Blood Rose

by Jacquelynn Gagne

  He sighed. “Tell me about it.” I shrugged, unwilling to give the story of my frightening tarot readings and even more horrifying dreams. He saw the flash in my eyes before I could look away. “You can you know. When you’re ready.” We walked on in silence for a little while longer.

  Adélia’s reading had been no better than the first. She used twice the cards and I think that had made it twice as bad. The disturbing part was every card Neesa had pulled so had Adélia.

  Never would I forget the look on Neesa’s face, certain she was seeing her friends final days splayed out on the table. Adélia looked on at me with a question and fear in her eyes, which if spoken aloud would have no doubt brought the tears spilling from Neesa’s. Call me crazy. I think Adélia was afraid of me.

  Suddenly, Damien left the sidewalk and street all together, pulling me with him all the way but exchanging his hold back to my hand. We walked on in silence. He pulled me under a big tree, its large branches hanging protectively over a small stone bench near the docks. His hand waived gallantly at the bench. He winked. Unable to help myself I laughed sitting across from him.

  We sat there quietly. Maybe neither of us knew what to say or perhaps he was still waiting for an answer. My mouth opened to say something the very second I heard the rain attack the tree covering us.

  In that second the humidity heightened the smells of the docks. The smell of fresh rainwater mixed with the smell of the ocean. Wet stone. The wet wooden planks of the docks. Even the scent of bark from the tree and its budding white flowers.

  It wouldn’t take more than a second for the water to slip over the leaves and reach us. My chin lift and my eyes closed as I waited in anticipation. The first drops of rain were like warm bath water. I loved rain in Vermont. The first few moments were always the warmest.

  Time nearly stopped. Neither of us moved. Water splashed on my forehead, my nose and hit my cheekbones before running to drip down my chin and stream down my neck. A drop of water hung on my lash as I opened my eyes. Damien was staring at me with an indescribable expression.

  Slowly Damien wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer to him. My head lay against his chest. He lay his chin atop my head. His fingers trailed up to my chin, taking a lock of hair and pulling the strands from my cheek to tuck them behind my ear. A chill ran down my spine to feel his fingers linger on my neck, dragging back and forth over a small scar on my collarbone from a childhood accident.

  Pulling back, I looked up to him. A million questions danced on the tip of my tongue. His eyes stopped me dead in my tracks. Wasn’t it always something with him?

  I thought he was going to kiss me. Only half of me was sure I wanted him to. The other half was the skeptic. It kept saying that this couldn’t be happening. Not to me.

  Or worse. Maybe this was some sort of sick joke. Then again, maybe I was the sick one. No one normal felt so compelled to someone else. Not like this. No one normal was anything like me. But he already mentioned that. So why was he here? Did we really know each other well enough for this? No. But it felt like we did. My mind flew through these thoughts in milliseconds.

  While I was still contemplating my fate, if it was a demise or fairy tale his hand slid up from my neck to cup against my cheek. The rain still coming down heavily onto us both making streams of cool water run down Damien’s face and dripping off his eyelashes, splashing off his nose and beading on the small hairs of his thin beard.

  Damien’s lips pressed firmly against my forehead for a long moment. As he pulled away just slightly I felt his nose brush mine as he leaned down, his forehead pressed to mine. “Is um- is this okay?” his voice shook with a nervous laugh.

  “I dunno... You tell me.” He gave a halfhearted laugh at my mocking response from something he’d said to me once before. His nose trailed down mine then brushed my cheek until his lips hovered over mine. His hands slid around my waist and squeezed.

  The skeptic went right out the window.

  My body instantly responded as if a bolt of electricity had shot through me. In the next second, I was in his lap with my arms around his neck. Our lips crashed into each other’s so abruptly it felt sort of like bumping into a rock with my mouth. An amazing kissing rock though, nonetheless.

  His body responded just the same as mine did but only after mine had. As his fingers slid slowly under my shirt and up my back hungrily while his mouth melted into mine.

