Picnics in Hyde Park

by Nikki Moore

  I’ll call you

  this evening.

  Around 8? Z x

  ‘Sadie was flagging,’ Matt said as he walked back into the kitchen, ‘she said to say bye.’

  Flustered by Matt almost catching her texting Mel, Zoe threw her mobile into the corner, where it span in a lazy circle. ‘Okay.’

  Matt raised an eyebrow at the action. ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘Yes,’ moving over to the chopping board, she heaved it over to the cooker, clumsily tossing the veg into the frying pan and seasoning it. ‘What are the kids doing?’

  ‘I’ve put them in their playroom with the TV on. I didn’t think dinner would be long.’

  ‘It won’t,’ she grimaced at him as he sat down to finish his coffee, ‘but is there anything in there that Jasper can cause mischief with? Felt-tip pens, crayons, paints?’

  ‘No, plus I put Ben 10 on for him, as Aimee’s sat in the corner chair reading.’

  ‘Again,’ Zoe smiled. ‘To Kill a Mockingbird is holding her riveted today.’

  ‘It’s a great book. Prejudice, justice, love, hate. The nature of the human heart.’

  She stared at him, ‘Yes. I like it too.’

  ‘Don’t look at me like that. Music is my passion, but I enjoy reading books. I read To Kill a Mockingbird as a teenager for school and I still read occasionally.’

  ‘Have you ever talked to Aimee about it? The books you enjoy?’

  He paused, ‘No, I don’t think I have.’

  ‘You should,’ she suggested, planting the seed. ‘I read as much as possible,’ she stirred the vegetables, ‘anything I can lay my hands on. Have you read anything good lately?’

  ‘Harlan Coben is pretty good. Noel and I swap his books sometimes.’

  ‘Ah, yes the famous Uncle Noel.’

  ‘Have the kids been talking about him?’ Matt drained his mug.

  ‘Yes,’ wandering across the room, she picked her coffee up and wrapped her hands around it, ‘and about Holly.’

  ‘Noel’s my best friend. They’re a nice couple.’

  ‘I gathered that from Jasper’s chatter.’

  ‘He does talk a lot.’ He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, ‘It makes my head hurt sometimes.’

  Leaning closer to him across the breakfast bar, she whispered back, ‘I get why.’ Seeing the sudden spark of something in his deep green eyes, she straightened. Clearing her throat, she wiped the sides down, placed the chopping board next to the sink and prodded the pasta with a wooden spoon. ‘So, uh, Sadie.’ She pictured the brunette and didn’t like the squiggle of discomfort in her belly. ‘She’s very attractive. Is she married?’ She could have kicked herself for asking such an irrelevant and possibly sexist question. Why did she care?

  ‘No.’ He wandered across the room and leaned around her to put his mug in the sink, making her ultra-aware of his height and the breadth of his shoulders. She inhaled sharply as she saw muscles shifting under his navy t-shirt.

  The room seemed to be getting smaller. She tugged at her top. Was it getting hot in here? It must be cooking over a hot stove that was responsible.

  ‘She has a boyfriend,’ he said. ‘They’re trying for a baby. The procedure she had was to remove some cysts. I’d appreciate you not saying anything about it though, especially to her. She’s quite sensitive about it and it’s very personal.’

  ‘Poor her. Of course. Thanks for telling me.’

  ‘You’re both my employees, and I can trust you right?’

  Holding his gaze was incredibly hard because the last thing he should do was trust her, but she managed it, and nodded. Silence stretched between them. He looked tired, slight bags under his eyes. Most men would look awful but for Matt it just added to his bad boy air. The hush between them continued and she felt as if they were in a bubble, well away from the real world. It was just the two of them.

  She wrenched her eyes away from his and saw his chest expand, heard the soft whoosh of his breath as he exhaled. She could hear the murmur of the TV in the room above them and through the open kitchen window she could make out someone’s radio, tuned to an old Blues station. A stupor crept over her, his body heat wrapping around her. Swaying, she leaned closer, closer…

  ‘Zoe,’ his low voice made her jump.

  Stepping back, she shook her head, pulling herself from the daze with an effort. ‘Yes?’ She should be with her sister in Southend-On-Sea, she thought. Not stuck in the lifeless high-tech kitchen of a big house in Knightsbridge with a man who both annoyed and excited her.

