A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

he looked at me silently, and then he said vacantly, if you die while you are down here, the other Gods will not notice. I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life coddling you.

  The words echoed and stung my mind. It was as if the net that was always there to catch me was no longer there. I could no longer fall again. Why? What did I do to you?

  He did not answer, and then he said, you know what. I can’t wait to end you, but right now, Weather is watching. He is to send a rainstorm tonight, and he has his eyes on this place. Luckily, he does not check indoors. In three days, you will be dead. Look at me.

  I looked at him with tears in my eyes. I do not wish to live without you, Chandra.

  That is good. You will get your wish, Justice. I will tell her to release you and your little friend for now. He stepped away from me and stood next to Hephzibah.

  “Darling, will you stay?” She asked lovingly.

  He touched her cheek, and then disappeared. She wasn’t upset. “He still loves me… Nikolai, please release Katharos for now.”

  Nikolai looked at me with an intent look on his face, and then he nodded to his Mother.

  I didn’t know what happened, but over the next three days, I felt the power returning to me again. I still felt weak, but my power was back up to the point where I felt comfortable again.

  But not enough to face my brother. I felt as if my life had been nothing but one disappointment after the next and the one person who hadn’t disappointed me was gone. I would miss him. It wasn’t just that he used to spoil me—it was his quiet kindness, his generous smile, and how he taught me what it was to be good—he never gave up on me. Not once. He was there for me for all those days I was locked in that prison. He cured my insanity and saved my life. Few people in life were willing to go that far for you. And I had ruined him. I wept bitterly like a child when I realized my brother no longer even liked me. But it was worse than that. It was as if my brother had died and been replaced. He was still around, but it was like a monster wearing the face of someone I knew, who was now dead. It hurt my insides and made me sick.

  Sitting in the garden, I looked into the distance and cried silent tears. Wiping them away as they came.

  Katharos appeared in the circular garden door, and shut the door behind him. He approached me silently. Katharos sat next to me. “Why was I freed?

  “Because my brother wished you to be,” I said simply.

  “You saw him?” He asked breathlessly. “Did he tell you why he was doing this?”

  I shook my head.

  “You should forget about him,” Katharos suggested, looking down. “He is not the same.”

  But I couldn’t forget. Not after how far he had gone for me. I had to do all in my power to convince my brother to stop what he was doing.

  I shook my head. “You know I can’t do that… He would have died for me back then, I must do the same.” I said quietly.

  “He doesn’t care about you anymore.” He told me plainly.

  “It’s none of your business. You weren’t there.” I said angrily. I knew he was right, and he was trying to save my life, but I couldn’t stand to hear the truth at that moment.

  “It hurts so badly…” I just couldn’t seem to stop crying.

  “I know you think you have no one Joshua, but not matter what, I’m on your side.” He told me firmly.

  I smiled a wobbly smile. If anyone else had said it, I would have doubted them. But there was no one as sincere as Katharos.

  I lay in bed and conserved energy, just waiting to see my brother again. Waiting to live or die.

  There was a knock on my door. “Joshua?” That was Nikolai.

  “Yes? I replied tiredly.

  He opened the door and walked in. “You’re looking a little better. More red than pale red like you were a few days ago.”

  “What do you want?” I asked with a sigh. I was tired of the way mortals liked to beat around the bush.

  “Are you going to kill my Father?” He asked.

  “No. I do not even have the power to right now. If I die, will you promise me to try and convince him to stop?”

  “You still don’t get it, do you? He’s mad. Completely gone. He only wants one thing now; the death of mortals.”

  “I was mad, and he saved me!” I countered. “Why can’t I save him in return? Why can’t I do anything right?”

  Nikolai was taken aback. “Sorry…” Then after a moment, “do you know what a mind-scream is?”

  “Yes…” I murmured. I didn’t wish to think of the mind scream at the moment.

