well,’ he shook his head, ‘I can’t say it wasn’t painful to hear what you think of my parenting skills and you’re treading a fine line with some of your comments, but I said I wouldn’t take offence, so thanks for the honesty. I’ll give it some thought. That doesn’t mean you’re right though.’ She didn’t reply, letting him have that one. After a moment he sprang up, appearing restless. ‘I need a cup of coffee. You?’

  ‘Please, if you don’t mind.’

  ‘White, one sugar, right?’

  She titled her head as tears blurred her vision. ‘Yes, as long as you don’t poison it.’

  ‘It’s tempting but I’ll hold back this time,’ he teased. ‘So, the little girls you looked after in the States,’ switching the subject as he clanked cups and turned knobs on the chrome coffee machine, ‘what were their names?’

  ‘Ava and Grace.’

  ‘Seriously? Were their parents into classic movies or something?’

  ‘You’ve got it.’ She put the knife aside, arranging the pieces of onion into a pile.

  ‘If they’d had a third, do you think they would have called her Marilyn, as in Monroe?’

  Zoe chuckled, thinking of Liberty’s extrovert ways. ‘Probably.’

  ‘Do you miss them?’ The machine made a few hissing noises and started producing steaming black coffee. Matt moved the mugs along the spouts, topping them up with hot milk as he looked at her questioningly.

  Zoe thought about the day she’d had playing with Jasper and coaxing Aimee out of her shell. There was something about children’s innocent joy that lifted the spirits. She was exhausted, couldn’t sleep and had no appetite and the anger, humiliation, hurt and disappointment over her ex-fiancé was raw, running a constant circle of questions in her mind as to why she hadn’t been good enough. Somehow though, Matt’s kids were getting her through, keeping her too busy to brood or mope. Rather than longing for Greg, New York and the girls, she was coping. It was like this job had been waiting for her just at the perfect time. She shrugged the thought off. It hadn’t been, she was here by default. This was her sister’s life really, she mustn’t forget it, or the plan. ‘Do I miss them? A bit.’ She’d been fond of Ava and Grace, but had never bonded with them in the way she was already bonding with Aimee and Jasper. Perhaps it was because Liberty had always been there in the background making demands, whereas these kids were motherless. ‘Not as much as I thought I would,’ she mused. ‘Still, its early days.’

  Matt spooned sugar into both coffees and set hers down in front of her, resuming his position on the bar stool.

  ‘What about New York? Do you miss the city? You must have h
ad friends there? You said you were single but there must have been someone at some point?’

  ‘Thanks for the coffee,’ she gestured to the mug. ‘Honestly? I’m not sure it’s been long enough to miss anything properly. Yes, I had friends. Yes, there was someone. That’s over though.’ Tears blurred her eyes again. ‘Definitely over.’

  A hand reached over and curled around her wrist. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  Freezing, she took a breath. ‘You didn’t,’ easing her arm away, she sniffed, ‘it’s the onions.’

  ‘Oh,’ he murmured. ‘Well, now I feel like an idiot.’

  She laughed, ‘You said it.’

  ‘Oi!’ Sipping his coffee, he watched as she spun around, poured some olive oil into the frying pan and put it on the hob. Studying the now boiling water, she rooted through one of the units and pulled out a bag of pasta, emptying three quarters of its contents into the saucepan. ‘Do you like cooking?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s all right. I prefer it when there aren’t kids running around under my feet. Makes it more relaxing. I love my job and being a nanny though,’ she tacked on quickly.

  ‘Don’t worry, I know what you meant.’ He paused as he heard his name called. ‘Excuse me, I think that’s Sadie on her way out. Back in a minute.’

  As soon as he was gone, Zoe dropped her head and sucked in great gulps of oxygen. What the hell was she doing? She wasn’t supposed to be bonding with the guy, or helping him out, she was supposed to be getting revenge. Her phone beeped and she raised her head, grabbing it off the side and checking the screen.

  Hi, Sis. How’s

  it going? Found out

  anything yet?

  M x

  Yes, as it happened. A fractured family. Things that didn’t make sense, given how nice Matt could be some of the time. But replying to her sister by text wasn’t going to do it. After the kids were in bed, they’d talk.