  ‘Is something burning?’

  ‘Oh, crap,’ whirling around, she stirred the veg, which had started breaking down into a saucy tomatoey mess and turned the heat down on the pasta, ‘I mean, oops. So, um,’ her voice sounded unfamiliar and croaky, ‘I know it’s possibly very un-PC of me to ask but how old is Sadie?’ She stirred the sauce, the fragrance of onions and herbs wafting from the pan.

  ‘It’s probably indiscreet of me to tell you, but I don’t think she’d mind,’ he offered, ‘forty-two.’

  ‘Really?’ she whipped around, spoon in hand, spattering sauce across his t-shirt.

  He jumped back, swearing. ‘Argh, that’s hot!’

  ‘Oops, sorry,’ she choked, biting her lip.

  His eyes narrowed under his black eyebrows, the break in his nose highlighted by the angle his head was tilted at.

  ‘Yeah, you look it,’ he answered drily. He gave her such a look of reproach she couldn’t help but burst out laughing before flinging a wet cloth at him from beside the sink. He caught it in mid-air, ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I am sorry,’ she repeated as he wiped the front of his top down, her mouth going dry as the damp spots made the cotton cling to his chest. What would he look like shirtless? She wondered, feeling uncomfortably hot. ‘I was just surprised,’ she explained as he threw the cloth into the sink. ‘I would have put Sadie in her early thirties at the most.’

  ‘Yeah, so surprised you pelted food at me,’ his mouth quirking in amusement, he pulled the top away from his body, unknowingly exposing a patch of hair roughened chest. ‘I’ll have to tell her. She’ll be pleased, no, thrilled.’

  ‘She definitely looks a lot younger than she is.’ She gulped down the huge lump in her throat and turned back to the sauce, stirring it round in lazy circles, perhaps trying to hypnotise herself into not staring at him. Turning away, she got another pan and went over to the sink, filling it with cold water. She liked to plunge the pasta in fresh water once it was done.

  ‘That’s good,’ Matt said, ‘because her boyfriend is a lot younger than her. Yeah, good old Sadie went and got herself a toy boy.’

  She was so astonished at his laughing admiration that she twirled around holding the pan against her stomach and a huge wave of water crested over and spilt down her top.

  ‘Urgh,’ she squeaked, ramming the pan onto the kitchen unit and jumping back.

  Matt clutched his side and chortled as she stretched the cotton away from her body so it couldn’t cling to her bra. The wet t-shirt look was not a good one to sport in polite society. She pulled a face at him.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said around a wide grin, ‘sorry. Sadie and I have known each other so many years I’m used to joking around like that. But it might have sounded odd the way I put it. You have to admit though, it was quite funny. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast. You also thought it was amusing when you got me,’ he said as she grabbed a kitchen roll and ripped off pieces, ineffectually dabbing at her soaked top.

  ‘It’s not quite the same, is it?’ she grumbled as water dripped onto her bare toes.

  ‘Okay,’ he held his hands up, ‘I’ll give you that. You go dry off and change and I’ll mop up and serve dinner.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure I can manage to drain some pasta and put food on plates.’ His eyes dropped to her chest before resolutely forcing them upwards. ‘Shall we eat together at the table in the dining room?’

&nbs
p; ‘Actually, I prefer the kitchen,’ she said, starting to blush at the way he was looking at her, ‘it’s cosier.’ She studied the marble and chrome equipment surrounding them. ‘Well, by contrast to the dining room it is anyway.’

  ‘What’s wrong with the dining room?’

  ‘It’s the same as the lounge,’ she blurted.

  ‘What’s wrong with the lounge?’ he demanded.

  ‘It’s so,’ she shuddered, ‘bleurgh.’

  Putting his hands on his lean hips, smiling slightly. ‘What’s bleurgh?’

  ‘White, pristine, cold. It reminds me a bit of my aunt’s house. Homes should be warm, cosy and comfortable.’

  ‘I see.’ Matt looked bemused. ‘I didn’t appreciate that you were an interior designer as well as a nanny.’