  This wasn’t my first kiss but it sort of felt like it was. It was nothing like kissing anyone else had ever been. This was explosive. Anything else in my history more or less would become comparative to kissing my brother. If after this I would be able to remember any other kiss. Doubt it.

  Honestly, I have no idea how long it lasted. Could have been days but I don’t think either of us would have noticed. Eventually though it did end as all things in life tend to do.

  “Told you, you’d get wet.” Curled in his lap my head lay on his shoulder as I studied every feature of his face.

  “Trust me when I say that’s the furthest thing from my mind,” he spoke with a slight laugh.

  “I won’t ask.” He chuckled again at my response as he slowly slid me off him to help me stand. Immediately he stood with me. His arms kept wrapped around me as if he were reluctant to let go.

  My eyes closed as I turned from him and lift my face to the sky letting the rain wash over my warm cheeks. I could nearly feel the steam rise from them. Just before I started walking, I opened my eyes and caught him staring at me once more. Without a word, we began to walk again.

  The rain had lightened only a little as we walked. In just a couple blocks, we had made our way back to Riads. They would be closing soon.

  “I can get the Jeep if you’re tired of walking in the rain.” We stopped at the entrance to the parking lot. Looking down at our hands that were interlocked still, I shook my head slowly pulling my fingers from his.

  “No, I need to walk. But you should go home. It’s a long walk to make there and back. No telling when the rain will stop.” My arms hugged my body protectively.

  Damien’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully for a moment before sliding his arm around my waist to walk with me. “I’d rather stay with you if that’s alright.” Persistent.

  The feeling of pessimism was taking over again. “Why?” Shrugging helplessly, I turned to look up at him, his hand moving to the small of my back.

  “Why not? Would you rather I didn’t?” His brow rose in question as his eyes narrowed. He acted as if the idea caused him pain, though to counter it his lips pulled up just slightly.

  In spite of myself, I laughed bitterly. “John said I wasn’t worth it.”

  “He’s an idiot.” Damien scowled for the briefest second before his features lightened at the slight touch of sarcastic humor. “For which I’m rather grateful. If he had half a brain, he’d be the one begging to walk you home. Would you rather it be him?” His brow arched as a grim look washed over his face.

  “Now if you think that, then you’re the idiot.” My eyes rolled.

  “Good to know. So I can walk you home?”

  “No.” It was funny yet surprising to see the disappointment wash over him. “You can drive me. It’s not fair to make you walk in the rain so much.”

  He smiled and pulled me closer to him, both hands held me to him as he nestled down into the crook of my neck again. Breathing me in just as I nuzzled up slightly into his collarbone.

  His cool lips brushed my ear. “You have no idea how far I would walk even in a hurricane, for you.” Damien lingered and kissed my cheek.

  * * * * *

  When Damien pulled into my driveway, it was still raining. For the whole drive I had been wondering how to invite him up without it going anywhere. Honestly, I just wanted to talk to him. It was just so nice to be near him.

  Peaceful- Relaxing- Warm- Comfortable. There were so many words, yet they didn’t quite seem like enough to make anyone let alone myself understand the feelings he brought on. He didn’t
have anything to do with all the freaky proverbial crap in my life. It felt safe with him but at the same time it wasn’t safe at all for a world of reasons that I couldn’t grasp hold of.

  “Alright look.” Sighing deeply, I really had to focus to keep from biting my lip. “You really have no idea just how shitty the last two weeks have been for me and I don’t want to give you the wrong idea or, or scare you off. And I’m not asking to vent! But-” My free hand was talking along with my mouth. When I get nervous I turn into one of those people. Yeah. That’s me. We all have our own little quirks. I just have a lot.

  His brow was perked curiously as he looked at our joined hands, watching my fingers twitch. “Well anyways what I’m trying to ask-” I took a breath to collect myself. “Do you want to come upstairs considering the risk of me rambling like an idiot for a little bit?”

  He didn’t say a single word for the next three minutes. Literally. I was watching the clock on his dashboard. Finally I broke under the pressure, pulling my hand from his. “Okay, I’m sorry just uh, forget about that. It’s no big deal really... Okay. So yeah, I guess I should get going.” My thumb pointed to the building, taping his window faintly.

