Love Becomes Her

by Donna Hill

  He patted her shoulder. “Try to get some rest.” He turned and walked out, nearly colliding with Elizabeth.

  “Was that your doctor? What did he say?” She leaned toward the drawer and returned Barbara’s cell phone to her purse. She stood and that’s when she saw pure terror in Barbara’s eyes. She grabbed her hand. “Hon, Barbara, what happened, what did he say?”

  Barbara drew in a shuddering breath and in the next, tears streamed down her cheeks. After several false starts she was finally able to get it out.

  For a moment, Elizabeth was stunned into silence. This was definitely not the time to say the first thing that came to mind, nor was it a time to spew a bunch of clichés. If nothing else, Barbara was pragmatic and Elizabeth knew that she wouldn’t easily fall for soothing words that were meaningless—at least for now.

  She took her hand. “I love you. And we’ll wait together to find out the results and deal with it then.”

  Barbara nodded and offered a tight smile. “Don’t tell Michael or the girls.”

  “I can hold off on the girls, but it’s too late for Michael. When I told him what happened, he said he was catching the next plane out and he’d be here as soon as it landed.”

  Barbara squeezed her eyes shut. “I didn’t think he would come. He just went back for training tryouts.”

  “That man is crazy about you, girl. If he could have found a way to come through the phone, I think he would have.”

  Barbara looked up at her friend. “I didn’t think he really felt so strongly.”

  “That’s part of your problem, my friend. You’re always so busy caring about everyone else you never take time to enjoy all the people who really care about you.”

  She sniffed back more tears.

  A nurse peeked her head in the door. “I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over.”

  Elizabeth nodded. She turned to Barbara. “I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  “Get some rest and think positive thoughts.”

  Barbara nodded. “Thanks, Ellie.”

  “For what, being your friend?”

  Barbara smiled for real. “Yeah, for being my friend.”

  Elizabeth leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. “See you in the morning.” She walked out.

  Alone now, Barbara’s mind ran the gamut of possibilities. She took the chart from the nightstand and slowly read the consent form. Finally she signed and set it back on the stand.

  She said a long, silent prayer that no matter what happened, she would get through it with the love and support of her friends and Michael. She had things to do, an exciting life ahead of her, and she was going to live it to the fullest.

  With that thought and powers greater than herself watching over her, she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

  Chapter 21

  Elizabeth knew she shouldn’t have done it without Barbara’s permission, especially after she specifically asked her not to say anything, but she couldn’t help herself. Besides, it was only right.

  She pulled up in front of Stephanie’s building. Stephanie was waiting outside. She came over to the car.

  “I already called my job and told them I wouldn’t be in today and maybe not tomorrow, either. I’ll follow you over to Ann Marie’s.”

  “Okay.” Elizabeth waited for Stephanie to get settled in her car before she pulled out.

  Moments later they cruised to a stop in front of Ann Marie’s building.

  “Did you talk to her this morning? Is she okay?” Elizabeth asked.

  “I haven’t spoken to her since last night at the hospital. She said they wanted to do the procedure first thing this morning if need be,” Ann Marie said.

  “Well, let’s just hope there’s no need be.”

  Ann Marie marched over to her car and the three-woman brigade headed for the hospital.

  After jockeying for a space in the hospital parking lot, the trio entered St. Luke’s Hospital.

  “Why did they bring she ’ere?” Ann Marie asked once they were inside. “Should ’ave taken ’er to NYU where she work.” Her accent was in full effect.

  “It was the closest hospital to where the accident took place,” Elizabeth said.

  Stephanie shook her head as they approached the information desk. “Damn with the other news, I almost forgot all about the car accident. Did they get the person who hit her?”

  “Apparently he stayed around and waited for the ambulance and the police, thank goodness.”

  Ann Marie sucked her teeth. “Damn fool should ’ave him license revoke!”

  “Too many crazy nondrivin’ assholes on the road,” Stephanie fumed.