  ‘I’m not— oh. Ha-ha.’ She flushed, ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be criticising your home. I’ll go and change. I’ll send the kids down to help set the table while I’m up there.’

  ‘They’re going to do what now?’

  ‘They’re more than old enough, Matt, don’t look so astounded,’ backing away, she hustled towards the door. ‘Oh, by the way, there’s parmesan on the side too.’

  Dashing up the stairs, she called for Aimee to please put her book down and Jasper to turn the TV off so they could go and help their dad because he was going to join them for dinner. Her tone brooked no argument. Fleeing to the top floor, she slammed into her room and sank down onto the edge of the bed, curling her toes into the blue carpet. What had she gotten herself into?

  It didn’t get any better later that night after she’d tucked the kids up in bed and called Melody. After the niceties were done and she’d consoled her sister that of course only crying three or four times a day was better than crying every hour, she got straight to the point.

  ‘What’s going on, Mel?’

  ‘Pardon?’ her sister asked warily.

  ‘The kids, Matt. It’s all wrong.’

  ‘Wrong? What do you mean, wrong?’

  ‘The way they are together.’ Zoe rolled onto her side, hugging a cushion. ‘There’s no quality time, they’re doing activities they don’t like, Aimee’s so introverted she’s nearly a hermit, Jasper’s bouncing off the walls trying to get his dad’s attention. When I sent the kids into him this morning and told them to hug him goodbye—’

  ‘You did what?’ Melody exclaimed, sounding horrified.

  ‘I didn’t know, did I? It’s normal for kids to say hello to their parents and have some affection from them. I didn’t think I was doing anything outrageous.’ Chewing her lip. ‘Did you uh, ever challenge him with it?’

  ‘Challenge him?’ Melody said. ‘You don’t challenge your boss. You do what they tell you to do.’

  Zoe sighed, remembering this had been Melody’s first real job since leaving college. ‘It’s okay to raise things with them though, to make recommendations and provide advice. It’s part of what we’re paid for. Ultimately what the parents say goes, unless we’ve got safeguarding concerns in which case we refer it on to social services, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.’

  ‘I did say something once or twice when I first started but Matt wasn’t interested. So I left it alone. Besides, I didn’t think it was that wrong. Some families just aren’t that demonstrative, are they? I mean, Aunt Ruth isn’t a big one for hugs, but our childhood was okay.’

  ‘Maybe you were happy, but I wasn’t. Is that what you want for Matt’s kids?’ Zoe said sharply, sitting up on the bed and throwing the cushion aside. ‘Nights lying awake wondering if they’re loved or not? Waiting for praise and attention but never getting it? Feeling lonely and alone?’

  ‘Wait a minute, I care about those children!’ Her sister spoke fiercely in a voice that Zoe hardly recognised. ‘And it probably doesn’t help that you and Ruth have never agreed on much, does it? Also you have to remember that not everyone is like you, Zo. We don’t all have your confidence, like Dad’s.’

  It was true enough, and perhaps Melody and Ruth got on better because Melody was content to follow orders, happy not to ask questions or want to share her opinions. Unlike her. Zoe knew she was lucky to have inherited or learnt the confidence Mel was talking about from their father, a trait that ran through her like the words imprinted down the centre of the sticky seaside rock they’d eaten as children. ‘Still, you could have—’

  ‘You’ve been there a couple of days.’ Melody’s voice was low and tight. ‘I was there for three years. When I agreed to this plan I didn’t think you were going to wade in and start judging me. I did my best given how inexperienced I was when I got there.’ Dropping to a whisper. ‘I thought what I was doing was right.’

  Zoe gulped at the defeat in her sister’s voice, feeling awful. ‘I’m sorry, sis. I didn’t mean to upset you. The last thing you need at the moment is me having a go. I’m just a bit shocked at the set up here, that’s all. Listen, it’s not beyond repair and it’s really not that bad. You’ve done a good job with them and I genuinely think they’re missing you.’

  ‘They are?’ Melody’s voice was thick with tears.

  ‘Yes,’ Zoe said firmly. ‘No matter what else happens, if there’s any way at all I can arrange for you to see them, or say goodbye, I will. But sis, why didn’t you tell me? I know it was difficult with me in New York, but I would have talked it through with you. I’d always be happy to give you advice. We Skyped regularly, but you never once said anything about the way things are here.’

