Between Now and Forever

by Barbara Freethy

  "Why are you crying?"

  "I'm not."

  "I know the way you breathe when you're trying to keep it together. Your breath comes short and fast and a little ragged, and every now and then you draw in a bigger breath and then let out a sigh."

  His words brought her head around, and she stared at him in amazement. "Seriously? You know how I breathe when I'm trying not to cry?"

  His eyes were dark and tender as he said, "I know everything about you, Nic. So there's really no point in trying to hide from me. I don't even know why you feel you need to. When you're hurting, I hurt, too. And I want to fix things for you, just like you want to fix things for Brandon. We're not so different, babe."

  "I guess not."

  "So what's making you sad now?"

  "I'm just feeling emotional. I'll be okay." She glanced down at her phone as it began to ring. "It's Jessica."

  "Put it on speaker so I can hear."

  She punched the button and said, "Hi, Jessica."

  "Nicole, where are you?"

  "We're about an hour outside of Los Angeles. I'm putting you on speaker."

  "Okay. So, Sean and I just left Marian's house. You're not going to believe what we found out. The woman you're going to see, Carole Holt, grew up in Angel's Bay with Paula Schilling."

  Nicole was shocked to learn that Paula Schilling and Carole Holt were friends. "That is unbelievable."

  "Apparently, they were best friends when they were younger but had some falling out years ago. Marian Kelton can't imagine why Carole would give Paula one of her grandchildren, but it looks like that's exactly what she did. We still don't know why she split up the twins though."

  "Your mother-in-law has known all along that Carole is the biological grandmother?" Nicole asked. "That means she also knew about Andrea." She couldn't believe that Paula Schilling had kept such an important secret.

  "Yes. She lied to our faces this morning," Jessica said angrily. "She knew we were looking for the birth parents. She could have told us days ago that Andrea was the mother of the boys."

  "I wonder why she didn't. It doesn't make sense. She loves her grandson, doesn't she?"

  "Sean suggested that Paula might have wanted to use Kyle's kidnapping as a way to discredit me," Jessica said. "Maybe sue for custody. It's hard to believe that she would hate me that much, but I need to confront her."

  "Don't do that yet," Ryan interrupted.

  "Why not?" Jessica asked.

  "Yes, why not?" Nicole echoed, giving Ryan a questioning look.

  "We don’t want Paula to alert Carole Holt that we're on to her. As far as Paula knows, we're still in the dark about the identity of the birth mother. I think we should keep it that way for the time being," Ryan said.

  "All right," Jessica said slowly. "That makes sense. I'll hold off. Call us as soon as you talk to Carole."

  "We will," Nicole promised. As she disconnected the call, she glanced at Ryan. "This just gets crazier and crazier. What do you think?"

  "That we may have only hit the tip of the iceberg."

  "Now, I really wonder why Brandon and Kyle were separated. Wouldn't Carole and Paula have wanted the boys together?"

  "It doesn't make sense, but I can't say I'm sorry that they separated the boys. We wouldn't have gotten Brandon if they hadn't split them up. Maybe that's selfish, but that's the way I feel."

  "I feel that way, too." She liked the fierce love in Ryan's voice, and she was once again reminded of the past—the first night with their son. She'd been sitting in the rocking chair, with Brandon in her arms, and Ryan had squatted down in front of them, putting his hand on Brandon's tiny head. Ryan had sworn that he would love Brandon and her every day for the rest of his life.

  She didn’t even bother to hide the fact that she was tearing up again. Ryan was right. They didn't need pretense between them. She wiped her eyes with her fingers and gave him a watery smile. "I was just thinking about how happy we were when we got Brandon. He was all of our dreams come true."

  "And you don't have a secret wish that we'd gotten Kyle instead?"

  The question stabbed her right in the heart. It was the elephant in the room that no one had wanted to mention, but now that Ryan had said the words, the answer was so obvious.

