Live Again

by Brittney Mulliner

  “Well, if you don’t have to be there, then we can hang out.”

  “I just told you. I have to be there for my solos; it’s just not team practice.”

  He sighed and stuffed his napkin onto his plate a little too aggressively. “Once again, you’re putting dance in front of everything else.”

  I waited for him to continue, but to my disappointment he was done. “Would you ditch football practice to hang out with me?”

  “No, I can’t. It’s actually required for school and the team.”

  I looked at Brandon and Liv in exasperation. “I might not dance with the school team, but that doesn’t make it less important. Mike, this team can take me to nationals and into a great program in college.”

  “Yeah, like that would happen.” He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed in what I assumed he thought was a comforting manner. I fought the urge to shrug him off since I didn’t want to start a fight in front of an audience, but when I looked back at Brandon I realized I might have to stop him, too.

  “Actually Mike, she is already getting interest from some big schools.”

  Immediately, I shot forward. “What?”

  Brandon’s face bloomed red. “I wasn’t planning on telling you until after your next competition. I didn’t want to psyche you out.”

  I looked at Liv to see if she knew what he was talking about, but she just smiled and looked down at her plate like her fish was suddenly so interesting. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’ve gotten a few calls from some coaches who are interested in you, and they’re coming to the next competition to see you.”

  My mind blanked. “Who? When? Huh?”

  “So far, Nevada, Arizona, Florida, Tennessee, and a few schools here.”

  “How could you not tell me about this?”

  “I know how much your nerves can affect you, and I didn’t want you to panic like you are right now.”

  He knew me too well.

  Mike was staring between me and my brother. “You can go to college for dance?”

  I looked to him to see if he was joking, but he looked genuinely confused. “Yes, Mike. It’s a competitive sport.”

  “Huh. I thought it was just something you did for fun.”

  “I’ve been doing this since I could walk, and it’s been my dream, as long as I can remember, to compete on a college level. That’s why I take it so seriously and don’t let myself skip on practices.” I raised my brow and looked at him with a “duh” face.

  “Oh.”

  For the rest of the night Mike was quiet and seemed stuck in his head, which was fine with me. I had so much to think about, not to mention the running to-do list I was quickly adding items to. Having coaches coming in to watch me was huge! It was the same as a football recruiter coming to see Mike, but I still don’t think he got it.

  I understood his dream of wanting to get into a good school and one day playing pro, so why couldn’t he do the same for me?

  Chapter 21

  I thought seeing pictures of myself in the privacy of my own home was as bad as it could get. The feeling of security was ripped away leaving me completely exposed and vulnerable. How could things get any worse than that? I thought it was impossible.

  When I opened the door to my car to get my dance bag for class after school, an unassuming envelope was waiting for me on my seat. I knew I needed to hurry and meet Mckayla out front, but my body was frozen. Thoughts of letters, threats, and pictures were running though my head. I grabbed it, shoved it in my bag, and ran to the front of the building. Mckayla’s car was parked in her normal waiting spot and she was looking down at her phone.

  I tried to erase the panic from my face before she looked at me, but when she did I realized I didn’t have to worry about myself. Her face was streaked with tears. Whipping the door open, I fell into my seat and reached for her.

  “What’s going on, Mac?”

  She flinched and pulled away from me. “Don’t touch me!”

  Sinking back into my seat took the remaining energy I had. We hadn’t even gotten to school yet and I was drained. I looked over at her and silently begged her to meet my eyes. “What happened?”

  “Don’t talk to me. I’m going to drive you because you’re my cousin, but once we get to school, get out and leave me alone.”

  Shocked didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I thought maybe she had a fight with her mom or Sean. I never expected it to have something to do with me.

  I didn’t try to talk to her again; instead I spent the drive trying to understand what had happened since I saw her last. Nothing I could think of would explain this. Something on her phone had upset her to the point of making her refuse to talk to me. We’d never fought before, so I was out of my element, especially since I didn’t know what we were fighting over.

  Without looking back, I quickly walked through the math hall and into my classroom. Hopefully I could text Talia or Alexis soon and they would know what was going on.

  I made it to my seat in math without seeing Mike. Never, ever had that happened. Even when we were just friends, he had a way of appearing just in time to walk with me, or he would wait for me at the door.

  Whatever was going on with Mckayla just got more serious. It wasn’t just her. Something had made them both mad and their anger was directed at me. I never thought I would be on this side of the wrath. I’d seen each of them get defensive when it came to their friends, and I knew loyalty was their mutual priority.

  Somehow I’d violated that loyalty.

  No one around me seemed to notice my world was crumbling around me. Nick leaned over catching my attention. “Where’s your lover-boy?”

  I couldn’t meet his eyes. I shrugged while pretending my notebook was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him lean back into his desk. It was going to be a torturously long day if this was how every class was going to go.

  When Mike didn’t show up by the end of the period my nerves increased. He’d never missed a day of school, and he was perfectly fine yesterday. Neither of the girls replied to my texts. I was starting to panic.

