Love Becomes Her

by Donna Hill

  Chapter 19

  With more than a bit of reluctance and a few drinks under her belt, Ann Marie returned home. When she stepped inside, the house was quiet.

  Good, Raquel was asleep. She tiptoed to her room and gently closed the bedroom door. Flipping on the light, the first thing she saw was her reflection in the mirror, staring back at her with accusation. Quickly she turned away.

  She was not a bad person. She wasn’t, she thought as she slowly undressed. The only person she knew how to be was herself and it was up to others to either accept who she was or they could go to hell for all she cared.

  She sat down on the side of the bed and out of nowhere tears of shame and uncertainty slid from her eyes. Why couldn’t she open her heart, why couldn’t she love the way she’d seen love displayed? Would she ever really feel it for anyone—even her own daughter? Would she ever have that light in her eyes that she saw sparkle in Elizabeth’s when she looked at her daughters, or Barbara’s when she talked about her life with Marvin, or even Stephanie’s when she spoke of her accomplishments?

  At times, she believed she was totally empty inside, devoid of feelings, and she had no idea what to do about it. And as much as she enjoyed Phil, even he was unable to summon that spark that she so desperately sought to feel.

  Maybe this new venture would put the zip in her life that she was searching for, give her something to make her forget about all that she was not. But what if it didn’t?

  She slipped between her cool sheets, wishing that Phil was with her. At least their rather exuberant sex-capades would keep her mind and body busy. That was another dilemma she faced. He would be back any day now. Somehow she needed to figure out what to do about Raquel, especially since Phil didn’t know anything about her.

  The following morning, Ann Marie awoke tired and bleary-eyed. She peeked at the bedside clock and groaned. It was already eight. Generally by this time, she would have had her workout at the gym or at least would have run around the track in the community park, showered and be ready to walk out the door for work.

  With more than a little effort she pulled herself out of bed and dragged her tired limbs into the bathroom. She turned on the shower full blast and while the bathroom filled with steam she brushed her teeth.

  Today she would put together all the paperwork to get the house off the market and get the process rolling. Whether the ladies knew it or not, as lousy as the house looked on the outside, there was someone out there willing to outbid them. She needed to get a lock on it and fast.

  Feeling better, she took her shower, dressed and hurried out to the office. There was no sign of Raquel, which was probably a good thing. At least for now she wouldn’t have to look into Raquel’s sad and accusing eyes.

  She signed heavily as she got behind the wheel of her car. At some point she was going to have to deal with the Raquel situation and soon. But for now, she had more pressing things on her mind. She turned on the radio and hummed along with Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman.”

  Chapter 20

  Barbara felt uncharacteristically bold today. So much so that she broke her rule and called Michael, inviting him to join her for a quick lunch. He was due to leave town and she had an overwhelming desire to see him before he jetted away for a few days. She didn’t want to wait until their “date night.” She got her jacket and purse and hurried out to meet him in front of the hospital for lunch.

  The moment she pushed through the glass doors she saw him standing there and her heart did a little dance in her chest. Wow, the man was fine, no question about it, and from the second looks that he was getting from passing women they knew it, too. His celebrity status might have had something to do with it, but he was still f-i-n-e. And he was all hers.

  “Hi.”

  He turned in her direction and a smile as bright as sunshine spread across that wonderful mouth of his. Down, girl, down.

  He walked up to her, slid his arm around her waist and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “You look great.”

  “And you have got to be kidding,” she said, followed by a girlish giggle.

  “If I think you look good, you look good.” He squeezed her waist. “Where to? Do you have someplace in mind? I know you only have an hour.”

  “I was thinking we could go to the little bistro around the corner. The food is pretty good and they’re fast.”

  “Lead the way.”

  As they headed down the block, Michael asked, “Not to stare a gift horse in the mouth, but to what do I owe the pleasure of lunch with you during working hours?”

  She glanced up at him and her heart did that thing again. “I figured since I was making some changes in my life, this should be one of them.”

  “Changes? What kind of changes?”

  “I’ll tell you all about it during lunch.”

  He took her hand and heat shot up her arm. “I love a woman of mystery.”

  Once they were seated and the waitress had taken their orders, Barbara pulled her chair closer to the table.

  “I know I’ve been a real prude when it came to me and you seeing each other…” She paused. “I’ve really been giving it a lot of thought lately.” She looked him square in the eye. “I really like you, Michael. More than I thought I would or could. And…I don’t want us to be a secret anymore. I want the world to see how happy I am.”

  The right corner of his mouth curved up into a grin. “Persistence is a virtue,” he said. “I figured if I could hang in there long enough to wear you down, you’d have to give in.” He chuckled and so did she. “But seriously—” he reached across the table and took her hand “—I’m glad, really glad. I want us to do things together, share things together and not just in the dark. The sex is out of this world, but you mean more to me than that.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, really. Since I’ve been with you, I can feel myself changing, too, becoming more settled, more focused. I want you in my life, Barbara. It’s as simple as that.”

