Live Again

by Brittney Mulliner

  He looked confused. “You’ve been the best friend I’ve had since middle school. We have fun together, but we don’t need to be together all the time. Contrary to what I let you believe, I’m a loner by choice.”

  “Yeah, right,” I teased him, but he shrugged me off.

  “I do actually have other friends; they just aren’t on your radar. My friends aren’t on the varsity teams and going on weekend cruises.”

  I rolled my eyes dramatically at his exaggeration. “Maybe I should have been spending more time with those friends.”

  “No, you were where you belong and you’ll get over it. I’m honored I got this reaction from them, but I know they care about you more than to drop you over one stupid picture.”

  “Two.”

  “Whatever. They’re just trying to teach you a lesson or something, but they’ll get over it.” He put his arm around my shoulders, letting it rest casually.

  “I hope so. I don’t really miss Mike, which is a huge sign, but I miss the girls.”

  “It will work out, trust me.”

  “I do.”

  “But seriously, I do enjoy my alone time . . . so if you could make up with them sooner than later, that’d be appreciated.”

  “Anything for you, my secret lover.”

  He groaned. “Don’t go there. I have no idea how they believed that.”

  “What? You don’t think we’re a believable couple?”

  “No, you deserve so much more than me.”

  “Don’t say that!”

  “I’m not being insecure. I’m just being honest. You deserve much better than Mike, too. You deserve to be loved and cherished for who you are, not the trophy girlfriend you were.”

  “You couldn’t do that?” I was trying to be hurt by his words, but I didn’t understand.

  “No, I don’t think I could. I have a pile of problems and you would try to fix me.”

  “That’s not . . .” I tried to interrupt, but he didn’t let me.

  “It’s not a bad thing; it’s just the sweet, thoughtful person you are. My problems are mine to fix and grow through. I need them to make me a better person rather than letting someone else smooth them over enough to look past.”

  I couldn’t get the sad expression off my face before he saw.

  “It’s not a bad thing, Aubrey. We all have things we need to work through in order to become the people we have the potential to be. I’ve seen you do it over the past few months and I need to do it, too.”

  Where did this mature, wise Gage come from?

  “There’s someone out there who will love you exactly as you are and value you for who you are. Your Prince Charming is out there for you, Aubrey, and you deserve to wait for him. Don’t waste your time on the Mikes and Gages of the world.” The arm that was draped over my shoulders pulled me tight into his side.

  What he said was what I’d always dreamed of having, but after these past few months I’d begun to wonder if that’s all it would ever be. Finding a guy who truly cared about me, was romantically interested in me, and was available was like wishing for a unicorn.

  ☼ ☼ ☼

  After dance, I settled onto the couch for my normal routine of leftovers and reality TV. My life had grown increasingly more depressing as the days passed.

  Just when I was about to find out who was getting voted off this week, the doorbell rang. I turned to the door suspiciously. Brandon was working late and had already checked in with me. The security system he and Carter developed was installed, so I knew he could see me if I got in trouble.

  I stood and tiptoed to the door. What I saw through the peephole stunned me. This was the last thing I’d expected.

  Slowly, I unlocked the door and opened it. Mckayla, Talia, and Alexis stood on the other side looking apprehensive.

  “Ummm . . . Hi guys.” My heart was pounding against my chest. I was so happy to see them, but I was also waiting for the pig’s blood to come pouring down like this was all some sick joke.

  “Hey.” Talia was the first to speak and stepped past me through the doorway. The others followed and I mindlessly closed the door behind them.

  My mind was still trying to process what this all meant when they began talking over each other. I tried to follow what they were saying, but it was too much.

  With one hand up, I asked them to stop. “Can just one person please tell me what’s going on?”

  They shared a look and Mckayla nodded. “We came to beg for your forgiveness.”

  If the ground had opened at that moment and swallowed us whole, I would have been less shocked than I was by her words. Apparently it showed on my face.

  Talia stepped forward with her hands out in a peaceful gesture. “We’re so, so sorry. Aubrey, I would totally understand if you never want to speak to us again, but please hear us out.”

  Still stunned, I managed a small nod. Talia reached for my hand and guided me toward my own couch. Alexis sat first and grabbed the remote to turn off the show that a few minutes prior had been the only source of entertainment in my life.

  “We’re here to say we’re sorry for how we handled things. We’re sorry that Mike is such a jerk that he dumped you over this. We’re sorry that we’re even bigger jerks for ditching you when you needed us more. We’re so sorry that we didn’t talk to you and let you explain yourself.”

  Mckayla interrupted Talia’s speech. “We are sorry, and we want to explain our side so you understand.” She waited for some sort of sign from me, so I gave another meager nod. “Out of the blue, an unknown number sent all of us a few pictures of you and Gage together. The only thing the message said was that you’d been lying to us and hiding things from us. I know that’s lame. I know I’m the worst friend and cousin ever for letting that get me upset, but it just looked so bad.”

  Alexis cut in. “Yeah, from our perspective it looked like you were clearly cheating on Mike. We knew how close you were to Gage and how secretive you were about him, so it all kind of clicked into place.”