  Nothing out of the ordinary happened on the way to dance. I waited and waited for someone to say something to me. Even if it was mean! Not knowing why was always the worst.

  When I saw Cassie walking across the courtyard, my heart was in my throat. She’d be the determining factor. Whether or not she was speaking to me would put into perspective just how deep I was.

  “Cassie! Hey.” I watched carefully for her reaction, but nothing seemed amiss.

  “Hey, Aubrey. Where’s Mike?”

  Out of instinct, I glanced to my side. Yup, he still wasn’t there. “I don’t know. He wasn’t in first, so maybe he’s sick?” Stating it as a question gave me another chance at her spilling what she knew.

  “Oh, well I hope he’s better soon.” Nothing. That didn’t help me at all.

  I nodded and fell into step with her. What had I done recently? No sneaking out with Tucker and Andy. No hospital trips. No unauthorized trips out of my house without Brandon’s approval. Just school, dance, homework, and sleep. Every day for the past few weeks. How could that have possibly gotten me into trouble?

  At the end of English, Sean walked past my desk and gave me a sad smile before walking out the door. He didn’t wait for me, so evidently the entire group was icing me out. I’d officially been ostracized by my only friends.

  In a way I was grateful for Sean’s sign, as hurtful as it was. At least I knew not to even attempt an appearance at lunch. It saved me a humiliating scene in front of everyone at the quad.

  I gathered my things and began my walk of shame. This wouldn’t be nearly as painful if I had the slightest idea why it was happening. If I understood, I could try to explain to Mckayla, but she’d turned on me with no explanation and taken the rest of our friends with her.

  Amid my internal debate between sitting in the library or in the bathroom,
I heard my name. I paused for a moment, not wanting to look up. Now would be the perfect time to recreate the scene from Carrie, and I was not interesting in trying to make blood a fashion statement.

  Cautiously, I turned toward the sound and found Gage sitting on his usual bench alone.

  “Aubrey, come over here.”

  My shoulders sagged in relief. Of course Gage would still be seen with me. He didn’t care about other people’s opinions.

  I slumped down next to him and let my books fall around me.

  “Rough day?”

  “That doesn’t even scratch the surface.” I allowed my eyes to close and eased my head back to rest against the bench.

  “I’d play the guessing game, but I kind of suck at it so you’re going to have to help me out a bit.”

  “Everyone hates me.”

  I didn’t have to open my eyes to know he was smiling or laughing or plain not taking me seriously. “Well, we both know that’s a lie. I’ve invited you to my private luncheon area and I’m making conversation with you, about you, so I obviously don’t hate you.”

  “Fine. All of the people I thought were my friends hate me.”

  “I’m not your friend?”

  “Of course you are!”

  “Then stop using absolutes.”

  “Fine. Mckayla, Talia, Alexis, Mike, his friends, even Sean isn’t speaking to me or even acknowledging my existence.”

  “Oh no! Not the holy ones! How will you go on?”

  I scowled and cracked one eye to glare at him. “They’re my friends. Mckayla’s family, for crying out loud. None of them will even tell me what I did!”

  “Some friends . . .”

  “Gage.”

  “Aubrey. Listen to me. If those people were really your friends, they would care enough to be mature for two seconds and tell you why they’re pissed.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Definitely. You don’t deserve the silent treatment. Maybe after they at least bring you up to speed, but definitely not before.”

  I sat up and lightly smacked him. “Can’t you ever just sugarcoat things?”

  “Not possible. Then I wouldn’t be me.”

  “True.” I smiled for the first time today. “I wouldn’t want that.”

  As fate would have it, Mike decided to appear at the one time I haven’t been silent or sad. He stood in front of us with his fists flexing. “I need to talk to you. Now.”

  When I made a move to stand up, Gage put out his arm to block me. “She’s not going anywhere with you until you calm down.”

  Mike didn’t bother taking his eyes off of me to look at Gage. “Don’t you even dare speak to me.”

  “Seriously, Mike? You and your little posse have been ignoring her all day, and now you stomp over here looking two seconds away from Hulking out and you want her to go off with you? No way.”

  I sat frozen. Gage made sense, but Mike’s gaze chilled me to the bone. I knew I had to talk to him to find out what was going on, but I certainly didn’t want to.

  I patted Gage’s arm, which was still blocking me. “It’s okay, Gage. I need to talk to him.”

  Gage broke their staring war to look at me. “No, you don’t. He’s ignored you all day and now he calls and just expects you to run to him? Aubrey, you’re better than that.”

  His words stung, but I stood anyway. “Thanks for talking to me.” I grabbed my books and bag without looking at him. I knew the look he would have in his eyes. A plea for me to stay mixed with concern and hatred for Mike.

  I followed behind Mike as he led me into an abandoned hallway.

  “Do you want to explain yourself?”

  My mouth fell open. “Me?”

  “Well, I’m not talking about myself.”

  “I have no idea what’s going on. Mckayla kicked me out of her car this morning, Talia and Alexis haven’t responded to any of my texts, and you didn’t even bother showing up to class.”