  ‘Like I said, I thought it was normal. Besides, it’s hard enough to live in your big sister’s shadow without having to run to her for help. The only reason I became…’ she trailed off.

  ‘Became what?’

  ‘Nothing,’ she murmured, and Zoe could picture her little sister twisting a lock of dark blonde hair around her finger, dark eyes huge in her pale face, ‘it doesn’t matter.’ Melody cleared her throat. ‘Sorry, I have to go. Ruth’s calling me for dinner. Speak soon.’

  She rang off abruptly, leaving Zoe staring at the phone open mouthed. It wasn’t like Melody to end a call like that. Not with her anyway. She hadn’t even asked how the plan was going or whether she’d found out anything from Matt, or about Stephen’s whereabouts. Also, Ruth always served dinner at seven o’clock on the dot, one of her regimental rules, so Mel should have eaten over an hour ago. Zoe picked the cushion up again, hugging it to her, thinking about her sister’s comment about living in her shadow. What had she been about to say? The only reason she’d become what?

  Her phone beeped and she picked it up eagerly, thinking it would be a message from Mel to say sorry or send her love, but to her shock it was a text from Greg.

  I miss you Zoe.

  We need to talk.

  Call me.

  All my love, Greg x

  She stared at it, black rage climbing up inside her throat. He had a damn nerve. He missed her? He loved her? He could go f—

  She hurled the phone onto the bed before leaping up and marching into the bathroom. Twisting the taps on violently, she started running a bath, accidentally throwing nearly a whole tub of bath salt in with shaking hands.

  If you loved someone you didn’t cheat on them and humiliate them in front of the whole of New York society. If you loved someone you treated them with honesty, trust and respect. If you loved someone you didn’t ask them to marry you and plan a wedding with them, only to wreck it all two weeks before you tied the knot. And if you were going to miss someone, you’d better make bloody sure you were okay with letting them go in the first place.

  Zoe sighed as she stared down at the whirling, swirling bubbles in the water. What the heck was going on with everyone around her?

  8

  As the dog days of July melted into August, Zoe and the children built a routine together. Breakfast and showers when they got up, greeting Matt before he went to work, an activity or outing in the morning, some quiet time at home over lunch followed by another outing or activities in the afternoon. Most n
ights she got them involved in making dinner, mashing potatoes up in a bowl with butter or folding pastry for a pie. They got used to setting and clearing the table with her every night in exchange for a scoop of ice-cream and a topping of their choice which they ate enthusiastically while she loaded the dishwasher.

  Jasper wasn’t that keen on her rule about there being no TV for an hour before bedtime, or when she insisted he have a warm bath filled with lavender oil to help him get sleepy every evening, and neither was he a big fan of reading together in his room before lights-out. However, after four nights of complaining and Zoe compromising by reading his favourite Ben 10 annual, he gave in with a faintly resigned air, accepting that she wasn’t going to change her mind. By the end of the week he was looking more rested in the mornings, and was a little more settled in the day.

  Aimee was interacting more often and loved that Zoe put half an hour aside every day for them to talk about books and pore over the small library in the girl’s room while Jasper played a fun but educational game on his iPad. They had great fun talking about their favourite stories, and discussing why characters did things and felt the way they did. Zoe made sure to give Aimee lots of praise when she said something particularly insightful, impressed with her almost adult-like perceptions.

  She didn’t get much of a chance to push Plan Nannygate forward because she hardly saw Matt apart from for a few short minutes in the morning. It was probably just as well for her piece of mind, because every time she was near him the breath hitched in her lungs and warmth tingled over her skin. The broken nose, lip scar, broad shoulders and deep green eyes made her a goner every time. It was unfair for one man to be so scandalously sexy.

  Thank God that although he was spending more time at home than she’d originally anticipated, leaving by eight every day and returning just before lunch time, he immediately hid himself away in what she discovered was a soundproof recording studio in the basement. He would often stay there until the early hours of the morning and never joined them for meals. However, a few times she caught him in the kitchen making a coffee and a sandwich. Watching the kids play in the garden, there’d be an expression on his face she couldn’t place. It was somewhere between longing and fear, she thought, but wasn’t sure.