  "Not for a second. Brandon is our son. I wish he didn't have to suffer the way he does. I wish that he could have all the joys his brother has, but I wouldn't trade him for a second. I mean that, Ryan." She paused. "I was shaken up when I first saw Kyle, when I heard his voice, when I realized that we'd gotten the twin with all the problems, and maybe there was a brief moment when I wondered why. But I know why. We were meant to be Brandon's parents. That's the plan for him and for us. And I'm good with it." She blew out a breath, realizing how much better she felt saying that out loud. "I'm really good with it. I don't think I knew how good until this second. Brandon is our kid, and he sure as hell doesn't belong to Carole or Andrea or anyone else, and I can't wait to tell them all that."

  * * *

  An hour later they exited the freeway and Nicole consulted the map on her phone for directions. "There it is—Sycamore Drive. Turn right. Her house should be a few blocks down."

  As they passed by beautiful mansions set back from the street, Nicole felt as if she'd entered a different world, a world that was very quiet. Many of the properties were imprisoned behind iron gates and security cameras. "I wonder how many secrets are behind those gates," she muttered.

  "Probably more than you can imagine," Ryan said.

  She glanced at him. "It's weird to think that Brandon was born into money. I always assumed that his mother was some poor teenager who couldn't take care of her child."

  "Maybe her parents were unwilling to help her. I think you should take the lead with Carole, Nicole. Talk to her mother-to-mother. You're better at winning people over than I am. We need Carole to be our ally, someone who can help us find her daughter and her grandchildren."

  Ryan was right, but there was a part of Nicole that rebelled against the idea of Carole Holt being her son's grandmother. Jack and Lynda were Brandon's grandparents. They had been present for all of the big moments in Brandon's life—not this woman, this stranger.

  But she had to keep her eye on the big picture and getting Carole Holt on their side would help them get to the kids that much faster.

  "There it is," she said, happy to see there were no locked gates or security cameras in front of Carole's house.

  The home was a large, two-story manor with a circular drive in the front. The landscaping was lush and beautiful with a small fountain in a corner of the front yard.

  As Ryan parked the car, a silver Mercedes passed them and turned into the drive, stopping near the front door.

  "Is that her?" Ryan asked.

  "Let's find out."

  They walked quickly down the drive. The thin, blonde, middle-aged woman was too distracted with her grocery bags to see them approach.

  "Carole Holt?" Nicole asked.

  The woman jumped in surprise. "Who are you? What do you want?"

  "I'm Nicole Prescott, and this is my husband, Ryan. We're the parents of a six-year-old boy who was kidnapped a few days ago. His name is Brandon."

  Carole's face paled. "I already spoke to the police."

  "Then you know that your daughter, Andrea, is Brandon's biological mother. And I'm sure they told you about Kyle, Brandon's twin. He's also missing."

  "I don't know where Andrea is. I haven't seen her in several years, but I don't believe she had anything to do with this kidnapping. My daughter is a drug addict. She can barely take care of herself, much less anyone else. The idea that she could plan some elaborate kidnapping is unbelievable." Carole shook her head. "Someone else must have done it."

  "What about the biological father?" Nicole asked. "Do you know who he is?"

  "No, I don't. Andrea never said." She took a breath. "I'm very sorry about the children. But I really don't think my daughter is involved. I need to go inside. My
ice cream is melting."

  "Let me carry that for you," Ryan said, grabbing the remaining bag off the back seat.

  Carole frowned. "I can handle it myself."

  "We want to talk to you about your daughter, Mrs. Holt," Ryan said firmly. "You may not believe she had anything to do with kidnapping our son, but the police think she's involved. Wouldn't it be better for your daughter if we found her first, instead of the cops? It doesn't sound like Andrea needs the police coming down on her. We don't care what Andrea is involved in. We just want to get our child back, and we believe your daughter either has the kids or knows who does."

  Carole gave Ryan a long look and then slowly nodded. "All right. I can give you a few minutes, but that's all. My husband, Philip, will be home from his golf game soon, and he doesn't allow anyone to talk about Andrea in his presence."

