A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

him back with my mind.

  He staggered backward. I held him with my mind for as long as possible. I pushed him down, to anyone watching it would look like gravity itself was pushing him down. Still his expression did not change. He was not worried.

  Under his breath, I heard him murmur, “Yeshua,”

  I felt an invisible hand grip my neck; my throat was being crushed by it. I gasped for breath and fell to my knees, too low on energy to fight back. As I fought for my last breath, I lifted a hand and my brother flew backwards into a wall of the underground city.

  I coughed, gasping for air. I got to my feet after a moment, wondering if I might have killed my brother. Sweating and breathing harshly, I looked about, frightened. It was so quiet, but I knew he couldn’t possibly be—

  A force hit my back and pushed me down. My brother pinned me down, trying to look right into my eyes again. I closed all three of them, but I felt a searing pain as a fist collided with my green and yellow eyes. I screamed in pain when he hit both eyes so hard that they bled. It was over, I had no strength left. He put his hands on my neck again wanting to kill me with his bare hands.

  I heard something in the distance, but my ears were ringing too much to tell what it was. I screwed my eyes closed, ready to die; I could feel my soul dissipating within me.

  All at once, I heard people screaming, and I felt my brother being lifted off of me. I crawled out as far as I could, and looked upon my rescuers.

  It was none other than the Mahesha themselves. They tore him off of me and stabbed him with their weapons. They didn’t do much damage, as mortals cannot harm Gods easily; but I was shocked. I sat up and could only open my green eye partially. My ears stopped ringing, and I heard the mortals praise my name. I smiled a wobbly smile with tears in my eyes. I’d never been so moved in my life.

  “Justice is the only God who has ever come down to help us! You are a monster, Destruction!” Said one. They must have had my Brother confused with my Father.

  “You will not harm a God who was so kind to us! Who fights to keep us safe!” Said another.

  “He saved my life!” Cried the woman I had saved days ago.

  My heart was warmed. I had misjudged them once again. All I had done was save one woman’s life, and they fought to keep me alive. That was all they needed. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Nikolai. I realized, suddenly, that he was the one who inspired them to help me. He looked at me with a smile.

  I felt strong—power welling in my body—and I realized, it wasn’t just the prayers of these people that were powering me, Nikolai must have gone to many other places, and told them all I had done for the mortals lately--saving many lives—and what I was trying to do for them. That a God was attempting to kill them, and I was there to save them. I felt their prayers well inside of me, shooting up through my feet and into my weary head. I was alive!

  I shot to my feet. I noticed my brother, readying to blow them all away.

  I waved an arm and all the Mahesha were teleported behind me. “Thank you all so much… you should go now. I will be okay.”

  “But we can’t risk losing you! Without you, the Gods will be free to treat us as they want.”

  I looked down at them. “I will never, ever let anyone lay a finger on you again,”

  They looked at me with moonstruck eyes and they obeyed me.

  Death’s looked at me in disgust. You know they will forget about you in moments when they start a war and they realize you will not come running when they call for you,

  “That doesn’t matter. They are mortals. Their job is to learn and grow, my job is to love and support them no matter what. Don’t you realize you should be proud of how far they’ve come?”

  You meet a few nice mortals, and you think you should be proud of them? They are the same as they ever were.

  “Any progress they make is to be praised. Otherwise there will be no progress at all. You used to realize that.”

  He raised his hand and shot a shining beam of blue light at me. I got my hand up just in time to block with a yellow beam. I could only block for a few minutes before his beam enveloped mine—and then it hit me at full force—I went flying into the wall, and part of the ceiling of the city came crashing down.

  I couldn’t believe it, even with the prayers, I could not win. I tried to get up but my legs gave way and I fell to my knees. I realized, very suddenly, I did not want to die. I wanted to live; to see these people grow and change, to watch over Heidi and Katharos, to meet more interesting mortals, even just to see the sun rise again. I realized I had more things to love in this world than just Chandra. He taught me to love, but now, I had others to love.

