A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

Above,”

  I stared at her for a moment, and then I nodded with a smile. “Very well, but I need no trinket to remember you, Heidi.” I would have given anything, anything in the world to find a way to give her her missing lifespan back.

  “So, do I get to know more about you for my troubles?” She inquired.

  “Like what?” I said quietly as we moved on.

  “Like why your brother is so important to you?” She asked.

  “I told you. He saved my life…” I shrugged.

  “Yes… but there’s only so far that goes. The man seems to be a monster. What is so special about him?”

  “Don’t say such things about someone you do not know,” I said quietly.

  “Joshua…” She looked away. “I just don’t think there’s any redeeming what he’s done. I can’t believe that anyone who heartlessly kills so many people can have much sanity left in them.”

  “You don’t know that. You know nothing about it, and I suggest you know what you’re talking about before you go spouting nonsense.”

  She looked offended for a moment and looked like she was going to come up with a retort, but her expression softened, and she nodded. “Sorry,”

  “Do not worry,” I replied. “To be honest, you could be right… it’s just—hard-to hear that about someone you love,”

  “You know, I was in love once. I dunno if you saw it sitting up on your cloud…”

  I was surprised. “You were? Well, I suppose I don’t see everything from up there.”

  “It was during the summer. You see, I thought he was like…” She searched for the words. “Like this unobtainable thing that women like me couldn’t have, based only on his looks. Then when he noticed me I guess I was blinded by my own silliness. He kept asking me for gold which I stole from my Father, and then when he got enough out of me, he used it to run off with some other girl who his parents didn’t approve of.”

  I shook my head. This poor girl. “That’s awful,”

  “It was more embarrassing than anything. It was stupid and when my Father found out I just…” She sighed. “I’m so sick of these memories…”

  “Maybe without him, you can make newer, happier memories.” I suggested, clasping my hands behind my back.

  She forced a smile. “With who?” She stared at me a little too long and I became embarrassed and looked away.

 

  She smiled. “I’m sorry. I was being rude,” she giggled as a butterfly landed right on her nose--

  But this wasn’t any butterfly; it was the vibrant pink butterfly I had chased all my life.

  I stared in utter shock, shaking my head in disbelief.

  What sort of divine joke was this, that the butterfly should lead me here, to a mortal woman? I always thought it would lead me to whatever I was missing in my life; I thought it would fix my problems and fix the empty feeling in my stomach if I finally managed to chase it down

  But this butterfly, landing on this mortal woman… I did not know what it meant, but I did know, no matter what, I had to keep her safe. She was a reminder for me, of how much I should always love mortals, and treat them fairly. She was a beacon of what it meant to be decent and kind, and I was ashamed of myself in her presence.

  “Something wrong, Joshua?” She asked.

  I shook my head. “No,” I would—miss—her company.

 

  When we made camp later that night, Katharos sat next to me in front of the camp fire and said, “We’re almost there now,” he nodded to himself, “just another day.”

  I looked over at Heidi, who was sitting among Katharos’ soldiers and was regaling them with her vibrant personality. “I wish you two would go home,”

  “We’ll be okay, Joshua.” He assured me. “I have a large contingent of soldiers and Asher here. Hopefully we will have peace within a week.”

  “Just promise me that you’ll leave if she threatens you in any way. I don’t think you can trust that woman.”

  “Because she worships Destruction?”

  At the mention of my Father, I cringed a little on the inside. “Because of her insanity.”

  “I don’t think she’s nuts enough to kill me outright,” he told me confidently, “Joshua, what’s the real reason you worry? Is your brother going to try and kill me?”

  “My brother cannot kill you. At least not from far away. I put a mark of protection on you,”

  “You did…? I didn’t even notice…”

  I shrugged. “I can be sneaky. But otherwise…” I was hurt. Hurt that my brother would try and hurt the mortals I loved, but I knew he would have if he could. “I think he would hurt you, just to hurt me…”

  Katharos looked at me compassionately, but said nothing. The love I had for my Godsibling was written all over my face.