  Streaks of water ran so quickly down the glass the door, I could barely see through it. Frustrated with my own stupidity, I shook my head looking down at my feet. Really, I hoped I didn’t fall on my face again. This time, I’d be more careful. I’d fallen too much when it came to the likes of Damien. Just as I gripped the door handle, he reached over and grabbed my hand.

  “I’m sorry.” He chuckled lightly taking my hand again and pulling it to his mouth and kissing my chilled fingers. “I apologize. It’s just sort of cute when you ramble. I like it and I was waiting to see if you’d go on. What can I say other than it is a quirk. Yes, I would like to come up if the offer is still open.”

  “You’re such an ass.” I laughed in spite of myself. A part of me was just shocked I called him an ass. In the breath of a second, he pulled me across the Jeep and into his lap.

  “Am I? Terribly sorry you feel that way.” He pulled my wet hair off my neck and shoulder, nestling into the hollow of my throat. “You smell divine in the rain you know.” His lips lightly touched over my throat and held there for a little while. It felt like his lips were quivering. It must have been me that was trembling.

  It would have been perfect if I wouldn’t have been freezing. Even he was really cold and unfortunately he was making me chilled enough to shake. Just as I realized I was shaking, he noticed it too. His door popped open and he twisted me around so he could slide out while still holding me against him.

  * * * * *

  My shoes squeaked all the way up to my apartment noisily while Damien somehow managed without a sound. I had left my bag at home so I fished my lone apartment key out of my pocket to unlock the door.

  My shaking hand stopped frozen, clutching the knob till my knuckles were white. Oh god no. He can’t see what’s in there! “Oh crap um…” My other hand banged my forehead. Stupid stupid stupid. “Maybe this was a bad idea.” My body turned to block the door defensively with my body. I had completely forgotten the destruction zone my apartment was in at the time. My eyes clinched shut wondering how I could make him leave now without him asking any questions. One look at him told me I couldn’t. “Let’s go somewhere else.” My lip sucked in between my teeth. He stared on at me with a raised brow.

  “Please.” His eyes narrowed from the desperation staining my voice. “I haven’t cleaned in like two weeks and it’s really not pretty in there. It’s not like dirty dishes but it’s still really bad.” He stood there with silent expectation. “Jeeze! Okay, come in but remember I warned you. Just give me like two minutes first please? Then you can come in. Really. Just wait here.” I pointed threateningly. His brow rose as if to challenge. My finger jabbed the air near his chest. Stay!

  Damien’s brow remained high when I opened the door. My back to him, I quickly ran around picking up my scattered laundry as fast as humanly possible.

  Every night in the last week, I had woken up with nosebleeds, cuts and blood in my mouth. Not just the usual trace amounts. I’d never had it this bad before. Mud and blood covered my sheets. Chalks and papers scattered the floor from my drawings haphazardly. Drawings of my nightmares.

  I had been drowning in my own misery and thus had not cleaned. With an arm full of bloody towels in one arm, I jerked my comforter over the bed to hide the bloodstained pillow. The white cotton was blotchy brown and crimson red.

  Damien stood just a couple steps inside my door. The light from the hall was all that illuminated the room. “Dear god, Anna. What the hell happened to you?” His face was scrunched up as if he were painfully disturbed and confused all at once. So obviously, he had seen the mess.

  “I know it’s trashed but... with work and school the cleaning just got away from me,” my voice quaked. My face flushed hot as I ran over to my closet style washer and dryer and shoved in the armload of clothes.

  Damien pinched the bridge of his nose and clenched his eyes shut. “Forget the mess.” He groaned with frustration. “Damn it,” he muttered more but I couldn’t hear him. My hands were preoccupied with opening a bottle of peroxide and dropping the entire open bottle into the wash and slamming the lid down.

  “Tell me what the bloods from.” I had never heard anyone sound so strained. Gulping down on the quickly formed lump in my throat, I quickly started the washer and shut the lid. Forget soap. I’d run it again later.

