Live Again

by Brittney Mulliner

  “Hi.” My voice sounded so small, and I hated it. I had nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. I didn’t cheat on him. I just had a friend he didn’t like.

  “Hey.”

  He gestured to his car before turning to open the driver’s door and getting in. A passing thought of what Gage would say about this slipped into my mind, but I pushed it out. I opened the passenger door and dropped my bag to the floor before sliding in.

  We sat in awkward silence for too many moments before he cleared his throat. “I just want to understand why.”

  “Why what?” I wasn’t interested in playing his mind games right now.

  “Why you would cheat on me with him? Why of all people you would be interested in him?” The genuine pain in his eyes chiseled at the ice around my heart. I hadn’t deserved his treatment over these past few days, but I never wanted to cause him pain.

  “Gage was and is only my friend, Mike. You knew that, and I never tried to hide anything from you. The pictures you saw were made to make things seem so much worse than they were.”

  “Then why didn’t you just tell me about it?”

  “There was nothing to tell! I went on a run with Gage and we sat down when we got to the beach.”

  “It looks like more than that.”

  “I don’t think that you want to believe me, Mike. Nothing happened. Gage is just my friend, and I shouldn’t have to defend myself like this.”

  “You know how I feel about that guy, and you still hang out with him.”

  “Your problems with him have nothing to do with me. I don’t care who you hang out with, and I would never accuse you of cheating if I saw you sitting with a cheerleader. That’s the real problem, Mike. You don’t trust me.”

  “It’s not you, Aubrey. It’s Gage.”

  “Then why are you avoiding me? Why are my friends icing me out?”

  “We’ve warned you since you met him to stay away from him, and you’ve ignored us. We don’t trust him. He could be your stalker, for all you know!”

  “He’s not! He’s my friend! It’s not like I snuck out to hang out with him. Brandon knew, and he was okay with me going with him.”

  “It doesn’t matter! He’s not one of us. He’s not someone to trust. If you wanted to go out, you should have called me or Mckayla or just gone to your gym. Anything but going out alone with him. We’ve all been working together to keep you safe, and it’s like you don’t even care. You don’t realize how much danger you’re in!”

  “I trust Gage.”

  “No one else does! We’re the ones who care about you and are there for you, but every time you get the chance, you take off with Tucker or Gage. Don’t you get it? We’re scared for you, but you don’t seem to care how it makes us feel when you put yourself into situations where you could end up being hurt.”

  “Gage would never hurt me. He’s always been there for me, even when you guys aren’t.”

  “You don’t get it. I’m scared, Aubrey. We all are. I want to be there to protect you every second, but you won’t let me.”

  “Because you can’t. That’s impossible.”

  “I’m going crazy. I want to keep you safe and happy, and the only way I can make sure that happens is if you’re with me.” He paused and met my eyes. “I want to be with you.”

  My stubborn resolve to be right was crumbling. “I want to be with you, too.”

  “Then promise me something. Promise me you’ll stay away from Gage.”

  My heart sank. “You can’t ask me to do that.”

  “That’s what it’s going to take for me to trust you.”

  “I would never ask you to do that to one of your friends, Mike. Don’t you get that?”

  “None of my friends are a threat to my safety.”

  “Neither is he!”

  “If you won’t agree with me, then I’m done. I can’t handle stressing about you when you don’t care about yourself. I’m done.”

  I shook my head in utter disbelief. He’d given me an unfair and impossible ultimatum. He’d pushed me into a corner with no other option. “Goodbye, then.”

  I quickly opened the door and stepped out, taking my bag with me. Without another word or look, I walked directly to my car and got in. My hands were shaking as I tried and failed repeatedly to get my keys in the ignition.

  ☼ ☼ ☼

  After a long bath, I sat on my bed and stared at my phone. I’d just gone through a breakup and I wanted—well, needed to talk to my friends. I missed Mckayla, Alexis, and Talia. It wasn’t fair that I’d been cut off without the opportunity to explain. I knew they all hated Gage and didn’t trust him, but they should trust me.

  Their quick and final judgement was hard to take, but if I really tried I could see it from their perspective. After everything that had happened, this was the final straw. You can only push people so far before they reach their breaking point, and apparently me choosing Gage over Mike, or appearing to, was theirs.

  But I was their best friend, not Mike. They knew Gage was my friend. If there was something else going on between us, they would have been the first I told. I would never hide anything from them. Why didn’t they know that?

  I was still staring at my phone when Brandon walked in.

  “Practicing telekinesis?”

  “Yeah, still no luck.”

  He leaned against the door frame, chuckling. “Give it time.”

  “I’m willing it to ring, but that’s not working either.”

  “Ah. Well, give that some time, too.”

  I glanced up at him before resuming my stare-off with my screen. “What do you know?”

  “I know that your friends love you and they’ll get over things soon.”

  “Doubt it.”

  “Girls are so dramatic. Guys would never give each other the silent treatment. We just yell or punch or move on.”

  “I’d take that right about now.”

  “How are things with Mike?”

  “Like you don’t already know.”

  He moved further into my room, grabbed the chair from my desk, and sat in it, facing me. “I haven’t heard from him in a few days.”