  "Is that because of her drug addiction?" Nicole asked as they followed Carole up the drive.

  "Among other things."

  When they entered the house, Nicole was more than a little impressed by the beauty of the home. The entry boasted marble floors, dark wood paneling and a beautiful glass chandelier. The huge living room was decorated with large white furniture, glass tables, and what looked to be expensive art on the walls. The adjacent dining room was just as grand and very formal, with a long mahogany table and twelve chairs.

  This was a house for entertaining, for showing off, Nicole thought, but it didn't feel lived in or even very personal.

  They entered the kitchen, and Carole set the grocery bags down on a large center island topped with beautiful sparkling granite. She pulled out a few perishable items, including a carton of ice cream and set them in the freezer. The she motioned them towards a large table in a windowed nook overlooking a garden and a pool.

  As they sat down at the table, Carole drew in a deep breath and clasped her hands together. "This is so strange. I never thought I would ever meet you. The adoption was supposed to be closed. No contact from us. No contact from you. It was going to be easier that way. Which—which boy did you say is yours?" Carole asked, then quickly put up a hand. "Actually, I don't want to know. It doesn't matter."

  "Our son is Brandon," Nicole said. "When was the last time you saw the twins?"

  "I suppose it was the day of their birth. They had blue eyes, just like their mother."

  "Why did Andrea give up the boys for adoption?" Nicole continued.

  "Her father insisted. Andrea was fifteen years old and six months pregnant when she finally came to us. It was too late for an abortion by then, but she was too young to be a mother. I considered allowing her and the baby to live here; we didn't realize there were twins at the time, but my husband was not interested in raising more children. He was so angry with Andrea. She had disappointed him, and he wanted nothing to do with her. He told Andrea she would have to give up her baby for adoption. I couldn't persuade him to change his mind. Andrea didn't think I tried hard enough, and maybe I didn't, because part of me thought he was right."

  "I wanted Andrea to have her own life," Carole continued. "I thought being a mother would hold her back. There would be no opportunity for her to go away to college, no wonderful career to embark upon." She uttered a bitter laugh. "Not that giving away the boys made any of that come true."

  "So Andrea didn't go to college?" Nicole asked. Now that they had Carole talking, she wanted to learn as much as possible about Brandon's birth mother.

  "Andrea dropped out of high school her senior year. Giving away the babies broke her in some way. She never recovered from the loss, and her friends were terrible people. They got her into drugs. Once she started, she couldn't stop. I tried to help her. I paid for rehab three different times. She'd stay clean for a while, then go back to the drugs. She said she needed the high so she could look herself in the mirror. She felt horribly guilty about giving up her children. We underestimated how hard it would be for her to go on without them."

  Nicole frowned, not liking the idea that Andrea had been somewhat coerced into giving up her babies. She didn't want there to be any type of technical reason that might allow Andrea to get her children back.

  "Those first two days after the birth were the hardest," Carole added. "Andrea cried for hours. She kept asking for the boys, begging me to bring them to her. My heart broke for her. But it was too late. The boys had already been taken from the hospital. I tried to reassure her that the children were in a good home, that they would have a good life, but she couldn't hear me. She couldn't stand that their life wouldn't be with her."

  "Why didn't she try to stop the adoption?" Ryan asked, a grim note in his voice.

  "She couldn't. She'd already signed the papers. Everything was done. The boys were gone, and we didn't know where they were."

  "But that's not true," Nicole said. "You knew where Kyle was, because he was adopted by Travis Schilling, the son of your good friend, Paula."

  Carole's eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

  "Marian Kelton," Nicole replied. "She told us that you and Paula were friends."

  "Marian was always a big gossip," Carole said with a sigh.

  "We put the rest of the story together," Nicole continued. "But what we don't understand is why the kids were separated."