  She lowered her head as heat flushed her face. “I want you in mine, too,” she murmured.

  He tipped her chin up with the pad of his forefinger. “Now, tell me, what other life changes have you made?”

  She smiled. “I’m going into business, the spa business, with three of my friends.”

  His eyes widened with surprise. “Get out. For real?”

  She nodded. “Yep. We found a property and everything right in Harlem. The building needs some work but…”

  “That is great. I mean it. Tell me all about it. What’s the plan?”

  Barbara laid out the plan of having an exclusive day spa for men only. She told him what services would be offered, the screening process and how they planned to drum up business. “We’re calling it Pause for Men.”

  Michael leaned back and chuckled from deep in his gut. “You women are going to have a lock on all the men.”

  She winked. “That’s the point. At least one of them,” she qualified.

  “So how soon do you plan to open?”

  “Hmm, a lot depends on getting the property and then the contractors to make all the repairs that are needed. She went down the list of things that had to be done.

  “Hmm, all doable. I actually know some great contractors that I can recommend if you want.”

  “Sure. I’ll let the ladies know.”

  Michael nodded. “So you’re going to be a businesswoman. I like that. There’s nothing sexier than a determined woman.”

  A tingle vibrated between her legs from the low timbre of his voice. “Is that right?”

  “Yeah, it is. A real turn-on.”

  “Maybe I’ll let you show me what you mean later.”

  “Woman, you know I love a challenge.”

  “Then consider yourself challenged.”

  After her “date” with Michael, Barbara sailed through the rest of her day, barely able to keep her feet on solid ground. She felt good inside, really good for the first time in ages. Once she’d finally let go of
her doubts, it all felt right. Sure Michael was young. But he made her feel young, too. She felt alive again, and sexy and needed.

  For so long after Marvin’s passing, she’d literally turned herself off, devoting all of herself to her work and the few hours per week that she spent with her friends. There was a part of her that felt she was somehow betraying the memory of what she and Marvin had shared if she even so much as thought about getting involved with someone. As a result, she’d let herself go, gained some unwanted pounds, rarely went to the hair salon or had her nails and toes done. She figured, what was the point, there was no one in or out of her life that she wanted to impress.

  But what Michael had brought into her world was a sense of value. She didn’t want to be better for him, she wanted to do it for herself and he would simply be the very lucky beneficiary.

  Before she left for the day, she made an appointment to get her hair done professionally the following day, and on the way home she stopped in the nail salon to have a manicure and pedicure. A woman had to start somewhere, she mused as the technician worked on her feet.

  She sat back as the hot, sudsy water churned around her ankles. Yes, life was looking really good right about now. It truly was. Maybe she’d even sign up for the gym. She wanted to look just as good on the outside as she felt on the inside.

  By the time she was done, it had begun to rain. Good thing she wasn’t coming from the hair salon, she thought as she hurried toward her car parked on the next block. Before she’d reached the corner, the heavens opened and everyone was running for cover. She put her purse over her head, which was virtually useless and made a mad dash for the corner while she still had the light.

  It was the last thing she remembered.

  When she next opened her eyes, a bevy of strange, concerned faces hovered above her. Her head pounded, exacerbated by the bright light that was shining in her eyes.

  “Ms. Allen, can you hear me?”

  Barbara blinked in slow motion so as not to set off the rockets in her head. “Yes,” she said, her voice sounding strange to her ears.

  “You were in an accident. You’re in the hospital in the emergency room. I’m Dr. Clarke.”

  Accident…hospital? She swallowed.

  “We’re going to take you up for X-rays. You have a minor concussion, but there doesn’t appear to be any broken bones. You’re a very lucky lady.”

  She didn’t feel very lucky, but she supposed under the circumstances she was. What were the circumstances?

  “What…happened?”

  “You were hit by a car.”

  She flinched. Yes, now she remembered. She was crossing the street in the rain.

  “Is there someone you want us to call—husband, family member?”

  She had no husband and she was all that was left of her family. “Elizabeth…Lewis…my friend. Her number is in my cell phone.”

  The doctor murmured something to the nurse standing beside him. “We’ll be sure she’s notified. Now, let’s get you up to X-ray. Make sure they do a full body scan and a head CT,” Dr. Clarke said before walking out.

  Hours later and after her X-ray and CAT scan, she was admitted for observation and put in a semiprivate room. Her headache had been reduced to a dull, pounding throb. Painful but at least it was bearable. Gingerly she turned her head to take in her surroundings: a typical hospital room, small, sterile and without ambience. A woman was in the next bed connected to a series of frightening-looking tubes, and the constant beep from the monitor was a chilling reminder of the fragility of life.

  She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. Although the doctor had not been back to see her, she was confident that she would be fine. God brought her too far, and too close to happiness to snatch it away now.

  Barbara wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but when she awoke, Elizabeth was at her bedside, holding her hand. A slow smile crept across her mouth and Barbara could see that Elizabeth had been crying.