  “All that’s true, but if this accident didn’t happen, Barb may have not known anything about the lump until…” Her words drifted off, but they got her meaning. She was the first one at the information desk.

  “We’re here to see Barbara Allen. She was brought in yesterday.”

  The receptionist did a search on the computer then opened a file and pulled out three passes and handed them to Elizabeth. “Take the elevator to your left.”

  “Thanks.” Elizabeth handed a pass to each woman.

  Even though they were the only ones on the elevator there was total silence between them, each caught in her private thoughts.

  The door opened on the sixth floor.

  “Her room is down the hall,” Elizabeth said, leading the way.

  When they entered, Barbara’s bed was empty and a unified gasp rippled through them.

  Michael stood.

  “They had to do the biopsy,” he said.

  Ann Marie, Stephanie and Elizabeth seemed to lose the starch in their spines.

  “I’m Michael.” He stepped closer. “You must be Ann Marie, Elizabeth…Stephanie.” He shook each of their hands.

  “I’m so glad you came. And I know Barbara will be, too,” Elizabeth said.

  “Did you get to see her?” Stephanie asked.

  “For a few minutes. She was…Barbara.” He smiled.

  Ann Marie stepped up, dwarfed by his height. “Did they say how long?” She craned her neck to look at him.

  “At least another half hour. The nurse came in a few minutes ago to let me know that they’d taken her up to surgery.”

  “Barbara told us so much about you,” Ann Marie said.

  “Did she?” He grinned, flashing sparkling even teeth. “She told me all about you ladies, as well. That’s how I knew just who was who.”

  Elizabeth eased Ann Marie out of the way as she saw Ann’s predatory claws flexing.

  “When did you get in?”

  “About six this morning.” He jerked his head toward his bag near the bed. “I came straight from the airport.”

  “Barbara is a lucky lady,” Stephanie said.

  “I’m the lucky one.”

  The duty nurse stepped in. “She’s in recovery. They should be bringing her back to her room shortly.”

  “Thank you,” they said in unison.

  Elizabeth, always the mother, went to Barbara’s bed and began straightening the sheets. “Can’t have her coming back to a messy room.”

  “She needs flowers, some ambience,” Ann Marie said. “I’m going to run down to the gift shop.” She darted out, her high heels clicking against the linoleum floor.

  “Getting your hair done always makes you feel better.” Stephanie opened up her oversize bag and pulled out her curling iron, comb, brush, hair oil and a silk scarf.

  Just then, Dawne and Desiree came rushing in.

  “We closed the shop so we could be here,” Dawne said as soon as her booted foot crossed the threshold.

  “How’s Auntie?” Desiree asked.

  “She should be coming back any minute now,” Elizabeth said, kissing one daughter and then the next. “These are my daughters,” she said, turning to Michael. She introduced Dawne then Desiree.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “You must be Michael,”
they said in perfect sync.

  He chuckled. “Yes, I am.”

  “Go, Auntie,” Desiree murmured. Dawne nudged her in the ribs. “Ouch!”

  Michael angled his head to the right. “You called Barbara aunt.”

  “She’s our godmother,” Desiree offered. “Calling Aunt Barb ‘Godmother’ sounded so…‘Godfather,’ ya know.” She grinned.

  Michael laughed.

  Just then an orderly and a nurse wheeled Barbara to the room door. The tiny space, overflowing with well-wishing friends, was a welcome sight to Barbara. Everyone moved left, right, back and front to make room. The nurse and orderly lifted Barbara from the rolling bed onto her own.

  She looked around at all the anxious faces and such a warm feeling began to fill her, replacing the dark cold abyss that had settled in her center since the day before.

  “You’ll all be happy to know that I’m fine. The mass was benign. They took it out and I can go home tomorrow or the day after.”

  A cheer went up in the room like being witness to the winning shot in the final seconds of a basketball game.

  “Thank God!” Elizabeth said just as Ann Marie returned with the flowers.