  I watched the muscles in his jaw tense and jump. “I couldn’t look at you yet.”

  “What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Stop acting innocent!”

  Time froze. This was the first time Mike ever raised his voice at me. He looked like he was one wrong word away from exploding. I crossed my arms in front of me automatically. I wanted so badly to stay strong, but it was too much. He was acting like Morgan had, angry and out of control.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My voice cracked on the last word.

  “Oh, stop it! You don’t get to act like the victim this time.”

  His words were daggers in my heart. He knew what he was saying and how it would affect me. “Please, please just tell me what happened.”

  He barked out a laugh and ran a fist through his short hair. He turned to the side, away from me, and shook his head. “Stop looking at me like I’m the bad guy.”

  “I’m just scared, Mike. I don’t understand!”

  “Just admit it!”

  “What? Admit what?” My emotions were coming waves of panic, anxiety, and frustration.

  “You cheated on me.”

  That was the absolute last thing I was expecting, and I stood there stunned for a few moments. He seemed to take that as an admission of guilt.

  “You aren’t even going to try to deny it?”

  “No.” He suddenly looked so defeated. “No, Mike. I don’t have to try to deny it because it’s not true! I would never do that to you!”

  “Then explain this to me. Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.”

  I stood frozen in confusion as he held up his phone. It was from the day I’d gone running with Gage. It was taken from behind us, but you could clearly see our linked arms and my head resting on his shoulder.

  Mike pulled the phone back and swiped. When he showed it to me this time, my chin was resting on Gage’s shoulder and I was smiling up at him. To an outsider it would look like we were a couple sharing a precious moment. The photo captured a look on Gage’s face I hadn’t noticed at the time. He was looking down at me with such tenderness. The shy smile he reserved for me was captured there, and I bit back my request for Mike to send it to me.

  Taking a deep breath, I stepped back and cleared my head. For anyone who knew that just moments before we were teasing each other after our race, it was innocent and platonic, but those pictures showed something I hadn’t seen.

  It looked like we were in love.

  “Mike, there is an explanation, but whether or not you trust me is the real issue.”

  “So, this is somehow my fault?” His voice rose.

  “That’s not what I said. If you truly trusted me, you wouldn’t have cut me off and turned my friends against me. You could have come directly to me and asked.”

  “I needed to know if Mckayla knew about this. I needed to know if you had been playing me this whole time.”

  “You can’t really believe that!” My shock was quickly turning to anger. “After everything we’ve been through, you think that lowly of me?”

  He clenched his jaw a few times before responding. “You’re not the problem. I don’t trust Gage. I’ve made that clear, and you still go behind my back and hang out with him.”

  “He was running past my building when I was leaving for my run. It wasn’t planned. I asked to go with him and we ran my normal route to the end of the peninsula, and when we got there we sat and talked. That’s it.”

  Mike didn’t look like he believed me, or he didn’t want to. “I told you I didn’t want you hanging out with him.”

  I could tell his anger was simmering just below the surface and tried to keep him calm. “Yes, you did, and I told you he was my friend. That’s all he is, Mike. Do I ever complain about the girls you hang out with? You’re out with half the cheer team after practice every day and I’ve never accused you of cheating.”

  “That’s because I would never cheat on you!”

  “So that’s it. You don’t trust me.”

  The bel
l rang, breaking the tension. I stared at him no longer feeling bad about whatever I’d done to upset him. I was angry, fuming at his audacity.

  “We’ll finish this later.”

  I turned away from him and called over my shoulder. “Fine.”

  My next class was with Mckayla, and I wondered if she would give me a chance to explain. Her seat was empty when I walked in, so I sat in my normal spot and waited.

  Just as the bell rang, she opened the door and took the first open desk, which was on the opposite side of the room.

  Mrs. Gonzalez took roll, then sat back in front of her computer, ignoring the class.

  My eyes wandered to where Mckayla was sitting, and I caught her staring at me. I was debating whether or not I should go over to her when she stood up and made her way through the desks to me.

  “I know what you did to Mike, Aubrey, and it’s not okay.” I opened my mouth to explain, but she continued. “I promised Brandon I would watch out for you, and I will, but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends.”

  Her words were a dagger in my heart. I couldn’t believe she was reacting like this.

  “I introduced you into my world and took you in and you turned around and hurt us. You lied to us and you chose someone you knew we all hate. I can’t be friends with someone like that. I’m done.”

  She spun and in a blink was back on her side of the room. I gaped as seconds passed. She just abandoned me, basically dumped me, over a picture? Without even asking me to explain? There had to be more to what was going on, but I no longer could ask anyone what it was.

  Chapter 22

  Normally, seeing Mike waiting for me after dance would have surprised and excited me, but looking at him waiting by his car filled me with dread. What more could he have to say? It was clear he wouldn’t listen to me and his mind was made up.

  I lifted the strap of my duffel bag higher on my shoulder and took in a deep breath before walking out to meet him.