  "That was Philip's idea," Carole said. "Originally, the boys were going to be together. Paula had told me about the trouble that Travis and his wife had had adopting a child. I knew they would be good parents, so I told Paula that we should try to work something out. But that it had to be a secret, because Philip didn't want to know where the kids were going, and, of course, he didn't want Andrea to know. I was working with the lawyer at that point, so we kept it amongst the three of us. Unfortunately, Philip found out, and he was furious. He wanted the kids with strangers on the other side of the country. He was worried that Andrea might go looking for them. Eventually, he agreed to go along with the adoption as long as Travis only took one child and the other boy went to another family."

  "How did Paula react when you told her Travis was only getting one boy?" Nicole asked.

  "She was angry, but it was one or none, and she wanted Travis to have a chance to be a father."

  Nicole sat back in her seat, digesting everything Carole had said. One thing was clear—it was only by the slightest chance that they'd gotten Brandon.

  "Tell me something, Mrs. Holt," Ryan said. "Did you and Philip enjoy playing God?"

  Carole flinched. "We didn't think of it that way."

  "You didn't?" he challenged. "You split up identical twin brothers. You lied to your daughter about where her children were."

  "Both boys were going to have a better life," Carole said. "And two families were going to have children. Everyone would win."

  "Except for Andrea," Nicole said, feeling sorry for the fifteen-year-old girl who'd been railroaded into giving up her babies by her domineering parents.

  "Yes," Carole agreed. "I truly thought Andrea would move on with her life and that she would have more children, but instead she spun out of control. I wish I could turn back time and make different decisions, but I can't. You may not believe this, but I still love my daughter very much, and I would do anything to help her feel better."

  "Have you looked for her?" Nicole asked. "You have plenty of money. Why not hire a private investigator?"

  Carole gave her a sad smile. "I've had investigators drag Andrea home twice, and she was barely in the house before she was out again. She wanted nothing to do with us." Carole paused. "When I first got pregnant, I dreamt about having a little girl, a sweet daughter who would wear pink dresses and let me French braid her hair. We'd go shopping together and have lunch, and we'd be best friends as well as mother and daughter. But Andrea was not that girl. She hated pink, didn't like to shop or do her hair. She was a tomboy and a rebel and we didn’t understand each other at all. When she reached puberty, she became uncontrollable, breaking rules, drinking, staying out until all hours of the night, and having sex with boys she bare
ly knew. I didn't know how to make any of it stop. And I couldn't spend all my time on Andrea. My husband needed me, too. I had to make difficult choices. I wish I'd been a better mother, but I did the best I could."

  Nicole didn't think Carole's best had been that good, but then she hadn't walked in Carole's shoes, so how could she criticize? "You mentioned that Andrea had sex with different boys. You must have had some theory as to who the father of her children was."

  "Andrea said she didn’t know who it was, that there had been several boys. She loved telling me things like that. She knew it would hurt me." Carole cleared her throat. "There were a couple of boys that she spent time with that summer—Devon Bolles and Malcolm Segal. Neither one of them came forward when the babies were born, so I have no idea if either was involved with her in that way."

  Nicole texted a note to herself to check into those two boys. They would be young men now, and maybe they would be willing to answer some questions.

  "Are we about done?" Carole asked. "I want to be helpful, but I do have some things to take care of."

  "I think we've got enough," Ryan said. "Would it be possible for me to use your bathroom before we leave? It's a long drive back to Angel's Bay."

  "Of course. It's down the hall on the left."

  He got to his feet. "Thanks, I'll be right back."

  As Ryan left the room, Nicole drew Carole's attention back to her. "Where was your daughter when you saw her last?"

  "In a run-down apartment in Hollywood. She called me asking for help, but when I arrived, all she wanted was money. I knew she'd spend it on drugs, so I said no." Carole shook her head, sadness in her gaze. "Andrea looked terrible, thin, and fragile. I told her I'd drive her to rehab right then, but she just gave me this look of hopelessness and said, 'What's the point? Nothing can take the pain away.' I tried to tell her that things would get better, but she wouldn't hear me."

  "Is it possible she's still in that apartment building? Can you give me the address?"

  "I'm sure she was evicted. She had no money."

  "But someone there might know where she is now."