  Death, who was about a mile away, was approaching at a walking pace. I just couldn’t move. I was so tired… I still did not have the power I needed.

  “Joshua!” Said a familiar voice.

  I looked to my right. I thought I was hallucinating. Heidi knelt down next to me and put a hand on my back. “Are you okay? You’re lucky I’m here to save you again…”

  “What are you…?”

  “Nikolai brought me here… I was wrong Joshua. Maybe you failed us, but we failed you, too. The difference is that you have forgiven us. People never think about how you Gods must feel, day-by-day, night-by-night, they don’t realize you need support, too. But now, I’m going to do my part and make sure I help you make the world a better place. You deserve my faith—you did from the beginning—forgive me?” She offered me a hand.

  With my battered face, and my swollen eye, I reached for her hand. She took it away in the last moment. “I want you to open your real eye, first.”

  I looked uncertain, uncomfortable. “You know I… I dislike Decay…”

  “It’s going to be okay… I like Decay, because you are Decay.” She held out a hand again with an accepting smile.

  I returned her smile, opened my red eye, grabbed her hand—

  And was infused with power shooting through my body and powering my very soul; I felt the absolute freedom and power of acceptance, both from myself and from Heidi. As I lifted myself to my feet, my wings burst from my back in a shower of feathers. Heidi backed away.

  I turned to my brother again, and this time, I ran at him so fast and tackled him, I said his name again and bound his hands behind his back. He kicked and struggled but could not escape. I pinned his arms to the floor. I was going to kill him. But I accidentally looked into his eyes and still found reluctance and pain in my heart for my brother.

  I felt his eyes digging into my mind. I heard the mind scream and I fell backwards with my head in my hands, trembling and cowering.

  He took the moment to wave his finger and make shadows appear behind me that tore at my wings. I just couldn’t get that sound out of my head and all the memories that came with it. I was stuck in a place from long ago, and could not defend myself. The last thing I remembered was an excruciating pain in my back before I fell over and closed my eyes for good. The last thing I remembered thinking was that I failed everyone I loved, and a tear rolled down my cheek as I hit the dirt.

  I watched as Joshua hit the dirt and I never expected to be so hurt. It seemed as if nothing could make me cry anymore after everything my Father did to me. I certainly never expected to cry over a God. But I had to stop thinking that way. Joshua should not be narrowed down to one word such as God the same as I shouldn’t be narrowed down to one word such as woman or mortal. Joshua was my friend. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn’t like him because of my old resentment towards the Gods, or how much I teased him, or even how many mistakes he made on his part, I could not doubt the feelings I had for him in my heart. Despite our time apart, and what his madness had done to The Below in the past, I loved his company. I loved his squinty smile whenever he dared to share it with me, I loved his quiet manner; how he loved me from afar despite my ugly clothes, dirty face, and my somewhat plain looks. I loved how he reached out to touch my
hair but always withdrew, more for my benefit than his own. I loved how he never stopped loving mortals, even after all the torture they put him through.

  I knuckled my tears away and rushed to his side, kneeling next to him. He had cuts and bruises on his arms and dirt on his face, just like I had at one time. His hair bristled lifelessly in the wind and blew the dirt he was lying in all about. He looked so cold; I sniffled loudly. All I could think was that I should have been there for him. I couldn’t see past the end of my nose to realize that he couldn’t be the beacon of perfection I wanted him to be for me.

  I realized I didn’t want him to be. Because then I wouldn’t love him. I felt sick to him lifelessly struck to the ground as if his life meant nothing at all. With all my strength, I turned him so he was facing the ceiling and I sat at his side with my hands in my lap bitterly aching from loss. After a moment, a shadow was cast over me. I looked up. There was Death; I cringed just looking at him.

  He didn’t even care to look at me, he thought so little of mortals. He was going to dispose of Joshua’s body with a blue flame in his palm. My body moved faster than I did.

  In a moment I was in front of the body and finally Death had no choice but to look at me.

  I would have let you live a little longer if you had stayed back.

  “You ‘re a monster! How could you care so little for your own brother that