  “From the look on everyone’s faces it must be good news!” The bouquet of flowers was nearly bigger than the bearer.

  “Yes, it is,” Stephanie said, and did a little dance that tickled Desiree and Dawne to no end.

  Michael came forward and took the flowers from Ann Marie before she toppled over and put them on the bedside table.

  “Thanks, Annie, they’re beautiful.” Barbara looked up at Michael. “You didn’t have to come.”

  “Yes, I did. And I’m not leaving your side until I know you are one hundred and fifty percent.”

  “But what about your training, the coach, the new season? You’ve worked so hard to get back, Mike—”

  He put his finger to her lips. “Enough. Quiet as it’s kept, Ms. Allen, I’m a big boy and can make my own decisions.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. I’m staying and that’s it.”

  “Oooow, someone who can put Aunt Barb in check,” Desiree teased. “I like him, Aunt Barb.” She winked.

  “You like every cute guy you see,” Dawne said.

  Desiree made a face.

  “Well, now that we know you’re going to be okay, why don’t we give you and Michael some breathing room,” Elizabeth said, putting her arms around the waists of her daughters then looking from Stephanie to Ann Marie.

  “Excellent idea,” Stephanie said. “I’ll do your hair when you get home.” She gathered up her supplies.

  “I’ll fix you a big pot of chicken soup when you come home,” Ann Marie said.

  “Thank you, everyone, for coming, for everything.” She held her cheek up for the parade of kisses.

  One by one they left, leaving her and Michael alone.

  “You have some great friends,” he said, pulling up a chair next to the bed.

  “Yeah, I do,” she said, appreciating them in a way she hadn’t before.

  In the years they’d all been friends, she’d simply accepted them as her girls, friends to hang out with, share food, a movie and a personal story here and there. But something had changed between them, evolved and grown. Perhaps the change was a result of the night they finally removed the veils that shielded so many parts of themselves. And now, as they were ready to embark on a new journey of friendship and trust with their daring venture, what they’d built together over the years would be raised to another level and truly tested. She was looking forward to it, especially now that she had a new lease on life. She intended to live it to the fullest.

  She glanced into Michael’s warm, concerned eyes. Yeah, she was going to live it up. She couldn’t wait to get home.

  Chapter 22

  Ann Marie turned the key in the lock and opened the door to her apartment. A sharp gasp caught in her throat. Phil and Raquel turned in her direction.

  Phil stood up slowly, his gaze never leaving hers.

  Ann Marie pulled herself together in the blink of an eye. She stretched her mouth into a smile, praying that it would hide the turmoil she felt inside.

  “Baby, what you doing ’ere?” She rushed over to him, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the mouth. He was about as yielding as an oak tree. Ann Marie stepped back. Her eyes darted in Raquel’s direction.

  “I thought I’d surprise you.” His jaw clenched.

  Ann Marie’s laugh was more of a hiccup. “I’m glad you’re ’ere.”

  “Are you?” He looked at her for a long, tense moment. “We need to talk, Annie.”

  Ann Marie jutted her chin. “Fine. Let me get out of these clothes.” She hurried out of the room before she got sick. This was not how she’d planned to tell Phil about Raquel. Her hope had been to get Raquel out of her house before Phil returned from the coast. Raquel being there had surely screwed up her life, big-time. How in the hell would she be able to explain to Phil? Worse what had Raquel told him?

  Her fingers shook as she tried to unfasten the buttons on her shirt. What was she going to do? She blew out a ragged breath. She’d never seen Phil look at her with anything but lust and admiration in his eyes. What she saw in them today was disappointment, maybe even disgust.

  She pulled off her blouse and tossed it on the bed. She’d just explain, that’s all. She’d simply tell him… What?

  Ann Marie went to the closet, pulled out a pair of soft gray sweatpants and a T-shirt. She took her time getting dressed, delaying the inevitable. When there was nothing left to do, no more stall tactics, she opened the bedroom door and walked out to face her accusers.