  He looked distraught. “It—hurts—my father torments me with it, you understand if I don’t weep when he dies…”

  I smiled at him, and sat up, my feet on the floor. “You deserve a reward for trying to be good, Nikolai. Every child born deserves a chance, and I don’t think you got one. I’m—sorry—for what I said to you. It’s not your fault your parents are the way they are… I’m shocked you’re as kind as you are.”

  Nikolai was crying. He threw his arms about me. “I just want to be happy… want to feel like I was meant to be here. Not like some sort of abomination.”

  I closed my eyes painfully. “I won’t let them ruin you. I want to give you the chance my brother gave me…”

  And so, three days later, in the underground city, when I was outside the castle, walking among the people, doing what I could to help them, my brother appeared. The people scattered when they saw him, screaming about death coming for them.

  I felt dread creeping in on my soul. My brother’s black eyes stared back at me, and I shrank back within myself, frightened. I stood tall and let my hands lay lank at my sides. Wind travelled from up above and rustled in my hair.

  “You used to love mortals…” I looked down. “Do you really want to kill them?”

  He looked down his nose at me. That was before I realized you were right about them. While you were in that prison, I watched them for years. They killed themselves so often I could hardly believe it. They had no respect for us Gods, each other, or the world they walked upon. They deserved what they got. There is no place for such mindless creatures.

  “No. I was wrong about them. It was my fault they were the way they were—I coddled them; made them dependent, disrespectful—they needed a chance to grow on their own, and I never gave them that. But look how far they’ve come--I know they’re not perfect—but I’m proud of them. I was unhappy—mad—because they didn’t love me. But the real problem was that I stopped loving them. Once a mortal is born on this world, they deserve a chance to be loved! You taught me that.”

  He shook his head. I was deluded by the other Gods. The only bliss in this world is death.

  “What about your son? What about Hephzibah? You must have fallen in love with her for a reason!”

  Who said anything about love?

  “Do you wish to kill them?” I demanded.

  He had a conflicted, wild look in his bizarre tiny pupils. I cannot kill my son, or his Mother.

  “But they are mortals. Therefore, you should wish to kill them too,” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nikolai, Katharos, and Hephzibah approach us, but stay out of the way at the same time.

  They are not disgusting mortals! My brother countered.

  “But they are mortals nonetheless. They are not all the same. They are special, and that is what makes them wonderful.”

  An exception, he assented, but you of all people should know the core of their beings are bitter and corrupted. They cannot change their animalistic behavior.

  “And me? Will you kill me for opposing me? Despite all we’ve been through?”

  For just a moment, I saw a flicker of regret in his eyes and then he was back to his blank expression. I loved you, he said. I would have given anything for you. I wanted you to have the life my Father robbed from me. I sat by you every day, just wishing you would open your eyes. You were my reason to keep going. When you finally wo
ke up, after all those years, I was ready for things to go back to the way they were between us, before you were consumed by madness. But when you opened your eyes, and you did not even recognize me anymore, I realized you were gone. You did not throw your arms about me, or even look happy to see me, it was as if you never knew me… you were not the person I loved, and you never would be again—you were Justice and Vengeance. You left me alone for all those years. Alone with the mortals.

  My eyes were wet. “I am that person again!”

  Then why are your yellow and green eyes still open? Why are you not the innocent, loving brother I once knew? Why are you going among mortals? Why did you fall in love with one?

  “I am not in love—Heidi is my friend—and you know I would be a monster if it weren’t for Justice and Vengeance. Please… let us just go home now.”

  He was unimpressed. I want to kill you. You are a soulless mess who wears the face of my brother.

  He saw me the way I saw him. It was terrible to lose someone so close to your heart.

  “If you care nothing for me, why do you still wear that bracelet?”

  He still wore that bracelet I had made him so long ago. It was worn, torn, and less vibrant, but it was still there.

  He stared at me for a moment. Then he looked up at the ceiling and back at me.

  He said nothing, but approached me slowly. Once he was a foot away from me—fast as lightning, he seized the back of my hair, and yanked it backwards, making me look right into his eyes.

  “Chandra!” I screamed. I immediately felt control over my brother. I pushed