  Talia continued her thought as if they had rehearsed this. “Mike came to us so upset. He wasn’t even mad. He was just hurt. He was actually crying.”

  Mckayla and Alexis were nodding in confirmation.

  “When you put his reaction together with what we saw it looked pretty bad. I know we should have talked to you about it. I know ignoring you was so incredibly immature, but it was shocking. None of us knew how to react, so we just froze you out.”

  “I really thought that you were just afraid to tell us about Gage so you kept it a secret. I thought maybe you actually did like him and didn’t know how to tell Mike. It’s so stupid. I feel terrible.” Mckayla was growing more emotional with each word. “I’m so sorry, Aubrey.”

  I was deciding what I should say when Alexis spoke up. “We’re all sorry. Do you think you can forgive us?”

  I fell back onto the couch and thought. They’d turned their backs on me the moment I needed them most. Did they deserve to be forgiven so easily?

  I looked at each of them and immediately knew. “I accept your apology if you accept mine. I knew you guys didn’t like Gage, but I continued to hang out with him and didn’t tell anyone. In a way, it’s my fault the pictures looked so incriminating. If you’d known how good of friends I am with him, they would look as innocent as they truly were.”

  Their faces looked shocked, and Mckayla wiped her eyes. “You can be friends with whoever you want to be! Especially after everything. He proved himself this week. I think we were wrong about him.”

  I looked around, waiting to see if they agreed with Mckayla’s words. They nodded at each other, then smiled at me.

  “I really appreciate that. He’s a really good guy, but we are just friends. I’m disappointed Mike couldn’t see that, too.”

  They nodded solemnly.

  “So what’s with the change of heart? Not that I’m not insanely happy to have you all back. I just don’t get it.”

  Suddenly they looked guilty. Mckay
la bit her lip before talking. “Liv came over last night. She told me what’s been going on with you. How sad you’ve been and the things Mike said to you. Then she told me about the note. I knew we’d all been played. The stalker is doing what he can to isolate you and make your life horrible, and we were his pawns.”

  I nodded, feeling defeated.

  Talia rubbed my back lightly. “We talked to Mike and told him about the note, but he doesn’t see how it changes things. He doesn’t get that you were being framed and made to look like you cheated on him.”

  “I think he was looking for a way out and this was the perfect opportunity.”

  They all looked confused.

  “If he really cared about me like he said he did, then he wouldn’t have been so quick to dump me. He would have talked to me about it, and figured things out. He saw his way out and jumped as soon as he could.”

  Talia stopped and pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. I thought he loved you.”

  “Me too.”

  “Do you want me to try talking to him again?”

  “No. I miss him, but to be honest . . . I haven’t even cried over him. I’ve just been numb. Don’t you think I should be more upset? I thought I really, really liked him.”

  Alexis, who was quietly listening, suddenly broke out into laughter. “I’m sorry. I swear I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at the situation. Your stalker is trying to ruin your life, but he got you out of a pointless relationship.”

  Mckayla slapped her arm and shook her head. “What is wrong with you? She just said she had feelings for him.”

  “No, she didn’t! She said she thought she did. Don’t you see it? You two were pushed together because you were his ideal girl come to life and he was your friend. It was convenient, but I never saw any passion.” She paused and looked around to see if we were catching on. “You guys! He liked how she looked and what people thought of her. She liked him as a friend and brother. No one else saw this?”

  We all shook our heads. How had she and Gage both seen this and never told me before?

  “I mean, I knew you two cared about each other, but come on! Look at how Mckayla and Sean are together . . . it’s borderline disgusting. Even Talia, the most emotionally guarded one, is public about her feelings with Mark. You can tell they love each other, but did anyone ever see that with Mike and Aubrey?”

  I automatically started shaking my head. She was right. Did I get butterflies around him? Maybe at first, but not while we were officially dating. It seemed to cause physical pain when the girls were separated from their boyfriends, but it was never like that with Mike. I was comfortable with him, but didn’t really miss him when he was gone.

  The realization of her words changed my perspective on the past several days. Gage wasn’t making things up; he was just the first to point them out to me. Mike was one of my best friends and I cared about him deeply, but not romantically. He could be romantic and sweep me off my feet in the moment, but I never craved him.

  My stalker had actually saved us both. We might not be speaking now, but I thought our relationship could be salvaged. Now that I understood how I really felt about him, I could talk to him and try to get back what we had. I cherished our friendship and I was willing to fight for that.

  “You’re absolutely right, Alexis. He’s my best friend, but I never loved him the way he wanted me to. How did I not see this?”

  “It’s always blinding in the moment. I know he’s hurting too, Aubrey. I think you two can fix things.”

  “I hope so.”

  Talia reached over and grabbed my hand. “He was your friend first; you just need to remind him of that.”

  I nodded and caught Mckayla watching me. “What?”

  “If you’re not secretly getting with Gage, then why weren’t you that into Mike?”

  Alexis laughed first. “She doesn’t have to be in love with someone all of the time.”