  “You probably won’t anytime soon.”

  “What happened?”

  “Do you really want to hear about my lame drama?”

  “Of course I don’t, but you’re my little sister, so I have to care.”

  “We broke up.”

  He made a sound in his throat and sat up straight. “When?”

  “After dance. He gave me an ultimatum.”

  “Fool.”

  “Yeah, no kidding. He said he would take me back and forgive me if I promised to stay away from Gage.”

  “No kidding?”

  “Yup. I told him I would never ask him to do that, but he didn’t care. It was either him or Gage and I told him I couldn’t walk away from my friend, so we’re done.”

  “Wow, Aubrey. Are you doing okay? I thought you two really liked each other.”

  “I don’t really know. I did really, really like him, Brandon, but I can’t be with someone who thinks they should have control over me.”

  “He made a huge mistake putting you in that position, and he’s going to realize that. I’m really sorry, Aubrey. I never expected him to do something like this. Whatever went on between him and Gage must have been worse than anything you knew about. This isn’t about you at all. I think this is the same issue they’ve had for years.”

  “So I wasn’t worth him getting over it?”

  “Mike’s a prideful guy. I think knowing how close you were with Gage killed him. It’s unfortunate that he was willing to lose you over it, though.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Do I need to pick up some ice cream and put in a chick flick?”

  “No, but thanks. I’m not really that upset. I haven’t been the whole time we’ve been fighting. I’m mad at him, but I’m not sad we’re not together anymore. Is that wrong?”

  “I don’t think so.
It probably means that deep down you knew it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I know things suck right now, but it will all work itself out soon.”

  Biting back the urge to roll my eyes, I looked up and smiled at him. “Thanks, bro.”

  ☼ ☼ ☼

  My weekend quickly went from quiet to depressing. Brandon invited Liv over in hopes of cheering me up, but I could only handle being third wheel to their much-needed alone time for so long. Their whispers and giggles reminded me of middle schoolers sitting in the back of a dark theater, and I finally gave up and excused myself to my room.

  It was Saturday night and I was sorting laundry. Alone. The new theme of my life.

  I was almost done when I remembered my dance bag and dumped out the contents onto the floor. Cringing and moving quickly, I gathered the clothes and kicked my shoes off to the side.

  An innocent looking envelope remained behind. I stared down at it and ran through possibilities, even though I knew deep down it wasn’t a letter of apology from Mac or an invitation to a grand ball in my honor. Closing my eyes, I prayed I was wrong.

  The note had been sitting in my bag since the day Mckayla stopped talking to me. Did it have to do with that? That wouldn’t make sense, since it was waiting for me before the fight.

  Slowly, as if it might jump up and grab me, I picked up the envelope and walked out of my room. I knew better than to open it alone. I’d played that game, and it never ended well for me.

  I shuffled into the living room, holding the note away from my body like it was poisonous. “Guys.”

  Brandon turned around, and his grin immediately disappeared when he saw what I was holding. “Where did you get that?”

  Liv was looking between me and Brandon, confused.

  “It was in my car, but I forgot about it.”

  He jumped up and took the envelope from me. “Have you opened it yet?”

  “No.” I locked eyes with Liv and watched the recognition flood her expression. This was her first in-person experience with the drama that had become my life. “Please open it.”

  “Do you want me to call the detectives?”

  My shoulders dropped with my heart. When would this end? “Not yet.”

  He didn’t look like he agreed, but after a moment he gave me a single nod. Slowly his finger slid under the fold. Each tiny tear was a rip in my heart. A small step closer to my breaking point.

  He tugged the note free and read it silently. His eyes fell closed and he swore quietly. Something I’d rarely heard him do, and judging by Liv’s face it was a first for her to see him lose his composure.

  “What does it say, Brandon?” I was stunned Liv had spoken first.

  “I’m so sorry, Aubrey.”

  My heart beat increased against my ribs. “What?”

  “It says . . .” He took a deep breath. “‘Now you know how it feels to have your friends and life ripped away from you. Let’s see if you can survive on your own.’”

  My heartbeat stopped. I was dead inside. Someone was doing this on purpose. Of course I knew that. Mike and Mckayla didn’t get the pictures from a friend, but knowing someone was directly behind this killed me. Someone hated me so much they wanted to take everything that mattered and rip it away.

  “They’re isolating me? Why?”

  Liv scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me, holding me like a scared child. I guess I was. “Whoever is doing this was threatened by all of the support you have.”

  “Had.”

  “Aubrey, you are not alone. No matter what that stupid note said, you will never be alone.”

  “It sure . . . feels like . . . it.” My breaths were coming in short gasps.

  She turned to face me and grabbed my face in her hands. “No, Aubrey. Don’t let yourself think that. You have Brandon, Carter, Gage, Cassie, and me. You will never be left alone.”

  “They’re doing this on purpose.”

  “I know. I don’t know why such a sick person is after you, but you are going to be fine. We will keep you safe.”

  My head was shaking involuntarily. Even my subconscious didn’t believe it. “I was safe because I had my friends around me. Now they’re gone.”