  “I came as soon as they called me. Oh God, I’m so glad you’re all right. I didn’t know what to think.”

  “Thanks for coming, Ellie.”

  “You know I’m here for you, girl. How are you feeling?”

  “Like I went headfirst into a brick wall at full speed.”

  Elizabeth winced. “Did they give you anything for the pain? Should I call someone?”

  “They put something in the intravenous. It’s helping a little.”

  Elizabeth let out a breath and pulled her chair closer to the bed. “Do you know what happened?”

  “Not really. The last thing I remember was crossing the street in all that rain.”

  “Where were you?”

  Barbara chuckled lightly and bombs exploded in her head. She squeezed her eyes shut until the pain subsided to a bearable level. Slowly she opened her eyes. “The nail salon of all places. When was the last time I was there? And the first time I do, something like this happens. Life is a bitch, as they say.”

  “You got that right. But, honey, it could have been so much worse. I don’t even want to think about it.”

  “Neither do I.” Her eyes widened. “Michael!”

  “What about him?”

  “I need to call him.”

  “Give me his number. I’ll call him and let him know what happened.”

  “He was supposed to be going out of town today for a few days. He may have left already.” She waved her hand. “Don’t bother him. I don’t want him to be so far away and worried about me.”

  “Don’t you think he’ll worry even more if he calls and can’t reach you?”

  Barbara was thoughtful for a moment. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Where’s his number?”

  “In my cell phone. Hopefully, my purse is in that drawer.” She pointed to the table next to her bed.

  Elizabeth looked inside and pulled out her purse. She took out the cell phone. “I can’t use this in here.”

  “Oh, right. Okay, well, call him. Make sure you let him know that I am fine, Ellie, fine. And that I’ll call him as soon as they let me out of here.”

  “Do you know when? Have they told you?”

  “They haven’t told me anything.” She frowned for a moment, not wanting to become too concerned. The doctor hadn’t been back to see her and if they admitted her, they must think that something is wrong, something they saw in the X-ray.

  “Are you okay? You actually looked pale for a moment.”

  “Fine. I’m fine.” She forced a smile. “Call Michael.”

  Elizabeth looked at her for a moment, trying to read the strained look on Barbara’s face. “I’ll be right back,” she said and walked out of the room.

  While Elizabeth was gone, Barbara ran over all the possibilities. She had no broken bones. Other than her head pounding, she didn’t feel as if there was anything else wrong. Her body ached, and she was pretty sure it would get worse before it got better, but that was about it. Maybe it was no more than what the nurse said, they wanted to keep her for observation, as a precaution, nothing more, nothing less.

  She folded her hands across her stomach and closed her eyes. In an instant your life could take such dramatic turns. One minute you were as happy and carefree as a kid on summer vacation, and the next… Well, it’s like Ellie said, it could have been so much worse. Michael… She suddenly wished he was there with her. He had a way of making her feel so utterly comfortable and confident. She wanted to hear his voice, see his eyes when he told her that everything was going to be fine. Girl, you are getting it bad and that ain’t good. She smiled, then, feeling a presence, she opened her eyes expecting to see Elizabeth.

  Dr. Clarke walked in carrying a chart beneath his arm. He stepped up to her bed and drew the drapes.

  Barbara’s heart started racing and the pounding in her head kicked up another notch.

  Dr. Clarke sat down. “I want to go over our findings.”

  Barbara swallowed.

  “The head CT came back as I thought. You ha
ve a concussion, there’s a small clot on the back of her head and your right temple seemed to take the brunt of the fall. You will be having some severe headaches for a while, possibly some light-headedness. They may even make you nauseous. But we’ll give you medication to help with all that.” He cleared his throat and Barbara braced herself for the other shoe to fall.

  “During the body scan we noticed a small mass in your left breast.”

  Bile rose to her throat and set it on fire.

  “When was the last time you had a mammogram?”

  What was he asking her? She couldn’t think. Small mass in her breast…

  “Ms. Allen?”

  Barbara blinked him back into focus. “I…last year.”

  He nodded. “Well, I’ve scheduled one for you first thing tomorrow morning. Depending on the results we will decide what to do there. If anything appears irregular, well, we will do an immediate biopsy to test the tissue.” He turned the chart around to face her and pulled a pen from his smock pocket. “This is a consent form allowing us to perform the procedure.”

  Wait, this was going too fast. She was here for a bump on the head, a random accident, not to be told that she has a mass on her breast and a biopsy may be needed. What was he saying? How did one dot connect to the other? It didn’t make sense.

  “Ms. Allen, do you understand what I’ve explained to you?” His tone was one used on a small child or a dim-witted adult.

  “No. I don’t understand.” She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. She took deep breaths.

  Dr. Clarke slowly repeated his findings, explaining in as much detail as he could what the procedure would be should the need arise.

  “It could very well be nothing, Ms. Allen. But we want to be sure. You need to be sure.”

  Numb, she nodded her head.

  “I’ll leave the consent form with you and have the nurse pick it up later.”

  She nodded again.