  When she reentered the living room only Phil was present. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with both of them.

  “Hey, baby, sorry I took so long.” She hurried over to him and sat on his lap, leaning close for a kiss. He turned his head, lifted her up and sat her next to him.

  “Not now, Ann.”

  He may as well have slapped her. She blinked back her surprise. She’d never before failed to get on his good side with offers of physical pleasure.

  “Why, Ann, why did you feel it necessary not to tell me about…your daughter?”

  She looked away, searching the room for the words that she hoped were hiding somewhere.

  “I thought we had something.”

  “We do.” She reached out to stroke his cheek. He pushed her hand away. Slowly she put her hand in her lap. “Fine, if this is the way you’re going to be there’s no point in trying to talk to you.”

  “Don’t put this off on me. You were the one that lied.”

  She sprang up from her seat, hands on hips. “I never lied to you.”

  “Intentionally omitting the truth is a close cousin to lying.”

  She jerked her chin forward. “Raquel has nothing to do with us.”

  “She’s a part of you. Of course she has something to do with us! What did you think I was going to do if you told me—run? Do you think so little of me?”

  “No,” she murmured. “Of course not.”

  “Then why?”

  Why? It was a damn good question. One she’d asked herself more times than she could count. Raquel was a reflection of all the things Ann Marie was not. When she looked at Raquel she reminded Ann Marie of her motherhood, of her vulnerability, of her inability to nurture, to provide, to support and show love. She reflected all her faults and she couldn’t bear to look at what she saw, to be reminded, because then she would be forced to deal with it.

  “I’m not going to explain myself. I have a daughter. Now you know.” She shrugged in nonchalant fashion. “What else is there to say?”

  “I don’t know who you are,” he said, his voice laden with disappointment. “And that scares me.” He shook his head. “If you could so easily keep this from me, I don’t even want to imagine what else you’d lie about or try to hide.” He reached for his jacket, which he’d tossed on the couch. “And I don’t want
to find out.”

  He brushed past her and walked to the door, his footsteps sounding like bombs in Ann Marie’s ears. She wanted to blurt it all out: her hurt, confusion, her fears. She wanted to tell him how desperately she wanted to be a real mother to her child but she didn’t know how. So she watched him walk out the door and out of her life.

  She drew in a long deep breath as the door shut behind him. It was best this way.

  She turned away from the door. Raquel stood there.

  “I didn’t mean to mess up anything for you, Mama. He asked who I was. I told him.”

  Ann Marie waved off her comment.

  “Am I a secret, Mama?”

  What could she say? How could she tell her that the only people in the world who knew about her were Elizabeth, Barbara and Stephanie?

  “No…I just never told Phil.”

  “Why? Do you think that by not talking about me it would make me disappear?”

  “Why are you really here, Raquel? You have a husband and a life. So you had a little spat. That’s no reason to walk out of your marriage.” She pursed her lips in frustration.

  “You’ve finally decided to ask me?” Her laugh was sad and filled with pain. Raquel sighed. “He left me.”

  “He’ll come back. They always do. Let him get it out of his system. You don’t let some other woman take your man.” She thought of Elizabeth and her crumbled marriage, but it was still good advice. She would have told Elizabeth the same thing if she hadn’t been so teary-eyed and hysterical.

  “He didn’t leave me for another woman.”

  “What? What are you saying?” Her pulse rate rose by degrees.

  “He left me for a man.”

  All the air whooshed out of Ann Marie’s body. In slow motion she moved toward the couch, reached out her hand to brace herself and sat down. She looked up at her daughter. “How do you know? Are you sure?”

  Raquel walked around the armchair and sat. “He told me.” She folded her hands in her lap.

  Now she really felt sick. Her mind raced to an ugly possibility. “Have you been tested?”

  Raquel shook her head no. “I’m so scared, Mama.” She looked at her mother as tears slid down her cheeks.