  I looked around for Brandon and saw his pacing on his phone in the kitchen. His face was full of rage, and whoever was on the other side of that call was on the receiving end of it.

  “I want them back. I want my friends back, Liv.”

  She was nodding while gazing out the window. “I know, Aubrey. We’re going to fix this, okay?”

  After a tight hug, she jumped up and whispered to Brandon before walking to the door. She waved and gave me a sad smile.

  Chapter 23

  School had never been a problem for me; I genuinely enjoyed learning and participating. But over the course of a few days, I grew to dread the eight hours of emotional torture.

  Since the seating arrangement in math was alphabetical, there was no way to get around seeing Mike every morning. He glared at me while I took my seat, and I could feel his laser glare burning a hole in the back of my head.

  As soon as the school found out about the breakup, things seemed to shift. Nick had been my saving grace. The moment we were released to do homework, he would grab the corner of my desk and bring me to his side. He’d taken me in when I needed it the most.

  Mr. Cox lectured for only twenty minutes today before taking his seat and ignoring us. Without turning I knew—well, I could feel Mike glaring at my back. Nick shot him a look as he reached across the aisle and pulled me over.

  “Don’t let me bother you. He’s an idiot for letting you go, but now we all have a chance.” He winked and nudged me in the ribs, my most sensitive ticklish spot.

  Before I could contain it, laugher escaped. It wasn’t the polite, quiet kind either.

  Once Nick realized what he’d done, he repeated his poking until I was in tears. The dull noise of conversations ceased as everyone turned to look at me.

  “Control yourself, Ms. Tate.”

  I held up my hand waving that I understood, but I couldn’t stop. It felt too good to be carefree, even for a few seconds.

  By the time I’d composed myself the rest of the class had moved on, but I glanced back to find Mike looking at me with a mixture of hate and jealousy. I was so caught off guard that I locked eyes with him for a split second. He shook his head and lowered his gaze.

  Apparently I wasn’t allowed to be happy ever again, or even show signs of enjoying myself. He probably thought I was going to move on to Nick next.

  When I looked back at Nick, he was wiping tears from his eyes. “Part of me is sorry for doing that, but the other, bigger part is so happy I found out your kryptonite.”

  “With great power comes great responsibility.”

  “Wrong superhero.”

  I rolled my eyes and organized the mess on my desk. My notebook and papers were everywhere from my little meltdown.

  ☼ ☼ ☼

  I’d gotten used to the awkward smile and small wave Sean gave me at the end of fourth period now. I waved back and gathered my things before walking out of the class. Hopefully Gage would be around and I wouldn’t be alone, again.

  When I got to his bench, it was empty. I began to panic, but a hand grabbed my shoulder and tugged me forward. Gage was standing next to me with a small smile on his face.

  “Waiting for me?”

  I set my books down and pull an apple out of my bag. “Nope.” I bit in and giggled as juice ran down my chin.

  He brought his finger up and wiped it away. “Oh, so that wasn’t sheer panic I saw on your face?”

  “Nope.”

  “Liar.” He stretched his arms over his head. “You’re welcome to my humble bench anytime.”

  “Thank you.” I tried to be more ladylike with my next bite and succeeded in not making another mess.

  “I should start charging you rent if this is going to be a long-term thing.”

  �
�We broke up, so you might want to start a tab for me. I don’t think my friends will be forgiving me anytime soon.” I took another bite and waited for his reaction.

  His eyebrows rose, but that was all he gave away. “Well, that didn’t last long. Even we could have done better than that. Not that you belong with me. I mean, I’m a whole different type of crazy, but you deserve better than a guy like that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Mike only wants a trophy.” He waited for my reaction, probably thinking of a slap across the face. When he saw it was safe, he continued. “No offense, but he liked the idea of you more than he liked you. He never even knew you.”

  I threw my apple into the bin across from us with a little too much force. “Of course he did! I’ve known him since I moved here. I knew him just as well as I knew me.”

  His hands flew up defensively. “I didn’t say that. I said he never knew you.”

  The difference was blatantly obvious now that he’d pointed it out.

  “Did you guys ever just talk like this? Have you told him about your dreams of becoming a professional dancer? No? And why not? Because he doesn’t take what you do seriously. Even though he’s seen how crazy talented you are.”

  He seemed to think he was winning whatever argument was happening within his own head. “And you have?”

  “Yeah, actually.”

  I shot back. “What?”

  “You told me about your first competition a while ago. I remembered but I didn’t know if you did, so I came and watched you and left early. Way too much estrogen for me.”

  “You came?”

  “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not your Prince Charming. My friend invited me to something that’s important to her, so I went. It’s not a big deal.”

  “It is to me.”

  He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. “Don’t make this into something, Aubrey.”

  “You’re so cocky. I’m just really . . . honored that you came. That means something to me.” He rolled his eyes, but I continued. “Mike made a huge deal about him showing up and how great he was for coming to this one thing and supporting me. You did it without the notoriety. That’s pretty great.”

  “Whatever.”

  I pushed my shoulder into his. “It is. You’ve been a really great friend to me, Gage. I’m sorry I wasn’t one to you.”