  “I’m sorry Joshua. I hope you can talk some sense into him.” Katharos said honestly. “There’s never really been anyone in my life to love, aside from Asher and Heidi. My parents died when I was very young… at least you had someone, if only for a time.” He laughed softly. “I’m sorry; I’m making this about me.”

  “I like hearing about you more,” I said truthfully.

  “You sound like you need a long break,” Katharos said. “I get exhausted myself. Day and night it’s the same political routine. I have to hear so many murder trials… it makes me sick at heart. The things people do… So many troubles. I just want to quit.”

  I looked at my feet. “How… how can you stand it? And not hate mortals?”

  “I hate plenty of mortals. Sometimes I don’t know if I can ever love them… but sometimes I meet people who give to others at their own expense. I follow their example. You know, when I was young, I had a pretty bad temperament after my parents passed. Everything was always about me; I didn’t care anything for my own people… I was terrible to them. I even spat on an old man once… and then he told me he knew about my parents and he felt badly for me. It was as if the core of my being changed that day. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said.” He shook his head. “I’m so embarrassed by the stupid things I did…”

  I was embarrassed too. Embarrassed to think I ever shut these wonderful creatures out of my life, and embarrassed to think I had them all pegged as the same. It was time for me to make a gesture to them, because I loved them so much.

  “Katharos?” I asked.

  “Yes?”

  “I—I shall miss you.”

  “Miss me? I told you that we wanted to go with you.”

  I looked at him sincerely. “I failed you all… I will make it right. Come, I wish to speak with you and Heidi alone.” I told him and then climbed to my feet and walked over to Heidi.

 

  “What is it?” Heidi asked.

  The night was cold, my lungs colder. I asked her and Katharos to move away from the others so we could talk alone. Even with my boosted powers, I was still freezing, still stripped of much of my powers. I was already feeling the loneliness setting in.

  “Heidi, Katharos, do you know why Justice and Vengeance exist?” I asked.

  They shook their heads.

  “It’s time you did…” I looked up at the night sky, and recounted the sad tale of my life to them.

  I pressed my ear against the closed building in The Above where Weather spoke to Gods who required privacy.

  “You told me his personality would be preserved!” Chandra yelled furiously.

  “I told you he is dangerous. His volatile personality will be absorbed, and he will pose no more threats to us, more importantly, he himself will be happier with a stable personality,” Weather said coolly.

  I heard a crash; perhaps my brother slamming his fists into the table. “He won’t have a personality; he will only be an ideal! An empty soul going about a mechanical routine each day!”

  “He is a God. He does not need a personality. Do you need your brother that badly, Death?”

  I could
n’t listen anymore. I was the monster. There was no one to blame but myself.

  Heidi was shocked. She covered her mouth with both her hands and shook her head. “You killed all those people…”

  I said nothing. There was no excuse. Katharos was quiet, looking at his feet. In the background, his soldiers were still laughing and having fun.

  “I can’t believe I let you convince me that any God could actually care about me…” She was in tears, and her voice was choked. “You poisoned this entire world because you were angry at a few mortals… you are the one who killed my plants—the reason why so much of this world is dead—how could you? With your lack of respect for living creatures, did you only save me as a joke? Are you going to kill me later just to laugh about it?”

  I couldn’t help it. I had to object to that comment. “Heidi, I would never kill you…”

  “If you really do like me then I’m sickened by the thought that someone as perverse as you cares me! Katharos, can you spare a few soldiers to take me home?” She wiped her tears away, and I looked blankly away, not daring to look upon her face full of disdain.

  “Of course Heidi,” Katharos nodded. “In the morning, you can leave.”

  She walked away sobbing, and I felt numb. I closed my eyes, feeling a painful pressure on my chest. I missed her already.

  “I shall leave now,” I said, getting to my feet.

  “I didn’t say we had to travel apart,” Katharos said.

  I looked back at him confusedly. “You should hate me…”

  “Do you want me to?” Katharos said sarcastically.

  I didn’t know what to say, so I was quiet.

  “You don’t deserve my hatred right now. Hatred is too