  “No, you’re right, but she is.” Her gaze was becoming increasingly unsettling.

  “What are you talking about? She doesn’t like Gage or Mike like that.” Alexis wasn’t catching on like Mckayla apparently had.

  “Nope, but she does love someone. Don’t you?” She was staring directly into my soul.

  I barely breathed out my response. “Yes.”

  There was a collective gasp and a chorus of “Who?” broke out.

  There was no chance I would be able to explain myself until they calmed down. Patiently, I waited until they were quiet and focusing on me. “Carter.”

  Chapter 24

  I’d been hopeful that the girls would understand when I told them, but I was completely shocked by their responses.

  Mckayla’s eyes never left mine. “I knew it. This whole time, it’s been him. Hasn’t it?”

  I broke her gaze and looked around at Talia and Alexis for help, but they were both frozen in place with their mouths wide open.

  “Yeah, I think it has.”

  There were a few moments of silence before the screaming broke out. Mckayla jumped on me first, followed by the other two.

  “I knew it!”

  “He’s so hot!”

  “Didn’t I call it months ago?”

  Their comments were coming at me faster than I could respond, not that I would have known what to say. I had been expecting them to be mad, say it wasn’t okay, even demand I give up and go back to Mike . . . really, anything but what was happening.

  “Guys! Get off me; then let’s talk!”

  It was a mess of giggling for minutes until they calmed down enough to act like normal humans. Once we were all sitting down, Mckayla looked around as if asking permission to go first. “Does he know?”

  “Carter?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yes, Carter. Does he know how you feel?”

  “No. Well, kind of. He told me I needed to focus on enjoying high school and my friends and that we can’t be together.”

  That earned me another thirty seconds of screaming and questions. I sat back, waiting for them to calm down.

  “You guys have talked about it?” Alexis looked like she was two seconds away from exploding.

  “Yeah, the feelings were pretty mutual, but I don’t know anymore. I mean, why would he want to be with his best friend’s little sister? He was probably just being nice instead of telling me I was insane for liking him.”

  Talia seemed to be the most calm now. Always the wise one. “The age gap might seem big now, but in the grand scheme it really doesn’t matter. I can understand why he would want you to enjoy your life now, but I don’t think he was blowing you off. You should talk to him again.”

  “Talia’s right. You tried it his way, and look how things have turned out. Maybe it’s time to talk to him again. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Bree. He doesn’t just think of you as Brandon’s little sister.”

  I wanted to believe them, but I also couldn’t get my hopes up again. I almost hadn’t survived the first time he broke my heart, and I didn’t think I could handle it again. “What if he turns me down again?” I paused, trying to keep myself together. “What if he doesn’t feel the same? I can’t lose him all over again. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest the first time. I can’t go through that pain again.”

  Mckayla moved next to me and pulled me into a hug. “Then you call us and we come and feed you ice cream until you puke; then we drive to his house and use it as target practice with a few dozen eggs.”

  Despite everything, I was feeling I had to laugh. It started out silent, but soon my shoulders were shaking and I was drying tears from my eyes. The girls joined in and tossed around different ideas to get back at him. It took almost an hour for us to settle down and stop laughing. As long as I had them back with me, I could handle anything.

  ☼ ☼ ☼

  My opportunity to talk to Carter came much sooner than I was prepared for. He was sitting on the couch watching a game show when I got home from dance the next night.


  “Hey, Aubrey.”

  I walked past him to drop off my bags in my room, but turned back to join him in the living room. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  “I thought I’d come by since Brandon is having another late night.”

  “Again? When does he ever get a break?”

  He looked over at me and smiled. “Soon. The project he’s been working on is almost finished and the buyer is already lined up. He’s already promised to take a break once this is over so he can spend more time with you.”

  “That will be nice.”

  “I haven’t seen you in a little while. How are things?”

  I stared at his profile, wondering how much Brandon and Liv had told him. Probably everything about the stalker, but did they mention Mike? I didn’t want that to be the first thing I told him.

  “Dance is going really well. I’m going to be doing my solo in our next competition, and Brandon said there might even be some scouts there!”

  Carter finally tore his gaze away from the show. “Aubrey! That’s amazing!”

  “Yeah, I’m really excited, but also way nervous.”

  “Don’t be. You are an amazing dancer. I bet you’ll have your pick of schools to go to.”

  I could only nod. This wasn’t what I wanted to talk about, but how do you bring up something like this?

  “Anything else going on?”

  It was an innocent enough question, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he already knew more. I decided to get rid of the elephant in the room and replace it with a bigger one.

  “Mike and I broke up.”

  I counted in my head until he replied. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight . . .

  “Why?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  I exhaled and almost laughed. “Several reasons, actually.”

  He met my eyes and waited.

  “My psycho stalker sent him a picture of me and Gage together, so Mike accused me of cheating on him. Even after I explained it, he didn’t want to believe me. He wanted me to give up dancing to be around him more. He didn’t think it was something I should be wasting my time on since I don’t have a future in it. Finally, he gave me an ultimatum that was the final straw.”