  “It’s nothing. Just forget you saw it,” abrupt and hard, my voice quaked. My hands were shaking even harder than before- Maybe harder than they had in my life. They balled to fists so tightly my nails dug crescents into my palms. “Maybe you should go. Come back when I’m not such a mess... I mean when my place isn’t-”

  Damien came up behind me and turned me to face him carefully, hands instantly cupping my cheeks forcing me to look at him. “The mess doesn’t matter. Tell me what happened.” His brow was still furrowed deeply as his fingers lightly held my chin so I would look at him. “Lianna. Please?” his voice was soft. Pleading.

  Stuttering over myself, I nearly fell apart. There was no way I could explain without sounding nuts. My own parents made me see a psychoanalyst because of those dreams, right up until I moved out. Memories flashed through my head. My eyes shut briefly. Forget them, Anna! They left you! They’re gone just forget them! I looked away from him swallowing the lump in my throat that felt like a bolder.

  “I’m clumsy, that’s all.” I tried pulling away but before I could get past his arm, Damien ensnared me around the waist and pulled me tight against him.

  “Don’t run from me, Anna. Just talk to me. I’m not going to get angry with you. You have got to trust me. Nothing you say or do could ever make me think less of you. I’m not going anywhere.” He led me backwards, pulling me with him slowly to one of the chairs, pulling me down into his lap with his arms tight around me.

  “It’s going to sound stupid.” My hands lay in my lap fidgeting.

  “Nothing you ever could say to me would I ever believe is stupid. Please just tell me.” One arm held snug around my waist, his other tangled into my wet hair.

  “I have dreams. Only they’re not dreams. People call them nightmares. Sometimes night terrors. When I wake up... I’m sometimes a little messed up. The last couple of weeks were-”

  I froze on the last word so he finished it for me. “Rough. Yes, you said that.”

  “Yeah. I guess that’s the only way to put it.” It had been eight years since I last cried from emotion alone yet today I had been threatened by tears three times already.

  “Explain ‘messed up’ for me.” His hand in my hair gently tipped my head back to lie against him.

  “My lips will be bloody. Sometimes my nose too.” Deep breath. Here’s the bad part. “And… sometimes my hands or feet will be covered in mud and cuts. All this week, I wake in the mornings and my eyes look like they have been bleeding.
This last week, every night... it’s been all of the above. Often I wake up with dark red bruises and streaks like I’ve been cut or whipped all over my body.” In the dreams I had been. Almost intimately, I had felt every lash. My voice was trembling.

  I laughed hard and bitter. “You probably don’t believe me, I know. It’s unbelievable. No one believes it. Well, now you’re the only one in my life who knows how bad it really is.”

  Shit, why did I tell him all that?! He’s never going to talk to me again. Oh my god what if he tells people at work? I’d have to quit. I couldn’t hold in the single heavy tear that fell from my eye down my cheek. My head hung down. I’m so stupid.

  “Please, please don’t tell anyone,” my voice shook with a horrified anger. Anger reserved just for me. Who could blame him?

  His hands took hold of my shoulders and turned me to face him. Shame burned my flesh red. I turned my head away from him and down. I hated him seeing this. It was almost impossible to tolerate feeling it but to have someone else witness was all the worse. “You’re wrong.”

  He let me hide my face but his hand held against my cheek, thumb stroking the path of the tear. “I do believe you. And you have my word that I will never tell a soul your secrets.” He turned my head gently forcing me to look into his eyes finally. “I swear to you.”

  Slowly I leaned into him. My head lay down on his shoulder. His arms wrapped me tight. No more tears escaped. We sat there like that quietly for a long time.

  Absently, Damien ran a finger over a long white scar on my arm. “The scars aren’t from the dreams. I really am prone to accidents.” I stifled a fake hard laugh as I skirted hysterics. “The dreams are different. Those wounds heal within a few hours of waking up. It’s like “Nightmare on Elm Street” or the “Exorcist” or some shit anyways.”

  “What are they like? The dreams?” He continued to hold me. His fingers ever so lightly traced my body nearly anywhere he could reach.